it's a shame we can't get off our high horses and really be

MrsDrake678
MrsDrake678 Posts: 90 Member
edited November 8 in Motivation and Support
it's really sad to me when you come across someone who thinks they have all the answers and judge based on someone else's food diary or exercise program. We have to remember we are all on the road to better health and our journey may not go the same direction but at least we are on one. A friend of mine (in real life) was bashed for her food diary very rudely yesterday. Now this person had no idea she spent the entire day in the ER with her son and was able to choke down 600 calories over the course of the day. She told her she was ridiculous for having a diet coke for lunch and then posted about not going to support annorexics and what not. Who is this person? Who knows they live on the other side of the world...not a part of our daily lives but words can still hurt. I wish people here (of course not all people) could get off their high horse and realize we are all human. Remember the saying our grandma's used to say: if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all....I think we should follow it. Now constructive criticism is welcome but what makes a person think THEY have all the answers? Is it when they hit 10lbs gone, 20...30 or 50? At what point do you become and EXPERT? I think never...everyone is different. Just some food for thought....
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Replies

  • Chagama
    Chagama Posts: 543 Member
    Well stated.
  • bugtrain
    bugtrain Posts: 251 Member
    I totally agree with you on this......how about asking if the person is OK.....are they sick,etc.......
  • jordanlell
    jordanlell Posts: 340 Member
    I agree. This is the main reason my food diary is still private. I have some crazy busy days where I make some really awful and I don't want someone to start judging me based on that one day where all I had was a can of Monster until after 2:00.
  • milaxx
    milaxx Posts: 1,122 Member
    That or the exercise nazis. You know what? Some people truly are sedentary and going up the stairs requires major effort so if you don't like that some people count cleaning as part of their exercise, then skip the post and keep it moving. I remember last year when I joined after a major illness, I had to cook sitting down. When I cleaned my kitchen or mopped and dusted I was exhausted afterwards. Depending on how much cleaning I had to do I would even be sweating afterwards. Yeah I counted it. Now I only count cleaning if it's part of moving heavy furniture. Don't like it? STFU and skip my post. it works for me, if that's not your thing, don't do it. It's that easy.

    I try and look at my neighbors past few days. We all have a one off day where life doesn't allow us to make good food and exercise choices. If a person is low on one day I'm not going to make a big deal of it.
  • Mrs_Moe
    Mrs_Moe Posts: 68 Member
    So sorry for your friend!!!!! .... and this is EXACTLY why I keep my diary private and rarely ask questions anymore.
  • ironanimal
    ironanimal Posts: 5,922 Member
    Unsolicited criticism is a very different animal to somebody asking for people to look at their diary and being given some pointers. I don't know who these people are, but although I sometimes look at people's diaries without them being asked, with them being public, I would never message anyone about it unless they were asking for advice. It's that I don't understand - people that come in waving their e-peen like a cowboy with a lassoo. I feel sorry for your friend, and although HER day was pretty crappy, sometimes you need to put things into context before leaping to conclusions.
  • ckapes
    ckapes Posts: 31
    Reading the terms of this site, shouldn't that type of person be reported? By the way, very well said.
  • lmelangley
    lmelangley Posts: 1,039 Member
    I only let MFP friends see my diary, and I surround myself with supportive folks. Life's too short for all that negativity. If I got burned like your friend, the person who burned me would be off my friend list immediately. I would send them a note as to why, though.

    You are so right - none of us knows what another is going through daily.
  • dargytaylor
    dargytaylor Posts: 840 Member
    wow. that is horrible! I hope her son is OK, and she is too :smile:
  • annagrl1975
    annagrl1975 Posts: 1
    Thank you sis for the support. Well said with the message also. CJ is okay and is back at school. I have read all the wonderful and supportive messages that everyone has left and I want to thank everyone for being so supportive. I had a really crappy day yesterday, but made through and today is very stressful also. I am now having to deal with the school and school board. No one wants to listen to me. I am so stressed and frustrated. I can not afford a lawyer either so I can not sue. I am at my wits end.
  • 5thanddes
    5thanddes Posts: 28 Member
    Totaly agree with you!! Its not a compitetion! Its about supporting better health and wellness for everyone!
  • LeilaFace
    LeilaFace Posts: 390 Member
    Couldn't agree More!
  • dolphin9803
    dolphin9803 Posts: 125
    So sorry for your friend!!!!! .... and this is EXACTLY why I keep my diary private and rarely ask questions anymore.

