feel tired of the whole process

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im a 27 old woman i have gained and lost weight so many times since i was a teen. im actually studying to be a dietitian, but im seriously doubting my career choice right now. my last effort was 2 years ago, i lower my calories to a healthy amount, i exercise (i did overdoit a bit) i ate healthier versions of things i liked, even ice cream.i lost 100 lbs. but i felt so down, i hated that stretch marks, loose skin, big belly. exercise/weights did nothing. i got to 5'5" 130 lbs. a healthy weight for my height.

i suddenly felt tired of it all, of equating love for myself with love for my body. with the obsession of food, of thinking of food ALL day long. sick of exercising, sick of not going out because of not knowing the calories. i added on a cheat day to see what would happen, and i developed overeating issues. i would eat until i was nauseous (never threw up) and my stomach was in pain.

ive gained 30-40 lbs, im so tired, i hate my body, my self esteem is to the ground. i hate obsessing with dieting, but i hate looking this way too. i feel so lost and dont know what to do anymore. ive had issues of periods of depression where i would not go anywhere, talk to anyone, but i have not wanted to go to a doctor, and i dont plan too. i dont want to be taking pills.

i want to be a healthier person, i want to laern to accept myself. but i feel so tired, and im scared of going through this again, and gaining weight AGAIN. i could really use some advice right now.

Replies

  • clarebrad
    clarebrad Posts: 188 Member
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    I think you should talk to a doctor about this or perhaps a councilor. Stay strong and positve :)
  • Elzecat
    Elzecat Posts: 2,916 Member
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    completely outside of the food-related issues...being treated for depression does not automatically mean taking pills. Diet, exercise, cognitive behavioral therapy, counseling, etc. are all non-pharmaceutical methods of treatment. I've been there. It's not worth being miserable. Get some help! :smile:
  • Queen_Nissa
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    I can really relate, last may I was solid with weight loss/exercise/losing and all that. I got down right at 50lbs and just gave up and gained it all back and now i'm back miserable. I have learned and am working on self because I learned that the problem does start from within. Insecurity/self-hatred/low self-esteem etc....it can be anything from A to Z contributing to the feelings that you are dealing with at this time, but i'd definitely talk to somebody and get a professional opinion but don't let them drug you up or what not because it can get worse, so if they do start with the medications and experiementing, do all your research.
  • karagav
    karagav Posts: 172 Member
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    i'm sorry you're feeling this way....it really sounds like your struggling against yourself, not just with your weight, but with your identity...your career, your self-definition, etc. etc...not a fun place to be i'm sure!!
    i wouldn't recommend going to a doctor before seeing a counsellor....i know others have mentioned it, but as a soon-to-be social worker, i can tell you...sometimes all people need is to work things out with the guidance of a professional. they will be able to direct you to where you want to go, rather than a doctor who will tell you what their opinion is - more based on facts than what's going on in your mind and what you may want.
    i'm not trying to say doctors are bad, and maybe in the end, that will be the best option. but i would start with talking to someone and finding out what your options are :)
  • maryjay51
    maryjay51 Posts: 742
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    you sound like me during my lifetime.. two years ago i had it with my self and decided that enough was enough.. i waved the white flag and accepted the fact that i needed to change my habits and learn to love different foods and a healthier lifestyle all around. before id lose weight and think i could go back to the 'good food' and the lazy lifestyle.. what happened was id gain even more weight back till one day i tipped the scales at 300lbs... sometimes our food problem is an addiction and its like any other addiction like alcohol for instance.. an alcoholic has problems controlling their drinking so when they quit for a while they think they can handle one drink ... then they have two ect . and next thing you know they are more down trodden than they were before.

