Need some motivation, and/or someone to talk to. Guess I jus
Skinny_Bella
Posts: 43 Member
Edit to add: Title cut off. Didn't realize it was going to do that. Last part says "Guess I just need to vent."
(I'm just going to say this in advance. Sorry if this is in the wrong spot, or I'm posting something wrong. I'm new here, and have no idea what I'm doing, haha).
I kind of need to vent right now, so excuse me if this goes on forever, in some rant.
Anyways, so here's the story. I've been battling with being slightly overweight since grade 4 in Elementary school. I'm 5'5, and around 180-185lbs, but want to get down to about 130lbs.
For as long as I can remember, I've always had self confidence issues, body issues, you name it. And lately, I feel like they've gotten worse.
Cue in this year(I'm 18 years old). It seems like all of those feeling mentioned above have gone like...tenfold. I've never had a boyfriend(which really kills the confidence) never been kissed, nothing. Sure, I've had my share of crushes and what not, but nothing has ever happened, and I feel like it's because of the way I look.
I've got MAJOR issues with my body. I feel like I'm not good enough for anything, or anyone for that matter. Like I'm always in the wrong, and nothing will ever go right for me. That every attempt at anything, is hopeless. I don't know how to stop feeling like this. I really, truly don't. I've been bullied since I was a kid, and I guess that plays a factor into it as well. It just stuck with me, and I've never been able to let it go. I've gotten fat, ugly, heck, I've been told I'll never amount to anything because of the way I look(and that's a lot to say to a 10-12 year old girl!)
I feel like because of my body, I've missed out on a lot of the 'dating scene' so to speak. Like I said, never had a boyfriend. I don't feel like I'm good enough to have one. It doesn't really help that the type of guys I'm attracted to wouldn't even give me a second glance, either(Hockey players, sheesh). I grew up around the sport/players, and it's all I really know, so yeah...I guess I'm going to be attracted to that. Anyways, with them, I just feel like they think of me more like one of the guys, kind of thing. I mean sure, I'm fun, know how to have a good time, know more about hockey than I probably should(although, I couldn't skate to save my life. Go figure!), and I can definitely hold my own in a wrestling match with one of them. Well...sort of, anyways. No, I'm not one of those dainty, aloof girls, and I don't think I ever will be. It's just not who I am. So it's either they think of me as one of the guys, or they're secretly judging me behind my back. I don't know? But it's just...what do those girls have, that I don't? What's so special about them? I mean really?
I feel like I'm getting depressed over things now. I tend to keep a journal, and write in it every night. I like to look back on how I was feeling, reflect on that, and try to change that feeling. Am I even making sense? Regardless, over the past month or so, they're all starting to sound the same.
This is one I wrote a few weeks ago. Gives you an idea with what I'm feeling so maybe I can get tips on motivation/confidence or what have you...(I've never done this before, so bare with me if it sounds stupid. When I write, I tend to go all over the place, so it may sound a bit tacky). It also may sound seriously childish. Sorry in advance. Lack of sleep and crazy emotions make me sound well...crazy?
"January 9th, 2012 5:10AM
I'm getting depressed. Seriously depressed, actually. For one, with the way I look. I'm sick and tired of how fat/ugly I am. Another reason, how my luck has been going(mainly with guys and stuff). Everything I want(not necessarily a specific someone, just this type in general) anyways, everything I want is hopeless. I have no chance what so ever. Because I'm me. Because I am me, I can't have what I want. Why is that fair? Obviously someone hates me. Big time. Yet, I don't know why? I don't know what I did?
I mean...is being happy to much to ask for? Is wanting something a crime? Because really? That's what it seems like. Having something is obviously asking for to much. Anything I ask for is to much. Why is life so unfair? It's like no matter how hard I try, I never succeed. Ever.
It's like everything is just working against me, trying to make me fail, you know? And it's sad. It's really, really sad. When nothing ever goes right, it's heartbreaking. And there's only ever one thing I want to do, yet I know I can't.
Cry.
I want to cry, but I can't. I don't want to look ridiculous, which I know I will. Because really, no one would ever understand. No ondewould every understand. That to, is sad. When you feel as if you're all alone in this. No, not feel. I know. I KNOW that I'm alone in this. Always have, always will. So really? What am I supposed to do? I want to live my life how I want to, but I can't. Why? Because I'm not good enough. Or pretty enough. Because I don't have a nice body like all those other girls.
I really don't like this feeling..."
Like I said, it's lame. I know. But hey, I can't help how I feel? To be honest? I do know WHY I feel the way I do(about life, and dating and such). Okay, well...I know for a fact that it's because of my body image. I just can't seem to shake the feeling.
