Ever been told by a friend that you will never be THAT skinn

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crazybeautifulkittie
crazybeautifulkittie Posts: 86 Member
in Motivation and Support
It freaking pisses me off when people say, "oh you look fine the way you are" or "you'll be too skinny at that weight". I happened to me recently, and one of my best friends pointed at a size 4 girl and said to me, "Look you'll never be that skinny so stop trying to lose weight". I mean my goal weight is within my ideal BMI. What gives them the right to say that I will NEVER be that weight. Has this ever happened to anyone? If so what was your reaction. Am I right to be angry? Because that's what I am, I'm angry. I know she is just concerned, but that remark just came off as callous. And now I want to be skinner even more.
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Replies

  • SergeantSunshine_reused
    SergeantSunshine_reused Posts: 5,382 Member
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    All the time! People wanting me to stop losing or ill blow away with a big gust of wind or something -.-
    I usually try not to show it, but it makes me angry.
  • missfluffyuk
    missfluffyuk Posts: 245
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    I'm guilty of saying to my bestie that she'll never be THAT skinny... When I see stupidly thin celebs on TV :grumble: I also tell her that the reason she won't be that skinny is because if she was I'd force feed her until she got some meat on her bones :laugh:

    She laughs, smacks me one, and tells me that she bloody well doesn't want to be, because then she couldn't eat any of my cooking experiments.
  • Beezil
    Beezil Posts: 1,677 Member
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    Yeah... It got old really fast with people telling me I was wasting away to nothing or telling me I looked sickly or too skinny. I'm sure some people do it out of jealousy to be malicious, but I do think most people were saying that stuff because they were maybe worried about me or trying to be caring. Some people are just oblivious to how rude they're being.
  • sebrat
    sebrat Posts: 31 Member
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    I had an ex boyfriend come up to me a few years ago when I first dropped my weight. When we dated, I was around 200-220 lbs. When he saw me again, I was around 15-=170. I remember I was wearing the size 12s that I had worn in High School (I was 25 at the time).

    I was at the right weight for my height. He said I looked like an anorexic with no tits. I told him there was a reason we weren't still together. Its been 10 years and I STILL remember that.
  • daydream58
    daydream58 Posts: 572 Member
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    Sounds to me like your friend can't handle you being A) skinnier than her or B) as skinny as she is.

    I don't buy the people are "concerned" excuse one bit. If your goal is in the HEALTHY range (near the top of your BMI as even I think the bottom of the BMI is a little too skinny looking unless you're very tone and buff) I mean I could see if you wanted to go under your healthy range, but ya - this sounds like simple jealousy to me.

    You find that your friends and even family have you slotted into a "role" and if you change your role (from chubby or fat friend, or even "bigger-than-me-at-least" friend to equal or skinner than, suddenly THEY are uncomfortable with their new role that you forced them into and that means they have to adjust or make a change themselves.
  • EliseEternity025427
    EliseEternity025427 Posts: 31
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    People get jealous of progress, especially dedication achieved progress. Often people will say they are loosing weight, but arent. When someone actually does put in the effort and gets progress, these peopel get angry and jealous becuase they expect to loose weight too without a hint of dedication.

    I have a sister a bit like that. she gets angry as soon as I mention Im at the gym, of out for a run or when I mention dress sizes. She blows up and ses Im too skinny or why do i need to be at the gym?

    Really annoys me. But I just accept her jealousy as a compliment.
  • skarr28
    skarr28 Posts: 98
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    Interesting enough, my best friend is the only one who does this to me. She's 5'7 and recently lost a lot of weight (she's now about 245 lbs). But she's always been unnecessarily mean to "skinny girls". Fiercely insuting even teenagers!

    She tells me not to get skinny. Gives no reaosn other than it is 'gross". I wonder if she's jealous or has had a bad experience(s) with girls who were "skinny". Because she seems fierce in her disdain for anyone (females only) of that size.

    I've stopped talking to her, because I cannot stand all the insults and sneers she throws at skinny people. And the fact that she tries to sabotage my healthy eating. Which can be hard, as she was very supportive and every other aspect of my life. But, I can't stand ridicule. Even when directed toward others.

    My goal is to feel stronger and be thinner (in healthy bmi). I'm 5'9/5'10 and the extra pounds don't look like much on me. Losing 20 lbs appears like I've only lost 10. So, when I tell people i want to lose about 40 lbs (which can look like 20), I tend to get teh usual, "bt you're not fat, you're just top-heavy/big-boned."

    It's annoying as hell, so I try to keep my fitness details to MFP friends.
  • karishmaroye
    karishmaroye Posts: 19 Member
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    I sooo know what you mean... i was at a bar recently with a bunch of my friends, and one of em was complimenting me on my weight loss (had seen me after 2 months). He asked me what plan i was following and once i was through telling him what i was doing, he started giving me diet advice :noway: (ummmm... hello.. between me n him, i'm the one down 11 kgs, not the one who has been complaining about their weight for the last 7 months while stocking up on noodles for lunch)....

    anyways, after his long speech on what i should and should not be doing to drop the weight, he ends with a "... and most importantly, be realistic about your weight loss... like, you look great now, but cannot be as skinny as that chick over at the other table..." .... WHHHHAAATTTT??? :grumble: anyways... i din even bother looking over my shoulder to who he had his eyes on.... :angry:

