it's a shame we can't get off our high horses and really be

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Replies

  • jenlarz
    jenlarz Posts: 813 Member
    How on earth do people have time to look at someone else's food diary unless they ask for help? I know the point is the critsicsm and I agree, we're supposed to support each other not bash each other. there are plenty of ways to state an opinion without being nasty also.
  • sandy729
    sandy729 Posts: 232 Member
    Well said!
  • helse
    helse Posts: 35 Member
    Unbelievable!
    Its my first day on here today and Ive been so impressed with the support that MOST people seem to give each other.
    I thought the diary sharing was a fantastic idea but hadn't even contemplated anyone would DARE criticize like that!
    A real shame.
    Wish your friend and her family well and I hope it hasn't put her off.
  • jenlarz
    jenlarz Posts: 813 Member
    How on earth do people have time to look at someone else's food diary unless they ask for help? I know the point is the critsicsm and I agree, we're supposed to support each other not bash each other. there are plenty of ways to state an opinion without being nasty also.
  • CuteAndCurvy83
    CuteAndCurvy83 Posts: 570 Member
    This is one reason I love the friends I have, on a law cal day they don't just assume I didn't eat, they will usually say something like "your count looks low today are you feeling ok?" Maybe if I had a friend that I seen only netting 600 cals a day every day and talking about how fat and disgusting they are, then I may say what I could to encourage them, and let them know I was a bit worried, but coming across as a calorie Nazi doesn't help anyone.
  • HauteP1nk
    HauteP1nk Posts: 2,139 Member
    I agree completely.

    I honestly feel sorry for the people that are so mean to others because the real reason they are mean is because they don't like who they are... They pretend they are tough, hide their own fears and insecurities, and are generally unhappy & bitter... and because of this they take out all their aggression on others - by trying to make others feel weak too.
  • shanahan_09
    shanahan_09 Posts: 238 Member
    Very well said!!

    I think some people love to be negative, and stir up the *kitten* for the sake of drama because they can't take care of their own problems, I hope your friends' son is okay...my heart goes out to her...nothing worse than seeing your child hurting. :flowerforyou:
  • shcarter67
    shcarter67 Posts: 46
    Thank you sis for the support. Well said with the message also. CJ is okay and is back at school. I have read all the wonderful and supportive messages that everyone has left and I want to thank everyone for being so supportive. I had a really crappy day yesterday, but made through and today is very stressful also. I am now having to deal with the school and school board. No one wants to listen to me. I am so stressed and frustrated. I can not afford a lawyer either so I can not sue. I am at my wits end.

    Hello. I am sorry to hear about your troubles, and hope your son is doing better. I don't know your circumstances with regard to the trouble with the school, but I wanted to offer a piece of information in case you can use it. Not sure how it is in your state, but here in Maryland, if you contact the local Bar Association (typically for the county in which either you live, or in your case where the school is located), they may be able to put you in touch with an attorney who will handle your case pro bono (no fee). May be something worth looking into.
  • Elzecat
    Elzecat Posts: 2,916 Member
    This is one reason I love the friends I have, on a law cal day they don't just assume I didn't eat, they will usually say something like "your count looks low today are you feeling ok?" Maybe if I had a friend that I seen only netting 600 cals a day every day and talking about how fat and disgusting they are, then I may say what I could to encourage them, and let them know I was a bit worried, but coming across as a calorie Nazi doesn't help anyone.

    If I see something that looks "off" on a MFPal's diary, like really low calories, I will say something to the effect of "are you feeling ok?" or something like that, if I don't know what's up...sometimes I won't say anything, because I just don't know. If I have friends who chronically undereat but are asking for help, I might say something to encourage them...the few days I haven't logged due to illness, or whatever, my longtime MFP buddies have asked about it. There's a way to show concern without being judgemental.
  • melbhall
    melbhall Posts: 519
    Wow! Well I stick by the thought that it's easy to sit back and bash you when they know they are safe behind a computer! I have friends on here that don't always eat enough or don't eat great, but I know I'm not the perfect role model and I'm here BECAUSE I need support, so I don't criticize them because obviously they need help too! How dare that person say that! Sorry your friend had a rough day hen had to be judged by some idiot. I guess that's why my diary is closed. I have a hard enough time pleasing myself, I surely don't want to hear it from a stranger when they think I've made bad decisions!
  • SafireBleu
    SafireBleu Posts: 881 Member
    Thank you sis for the support. Well said with the message also. CJ is okay and is back at school. I have read all the wonderful and supportive messages that everyone has left and I want to thank everyone for being so supportive. I had a really crappy day yesterday, but made through and today is very stressful also. I am now having to deal with the school and school board. No one wants to listen to me. I am so stressed and frustrated. I can not afford a lawyer either so I can not sue. I am at my wits end.
    Sry you have to deal with this. My son had a chronic illness and I was able to get a lot of help, including free legal advise from the national group that supports his disease. You should try contacting them. And if you are in the US there is federal law in place to get him the things he need to be safe in any public school called Section 504 http://www.hhs.gov/ocr/civilrights/resources/factsheets/504.pdf and here is a parents guide explaining how it relates to education
    http://www.greatschools.org/special-education/legal-rights/868-section-504.gs. I don't know if this is any help but I remember how overwhelmed I was when my son was first sick and newly diagnosed. HUGS. If you need any help, support anything friend me and pas me a note.