I've done diets and crazy workouts, you name it. I'd be going so good for 2-3 weeks. Super hard, but I always fell short. Kind of like I burnt myself out, I guess. I'd beat myself up over it if I didn't see results instantly. I mean, I know that it takes time, but my brain is just...so wired into this kind of thinking, I just don't even know how to stop it.
Now we get on to the good stuff! Like exercise, and diet plans and such! Hooray!....not.
I seem to be quite prone to injuries(which makes working out hard), which quite frankly...sucks. In October, I fell off my horse, and chipped a bone in my back. I had to have surgery so they could take out the bone piece. 3 months later of being on the couch and unmoving, I healed up...for one measly week. Not even sure what I did now, but I think I may have fractured my ankle. That, or a seriously bad sprain. I haven't been to a doctor yet(after going 5 days a week for 3 months...I'm done with doctors for awhile). I have my foot wrapped, and I ice it a few times a day, but I can't seem to put a lot of weight on it. Hello couch...again *head desk* And want to know what puts the icing on the cake? I'm moving, in like...9 days. ALL of the workout gear(treadmill, elliptical, etc) is all packed up, ready to move to the new house. So even if I wanted to, I still couldn't work out.
Food wise, I don't really eat a lot of bad foods. I'm trying to stay away from breads and stuff right now(think I might have a gluten allergy? Sister has it, and I seem to get the same symptoms she does when she eats it. I just haven't been tested yet. Again, it's the whole doctors thing for me...) Like I was saying, I try and do every morning with a smoothie(strawberries, raspberries, blackberries, blueberries, little bit of mile and yogurt, and that's it). If I get hungry before lunch, I'll snack on some kind of fruit, or a protein bar. If I even eat lunch, it's normally a sandwich(need to find something else to eat now, because of possible allergy) anyways, it will have LOTS of lettuce, cucumber, 2 thin slices of cheese, 1 pc. chicken bologna, and a ton of pepper. For dinner, I start out with a bowl of salad(probably a cup or 2 of lettuce), with a little bit of graded cheese, cucumber, and a teaspoon of dressing, and then whatever else my mom makes that night.
I feel like I'm eating alright, but I know it could be better. I also need to watch my portions, I know that. That I'm working on. Oh, and I drink like...3-5 liters of water a day, usually. Don't drink pop, on the rare occasion, I may have a glass of orange or apple juice, and that's about it.
I'm just going to bring this all to an end here. My mind is buzzing, I'm exhausted, and even slightly frustrated. Ugh...
What can I do to lose weight with these circumstances that I have right now? What can I do to keep myself motivated? To boost my confidence, etc? I need your guys words of wisdom!!
ALL suggestions and what not are really appreciated
And thanks to whoever reads this whole thing. You're awesome! Hahaha.
(I'm just going to say this in advance. Sorry if this is in the wrong spot, or I'm posting something wrong. I'm new here, and have no idea what I'm doing, haha).
I kind of need to vent right now, so excuse me if this goes on forever, in some rant.
Anyways, so here's the story. I've been battling with being slightly overweight since grade 4 in Elementary school. I'm 5'5, and around 180-185lbs, but want to get down to about 130lbs.
For as long as I can remember, I've always had self confidence issues, body issues, you name it. And lately, I feel like they've gotten worse.
Cue in this year(I'm 18 years old). It seems like all of those feeling mentioned above have gone like...tenfold. I've never had a boyfriend(which really kills the confidence) never been kissed, nothing. Sure, I've had my share of crushes and what not, but nothing has ever happened, and I feel like it's because of the way I look.
I've got MAJOR issues with my body. I feel like I'm not good enough for anything, or anyone for that matter. Like I'm always in the wrong, and nothing will ever go right for me. That every attempt at anything, is hopeless. I don't know how to stop feeling like this. I really, truly don't. I've been bullied since I was a kid, and I guess that plays a factor into it as well. It just stuck with me, and I've never been able to let it go. I've gotten fat, ugly, heck, I've been told I'll never amount to anything because of the way I look(and that's a lot to say to a 10-12 year old girl!)
I feel like because of my body, I've missed out on a lot of the 'dating scene' so to speak. Like I said, never had a boyfriend. I don't feel like I'm good enough to have one. It doesn't really help that the type of guys I'm attracted to wouldn't even give me a second glance, either(Hockey players, sheesh). I grew up around the sport/players, and it's all I really know, so yeah...I guess I'm going to be attracted to that. Anyways, with them, I just feel like they think of me more like one of the guys, kind of thing. I mean sure, I'm fun, know how to have a good time, know more about hockey than I probably should(although, I couldn't skate to save my life. Go figure!), and I can definitely hold my own in a wrestling match with one of them. Well...sort of, anyways. No, I'm not one of those dainty, aloof girls, and I don't think I ever will be. It's just not who I am. So it's either they think of me as one of the guys, or they're secretly judging me behind my back. I don't know? But it's just...what do those girls have, that I don't? What's so special about them? I mean really?
