Need some motivation, and/or someone to talk to. Guess I jus

Options
2»

Replies

  • clarkeje1
    clarkeje1 Posts: 1,634 Member
    Options
    I agree with everyone else, love yourself and have confidence in yourself, think positive thoughts don't always dwell on the negative, make small changes when dieting instead of going cold turkey. I was bullied when I was younger too but it definitely gets better, especially after high school! In college you will meet so many more people and its totally different, so much better than high school. If you are having some problems loving yourself I would suggest trying to set some achievable goals to improve some of the things you don't like about yourself. After you accomplish some of those goals your confidence will most likely improve. Good luck chick!
  • dlyeates
    dlyeates Posts: 875 Member
    Options
    First I want to say that you are doing an amazing job of expressing yourself. But I want to warn you that losing weight will not take away your insecurity, won't give you tons of self-esteem and might bring around dates for the wrong reason.

    The only reason that I was 18 and had been kissed was because of the game truth or dare (that's how I got my first 2 kisses). When I was a freshman in college I got my first non-game related kiss.....but he was drunk. At 19 I got my first boyfriend. After that (mostly due to partying and drinking) I kissed lots of boys but they weren't relationships. I went on a handful of dates (random nothing long term) until I really worked on myself. It's hard for others to love us when we don't love ourselves!!! I met my husband at age 25 and we've now been married 10 years.

    In high school my mom always told me I was fat but I was 5'4" and a little under (still growing) and under 120 lbs. And I still didn't have boyfriends. I got to college, gained a little weight and it all went to my boobs (B cup to a D cup in about 3 months) and I still didn't have any real boyfriends. Sophmore year I got my first boyfriend but that only lasted 3 months. I gained weight.....a lot and was easily in the 180 to 190 range for a lot of college and after. Still no boyfriends.

    I met my husband when I was still pretty heavy at 5'4" around 170-180 lbs. I think I got down to the 160s by our wedding, for a short time on a horrid diet that was unhealthy and unsustainable I got under 150 and went right back up. I've stayed in the 170-190 range most of my marriage and was well over 200 with both of my pregnancies.

    So losing weight does not always mean self-esteem, self-confidence or boyfriends. I'm glad I met my husband when I was heavier because I know he loves ME and not my size 6 jeans (what do those look like!?!). He supports my weight loss because he wants me to be happy and healthy but loves me with my flabby belly and stretch marks!!!

    You are 18, you should be focused on the wonderful beautiful woman that you are. You should be going to school, developing a career and becoming successful for yourself and no one else. You shouldn't worry about boys because they are TROUBLE!!! You are beautiful wonderful creation of God's and He doesn't make crap......EVER!!!!

    I highly recommend two books for you. Made to Crave (diet related) and I Kissed Dating Goodbye (this was written by a man). You need to learn to love yourself outside of what the scale says because I know a whole lot of skinny people who are miserable and a whole lot of heavy people that are happy and content. Your weight will not give you those things, you need to find them now and then work on this as a goal to becoming healthy. Not a means to be happy. Friend me if you want. I've felt like I was fat most of my life due to teasing, bullying and a mother who told me I was fat when I was in middle school weighing no more than 100 lbs. Please learn to love yourself because you are a beautiful loving purposefully made creation!!!!
  • LFDBabs
    LFDBabs Posts: 297 Member
    Options
    I'm also old enough to be your mom....BUT. I was you. I was the friend to all the guys. They certainly didn't want to date me because we played football, baseball and hockey together in the yards and in the parks. About 5 years ago (25 years later), one of them confided to my brother that he always had a serious crush on me but was afraid to ask me out. (He thought I would kick his @$$ if he told me how he felt, lol) I never knew that back then, So, you really can't judge how you THINK someone feels about you.

    I only have your profile picture to go by but my God, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!!! I wish I were that pretty when I was in high school. I agree with everyone else and I think I am justified in saying it because I've been in your shoes. Self-confidence is a relationship killer!! I struggle with it daily. I still do. You have to love yourself first or no one else will be able to. Find a good counselor, I did. I feel so much better just by talking to someone. Don't let other people's opinion of you define who you are! You can be whoever you want to be, regardless of body size. Here's where I'm going to sound even more like a mom.....It TRULY is what's on the inside that counts!!

    I'm a big journal writer too. One thing I've learned. Don't use it to beat yourself up! Use it to write all the positives in life, the good things that happened that day...even if they seem insignificant at the time..... what you want to strive for, things you want to accomplish. Focus on the positive!! When you read it back, you will feel so much better!!!!

