We are here to support eachother... Not to troll.

VodkaSalad37
VodkaSalad37 Posts: 66 Member
in Food and Nutrition
It makes me sad that there are so many trolls on a site like this.
I was reading through the message boards and saw a lot of really mean replies or just awful advice.

I find this a site where I can ask questions about my concerns and make friends with people with similar goals.

A few minutes ago, I saw a message board topic titled "reaching 1200 calories". I posted a similar topic last night with similar questions-- about being worried about being full and not consuming enough calories.

I was shocked at some of the replies. Especially ones that said things on the lines of "how did you get to be so fat if you can't eat more than 800 calories"

Here's my defense:

1. I doubt any member on here is a doctor or nutritionist.
2. I highly doubt that we all know each other personally-- and we don't know each others past or diet history.

That leads me to this: over 8 years ago, before becoming pregnant with my son, I would go days with out eating. I was obsessed with how I looked, I was really weak. I lost a ton of weight the first few months of pregnancy and my doctor told me that I could lose the baby.

I gained 80 pounds in my pregnancy, and have been bouncing around another 20.

When my son was 3, I was diagnosed with PCOS, which runs in my family- my mom and both her sisters have it.

Infertility, weird hormones, weird periods, the fact that it's impossible to lose weight.

My son is going to be 8 in April. This site is my support. I need it. Don't hurt me. Be nice.

Don't bash me because I eat weight watchers frozen meals twice a day. You would too if you were trying to run a household and raise a son by yourself, work 50 hours a week and trying to study for a career change.

Don't bash me because I'm frightened that I will stop eating again.

Don't bash me or anyone else for trying to do their best.

Love,
Alex
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Replies

  • TCASMEY
    TCASMEY Posts: 1,405 Member
    AMEN!
  • badgerbadger1
    badgerbadger1 Posts: 954 Member
    :yawn:

    Seriously? This again?
  • dragonfiel
    dragonfiel Posts: 7
    I agree with ya 100%
  • sarahgilmore
    sarahgilmore Posts: 572 Member
    Be nice?

    What's nice about seeing someone going down a path of long-term failure and ill health and NOT trying to get some sense into them before it's too late?
  • AlmstHvn
    AlmstHvn Posts: 376 Member
    Beautifully said. When you're already feeling insecure and vulnerable, the least thing can derail you.
  • MaryB2
    MaryB2 Posts: 331 Member
    I know you just recently joined so I'll tell you that most people on here will really try to be helpful. I'm sorry you got such mean responses but don't let that make you gve up on asking for help.
  • skinnyma1974
    skinnyma1974 Posts: 15
    I really think mean and cruel people should just quit. they are really mean. Good luck and know you can do it
  • d2footballJRC
    d2footballJRC Posts: 2,684 Member
    I agree with you on a lot of this. This has to be said though, if you have vodka salads daily that most likely isnt helping the problem :-)
  • dchris99
    dchris99 Posts: 56 Member
    "Beautifully said. When you're already feeling insecure and vulnerable, the least thing can derail you. "

    Exactly, there are many bigger issues when people are trying to lose weight.
  • LGOllie
    LGOllie Posts: 37 Member
    I know you just recently joined so I'll tell you that most people on here will really try to be helpful. I'm sorry you got such mean responses but don't let that make you gve up on asking for help.

    I agree! Most people are caring and helpful! I just know you are going to make many nice friends! Ignore the ugly and keep moving forward!
  • saragato
    saragato Posts: 1,154
    Be nice?

    What's nice about seeing someone going down a path of long-term failure and ill health and NOT trying to get some sense into them before it's too late?

    I believe the phrase "you catch more flies with honey than vinegar" applies here. You can be informative and make the person aware of their errors without being mean or berating them. Sure there are times when we'd all like to yell, but given this is a community meant for support and help, not nagging, it's better to bite your tongue than to upset someone.
  • ROCKERFOREVER81
    ROCKERFOREVER81 Posts: 109
    Don't worry about the trolls, don't let their negative energy affect your goals. You can do it and no one will stop you. Take care and hugs for you :)
  • amandaepope
    amandaepope Posts: 15
    WELL SAID ALEX, and you did it with love too!
  • Hungry_Tuna
    Hungry_Tuna Posts: 361 Member
    Beautifully said. When you're already feeling insecure and vulnerable, the least thing can derail you.

    I agree with this. Thank you for posting that. It IS a support site, not sure why people have been so mean these days. It's sad.
  • millionsofpeaches
    millionsofpeaches Posts: 372
    I feel for you and people can be harsh. Just try not to take it seriously... Focus on the positive and not the negative.

    One thing I will say regarding your post... I would not say that you doubt that there are any doctors or nutritionists on this site. I am friends with a nutritionist who uses this site and have seen multiple posts from doctors, nurses, and nutritionists.

    Regardless... Anything that is posted on here should be taken with a grain of salt and it is not written in stone. Advice is different than fact. So, while you may look for support on here it is important to remember that in the end following what your doctor tells you is what is best for you. If you solicit advice from people on this site then you have to be prepared to hear the answers. People aren't always going to type back what you want to hear. It doesn't mean that you have to listen to them but you can't get upset when they are honest. To me, eating 800 calories a day seems low. But you seem confident in what you are doing so why do you care what others say? Then again... That is just my advice.
  • jazzalea
    jazzalea Posts: 412 Member
    Be nice?

    What's nice about seeing someone going down a path of long-term failure and ill health and NOT trying to get some sense into them before it's too late?