I feel like I'm getting depressed over things now. I tend to keep a journal, and write in it every night. I like to look back on how I was feeling, reflect on that, and try to change that feeling. Am I even making sense? Regardless, over the past month or so, they're all starting to sound the same.
This is one I wrote a few weeks ago. Gives you an idea with what I'm feeling so maybe I can get tips on motivation/confidence or what have you...(I've never done this before, so bare with me if it sounds stupid. When I write, I tend to go all over the place, so it may sound a bit tacky). It also may sound seriously childish. Sorry in advance. Lack of sleep and crazy emotions make me sound well...crazy?
"January 9th, 2012 5:10AM
I'm getting depressed. Seriously depressed, actually. For one, with the way I look. I'm sick and tired of how fat/ugly I am. Another reason, how my luck has been going(mainly with guys and stuff). Everything I want(not necessarily a specific someone, just this type in general) anyways, everything I want is hopeless. I have no chance what so ever. Because I'm me. Because I am me, I can't have what I want. Why is that fair? Obviously someone hates me. Big time. Yet, I don't know why? I don't know what I did?
I mean...is being happy to much to ask for? Is wanting something a crime? Because really? That's what it seems like. Having something is obviously asking for to much. Anything I ask for is to much. Why is life so unfair? It's like no matter how hard I try, I never succeed. Ever.
It's like everything is just working against me, trying to make me fail, you know? And it's sad. It's really, really sad. When nothing ever goes right, it's heartbreaking. And there's only ever one thing I want to do, yet I know I can't.
Cry.
I want to cry, but I can't. I don't want to look ridiculous, which I know I will. Because really, no one would ever understand. No ondewould every understand. That to, is sad. When you feel as if you're all alone in this. No, not feel. I know. I KNOW that I'm alone in this. Always have, always will. So really? What am I supposed to do? I want to live my life how I want to, but I can't. Why? Because I'm not good enough. Or pretty enough. Because I don't have a nice body like all those other girls.
I really don't like this feeling..."
Like I said, it's lame. I know. But hey, I can't help how I feel? To be honest? I do know WHY I feel the way I do(about life, and dating and such). Okay, well...I know for a fact that it's because of my body image. I just can't seem to shake the feeling.
I've done diets and crazy workouts, you name it. I'd be going so good for 2-3 weeks. Super hard, but I always fell short. Kind of like I burnt myself out, I guess. I'd beat myself up over it if I didn't see results instantly. I mean, I know that it takes time, but my brain is just...so wired into this kind of thinking, I just don't even know how to stop it.
Now we get on to the good stuff! Like exercise, and diet plans and such! Hooray!....not.
I seem to be quite prone to injuries(which makes working out hard), which quite frankly...sucks. In October, I fell off my horse, and chipped a bone in my back. I had to have surgery so they could take out the bone piece. 3 months later of being on the couch and unmoving, I healed up...for one measly week. Not even sure what I did now, but I think I may have fractured my ankle. That, or a seriously bad sprain. I haven't been to a doctor yet(after going 5 days a week for 3 months...I'm done with doctors for awhile). I have my foot wrapped, and I ice it a few times a day, but I can't seem to put a lot of weight on it. Hello couch...again *head desk* And want to know what puts the icing on the cake? I'm moving, in like...9 days. ALL of the workout gear(treadmill, elliptical, etc) is all packed up, ready to move to the new house. So even if I wanted to, I still couldn't work out.
Food wise, I don't really eat a lot of bad foods. I'm trying to stay away from breads and stuff right now(think I might have a gluten allergy? Sister has it, and I seem to get the same symptoms she does when she eats it. I just haven't been tested yet. Again, it's the whole doctors thing for me...) Like I was saying, I try and do every morning with a smoothie(strawberries, raspberries, blackberries, blueberries, little bit of mile and yogurt, and that's it). If I get hungry before lunch, I'll snack on some kind of fruit, or a protein bar. If I even eat lunch, it's normally a sandwich(need to find something else to eat now, because of possible allergy) anyways, it will have LOTS of lettuce, cucumber, 2 thin slices of cheese, 1 pc. chicken bologna, and a ton of pepper. For dinner, I start out with a bowl of salad(probably a cup or 2 of lettuce), with a little bit of graded cheese, cucumber, and a teaspoon of dressing, and then whatever else my mom makes that night.
I feel like I'm eating alright, but I know it could be better. I also need to watch my portions, I know that. That I'm working on. Oh, and I drink like...3-5 liters of water a day, usually. Don't drink pop, on the rare occasion, I may have a glass of orange or apple juice, and that's about it.
I'm just going to bring this all to an end here. My mind is buzzing, I'm exhausted, and even slightly frustrated. Ugh...
