A coworker asked me if I was pregnant!!!
annaliza
Posts: 809
:sad: :sad: :sad:
I can't believe it. I've worked my *kitten* off (literally) trying to lose weight and one of my insensitive coworkers asked me if I was pregnant.
I told him no, that I was just fat.
That really hurt my feelings. Now I just can't stop the tears because I've worked so hard to get where I'm at so far. I know I have a long road to go, but sheesh, there's no need to be insensitive.
:sad:
I can't believe it. I've worked my *kitten* off (literally) trying to lose weight and one of my insensitive coworkers asked me if I was pregnant.
I told him no, that I was just fat.
That really hurt my feelings. Now I just can't stop the tears because I've worked so hard to get where I'm at so far. I know I have a long road to go, but sheesh, there's no need to be insensitive.
:sad:
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Replies
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I had something like that happen to me too - it just gave me more motivation to keep working hard....0
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Might he have had other motivation to ask (maybe you were looking tired?) because you've lost a good bit of weight! It could not be because of your appearance (or were you wearing one of those tops that looks a little "blousy"?).
Or, (and I think this is the most likely) he wasn't thinking! Sometimes people say stupid things. You are doing great, please don't take his comment to heart. Don't give it more thought - he made a mistake, and you are shrinking!
Recently, a guy in line at Starbucks asked me if "Will this be your first?" while pointing at my stomach!!!! I was wearing one of those baby doll style tops (with a tank underneath) and I promptly replied "No!" and then lifted the baby doll top to reveal there was nothing there. Then I felt like an idiot for pulling my top up, but HE should have felt like an idiot for saying that!!! Sometimes people don't think. That is a sensitive question in general - I NEVER assume, not even if they look 9 months along!
Keep working at it, this comment means nothing to your weight loss success!
:flowerforyou:0 -
"Or, (and I think this is the most likely) he wasn't thinking! Sometimes people say stupid things. You are doing great, please don't take his comment to heart. Don't give it more thought - he made a mistake, and you are shrinking! "
Thats most likely the answer, as men we arent always the greatest at thinking before we open our mouths. Maybe he's just an *kitten* hole, thats another common man disease.0 -
"Or, (and I think this is the most likely) he wasn't thinking! Sometimes people say stupid things. You are doing great, please don't take his comment to heart. Don't give it more thought - he made a mistake, and you are shrinking! "
Thats most likely the answer, as men we arent always the greatest at thinking before we open our mouths. Maybe he's just an *kitten* hole, thats another common man disease.
:laugh:0 -
alot of people are just stupid
alot of people are clueless
alot of people don't think before opening their mouth
ignore them
allow them to be wrong
allow them to be stupid
do not give them the power to affect how you feel
you are here so that means you want to do something positive
focus on the good
ignore the bad or use it to move forward
hang in there0 -
Look at his comment on the bright side. As women we tend to lose weight around the middle last. His comment might just mean that you've gotten a lot smaller everywhere else. But don't worry, keep trying and your middle will go. Good Luck.0
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alot of people are just stupid
alot of people are clueless
alot of people don't think before opening their mouth
ignore them
allow them to be wrong
allow them to be stupid
do not give them the power to affect how you feel
you are here so that means you want to do something positive
focus on the good
ignore the bad or use it to move forward
hang in there
:drinker: Well said0 -
OMG! I actually just did a forum on this...I have had this happen to me since I was 17...and I am 27 now!!! I had customers (I'm a bank teller), co workers, friends, family members, people in the grocery stores, etc ask me. I have had people argue with me when I told them no...I have had it all. i have cried one too many times over it :sad: and I cant stand when people ask. NO ONE should ever ask a woman this. Unless you know FOR A FACT you shouldnt do it. :mad: (you better hear the woman say something about her pregnancy or her just come out and tell you)
All I can say is keep working at it. watch what you wear b/c I have found that certain things make it worse (i know you shouldnt have to do this, but its just something you might have to do) and dont be afraid to say something to those that say things about you looking pregnant. I just finally reached a point where I didnt care to make those people feel horrible. I will tell them no, but continue to tell them that how dare they make that comment. what gives them the right to say something to me about how I look not knowing...how they just should not ask a woman this and I have even made them feel bad by coming out and telling how bad they have made me feel and with my customers...I still have some that years ago said things and I have yet to fogive them for it. I have even told them that I have lost a lot of respect for them and I still hold a grudge for what they have said. Hoping that this will make them think before they ask.
Keep your head up and keep working hard and just love yourself and be happy with the success you have made. You are a gem and can only please yourself; no one else. So dont expect anything more from others...they are all idiots. LOL :laugh:
Good luck!!!!0 -
I had that happen to me last year. It was a guy (surprise). To make things worse, it was someone that I knew and he was doing it just to be mean. I use that every day as incentive to get out there and bust my *kitten* and make a change. One time a group of girls that I had gone to high school with said "Have you seen Shannon? How can you not, she's huge!" not realizing that my father and I were standing right there. I was hurt. I was furious. And it motivated me to get out every day and work. That's probably not the healthiest motivator, but it's one of many when I feel my willpower flagging.
