Mommy guilt

dida0721 · January 2012

Okay here is a major obsticle for me that I am trying to deal with. I have two girls. They are my whole world, but I find that whenever I try to do this lifestyle change I become more and more selfish. I need to cook my food first so that I'm not tempted by what they are having. I work out right after eating at night and sometimes I'm enjoying the workout so much I go over my time I need to. When I'm done with that I need a shower and by the time I'm done its almost bed time for the girls and I feel like I've had no time with them. I've tried working out in the morning to give me more time at night, but honestly I'm not as consistent with it and when I do I'm so tired by the time the girls are in bed, I have no energy to spend time with my husband.

I've gotten weights for the girls so they can do some of the workouts with me, but there is no snuggle and reading time anymore and honestly I am really starting to miss it.

shovav91 · January 2012

Try working out fewer days each week. Work out on nights your girls have plans (if they're of that age). Force yourself to get it done early; isn't seeing your family motivation enough even if you don't like working out early?

sunfyrejade · January 2012

I'm not a mom, but I have two thoughts on this...

1. Think of all the time you're getting back, you may spend an hour a day doing whatever workout but you're getting years back to spend with them. You're also setting a good example about how putting yourself first once and a while can be very important. Moms are notorious for NOT being selfish and losing themselves which ends up making them unhappy in the long run.

2. Involve them in your food prep. Start having them help you make the meals, studies show that kids who are involved in the choosing/cooking process are more likely to make healthier choices. Why should you be eating healthy but not them? If it's not good to feed to an adult why is it good to feed to a child? Let them help you pick the veggies/fruits, spend time with them in the grocery store ("do we want apples or bananas this week?" etc...). And involve them in your exercise, play tag with them, ride bikes together, take walks together, do workout videos/wii/kinect together. Once again setting a good example and bonding with them over the healthy activities, this will help them develop healthy habits.

arc_82 · January 2012

Mommy guilt is definitely something that I deal with, too. I am a working mom so I am away from my 15 month old son all day, then I get home and rush to get his dinner ready, change clothes, get him settled with his dad, and I'm off. Sometimes I'm back before he goes to bed and sometimes I'm not.

I try to limit my weeknight workouts to 2 or 3 nights and at least one of those I try to do close to or after his bedtime (8:00). On the weekends, I try to go during his nap time or only be gone for an hour or so. He loves to come to the grocery store with me and help me clean, so I include him in my other "chores" throughout the weekend so he gets as much time with me as possible. If the weather is nice, I will take him with me for a jog so he gets to be part of the exercise (it is great you include your girls! You are teaching them to be healthy, too). Ultimately, I know I will be happier once I'm back to my pre-baby weight. A happier mom means a better mom.

Don't be afraid to switch your schedule up a little bit - let them eat first, exercise while they eat, have your dinner after. Is there a reason they can't eat what you are eating? If I grill chicken and steam veggies my son eats that too. The only time my son doesn't eat the healthy meals I prepare for me and my husband is if they are something he can't eat yet (i.e. fish) - and then he just gets left overs from a previous night's meal.

Have you tried exercising after they go to bed? (I don't know how old your girls are or if that is possible). There has to be some give and take to fit exercise in when you are a mom, so you'll need to be a little flexible (I don't love exercising at 8:15 pm, but if that is when I can do it, that is when I can do it) and your girls will need to be a little understanding.

Sorry, that was long. But you aren't alone. Hopefully some of what works for me will be helpful to you, too

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beancurdie · January 2012

I'm not sure how your kitchen is set up, but my kids sit at the island with me while I'm doing my kitchen prep. My oldest does his homework and I help him as needed and my younger one is either helping me or flipping through picture books. We do a lot of talking while I'm cooking.

I try to squeeze in my workout in the morning, but I'm so not a peppy person in the morning. When I have to do an evening work out, I try to set the boys up with something they really like to do, so I can get 45 minutes uninterrupted. When I'm done, I put my focus back on them and I shower after they go to bed.

It is totally doable to balance your needs and your girls' needs, it just takes a little planning!

busyPK · January 2012

I understand mommy guilt. I have two young sons - 2 years old and 4 months old and work a FT job. Even though it was hard to do, I work out in the morning before work 3 days a week. I am at the gym by 5:50am and then shower and great ready for work there. There is no guilt for me since my sons are still sleeping at that time.