What can I do to lose weight with these circumstances that I have right now? What can I do to keep myself motivated? To boost my confidence, etc? I need your guys words of wisdom!!
ALL suggestions and what not are really appreciated
And thanks to whoever reads this whole thing. You're awesome! Hahaha.
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Replies
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Hello
I am sorry you don't think you're good enough. The truth is, that's probably why you don't have a boyfriend. You are pretty and 180lbs at your height is not obese. It's your self esteem. I would suggest therapy or counseling. It's NOT your looks or your weight. You are good enough and once you realize that, more things will fall into place.0 -
Yes you need to learn to love yourself. I don't know if you have a Higher Power, but God helps me a lot. I got saved about a year ago and things have just started falling into place. Let me know if you want to talk! (((Hugs)))0
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Hi sweetie, I'm so sorry you feel this way, I know how hard it can be to overcome this negative things that have been said to you in the past( and you do seem to have had alot) In my opinion you need to get some councilling to start believing that you do deserve good things, to be happy and you are worth it! Once you get your head in line it will be easier to motivate yourself with the diet and exercise.
Feel free to add me, I'm on here nearly every day and happy to support you any way I can :flowerforyou:0 -
I am old enough to be your MOM..SO if you were my daughter this is what I would say.....You are a beautiful lady..smart....I suggest talk to your parents see if you can get some counseling..You need to start loving yourself....change your attitude...try and focus on postitive things that are going on in your life...hopefully you have some girlfriends that can tell you what a great person you are!!!! FOCUS on THAT...it takes time to change your attitude..I wake up in the morning and say it is going to be a good day..and I will NOT let ANYONE change that..You have complete control on your attitude and you thinking..DON'T give that UP to anyone!!..so make it POSITIVE...I believe in GOD..and give all my worries to him...I have faith that whatever happens it was for the BEST..
Good Luck....0 -
As far as the eating well and exercise, just make small changes. It's too overwhelming to diet "cold turkey" and exercise a ton and then you get burned out. It's waaaay easier for me to add a salad to every meal than to only eat salad at every meal! But I really wanted to tell you that I didn't have a relationship or boyfriend until my husband and I started dating when I was...ready for it....25! Hate to pull this out but when I was your age( :sad: ) I felt awful for it too. It was a hard few years but the older I got and the more I saw other people's relationships it made me realize that if I wasn't happy with myself, if I didn't have my own friends, hobbies, education, and ability to be alone, then I wouldn't be able to be with someone else. All your problems? Multiply them by 1000 when you're in a relationship! So I guess what I'm trying to say is you have the ability to change yourself. You are a smart, beautiful person who deserves to be the best person she can be so when the time is right, when you are happy and healthy, you can share the best of you with someone who deserves it. Sorry this is long and feel free to friend me if you want!0
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You need to take this matter into your own hands, lose the weight, don't dwell on what you have missed etc Get focused on what you can NOW achieve!
I missed out on alot from being over weight from 15-22. I still had a boyfriend and went on dates and socialised. You need to live life as it doesn't wait around for you! If it's weight that is holding you back, lose it and start having fun with life.
Every since i lost my weight my life has never been so great, so be positive and start losing weight today!!0 -
Hi hun -
Part of this is the 'school psychologist' in me coming out, and part of it is from personal experience. I TRULY believe that you cannot love another, or expect another to love you - until YOU love YOURSELF. I think it may be a good idea to look into some sources of professional help (counseling) to get you over this hump. And let me tell you, it is a hump. You CAN overcome this - and you will. But don't put so much pressure on yourself - you don't need to do it alone. You are a beautiful, sincere, and compassionate women. I can tell that from you post and I don't even know you! So I know there are tons of other great qualities as well.
The relationship will come in time. Right now you need to focus on yourself, both your mental and physical well-being. But, mental is most important - because weight loss is 90% mental. You need to get to the best place you can and honestly, everything else will fall into place.
YOU deserve to be happy and content. And you will get there. I know you will. Feel free to add me, I will continue to encourage you
- Marissa
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From today on... I want to call you Miss Beautiful. Beauty is from within and from your "ranting" I see a beautiful and strong person. I would love to help you out with support. Read my profile and if you want a new friend just send me a request. <<hugs>>
Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Weight Loss Tools0 -
Check out this website maybe it can help you too:
http://www.calmdownmind.com/overcoming-a-negative-body-image/0 -
its all about attitude when trying to attract someone.. you shouldnt let you weight be the determining factor as to if you are worthy or not. most men that date me say they love my personality. im very outgoing and confident even when i was obese . dieting and exercise should be a lifestyle as much as not dieting and exercising is .. takes time to change the habits and takes time to get to know who you are. i lost my weight because i didnt want to be unhealthy anymore .,had nothing to do with 'maybe people will like me more or i will find a boyfriend'. if a guy only likes me because of what i look like i dont want him.. im more interested to be with someone who i have common interests with and who has goals in life as well as social skills.0
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I agree with the others, you need to learn to love yourself, you're gorgeous and most guys don't really care what size you are (the ones who do aren't worth bothering with) but you need to be happy and comfortable with yourself. Once this happens, the rest should fall into place.
