Sabotage - Good Intentions

Unfortunately you can't change what other people do, only what you do. When I first started getting interested in being healthier I had to deal with this with my husband mostly. We had set patterns, he knew what I liked and what would please me but then I went and changed all the rules. Poor guy didn't know what to do to support me at that point! So I had to start gently teaching him that instead of bringing me chocolate, bring me a flower or some health or fitness thing that I've been wanting. Or yarn! (I'm an avid knitter) He wanted to bless me but didn't know how when I took the treats out of the equation. When he does bring them I'll have a little bit usually but then the rest disappears when he's not around (right into the trash.) He's learned that if he does bring me a treat, bring a small version instead of a huge package.

In pretty much all areas (friends, coworkers, family, etc) you have to decide if you can withstand the pressure of having the junk around and not caving or you can choose to avoid the situations until you're stronger. (Doesn't work so well with the spouse!) If you can't avoid it then go with a plan. Make sure you plan on something that you'll enjoy without guilt (because if you go planning not to eat or drink a thing you know you'll end up caving!) Or make sure you get your workout in to negate a small indulgence. You can't expect everyone around you to change just because you are. Be patient with them.

Why does everyone see it as sabotage? How come it isn't that these people love you and think they are doing something nice for you?

Just because a friend brings a coffee and your husband brings home a food you love and haven't had in years doesn't mean they want to hurt your weight loss efforts. They are being nice - in a way they see as sweet in nice.

I can guarantee you that none of these people are trying to hurt your progress and sabotage you with what they are doing. They may honestly not know how many calories and such are in certain things and think they are just being nice.

I am pretty lucky in that my daughter is a vegitarian and focusing on getting healthy and my husband has helped me clean all the junk food out of the house. I have informed my entire family of the fact that I am eating healthier and what I will not eat any more. So far they have been supportive. I am a segitarian, which means I don't eat beef or pork, and even though they don't agree with mine or my daughter's diet they always make sure there are plenty of veggies for us.

I have the same issues with returning to the parental's roof. They're both overweight and don't care, not obese just overweight. Living at home has put the pounds on me...I eat the crap and even messes with my gluten allergies. I've begged and fought with them to get rid of the junk but now my mother just hides it in her office and she eats it all the time and potato chips at night, it is horrible! My friends are somewhat supportive expect at the fire house...they eat like piggies and burn it off fast too.

The best way is self control and remove yourself from the situation or even in the case of food. When he isn't looking throw it away...whats worse the cholesterol in your body or a few bucks in the trash? Your health is more important and if they can't understand the effects of all that crap in a human bodies system then maybe they need to look in the mirror as well.

Use the motivation of proving them all wrong to resist eating the food. I stay away from the kitchen and cooking channels because I know it will make me want bad (delicious) food. When he asks if you want anything at night tell him a cup of decafe coffee (if you feel you want something) or apple slices without the dip. Some people can't say no and if you have to say yes, make it a healthy option or even the oatmeal bowl from Mc Donalds.

Its hard and try to sit him down and talk it out, but with a calm tone and a smile, even if you have to repeat the talks. It has to eventually stick in...right?

Two pronged attack:

1) Communication: Sit your husband down. Explain what you want to do and more importantly WHY you want to do it. Tell him how important this is for you and that you love him and you love that he wants to take care of you, but you really need his help to honor you when you say "No, thank you". Usually when you take a direct approach like this he can have a better understanding that this isn't one of those times where you take on a diet and it fails anyway (I am assuming that, like many on this site, you may have tried weight loss before?)

2) Willpower: Remind yourself that No means no. Okay, so you indulged in a reasonable amount of pizza rolls. That's totally okay. Now instead of heating up more, binge on something like broccolli or a bag of popcorn (Orville movie theater butter has 88 calories in an entire normal sized bag). That'll fill you up and take care of the cravings. If you find yourself going to the freezer to grab more then do what I did last time I almost binged on goldfish crackers - THROW THE REST AWAY. They're in the dumpster, there's no going back! Take control of what you put in your body. Ultimately it's your decision and it's nice when people aren't shoving things in your face but if this is going to be your new life the first step is honoring your decisions the same way you expect everyone else to honor them.

I married a food Nazi.....lol
She's been into healthy foods all her life.

Sometimes all she eats is a salad.
Salad is not even food.
Salad is what comes with real food.

Sorry that is a tough situation. I would take them to work and write "Help Yourself" on the box they'd be gone in a shot! Or if you don't work outside the home, have a party with friends and family have those and a veggie tray out for snacks. And if it happens again I'd throw them away or down the garbage disposal right in front of him and say thank you for thinkng of me but I can not have them in the house. Hang in there! It is hard enough to battle extra weight with support but without your spouse and/or friends... Also reassure him that you will love him till the day you die but you'd rather that be later than sooner.

maybe you are putting a vibe out there that leads people to believe you aren't serious. it might even be subconscious. make sure you are SERIOUS. and NEVER EVER eat anything they give you. that's just telling them, "no matter what i say, i will eat what you bring me."

bump

My wife did this to me, and ends up she was cheating on me.

Mallory,

I cannot see how my husband thinks it is helpful. He loves me, this much I know to be true. But how can it not be sabotage if I say " Please don't buy those. Thank you for thinking of me, but we'll get them next time ".

Because you are eating them.

WRT your husband - in my experience, women frequently assume that far more information is conveyed in conversation with men than men actually receive.

That's not a male failing. That's a communication failure. The only failure on the male's part is not seeking additional clarification (aka 'taking you at your word') which is something most men only really pick up quite far into a relationship.

If you want an outcome, you need to lead the conversation, and you need to give him specific instructions backed up by actions, and link cause and effect CLEARLY. Don't assume he makes the connections.

ie:

"I don't want you to buy this food, because if you do, I will be tempted to eat it. If I eat it, I will need to go to the gym to burn it off. That means you won't see me tonight. "

or

"I want to go to the gym tonight because if I do then I will burn through calories. If I burn through calories then I don't need to be as careful about what I eat."

or

"I want to look good, because it makes me feel good. That means I need to be careful about what I eat, and to exercise more than normal. Please think about ways that you could help me to eat better or to exercise more."

These are oversimplified but men do think in a linear process and communicate with facts - you (as the communication masters) need to adjust the way that you communicate if you want a specific outcome or prevent a specific behaviour.

My 2c, your mileage may vary, etc.