People are *kitten*. Use their comments to fuel your motivation.:flowerforyou:0 -
I was sitting in church this past sunday and my daughter poked my fat roll behind my arm and asked "whats that mommy":grumble::embarassed:
I have since tried to explain to her that Im trying to loose weight. She asked "why are you trying to loose your WAIST". I laughed and said Im trying to loose fat so my heart will be healthy.
Kids are cruel.....but honest.0 -
"Or, (and I think this is the most likely) he wasn't thinking! Sometimes people say stupid things. You are doing great, please don't take his comment to heart. Don't give it more thought - he made a mistake, and you are shrinking! "
Thats most likely the answer, as men we arent always the greatest at thinking before we open our mouths. Maybe he's just an *kitten* hole, thats another common man disease.
LMAO:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: I was wondering what my boss was suffering from....0 -
Anna, your comment was direct and honest and I applaud you for taking that stance. Feel what you feel about it but don't allow it to change your course. Those type of comments show us just how committed we are to accomplishing our goals and can motivate us to kick it up another notch or to be more consistent where we are lagging.
I have had this happen to me as well and it hurt something awful (especially since I thought I was looking good
), but what I learned to do is instead of taking it out on the offender (who 9 x out of 10, intentions were not to harm) and getting mad at them, to look at myself for real. My body should not be looking this way unless I AM pregnant so what do I need to do to ensure that I'm not mistaken for a pregnant woman. I may not be in control of what people say, but I am in control of the ammunition that I provide them to say what they say.
I'm the one who got me looking like I look, so if someone ask me am I pregnant, (once I get pass the sting) then I use that as my other mirror that I can't fool myself into seeing something that's not there. Not saying that this will work for everyone but this is how I learned to deal with the comments. Not everyone is cold and callous and out to intentionally hurt.
Be encouraged my sister and take what was designed to hurt and use it to make something good happen.0 -
i'm continually and pleasantly surprised at the gracious support thos community provides.
Listen to these people. That person at work, spoke before he thought. Had his momma been there she wouldn't have probably slapped him in the back of his head. "Thoughtless" happens a lot. A while back I was playing with a little girl on my son's playground and she asked me, "why do you have such a big bottom?" I was mortified! I didn't know what to say, so I changed the subject. Many adults don't mentally develop that prefrontal cortex skill of filtering commentary. They don't always mean for it to hurt our feelings and even if they do, the best thing to do is not take it personally. Keep your goal in mind and you'll achieve your desired health level.0 -
I had someone ask me that at a wedding last summer while I had wine in my hand. I wanted to say something snarky like, "Are you really that unobservant or are you just stupid." I held my tongue but it still hurt and pissed me off. People just don't think before they open their mouths sometimes.0
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Dont worry about it sweety Is okay you know what you are doing and how hard you working on your weight lost. Just pick yourself up dust and brush your shoulders and keep on going. I have lost 33lbs and It just now taking ppl to say wow you loosing weight. At first My co workers and family didnt recognize it it took 33lbs just to get you loosing weight no s.hi.t. Im like really :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: *shrugs*0
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Just smile sweetly and say "What makes you ask??" Nothing shuts people up and makes them feel stupid faster than giving them an opportunity to put the other foot in their mouth while they try and explain their stupidity.....
on the other hand,. they might have answered with something like "You have been eating so healthy lately, that I thought you had a really good reason...." Sometimes dumb comes from a place we never though of at all0 -
i'm continually and pleasantly surprised at the gracious support thos community provides.
Listen to these people. That person at work, spoke before he thought. Had his momma been there she wouldn't have probably slapped him in the back of his head. "Thoughtless" happens a lot. A while back I was playing with a little girl on my son's playground and she asked me, "why do you have such a big bottom?" I was mortified! I didn't know what to say, so I changed the subject. Many adults don't mentally develop that prefrontal cortex skill of filtering commentary. They don't always mean for it to hurt our feelings and even if they do, the best thing to do is not take it personally. Keep your goal in mind and you'll achieve your desired health level.
When I was a kid, my mother was overweight, maybe even obese, and I can clearly remember the day when a little kindergarten aged boy asked her, "Why are you so fat?". Unflinchingly, she answered, "Because I eat too much, and if you eat too much, that food is stored on your body as fat." It was very matter of fact, and she just answered and moved on.
It was a totally appropriate response for a 5 year old, and she gave the comment no negative quality. She just answered a question with a factual answer. No embarrassment. No apologies. I still remember my feeling embarassed when the question was asked, yet feeling proud of her by the way she answered.