Try not to worry about that side of things too much, concentrate on you and getting yourself better then live your life and love will find you xxx0 -
BellaCx,
I have a daughter your age and I'm so sorry that you didn't have the support you needed in your young life. There is nothing more beautiful to me than my three daughters. Perfect they are not, but they are who they were born to be and they will become their own wonderful selves that they are meant to be.
I think you need to talk to a counselor at school. Are you a Senior in high school or are you in college? Search out the student support system that is in place at your school. You can also use web resources such as http://www.safeteens101.org/ .
Your post makes me sad to think that you haven't had enough hugs in your life. So here's one coming to you ({}).
Keep your chin up and use the resources that are available to you. You will do wonderful things in your life, once you realize that you deserve it. Prove all of those naysayers wrong!0 -
Well first I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I've definately felt like that in the past and can definately relate to how you are feeling.
You have got to really look inside yourself and learn to love yourself. Celebrate the great things about you instead of focusing on the negative, like thinking you need to lose 40 lbs. YOu are very attractive and I doubt your weight is what is keeping you from enjoying a relationship and such.
Confidence is incredibly sexy. You have got to tackle the issue head on and once day you'll wake up and finally think "Yeah..I'm worth it".
Please also speak to someone as it sounds you have been feeling down about this for some time. There is help out there and people that will listen....I wish you the very best xo0 -
Hello
I am sorry you don't think you're good enough. The truth is, that's probably why you don't have a boyfriend. You are pretty and 180lbs at your height is not obese. It's your self esteem. I would suggest therapy or counseling. It's NOT your looks or your weight. You are good enough and once you realize that, more things will fall into place.0 -
^^^What everyone else said! You guys are all so awesome!
And I agree with bademasi: you actually don't sound like someone who is totally down in the dumps. I can "hear" the good humor and fun in your "voice." I think it's awesome that you hang out with the guys and know what you like! That is you, and it's beautiful! And from your picture, you're beautiful on the outside as well!
I struggled with self-confidence all the time as a kid too, and I still do sometimes...and I was always thin and had lots of guys asking me out in school! It just goes to show you how powerful the MIND is, for good or bad! It really has nothing to do with how you look or how much you weigh. It's how YOU FEEL.
As for losing weight, don't look at it as a means to an end. You don't want to lose weight so you will look good and get a boyfriend and have some confidence. You want to start eating healthier (you are doing well but add in more protein and healthy fats, hon! Eggs, almonds, chicken...things that fill you up and help you feel good) and exercising just to feel GOOD physically and mentally and emotionally, and the rest will follow!
I know a lot of people suggested counseling and I'm not gonna knock it (heck, it even helped out my family during my teen daughter's rough time), but don't wait for counseling to fix you. Add it in, if you feel it will help, but YOU can start with YOU. Change your mind! Decide for yourself that you want to be happy and do it! You have the whole world ahead of you with nothing holding you down! 0 -
Well, first and foremost, looking at your picture, you're a very pretty girl. Also remember that you're not alone with the way you're feeling. I remember being 18...ughhh....lol. We all had insecurities during high school...part of life. I would highly suggest counseling just to get over some of those negative feelings. I've done it in the past, and my teen son has had some anxiety issues that he went to a counselor about and it helped tremendously. He's almost your age...17. Hang in there girl..its gets better.
Oh, and don't worry so much about the boyfriend thing. You are sooo young yet. I know lots of the kids are coupled up at that age, but I never had what I'd consider a "bf" at that age either...didn't get married until I was 28. But, found the love of my life...you'll get there. Hang tough.0 -
The only way someone can love you, is for you to love yourself first.
And when you stop "looking and waiting" for "love" it will find you.
It looks like to me you need to find things that make you happy.
Not boys not anything you think you "need" you need no one other than yourself.
Thats what you need to get into your head. You are attractive and I bet that someone telling you that wont
even phase you due to the fact that you have that crammed in your head that no one will ever feel that way.
SO you need to just have fun you are 18 yo and you should be enjoying life, do what makes you happy.
Family? Friends? Hobbies? Maybe channel everything into writing either poetry or memoir of something of that type.
If you need to talk private message me. I am a 21yo girl and I have been there as well. It always helps to talk as well0 -
I agree. You are a very pretty girl. The dating problem is from within. How you feel about yourself,not how others feel about you.0
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Hey,
You and I have a lot in common. I'm also 5'5", and was anywhere from 185 to 200 at my highest throughout high school and college. I talked myself through most of high school by convincing myself I wasn't really into any of the guys I knew (which was kind of true - and now I'm really glad I didn't date any of those guys) and that dating was a waste of time. In college I compensated by having lengthy crushes on friends who were unavailable.