    It freaking pisses me off when people say, "oh you look fine the way you are" or "you'll be too skinny at that weight". I happened to me recently, and one of my best friends pointed at a size 4 girl and said to me, "Look you'll never be that skinny so stop trying to lose weight". I mean my goal weight is within my ideal BMI. What gives them the right to say that I will NEVER be that weight. Has this ever happened to anyone? If so what was your reaction. Am I right to be angry? Because that's what I am, I'm angry. I know she is just concerned, but that remark just came off as callous. And now I want to be skinner even more.
  • crazybeautifulkittie
    crazybeautifulkittie Posts: 86 Member
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    Is it horrible that I'm kind of crazy like that and just because they said you will never be "THAT" skinny, that the next time I see them I will be sure to be "THAT" skinny because they have added kerosene to the inferno burning inside of me.
  • lunaluna671
    lunaluna671 Posts: 23
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    I know they made you angry and i would be too but dont listen to them.. Your losing weight for you remember and as long as you dont go below your BMI than you'll look good and feel great. Just do your own thing girlie and dont worry bout what other people say. I dont think you should additional weight but if you decide to than go for it! Throw it in their faces and than treat yourself to a goodie. Dont forget that cocky grin when your throwing it in their faces.
  • LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo
    LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo Posts: 3,634 Member
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    Oh yeah it happened a lot to me when I was still way overweight. Fortunately with all things going for me now, I can now prove it to them. Now these very same people say to me that I'm way too skinny & I'm staring to look anorexic. Since when did a 120 pounder woman who is regularly lifting heavy weights & is in her healthy weight become anorexic??? Geez! :noway:

    Anyway as the above poster said, don't listen to them. They merely do it out of insecurity or jealousy because they themselves don't want to change their bad habits or they have been dieting all along but never got successful & so they want you to "join" them.

    EDIT: sorry I misspelled the word "starting" as in starting to look anorexic.
  • Kymmu
    Kymmu Posts: 1,650 Member
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    It's weird how people feel they can say mean things to thin people,
    but wouldn't dream of saying such hurtful things to a fat one.
    some people are just naturally lean, and that's that.
  • sschmidt928
    sschmidt928 Posts: 39 Member
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    It would be so nice if the people that are supposed to love us the most would actually act like they love us... where's the unconditional support? Also, I'm getting really tired of the "skinny-bashing" I'm seeing everywhere. I am by no means skinny - I have a lot more work to do - but I don't want to have to deal with strangers, or worse, my friends and family, hating on me when I do reach my goal! It's one thing to express concern for a friend who is struggling with an eating disorder, but to be deliberately cruel to a friend who's working hard to get healthier? Never ok.
    Hang in there, sweeties, we have each other.
  • flumpkin9958
    flumpkin9958 Posts: 7 Member
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    Its the same when i gave up smoking. I would have a whole crowd of people who had never benn generous enough to offer me a cigarette when i smoked suddenly offering them all the time once they found outi had stopped. Needless to say, i dont see those people any more, they were the same people who would say "don'tdye your hair dark it won't suit you" or "dont dye your hair blonde it wont suit you".

    Its all fear, your motivation only confirms and highlights their lack of it and seeing yoy change, improve or whatever makes them mad....not really at you, at themselves!

    you carry on, feel great and leave them behind if you have to. You will find people who are more like-mnded and positive as time goes on. Its not about being thin or anything, just about positive steps.

    Good luck!
  • randa_behnam
    randa_behnam Posts: 488 Member
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    i once had a so called best friend who told me to "aim lower" when looking at guys....harsh,

    but now iv found myself a wonderful boyfriend whos drop dead gorgeous and she can eat her words!!!
  • fightingforfiftyfive
    fightingforfiftyfive Posts: 76 Member
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    all the f****** time!! Drives me crazy! It drives me harder everyday because I am proving them all wrong! Can't wait to reach my goal weight and make them eat their words!
  • fightingforfiftyfive
    fightingforfiftyfive Posts: 76 Member
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    Is it horrible that I'm kind of crazy like that and just because they said you will never be "THAT" skinny, that the next time I see them I will be sure to be "THAT" skinny because they have added kerosene to the inferno burning inside of me.

    sounds exactly like me! Well put!!
  • rsmithy89
    rsmithy89 Posts: 174 Member
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    I was told that I cant look like Brad Pitt from Fight Club. I said back to the guy give me time and I will look BETTER than Brad Pitt from Fight Club :D
  • Lizi19
    Lizi19 Posts: 180 Member
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    Now I feel guilty. I told someone that they would never be "that skinny" like Keira Knightley. I kinda meant it as a compliment. They have boobs and a butt, so their skinniest will be thicker than Keira Knightley, but much hotter. I hope they didn't take it the wrong way, and I need to work on my tact and phrasing. Maybe your friend kinda meant it like I did?
  • annrum
    annrum Posts: 144
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    Not by a friend, but my mother has said to me "You'll never be as skinny as your sister". To a certain extent, I suspect she's right, my sister & I are of a similar height (she's slightly shorter) but I have much broader shoulders and wider hips than she does, so I think I'm always going to be perceived as bigger.
    Amusingly from my perspective, my sister has put on weight recently & so we may well "swap" weights! I only need to drop another dress size to be the same dress size as her anyway :smile:

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