:flowerforyou:
We really do control our feelings, and can either give merit to what others say, or we can dismiss it.0 -
I've had it happen too.Use it as motivation and wait for his next compliment!!0
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I haven't had that happen but something similar. A few years ago I worked at a high end grocery store. A lady I use to work with (somewhere else) came into the store. She recognized me and came to say hi and said "Boy you sure are getting big." And she was shaking her head when she said it in a dissaproving way. Her comment did not come from stupidity just lack of compassion, especially considering she has struggled with her weight too. It made me feel horrible. However, I didn't use it to motivated me and ended up gaining even more weight.
I think in your case he just put his foot in his mouth and didn't intend any harm. Either way YOU KNOW how hard you have been working and how far you have come. Don't let his big mouth hinder the progress you continue to make and the confidence you are earning.:flowerforyou:0 -
Wow, thanks so much for the support everyone!!! I never expected such a warm and wonderful response from people. I know it seems silly, but I started crying reading people's responses. Those words were so thoughtful and kind.
The thing is, I thought I looked great today lol. I wore a short skirt to show off my legs (since I thought they looked amazing) so I think that's why it hurt me so much. Maybe I'm not ready for this tight shirt LOL (but I thought curves were popping out every where on me) though I did wear a jacket over it.
But...I did go home for lunch and my husband told me that I looked sexy - which brightened my day.
Thanks everyone for the kind words. I really needed to hear them. I love the people at MFP!!0 -
alot of people are just stupid
alot of people are clueless
alot of people don't think before opening their mouth
ignore them
allow them to be wrong
allow them to be stupid
do not give them the power to affect how you feel
you are here so that means you want to do something positive
focus on the good
ignore the bad or use it to move forward
hang in there
I completely agree.
I was in the grocery store when I was 16 and the lady behind me at the checkout register says 'how far along are you?' I said "excuse me?" and she says "you're pregnant, right?" and of course I said no, I'm just fat. I was so embarassed that someone actually asked, I just thought I was a little chunky at the time. Who actually asks teenagers this stuff? Needless to say it totally shot apart my self esteem.
Looking back I wish I wouldn't have let that lady (who was bigger than me btw) get to me.
Don't let the co-worker get to you. I think you're absoluetly beautiful. :flowerforyou:0 -
i'm continually and pleasantly surprised at the gracious support thos community provides.
Listen to these people. That person at work, spoke before he thought. Had his momma been there she wouldn't have probably slapped him in the back of his head. "Thoughtless" happens a lot. A while back I was playing with a little girl on my son's playground and she asked me, "why do you have such a big bottom?" I was mortified! I didn't know what to say, so I changed the subject. Many adults don't mentally develop that prefrontal cortex skill of filtering commentary. They don't always mean for it to hurt our feelings and even if they do, the best thing to do is not take it personally. Keep your goal in mind and you'll achieve your desired health level.
When I was a kid, my mother was overweight, maybe even obese, and I can clearly remember the day when a little kindergarten aged boy asked her, "Why are you so fat?". Unflinchingly, she answered, "Because I eat too much, and if you eat too much, that food is stored on your body as fat." It was very matter of fact, and she just answered and moved on.
It was a totally appropriate response for a 5 year old, and she gave the comment no negative quality. She just answered a question with a factual answer. No embarrassment. No apologies. I still remember my feeling embarassed when the question was asked, yet feeling proud of her by the way she answered.
:flowerforyou:
We really do control our feelings, and can either give merit to what others say, or we can dismiss it.
Your mom rocks! what a great way to handle that situation, we had a foster child (4) ask a lady in a wheelchair why she had no legs, I just cringed, but she answered, "I was in a car accident and wasn't wearing my seatbelt...you always wear your seatbelt, right? because you love to run and play, and wearing it will keep you safe" I almost cried.0 -
Wow, thanks so much for the support everyone!!! I never expected such a warm and wonderful response from people. I know it seems silly, but I started crying reading people's responses. Those words were so thoughtful and kind.
The thing is, I thought I looked great today lol. I wore a short skirt to show off my legs (since I thought they looked amazing) so I think that's why it hurt me so much. Maybe I'm not ready for this tight shirt LOL (but I thought curves were popping out every where on me) though I did wear a jacket over it.
But...I did go home for lunch and my husband told me that I looked sexy - which brightened my day.
Thanks everyone for the kind words. I really needed to hear them. I love the people at MFP!!
If you felt like you looked great and your hubby said you did....(sexy is a great word) then let that be it.
you are beautiful and I think only idiots and those that wish they could have what you have speak without thinking. There are too many poeple in the world who love you and think you look great to let just one person affect that negative body image. Hope you have a much better day!!!0 -
Completely off topic - but I just had to mention that my name is Shannon and from the looks of your signature you're a band teacher - and so was I for many years. Just found that ironic!
To the original post - SCREW HIM. Really! You KNOW you're busting your butt. You KNOW you're losing weight and fitting into your clothes better and looking better so please don't let a jerk like that burst your bubble. Congrats on your weight loss! Keep it up!!
Edit: Oops! I was attempting to quote Euphanasia and apparently didn't - which is why the first part probably makes no sense right now.
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