One of those crushes eventually turned into something, after he told me he didn't want to ruin our friendship so I decided I was gonna move on and concentrate on me. A month later we were dating and now we've been together for over 2 years. I'm 25 and had my first boyfriend at 23. And I just recently started to lose the weight.
So yea, I completely agree with the comments on here about needing confidence and the right attitude to attract people. Keep working on yourself and a relationship will come when it's supposed to. I'm so happy now that I didn't really date until after school because it gave me time to develop independence and rely on myself. Speaking from personal experience, I'm glad I'm not one of those girls who's either been in one relationship, or whose in and out of relationships since high school. I've traveled by myself, I've gone to dinner by myself, I've learned to do a lot of things solo and I think I'm a better person for it.
And I truly believe that before you're ready to love anyone else, you have to genuinely love and be happy with yourself.
You're eighteen. I'm sure you have plenty of other stuff going on. Sure it'd be nice to date, and maybe you will maybe you won't but don't let it be the biggest thing in your life right now. Concentrate on you first because that's the person you're always going to need and who's always going to stick by you no matter what.0 -
Your post really touches me. Basically because I often struggled with the same things. At 18, I still didn't have a bf, had a boy approach me or anything. With the new life I had for myself, I lost a lot of weight and I did an overall change of my exterior appearance. I've cut my hair, changed my glasses, even changed looks! And yes, I ended up with a bf but it upset me. You know why? Because guys couldn't notice how beautiful I was inside before I completely changed my outside which is ridiculous. With the years, I gained weight back but I also learned alot about myself, who I am, what's good in me, what I need to work on to better myself but no matter what, now I know my real value and you know what? I'm much heavier than I was when I was 18 and even before that. I'm much more heavy that I've ever been and still, I'm the one turning boys down because they do approach me, but they aren't what I want.
Everything is about what you project and right now you project a lack of self-esteem, self-confidence and a need for someone to love you as you are. It has often been said that you cannot love someone until you love yourself and sadly, it's true. While I understand how painful it can be right now, you need to concentrate on yourself. Some suggested therapy or counselling and I can tell you, it helps put your things back in a good perspective. If you are afraid (which you certainly shouldn't), get yourself some books with exercises in them, to build yourself back up and change your view of life and yourself. I've read a book last week called 'Drive' and while it's quite business oriented, it gave me tools and exercises that truly change the way I look at things. Self-helping books are quite popular and there's a reason for that, everyone wants to be happy and find a way to be. You are still young (damn I hate to say that, it's so cliche) and got plenty of beautiful things in front of you. I've been there!
You really need to be more positive about yourself and your life, if YOU don't like something, YOU change it for YOURSELF. The rest will come along. I'm no specialist, all I have is my own experience and the result of help I went and got for myself. If I can help you, then I will be more than happy to. Add me as a friend if you want, and I will help you with a few exercises that I've done or learned about. But...no matter if I help you or not, a professional is the best person to help you because they are trained for that.
Regarding your diet...I didn't read your diary but from what you say, you need to eat more regularly (5-6 times a day), and add more proteins. 2-3 portions of small fruits top to keep the sugars down and drink a LOT of water. At least 2L a day, best would be half your weight in ounces. Even without moving, it's possible to lose weight, we just need to figure out exactly what your body needs. You blame your body for a lot of things, but it's not all there is to it. I know because I've been that person.
I hope this helps.. 0 -
I agree with everyone else, love yourself and have confidence in yourself, think positive thoughts don't always dwell on the negative, make small changes when dieting instead of going cold turkey. I was bullied when I was younger too but it definitely gets better, especially after high school! In college you will meet so many more people and its totally different, so much better than high school. If you are having some problems loving yourself I would suggest trying to set some achievable goals to improve some of the things you don't like about yourself. After you accomplish some of those goals your confidence will most likely improve. Good luck chick!0
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First I want to say that you are doing an amazing job of expressing yourself. But I want to warn you that losing weight will not take away your insecurity, won't give you tons of self-esteem and might bring around dates for the wrong reason.
The only reason that I was 18 and had been kissed was because of the game truth or dare (that's how I got my first 2 kisses). When I was a freshman in college I got my first non-game related kiss.....but he was drunk. At 19 I got my first boyfriend. After that (mostly due to partying and drinking) I kissed lots of boys but they weren't relationships. I went on a handful of dates (random nothing long term) until I really worked on myself. It's hard for others to love us when we don't love ourselves!!! I met my husband at age 25 and we've now been married 10 years.