    ditto!
  • RenaPink11
    RenaPink11 Posts: 329 Member
    Very well said!
  • NicolePatriot
    NicolePatriot Posts: 621 Member
    I agree with you. Sometimes people are a little too nosy on here. Just because you are my MFP friend does not mean you get to judge or criticize the things I do. We're all still human. Hope your friends son is okay! :)
  • dirtbikegirl5
    dirtbikegirl5 Posts: 391 Member
    People might think that they are being helpful but they really aren't. Maybe whoever judged her on her food diary needs to be called out on it.
  • runbyme
    runbyme Posts: 522 Member
    Words of wisdom! Thank you! Lots of times, forums are a battlefield. Everyone thinks their answer is right and therefore all that matters! If I had all the answers and had them applied to my life, the need for me being here would be gone!
    Good luck to you!
  • mdailey93
    mdailey93 Posts: 95
    It's really sad that people act like that. I'm glad to hear your son is doing better, and I hope that you get everything else figured out.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    No, no, no.

    If you do not do everything exactly the way I do everything, you are lazy and stupid and uneducated. Gah. Why does no one get that???? ;-)
  • Mcgrawhaha
    Mcgrawhaha Posts: 1,596 Member
    anna-

    if you want, message me about your school situation. if its in regards to your childs illness, maybe we can compare notes? i have a child with a heart disorder and have had to fight tooth and nail to get him what he needs, and special considerations when he missed huge amounts of school while in the hospital. i am finally, after 2 years, getting him what he needs, with alternative work loads while out of school. other than that, just ignore the ignorant know it alls, they must feel better about themselves when putting others down! good luck to you!
  • ionlyhavesporx
    ionlyhavesporx Posts: 120
    I agree. But it's a quick way to find the people that need to be blocked and the ones that can support you best. Nonetheless.... everyone has struggled at one point at that is a realization many need to get through their heads.
  • pocomama
    pocomama Posts: 93 Member
    I totally agree! I basically stay away from the forums. Every once in a while I comment on something. But I do notice some of the threads and blogs just seem to be there to tear others down. I read one a few days ago about proper gym attire. Basically making fun of all of the things you see at the gym, fashion wise. I am so glad I didn't read that when I started exercising. I was already extremely self conscious. Knowing that someone actually took the time to write up a blog about how they didn't want to see my muffin top hanging out of my track pants, or my bra straps showing, or even criticising the type of headphones I am wearing would have likely caused me to avoid the gym altogether. And the whole idea behind this website is supposed to be a supportive environment isn't it? Why would we want to cause someone to stop trying to become a more healthy person?

    I hope your friend is ok and that her son is home now. I am sorry she was kicked while she was down.
  • Tenoreo90
    Tenoreo90 Posts: 329 Member
    Ugh, I had someone tell me a couple weeks ago that I wasn't eating enough...I had burned my leg pretty bad and was stuck in bed for a good five days, so naturally, I wasn't hungry (I was also mostly knocked out with pain meds). Some people just get obsessive on here, and will find anything to try and make themselves feel like they're 'winning'. I also saw on another thread where one girl says to another (in a discussion about calculating exercise) "so why I have I lost 39 but you've only lost 12?"....I was shocked. Most people on MFP are really nice and supportive, but it's those few that make me want to slap someone!

    I'm so sorry about your friends son. I hope everything is okay.
  • rydn4h2o
    rydn4h2o Posts: 255
    I agree completely....
  • onefitdiva
    onefitdiva Posts: 331 Member
    Oh wow. Honestly I see this happen or hear of it from mfp friends and I do not understand it. I give the person credit for making an attempt to log when situations are bad. At least they are conscious of it. This is where the delete button comes in handy, your mfp friends list is just that yours. If someone judges you harshly especially with out having facts just assumptions they are not supporting they are criticizing or chastising. No one deserves that.
  • simplyblessed5
    simplyblessed5 Posts: 130 Member
    I completely agree with this and this is why my own food diary is private.
  • baypathgradLyns
    baypathgradLyns Posts: 639 Member
    what can I say, people are CRAY CRAYYYY!!!

    I would never say something like that to someone....so I totally agree with you, you never know the situation. I only respond to people's diaries when I have something good to say, or if they put a post asking for people to give their opinions...
  • dls06
    dls06 Posts: 6,774 Member
    To each his own.
  • Obstinate07
    Obstinate07 Posts: 89
    I agree. This is the main reason my food diary is still private. I have some crazy busy days where I make some really awful and I don't want someone to start judging me based on that one day where all I had was a can of Monster until after 2:00.

    Same here, my food diary is closed for a reason. I don't think we should be bashing and complaining about what other people have decided to do with THEIR bodies.
  • QueenJayJay
    QueenJayJay Posts: 1,079 Member
    Wow! We could all use a dose of reality. We never know what someone is going through.
This discussion has been closed.

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