    perhaps you can work with someone and get down to the root cause of why you want to eat things that harm your health. i wish you well with that ..i understand what you are going through
  • thismomentisfate
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    Thanks for the support everyone. but im not sure i would feel comfortable talking to someone face to face about my problems. im very shy and personal person, i dont think i could open up to a stranger. i know its a good thing to do but im not sure its something i can do.
  • prettywoman75
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    Have you tried meditation or prayer? Meditation helps to clear the mind and create a focus. I turned to prayer when all else failed, down on my knees, crying.... saying, "God, I just can't do this alone anymore." I don't open up to anyone. I was treated for depression but was embarrassed at going to the pharmacy for an antidepressant. So, probably sooner than I should have, I weaned off the medication. However, I found that I gained such a powerful strength in looking to God. If this is not something you believe in, then try the library for books on meditation. You need to start loving you from the inside out. Stay positive. Stay strong. Get the help you need, you owe it to yourself.
  • DenverKos
    DenverKos Posts: 182
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    I think you know that you need to do it - that's why you put in your post that you don't WANT to. There are a lot of things we don't want to do but need to. This is beyond diet and weight loss. You need some help that we can't give you. While it's hard opening up to a stranger, it's better than closing yourself off from the world. You need to take back control of your life and a professional can do that - and it doesn't necessarily mean pills. Like the other poster said, there are a lot of other things that help and with your situation, behavioral therapy is going to be much more effective than pills - pills don't make your food obsession go away, you have to learn how to think differently.

    Seriously, you need to get some help!!! :) Please do! And you've got a great support system of people here to help you through it - look at all the support you've already gotten!
  • econut2000
    econut2000 Posts: 395 Member
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    Thanks for the support everyone. but im not sure i would feel comfortable talking to someone face to face about my problems. im very shy and personal person, i dont think i could open up to a stranger. i know its a good thing to do but im not sure its something i can do.

    I am the same way. Honestly when I was in grad school I went through something similar. I was feeling tired, gained weight, was feeling de-motivated, etc, etc. I went to the doctor thinking something was wrong - he sent me to the school psychiatrist initially to get pills (the psychiatrist and I decided it wasn't pills I needed, just to talk to someone). I am a person who isn't necessarily shy and personal, but someone who doesn't like to talk about their problems or ask for help. It honestly took a LONG time for me to open up, but if you find the right counselor (THIS is key!) it honestly can help. It was several months of weekly visits before I would truly open up to him but it worked. I felt so much better when I had someone neutral to speak to. It's so much easier actually to talk to a stranger about your issues than someone you know.

    Now just what has been working for me regarding the process is honestly to change my mindset (not an easy feat) and make an entire lifestyle change. I have yo-yo dieted, tried every fad, even weight watchers which is supposed to be some miracle - it's not. I found I was finding "diet" options for the foods I loved - instead of really trying hard to change the way I think about food. Going to school to be a dietician (being a person who struggles with their weight, I think you would make a fabulous dietician as you could truly relate to the people you will be treating!) you know better than anyone else that whole foods are really what your body needs - the junk is what we want. I'm not saying completely get rid of the junk (I certainly haven't but have to be super careful about when/how much I eat) but 80% of my food choices are completely whole foods and 15% are very minimally processed foods. The remaining 5% are the junk I want on occasion. I don't blame you for being sick of it. It's hard - very, very hard. Maybe right now you aren't quite ready for a full blown lifestyle change - maybe just taking baby steps right now is what you need. Just adding more fruits and veggies and trying to limit your processed foods (they are so addictive so you have to be careful of these because they can cause a full blown binge - they did for me this weekend :-( ) might help you toward the changes you want to see. I'm rooting for you!!!
  • danascot
    danascot Posts: 100 Member
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    Thanks for the support everyone. but im not sure i would feel comfortable talking to someone face to face about my problems. im very shy and personal person, i dont think i could open up to a stranger. i know its a good thing to do but im not sure its something i can do.

    There's been alot of good advice given to you - I hope you find the courage within to get the help you need. Looks like you have a lot of support from MFP. When you are ready you will be able to seek the help you need - we all need help from others from time to time, whether it's a professional, a friend, family member, etc. You are so young - I'm confident that you will rise above these feelings. Best of luck,