In high school my mom always told me I was fat but I was 5'4" and a little under (still growing) and under 120 lbs. And I still didn't have boyfriends. I got to college, gained a little weight and it all went to my boobs (B cup to a D cup in about 3 months) and I still didn't have any real boyfriends. Sophmore year I got my first boyfriend but that only lasted 3 months. I gained weight.....a lot and was easily in the 180 to 190 range for a lot of college and after. Still no boyfriends.
I met my husband when I was still pretty heavy at 5'4" around 170-180 lbs. I think I got down to the 160s by our wedding, for a short time on a horrid diet that was unhealthy and unsustainable I got under 150 and went right back up. I've stayed in the 170-190 range most of my marriage and was well over 200 with both of my pregnancies.
So losing weight does not always mean self-esteem, self-confidence or boyfriends. I'm glad I met my husband when I was heavier because I know he loves ME and not my size 6 jeans (what do those look like!?!). He supports my weight loss because he wants me to be happy and healthy but loves me with my flabby belly and stretch marks!!!
You are 18, you should be focused on the wonderful beautiful woman that you are. You should be going to school, developing a career and becoming successful for yourself and no one else. You shouldn't worry about boys because they are TROUBLE!!! You are beautiful wonderful creation of God's and He doesn't make crap......EVER!!!!
I highly recommend two books for you. Made to Crave (diet related) and I Kissed Dating Goodbye (this was written by a man). You need to learn to love yourself outside of what the scale says because I know a whole lot of skinny people who are miserable and a whole lot of heavy people that are happy and content. Your weight will not give you those things, you need to find them now and then work on this as a goal to becoming healthy. Not a means to be happy. Friend me if you want. I've felt like I was fat most of my life due to teasing, bullying and a mother who told me I was fat when I was in middle school weighing no more than 100 lbs. Please learn to love yourself because you are a beautiful loving purposefully made creation!!!!0 -
I'm also old enough to be your mom....BUT. I was you. I was the friend to all the guys. They certainly didn't want to date me because we played football, baseball and hockey together in the yards and in the parks. About 5 years ago (25 years later), one of them confided to my brother that he always had a serious crush on me but was afraid to ask me out. (He thought I would kick his @$$ if he told me how he felt, lol) I never knew that back then, So, you really can't judge how you THINK someone feels about you.
I only have your profile picture to go by but my God, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!!! I wish I were that pretty when I was in high school. I agree with everyone else and I think I am justified in saying it because I've been in your shoes. Self-confidence is a relationship killer!! I struggle with it daily. I still do. You have to love yourself first or no one else will be able to. Find a good counselor, I did. I feel so much better just by talking to someone. Don't let other people's opinion of you define who you are! You can be whoever you want to be, regardless of body size. Here's where I'm going to sound even more like a mom.....It TRULY is what's on the inside that counts!!
I'm a big journal writer too. One thing I've learned. Don't use it to beat yourself up! Use it to write all the positives in life, the good things that happened that day...even if they seem insignificant at the time..... what you want to strive for, things you want to accomplish. Focus on the positive!! When you read it back, you will feel so much better!!!!
Lastly, don't worry so much about boys. Focus on you..., your education, your family. Get your life where YOU want it. You might just be surprised at what (or who) comes your way! Best wishes sweetie!! You really are a beautiful young lady!0 -
Im so sorry you feel so sad and unhappy with yourself. Your a beautiful young lady & seem to be outgoing. Your on MFP because you want to change. You did the first step. But no one can make you happy until your first happy with yourself. So if your weight is making you unhappy, change it. Your in control of what you choose to eat. Its a very powerful thing. As you begin to feel better about your weight, your confidence will sky rocket.
I also am 5"5 and started my journey at 185, with my highest at 190. I felt the same as you, and just wanted to crawl in a hole. But thats not the answer. Dont think of your weight loss journey as a diet. Its a lifestyle. Changing just a few eating habits one day at a time will bring on loss in lbs. You need to find what works for you. Im following the 17 day diet, and its awesome! I still have bad carbs each day, but very limited. Its tooooo overwhelming to think of all the weight to lose, so do it in increments and reward yourself each time you meet your goals. I have mine set for every 10 lbs. Its realistic and feels attainable, and works!
Good luck! Add me as a friend if you want 0 -
First, you are very brave to share your story with everyone, take this as a starting step to become that person we all know you are capable of becoming. Your story really brings back some memories about myself while I was going through high school. I was never overweight when I was in high school, but always considered myself to be "fat" because I wasn't as athletic or as skinny as what the norm was at the time. I always had a bunch of friends that were girls, but never a girlfriend until I was 17 and that was my first kiss as well. I tell you this to ensure you that you are not alone and never will be alone in any journey your life takes you through.