    I agree.... Sometimes supporting someone means opening their eyes to a tip or a trick or a personal experience.

    But No one has the right to bash someone else's attempt. They can either explain their own personal concerns or shut up.... There is no one answer and the dumbest things work for different people....
  • JayneWilson1963
    JayneWilson1963 Posts: 543 Member
    Be nice?

    What's nice about seeing someone going down a path of long-term failure and ill health and NOT trying to get some sense into them before it's too late?

    I believe the phrase "you catch more flies with honey than vinegar" applies here. You can be informative and make the person aware of their errors without being mean or berating them. Sure there are times when we'd all like to yell, but given this is a community meant for support and help, not nagging, it's better to bite your tongue than to upset someone.

    This..well said
  • HMonsterX
    HMonsterX Posts: 3,000 Member
    You will learn to notice the difference between mean trolls, and brutally honest peeps trying to help. It seems you may be grouping them together atm.

    If you were doing something you didnt know was dangerous, would you rather we just said "yay, go for it" when we know its dangerous, or that we actually told you the truth?

    Some people really dont like harsh truths.
  • Bikini27
    Bikini27 Posts: 1,290 Member
    Here for you, sister!
    I have dealt with similar things in health and I understand how you look for the nice ways to say things to open people's eyes.
    There is being helpful and there is being a jerk. Sometimes the line is thin. But we, as human beings, need to learn to communicate effectively and snide comments are not effective.

    XOX
    Meg
  • DaniJeanine
    DaniJeanine Posts: 473 Member
    I am so sorry that people are being mean to you--especially the ones above who posted rude things on this very post. I agree with you 100%. If people have negative thoughts they should keep them to themselves instead of intentionally voicing them to belittle others. They should be ashamed. You should be proud that you've reached a level of awareness where you recognize your problem, and are taking active steps and seeking support to get through it. Good luck with your journey back to wellness :-)
  • Zaffy01
    Zaffy01 Posts: 28 Member
    Be nice?

    What's nice about seeing someone going down a path of long-term failure and ill health and NOT trying to get some sense into them before it's too late?

    I believe the phrase "you catch more flies with honey than vinegar" applies here. You can be informative and make the person aware of their errors without being mean or berating them. Sure there are times when we'd all like to yell, but given this is a community meant for support and help, not nagging, it's better to bite your tongue than to upset someone.


    100% this
  • 1ConnieR
    1ConnieR Posts: 1
    Trolls; as you call them are to be pitied as thier lives are so sorry they have to put others down to try and make themselves look better, little do they know they only emphasize thier flaws. You go girl, you are doing the right thing and will be a great example to your child how even in the face of diversity you don't give up. God Bless you.
  • PeaceLoveVeggies
    PeaceLoveVeggies Posts: 673 Member
    This is not going to end well.
  • d2footballJRC
    d2footballJRC Posts: 2,684 Member
    Things may seem rude, sometimes they need to be said. If words on a message board is going to derail someone there is a lack of proper attitude. Do this for yourself, don't let words rule your life. Listen to them because sometimes the rude things may sting but carry some truth to them. I hope I haven't said anything rude in this thread as all I've done is be completely honest. This is a battle against the bulge, there is no prisoners. You have to be tough and hardened to make it through the journey. You are going to have to show restraint, a thick skin, and more to make it to the end. That is why so many quit and then yo-yo back. You can do this, push yourself as you control what you are feeling, you can shape how you are feeling.
  • pmad37
    pmad37 Posts: 105 Member
    well said...all of you!
  • AlbertPooHoles
    AlbertPooHoles Posts: 530 Member
    1. I doubt any member on here is a doctor or nutritionist.
    2. I highly doubt that we all know each other personally-- and we don't know each others past or diet history.
    Which is why one should not complain about the responses received in a public forum.
  • Emellon
    Emellon Posts: 36 Member
    Be nice?

    What's nice about seeing someone going down a path of long-term failure and ill health and NOT trying to get some sense into them before it's too late?


    There's a world of difference between offering helpful, encouraging advice/comments and being a total asshat who thinks they know everything. Get over yourselves and if you can't say anything positive, don't say anything at all. Trolls belong on 4Chan, not MFP.
  • Qarol
    Qarol Posts: 6,171 Member
    trolls=disagreement

    got it

    wait, what?
  • Mcgrawhaha
    Mcgrawhaha Posts: 1,596 Member
    some people honestly feel that they know everything thats best for everyone. in reality, i know many doctors who put some over weight patients on 1200 calorie a day diets, and they have been quite successful! just because something doesnt work for them, doesnt mean it wont work for you. there is nothing wrong with eating weight watchers meals... IF THATS WHATS WORKING FOR YOU!!! its your journey, and the majority of us are here on our own journeys and want to use that time to give help, as well as recieve it! ignore the trolls, the know it alls, and the girls who can only feel good about themselves when putting others down... high school was way too long ago to stoop to thier level! in the mean time, do your best, do what feels right for your body, and listen to your body, if its not happy, believe me, it will let you know! good luck, and god bless!
  • rpantusa
    rpantusa Posts: 267 Member
    I have seen some of this in the message boards as well, and i can not believe that some people are so rude. its because some people just think they know it all, and they think everyone wants their negative opinions, when actually we are just here for support. I have learned that people like that will always be that way, so you should just ignore them, and just talk to the people that are giving you good advice. If it is really bad, report them, and 3 strikes and they are out. Good luck on your journey, you can do it! :wink:
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