    Lastly, don't worry so much about boys. Focus on you..., your education, your family. Get your life where YOU want it. You might just be surprised at what (or who) comes your way! Best wishes sweetie!! You really are a beautiful young lady!
  • Burlesque12
    Burlesque12 Posts: 177 Member
    Options
    Im so sorry you feel so sad and unhappy with yourself. Your a beautiful young lady & seem to be outgoing. Your on MFP because you want to change. You did the first step. But no one can make you happy until your first happy with yourself. So if your weight is making you unhappy, change it. Your in control of what you choose to eat. Its a very powerful thing. As you begin to feel better about your weight, your confidence will sky rocket. :)

    I also am 5"5 and started my journey at 185, with my highest at 190. I felt the same as you, and just wanted to crawl in a hole. But thats not the answer. Dont think of your weight loss journey as a diet. Its a lifestyle. Changing just a few eating habits one day at a time will bring on loss in lbs. You need to find what works for you. Im following the 17 day diet, and its awesome! I still have bad carbs each day, but very limited. Its tooooo overwhelming to think of all the weight to lose, so do it in increments and reward yourself each time you meet your goals. I have mine set for every 10 lbs. Its realistic and feels attainable, and works!
    Good luck! Add me as a friend if you want :)
  • puzwuz1
    puzwuz1 Posts: 42
    Options
    First, you are very brave to share your story with everyone, take this as a starting step to become that person we all know you are capable of becoming. Your story really brings back some memories about myself while I was going through high school. I was never overweight when I was in high school, but always considered myself to be "fat" because I wasn't as athletic or as skinny as what the norm was at the time. I always had a bunch of friends that were girls, but never a girlfriend until I was 17 and that was my first kiss as well. I tell you this to ensure you that you are not alone and never will be alone in any journey your life takes you through.

    As most of the people have already stated a lot of what you are saying is how you feel about yourself first. Once you learn to love yourself and learn that what you have on the inside and outside is amazing that is when you will walk around with the confidence that you are seeking, even without any changes. It is a very true statement that you have to love yourself before you can truly love anyone else. I used to have very little self confidence in myself and believed that no one would ever be interested in me because of how I looked and because of my type of personality. I will be honest and say that it did change for me a little bit after having my first gf, but the greatest thing that I learned in that relationship is that it is all about me being me and having the confidence that I am at my best when I am myself.

    For you, we can all see the greatness in simply reading your post, with the fact that you can still see the humor in most things. You have a goal in mind to lose weight and seem to always "fall short" - I think we have all been there at some point or another, and the greatest advice I can give you is to set realistic goals for yourself and you have already stated this but just know that you will see the results in time if you go for the lifestyle change you are going for. You seem to already possess the majority of the knowledge you need to get you where you want to be, but lack the confidence that you can achieve your goals, but it is inside of you and if you want it, we are all here to support you to get there. Don't ever give up on yourself, you have what it takes to become better than you ever thought possible.

    Hope this helps! =)
  • nicolebunny55
    nicolebunny55 Posts: 110
    Options
    I completely understand where you are coming from. When I was from about 11-20 years old I let my weight and low self esteem control my whole social life. I didnt go out to parties, partcipate in school activities, or date. I always felt like people would look at me crazy because of my weight or that I didnt want to be alone while everyone else had a guy. I was depressed alot and half the time didnt even want to go to school.

    I tell you this because when I look back I realize I wasnt even that over weight during those years and how beautiful I was. I let what I thought I should look like because of what all the girls around me looked like control what I thought of myself. Please, Please dont spend these years doing this to yourself. You are so beautiful and any guy would be lucky to have you, but the key here is that you have to feel like you are worth being with and know that God created you and did not make a mistake and that he doesnt create anything thats not beautiful.

    You should get up every morning and look at yourself in the mirror and say I am beautiful, I love myself, I am worth being loved. You keep saying that and it will become a part of you.

    God loves you and doesnt want you to feel like this. Having God in my life has been the one thing that helped me through those times.

    Again please, please, please... do not let these years slip away from you. You are young and beautiful so go live your life and do what makes you happy. Dont be like me and look back at 26 and wish you would have stopped look at everyone else and judging yourself so you could have experienced life more and been happy instead of crying and being depressed most of the time.

    Inbox me if you ever want to talk.....:smile:
  • tsmith67
    tsmith67 Posts: 27
    Options
    I am old enough to be your MOM..SO if you were my daughter this is what I would say.....You are a beautiful lady..smart....I suggest talk to your parents see if you can get some counseling..You need to start loving yourself....change your attitude...try and focus on postitive things that are going on in your life...hopefully you have some girlfriends that can tell you what a great person you are!!!! FOCUS on THAT...it takes time to change your attitude..I wake up in the morning and say it is going to be a good day..and I will NOT let ANYONE change that..You have complete control on your attitude and you thinking..DON'T give that UP to anyone!!..so make it POSITIVE...I believe in GOD..and give all my worries to him...I have faith that whatever happens it was for the BEST..