As most of the people have already stated a lot of what you are saying is how you feel about yourself first. Once you learn to love yourself and learn that what you have on the inside and outside is amazing that is when you will walk around with the confidence that you are seeking, even without any changes. It is a very true statement that you have to love yourself before you can truly love anyone else. I used to have very little self confidence in myself and believed that no one would ever be interested in me because of how I looked and because of my type of personality. I will be honest and say that it did change for me a little bit after having my first gf, but the greatest thing that I learned in that relationship is that it is all about me being me and having the confidence that I am at my best when I am myself.
For you, we can all see the greatness in simply reading your post, with the fact that you can still see the humor in most things. You have a goal in mind to lose weight and seem to always "fall short" - I think we have all been there at some point or another, and the greatest advice I can give you is to set realistic goals for yourself and you have already stated this but just know that you will see the results in time if you go for the lifestyle change you are going for. You seem to already possess the majority of the knowledge you need to get you where you want to be, but lack the confidence that you can achieve your goals, but it is inside of you and if you want it, we are all here to support you to get there. Don't ever give up on yourself, you have what it takes to become better than you ever thought possible.
Hope this helps!
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I completely understand where you are coming from. When I was from about 11-20 years old I let my weight and low self esteem control my whole social life. I didnt go out to parties, partcipate in school activities, or date. I always felt like people would look at me crazy because of my weight or that I didnt want to be alone while everyone else had a guy. I was depressed alot and half the time didnt even want to go to school.
I tell you this because when I look back I realize I wasnt even that over weight during those years and how beautiful I was. I let what I thought I should look like because of what all the girls around me looked like control what I thought of myself. Please, Please dont spend these years doing this to yourself. You are so beautiful and any guy would be lucky to have you, but the key here is that you have to feel like you are worth being with and know that God created you and did not make a mistake and that he doesnt create anything thats not beautiful.
You should get up every morning and look at yourself in the mirror and say I am beautiful, I love myself, I am worth being loved. You keep saying that and it will become a part of you.
God loves you and doesnt want you to feel like this. Having God in my life has been the one thing that helped me through those times.
Again please, please, please... do not let these years slip away from you. You are young and beautiful so go live your life and do what makes you happy. Dont be like me and look back at 26 and wish you would have stopped look at everyone else and judging yourself so you could have experienced life more and been happy instead of crying and being depressed most of the time.
Inbox me if you ever want to talk..... 0 -
I am old enough to be your MOM..SO if you were my daughter this is what I would say.....You are a beautiful lady..smart....I suggest talk to your parents see if you can get some counseling..You need to start loving yourself....change your attitude...try and focus on postitive things that are going on in your life...hopefully you have some girlfriends that can tell you what a great person you are!!!! FOCUS on THAT...it takes time to change your attitude..I wake up in the morning and say it is going to be a good day..and I will NOT let ANYONE change that..You have complete control on your attitude and you thinking..DON'T give that UP to anyone!!..so make it POSITIVE...I believe in GOD..and give all my worries to him...I have faith that whatever happens it was for the BEST..
Good Luck....
Very good advise! I second everything she said!0 -
you need to change your mentality. Dont be consumed by all the negative aspects about yourself and focus on all the positive things. looks are not everything! usually men are attracted by confidence. So do what you have to do to love your self and build your self esteem up. It wont happen over night but with time you will heal and the right man will come your way0
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Hello
I am sorry you don't think you're good enough. The truth is, that's probably why you don't have a boyfriend. You are pretty and 180lbs at your height is not obese. It's your self esteem. I would suggest therapy or counseling. It's NOT your looks or your weight. You are good enough and once you realize that, more things will fall into place.
I totally agree with this. You are more than your body and definitely more than what you see of yourself in your head. You should find a counselor to talk with so you can work through these feelings in a safe environment. What you are feeling is real and tough, but I promise you it's clouding what you see of yourself. You are not as fat and ugly, etc, as these negative emotion make you feel as if you are. You're at a hard age. Many of us have been there and it's hard, but we survive and you will, too. It's not your weight, but you not believing you are good enough that is keeping you from relationships and boyfriends. You need to change your image of yourself first, the rest will fall into place. Start small, focus on the things you do like about yourself. For every negative, find that positive to the point that you stop pointing out what you feel is negative altogether. If you'd like to PM me, please feel free!0 -
You are a very beautiful young lady! Your size has NOTHING to do with you not having a boyfriend. The fact is that when the time is right, someone will come into your life who will love and cherish your forever! But for now and even later on, you need to love yourself. I have found that looking in the mirror and saying affirmations help me when I feel down. You may want to try that because you truly are beautiful and worthy of love, respect, and anything else you want out of life.
I also agree that you should seek professional counseling and talk to your parents concerning how you are feeling at this time. Stay positive in everything you do! Feel free to add me if you need a friend. :happy:0
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