Yes, I do get tired at night, but my body is adjusting and I do have my morning coffee once I hit work every morning. :laugh:

bcattoes · January 2012

I was a single mom with 2 girls and always a FT job, sometimes a PT job on the side because money was tight back then. We exercised together a lot. I'd run and they'd come along on their bikes or rollerblades. Or we'd ride bikes together. Or sometimes do TV workouts together or just go for a walk. I still read to them and snuggled with them. I'm very glad I raised them this way, because now that they are grown they both still exercise regularly and my daughter is raising my grandsons in the same manner. I believe regualr exercise is as important as anything else I ever taught them. And doing so many things together when they were children has made us very close as adults.

ETA: Unless you are on some sort of restrictive diet, why must you cook 2 separate dinners? Just cook a healthy dinner for the whole family and adjust your portions to fit your calorie goals.

dida0721 · January 2012

I appreciate everything you all are saying. I do hike trails and walk the zoo with them on weekends when weather permits and we do spend time together while I'm making food. They do the wii with me and do my workout videos with me sometimes. I guess I need to look at that as our bonding time instead of the snuggling on the couch time we used to have mostly. I know what I am doing is good for them. They have way more fresh food in the house for snacks and we are always up and moving around.

As I said I need to mentally redefine this new type of together time as equal or even better than the couch snuggling. Thanks all of your comments have helped me see that.

bigloser85_2012 · January 2012

If your kids are old enough have them help you prep food. Teach them to try the things you're making for yourself and eat healthy at this age because it's best for them too and maybe they won't struggle like we do. And if you can get them to eat the things your eating then you only have to prep one meal. My kids will eat some things I cook healthy and not others. It's not easy. And as important as snuggle and reading time is you can think of it this way...encouraging them to work out with you is possibly teaching them amazing habits that will also help them not struggle with weight issues. My three year old is the best motivator for me to exercise because she did it with me the first few times and now almost every night she asks...Mommy...are we gonna work out yet? And she gets upset if we don't sooooo...we work out. She has made me work out on nights when I just didn't want to do it and I felt amazing after we were finished. Sooo...snuggling is definitely important and reading is too BUT...so is proper nutrition and exercise. Think of it as saving your life so you have more time with them and preparing them to live healthy so they don't struggle with weight like so many of us do.

sunfyrejade · January 2012

I appreciate everything you all are saying. I do hike trails and walk the zoo with them on weekends when weather permits and we do spend time together while I'm making food. They do the wii with me and do my workout videos with me sometimes. I guess I need to look at that as our bonding time instead of the snuggling on the couch time we used to have mostly. I know what I am doing is good for them. They have way more fresh food in the house for snacks and we are always up and moving around.

As I said I need to mentally redefine this new type of together time as equal or even better than the couch snuggling. Thanks all of your comments have helped me see that.

Write down why you want to be around for them. That way when you think you're taking an hour away from them you can remember that you want to see them get married or meet your grandbaby, or whatever but you'll be able to do that because you're alive.

sarafil · January 2012

Yes, I deal with Mommy Guilt....I've solved that by getting up at 4 am to work out. It seemed really early at first, but I've come to actually love it. It is quiet, peaceful, and best of all I don't feel any guilt because the kids and hubby are sleeping! I work full time, so it was just too difficult for me to take any more time away from my kids in the evening. That being said, though, moms need to take care of themselves, too.....I think we can only be the BEST moms we can be when we make our needs a priority, too.

BuffyKicksButt · January 2012

I hear you - I have resorted to working out at 5am - I find it nice to have the house to myself - once you get used to it - its really not that bad. Plus you are done for the day so no excuses of "I'm too tired" or something got in the way, etc. Try it you may like it.

Lorleee · January 2012

I am not a mom but I do think some of my own eating issues developed because of the poor examples that were set for me at home when I was young. Big picture, you're doing a wonderful thing for your daughters by modelling healthy eating, exercise and yes, even taking time for yourself. It may seem selfish now and then, but in the long run I think they'll thank you and live healthy lifestyles as adults!

dida0721 · January 2012

I think I need an accountablility partner to help me get in the habit of working out in the morning. Seems to be the consensus here. Anyone interested in helping me with this transition. :yawn:

scs143 · January 2012

I work out most days at 5am. I have a 7 year old and almost 2 year old twins and I feel terribly guilty when I don't spend time with them at night as I am a working mom too. My kids are all in bed by 8:30. So I work out at 5am, work, then get home- make their dinners first and have everyone in the kitchen while I do. We go over homework, talk, etc... My husband and I eat after the kids eat, when they are in their PJ's and playing. One twin goes down at 7:30 (he cannot stay up any later - he walks around saying "night, night caleb") and the other two around 8:30. Then it's just time for my husband and I.

It's constant and sometimes overwhelming, but everyone gets some time- me included- even if it is at 5am.

Mommy guilt

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