    I'm not even going to address what happened yesterday to you here because in all honesty nothing is more important than getting what you need for your son.
  • Pocket_Pixi
    Pocket_Pixi Posts: 1,167 Member
    I personally don't see any point in posting to the forums to complain about something that happened - Yes I get it hurt someones feelings and that totally sucks.... But posting here talking about getting off high horses is not going to make those on the high horse get off.. they probably don't even care...

    Not to sound like a total b!tch or anything but to the person or persons who were quick to jump the gun and not ask questions first I would have deleted them off my friends list, and that would have beenit.

    Was your friends day ideal? NO,
    should the person(s) have asked questions before jumping the gun? probably....
    has your friend had other days that were bad and looked like a 600 cal day? because when I notice my new friends not eating enough, I generally leave it for a while but if I know its a repeated issue I will delete them because I feel we do not have the same kind of goals. (I am in no way saying this is your friend)


    This the internet, and it is a free forum, and face it people are mean... getting your feelings hurt is just a waste of time imho.

    To your friend, I am glad her son is ok (I think I read that in a comment), just ignore the people who do not mesh with you and move on..
  • jody664
    jody664 Posts: 397 Member
    I totally agree. I'm pretty new here and got my first nastygram with my first post. I don't know what it is about this site.......I have belonged to two other (non-free) diet/fitness forums and no one ever treated fellow members like they do on this site. I also keep my diary private and rarely comment. It's sad really...........I know there are some really great folks here, but a few bad apples ruin the experience for all of us.
  • kb119
    kb119 Posts: 18 Member
    I totally agree… That's why I don't really follow the same thought as a lot of people that delete their "friends" on here when they haven't logged in for a month. I realize it might come across that this person isn't serious or something, but what if they are going through something huge? What if they are balled up in a corner discouraged that they'll never change their bad habits, they think they'll be fat forever and don't think they can stick with it?

    I'm not sure about other people on here, but this is not my first time trying to lose weight, and there's been many times when I've been discouraged and thought I'll never get there, and then give up for a while. Sometimes I wish people would have reached out and offered encouragement rather than hitting the delete button. Maybe it would have saved me a lot of tears, or pounds.

    Some of my friends on here pulled me out of a funk a few months ago when I was just logging sporadically. I was so discouraged and upset, but because of a kind encouraging email I found the will to keep going with a fresh perspective. I think that's what MFP is all about and we need to be there for each other.
  • kennethmgreen
    kennethmgreen Posts: 1,759 Member
    it's really sad to me when you come across someone who thinks they have all the answers and judge based on someone else's food diary or exercise program. We have to remember we are all on the road to better health and our journey may not go the same direction but at least we are on one. A friend of mine (in real life) was bashed for her food diary very rudely yesterday. Now this person had no idea she spent the entire day in the ER with her son and was able to choke down 600 calories over the course of the day. She told her she was ridiculous for having a diet coke for lunch and then posted about not going to support annorexics and what not. Who is this person? Who knows they live on the other side of the world...not a part of our daily lives but words can still hurt. I wish people here (of course not all people) could get off their high horse and realize we are all human. Remember the saying our grandma's used to say: if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all....I think we should follow it. Now constructive criticism is welcome but what makes a person think THEY have all the answers? Is it when they hit 10lbs gone, 20...30 or 50? At what point do you become and EXPERT? I think never...everyone is different. Just some food for thought....
    Have you considered extending the same patience and generosity toward the people you are chastising for not doing so? As you say, we don't know how someone spends the entire day. Likewise, a person offering criticism couldn't possibly have guessed someone eating 600 cals had a family emergency. But 600 calories is something to be concerned over. How do we know the person expressing concern didn't recently have to deal with a loved one that died from anorexia and was feeling especially emotional and protective of his/her friends?