    Good Luck....

    Very good advise! I second everything she said!
  • ms_erica
    ms_erica Posts: 173 Member
    Options
    you need to change your mentality. Dont be consumed by all the negative aspects about yourself and focus on all the positive things. looks are not everything! usually men are attracted by confidence. So do what you have to do to love your self and build your self esteem up. It wont happen over night but with time you will heal and the right man will come your way
  • lauehorn
    lauehorn Posts: 183
    Options
    Hello
    I am sorry you don't think you're good enough. The truth is, that's probably why you don't have a boyfriend. You are pretty and 180lbs at your height is not obese. It's your self esteem. I would suggest therapy or counseling. It's NOT your looks or your weight. You are good enough and once you realize that, more things will fall into place.

    I totally agree with this. You are more than your body and definitely more than what you see of yourself in your head. You should find a counselor to talk with so you can work through these feelings in a safe environment. What you are feeling is real and tough, but I promise you it's clouding what you see of yourself. You are not as fat and ugly, etc, as these negative emotion make you feel as if you are. You're at a hard age. Many of us have been there and it's hard, but we survive and you will, too. It's not your weight, but you not believing you are good enough that is keeping you from relationships and boyfriends. You need to change your image of yourself first, the rest will fall into place. Start small, focus on the things you do like about yourself. For every negative, find that positive to the point that you stop pointing out what you feel is negative altogether. If you'd like to PM me, please feel free!
  • vguynes
    vguynes Posts: 794 Member
    Options
    You are a very beautiful young lady! Your size has NOTHING to do with you not having a boyfriend. The fact is that when the time is right, someone will come into your life who will love and cherish your forever! But for now and even later on, you need to love yourself. I have found that looking in the mirror and saying affirmations help me when I feel down. You may want to try that because you truly are beautiful and worthy of love, respect, and anything else you want out of life.

    I also agree that you should seek professional counseling and talk to your parents concerning how you are feeling at this time. Stay positive in everything you do! Feel free to add me if you need a friend. :happy:
  • Skinny_Bella
    Skinny_Bella Posts: 43 Member
    Options
    It's taken me a little longer than I wanted to get back on here, and read through all the posts and messages I have received(I'm getting back to those, asap!) Sorry!


    I just wanted to say...I didn't expect this many people to comment back. It honestly brought tears to my eyes to see all the support you all have given me. Thank you so, so, SO much :) You all have no idea what it means to me. I'm actually at a loss of words here.

    The support on this board is absolutely unbelievable. I'm so glad I took this first step in joining here. I feel like just from the support on here, that I can really do this. I want to do this!

    Oh, and just thought I'd clear things up. I guess some things may have come across a little different than I had intended them too. Mainly, the one about me changing for someone else. I am changing for strictly me. I want to feel better about myself, for me. Not for anyone else. I want to become healthier, for me(I'm saying for me a lot, aren't I? Hahaha).

    Anyways, all the suggestions that I have been given are absolutely wonderful! Just a few more quick questions :)

    - What are some good ways to stay motivated? I read somewhere about having 1 article of clothing that you want to fit into, and use that as motivation. So I went out and bought a pair of really cute jeans. I'm starting small. Right now, I'm a size 12 in jeans, the ones I bought are a size 9. That's perfectly doable, right? But like I was saying, what are some other ways that are really good for motivation?

    - Exercising. With my ankle being the way it is right now, is eating right really enough for now? Or should I TRY and exercise? If so, what kinds of things could I try?

    - Last one(because it's all I can think of at the moment...LOL) Anyways, what are some things that I could do and/or work on to help gain some confidence back? I went out and got myself a haircut today(which actually...made me feel quite good afterwords, I have to admit) so that's a plus! So yeah....what are some good confidence boosters that you all have found to work?


    And really, thanks again, guys. You all are absolutely WONDERFUL!!
    Awe shucks, I'm still all teary eyed :)


    [Edit to add: Just got through all the emails...I think my fingers hurt, hahahaha. Regardless, THANKS AGAIN GUYS!!!]
  • nickm21
    nickm21 Posts: 254 Member
    Options
    Hi again Bella,
    Great idea to have smaller size jeans to motivate you, I would hang them where you will see them daily.
    As far as your ancle goes if you can do some gentle walking it would help, if not, maybe google exercises that you could do with and ancle injury. The main thing is not to push yourself to hard.

    Good luck x

Categories