Where are all the fun people??

Define "wants." ;-)

Always down for fun with the ladies of MFP

True...We need to quit being so hard on ourselves and lighten up!!

Once upon a time, there was a ninja who loved to chop things with his hand. He traveled the world chopping things. He chopped skateboards. He chopped pizzas. He chopped fancy Grecian statues, and Italian paintings. He even chopped chop suey. One day he found himself in the desert. There were not very many things to chop. But then, he saw a very interesting green something. It was cactus. The ninja chopped at it with his right hand. YOW!!!! His hand was instantly covered in sharp spines. He looked at it, both surprised and amazed, then shrugged and chopped at the cactus with his left hand. YOW!!! His left hand was covered in spines. Frustrated and now angry as well, he chopped ferociously with both hands at the cactus. The cactus was unharmed. The ninja sat in the sand, his hands covered in spines, and looked at the sky.

“Why can I not chop this green monstrosity?” asked the ninja, addressing the world around. He was about to start chopping at the cactus again, when suddenly, there was a thunderous rumbling sound, and a cloud of pink fog rolled in. The ninja was not frightened, because ninjas fear nothing, (except for maybe really big hairy spiders, especially the kind that jump.) A loud voice boomed all around, “Ninja from afar! Why do you chop at this beacon of desert life? Why do you continue to strike, after tasting its mighty sting?”

The ninja crouched low, preparing to battle this naysayer of chopping. He said nothing, but readied his lethal hands. From the mist, ever so slowly emerged a wizard, in full magical garb. He wore an extravagant blue velvet robe, and a tall hat bedazzled with shining stars, his beard was long and pink like bubblegum. The wizard shook his head solemnly. The ninja rushed at him, his hand a blur of chopping frenzy, but he passed right through the wizard. The wizard sighed. “That tickled,” he said. Undaunted, the ninja rushed at him again, convinced that his awesome ninja speed would prevail this time. Again, he passed through the wizard. “Ahh…my ninja friend. I see you do not learn from your experiences, as a child may do. I will help you on this chopping quest, if you promise in return, to cease chopping this cactus with your hands.” The ninja raised one eyebrow at the wizard, and after a few moments contemplation nodded at the wizard.

Thunder rumbled once more, and a silver gleam streaked from the sky, landing at the ninjas feet. He parted the pink fog to discover a shining sword, that was both light and sharp. “Now, my ninja friend,” said the wizard, “strike thine cactus, and may your aim be true.” The ninja lifted the sword, and with an elaborate series of turns jumps and back flips, sliced off a branch of the stubborn cactus. The wizard smiled softly, and vanished with the mist. The ninja stood, perplexed, staring at the sword in his hand. How wonderfully it had chopped. Surely there had been a mistake. His hands had always been his most powerful chopping weapon. The ninja approached the cactus. He decided to try again, only this time, with the elaborate series of jumps and back flips. He stood back so as to get a good running start, spun around twice, did a double back flip and a reverse Ollie (did I mention he had a skateboard? No matter...) He chopped at the cactus with both hands with all of his might. YOWWWWW!!!!!!!! His hands were covered in spikes once more, and the cactus still stood.

The now very cranky ninja cut the cactus down with the sword in one sweep, and stomped into the desert in search of band-aids, and his mother.

There are 3 Morals to the story of the Ninja and the cactus:

1. Ninjas like to chop things, so watch out!

2. Ninjas are not very smart.

3. You should never, EVER try and chop down a cactus with your bare hands.