    I don't know the situation any more than what you've written to describe it above. But I do think everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt. And I don't think offering feedback or criticism is the same as pretending to have all the answers. Maybe I'm naive, but I think most people here are genuinely good, and trying to help (including expressing concern at what they see as a dangerously low calorie intake).

    Just offering a different perspective.
  • Roni_M
    Roni_M Posts: 717 Member
    I'm also so sorry that this happened to your friend. Some people are just rude. There seems to be a handful of offenders (I've pinpointed 7 so far and have put them on ignore). I'm not sure what makes them the experts with their "superior" attitudes. The majority of them have been on here for a long time and their losses are small so I figure they can't know that much!!

    I think everyone of us is on a different journey to the same destination. Screaming at someone about how they will fail if they don't get their oars is pointless if their map takes them over land! Some of us will float along and be there quickly and others will climb endless mountains for a long time. The important thing is that we help each other along the way.

    I hope your friend's son is feeling better and she gets a chance to de-stress....having a sick child is one of the most stressful things in the world!
  • LilBee82
    LilBee82 Posts: 189 Member
    Where's the "like" button?

    I had something similar happen to me today. I posted a strength training routine that I was given to do recently, in hope that it may help the person that started the discussion since they wanted tips.

    Then someone comes in and said, that's great! If you're an 80 year old! And you are 29. I would fire the person that gave you the routine (which is actually from my exercise specialist and it's a FREE program). Unless you have had some kind of injury to prevent you from doing regular exercises.

    Guess what? YEAH!!! I did have an injury that prevents me from doing a LOT of movements. Walking, standing, sitting, it all hurts me a great deal. So my exercise specialist was aware of my circumstances and found things that I could do, with little to no pain.

    We are not all created equal!!!
  • MrsDrake678
    MrsDrake678 Posts: 90 Member
    I personally don't see any point in posting to the forums to complain about something that happened - Yes I get it hurt someones feelings and that totally sucks.... But posting here talking about getting off high horses is not going to make those on the high horse get off.. they probably don't even care...

    Not to sound like a total b!tch or anything but to the person or persons who were quick to jump the gun and not ask questions first I would have deleted them off my friends list, and that would have beenit.

    Was your friends day ideal? NO,
    should the person(s) have asked questions before jumping the gun? probably....
    has your friend had other days that were bad and looked like a 600 cal day? because when I notice my new friends not eating enough, I generally leave it for a while but if I know its a repeated issue I will delete them because I feel we do not have the same kind of goals. (I am in no way saying this is your friend)


    This the internet, and it is a free forum, and face it people are mean... getting your feelings hurt is just a waste of time imho.

    To your friend, I am glad her son is ok (I think I read that in a comment), just ignore the people who do not mesh with you and move on..
  • MrsDrake678
    MrsDrake678 Posts: 90 Member
    oops don't know how to quote. You are kinda like the people I'm talking about. If you don't agree with a post why even comment? I just don't get it. Thank you everyone for your kind words and SUPPORT...her son is going to be ok.
  • forchristalone
    forchristalone Posts: 1
    I have a lot of circumstances that messes with my diet, like lowblood sugar ,and then I do the best that I can.Something is better than nothing. SSoooo I can understand how you feel. I am glad your friends son will be okay, nothing worse that a young one in the hospital.
  • ahinescapron
    ahinescapron Posts: 351 Member
    I always try to keep things positive as much as I can on the forums. Unless someone asks for feedback, it is pretty rude to berate them for their food choices. Even if they ask for feedback, though, there is no reason to treat them like an idiot, accuse them of being anorexic or otherwise belittle them. I just don't see how it helps anyone to be berated and belittled. Your friend's story is a good reminder that we should never assume that we know what is going on with other people and should always seek to understand before judging.
  • BettyyRoss
    BettyyRoss Posts: 100 Member
    At the end of the day it's your dairy and your life. If you want to spend all day sitting at home eating ice cream, that's your choice. If someone wants to get upset over it, it's really not their place and quite frankly none of their business. I don't bother to make my diary private solely because I really don't care what others think. I try my hardest to exercise as much as I can and eat as healthy as I possibly can, no one has the right to judge me on that. I know that I'm doing my best and to me that's all that matters. A stranger is not going to change my views in any way.
  • KCox8604
    KCox8604 Posts: 41 Member
    We are here to support each other not criticize...I hope she doesn't let that one rude person get her down on herself for trying to improve her life. We all have off days....one of mine included a Snickers Blizzard..(LOL) Just keep going and ignore the negativity.
  • Kymmu
    Kymmu Posts: 1,650 Member
    If people really were concerned for your friend they should have sent her a message, not posted up their bitter comments.
    TACT would be a really good word for some people to look up, I don't think they've ever heard of it.........
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