scared of my target weight

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10stonemeplz
10stonemeplz Posts: 6
in Health and Weight Loss
I started at 218 pounds and got down to 152 pounds and was very very happy, I went to see family and when I walked in instead of getting the reaction I expected I was told that I had lost to much and I had taken it to far! how ever my bmi would be 25 at 147

140 had been my target for ever and I felt amazing but they totally removed my confidence

since then I have struggled to maintain my loss and have gone up to 170

I think part of it comes from their comments. How can I get back on track!

Replies

  • Terasome
    Terasome Posts: 3,808 Member
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    Im sorry your family were so negative. Perhaps they are used to seeing you at your previous weight and now it seems to them you have lost too much when in reality you are looking after yourself properly and are healthy. It takes a bit to get used to and some people dont handle change very well.

    Who are you doing this for? You or them? They will get used to it over time.

    Build yourself back up, be comfortable with what you are doing and you will succeed. Give yourself some goals and get back on your horse.

    Only you can make yourself feel inferior!!
  • vonnywaft
    vonnywaft Posts: 182
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    Don't let other people dictate what's right for you. maybe people are jealous, or just surprised to see you looking so slim. families often do this to us, they criticise and judge us and make us feel rubbish no matter what we do. Perhaps learning to stand up for yourself a little would be helpful, so that instead of reacting to their comments by eating more and gaining back the weight you learn to assertively say how hurt you are by such unhelpful comments. They have no right to sabotage you this way, you had done really really well and you will get back on track. Do this for you, not for them.
  • MrsSpinks
    MrsSpinks Posts: 274 Member
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    People always say others have gone too far when they have been used to seeing them so much larger! 10 Stone is a perfectly healthy weight and on any woman, is not too small!! You need to aim for the size YOU are comfortable with! Put their comments out of your mind and concentrate on what will make you happy! My step mum recently told me I looked 'gaunt' and had done enough, even though in the time I have known her, I have been much smaller!! It's just because she was used to seeing me with a bit of chub in my cheeks throughout my pregnancy (where I gained 40lbs of fat!). Goals should always be personal and not about what others think or want for you! Good luck with whatever you decide to do!x
  • jessicasloan91
    jessicasloan91 Posts: 184 Member
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    Omg I feel like this is happening to me too recently.. people keep telling me I've gone to far and to eat more.. and I'm finding myself eating more :(
  • 10stonemeplz
    10stonemeplz Posts: 6
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    thanks everyone, I am determined to end this day within my calorie limit!
  • caligirl2802
    caligirl2802 Posts: 232 Member
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    First of all congratulations on an amazing accomplishment, losing the weight and getting to your goal

    I have gone from 283 and I'm currently down to 178, which still clasifies me as being "overweight".... I have a lot of very supportive people around me, however when they ask how much more weight I want to lose and I tell them another 38lbs (which puts me at the higher end of my BMI) they also say similar things such as "oh thats too much" or "you'll be too skinny".... I just think that people who have gotten used to seeing you at a certain size don't adjust well to the change.

    Remember you are doing this for YOU and not for anyone else.... do what makes YOU feel good, get to a weight that YOU are happy with, because at the end of the day it is YOU that is important.

    On a side note however, I do fear reaching my goal weight, and thats because to some degree I feel like this weight loss journey has defined who I am over the last two years, and once I get to maintenance level will I be able to stop.

    Good luck to you with continuing on your journey xx
  • ludogx87
    ludogx87 Posts: 286 Member
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    tell them to shhhhhhhhhhhh..... did u feel "too skiny" at this weight, am guessing no.
    so ignore them, they might be jealous your looking better than them :) xx
  • angiebabes84
    angiebabes84 Posts: 31 Member
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    i know its disheateneing, but im not sure your family are jealous. They are probably just worried. The same thing happened to my mum. She was a good 20 lbs away from what she was told she could be, but her family (not me) were all saying she needed to eat, and stop exercising. It really made he feel bad, but at the end of the day only you know if you are healthy. The thing is when there is such a big change, sometimes people do look too thin, in comparison to what they were like. As long as you are healthy and happy thats all that matters, and after you have been the same steady weight for a while, your family will get used to that! x
  • Amy911Gray
    Amy911Gray Posts: 685 Member
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    I'm pretty scared of my target weight which is to say that I've not seen it since 1982 when people started calling me fat and lazy. See I used to weigh 110 in high school and I wore back then a size 8 and with my all in one girdle I was a very slender size 5. Here's what I think:

    Do your research and talk to your primary care physician. Then ask yourself,...why was my target weight for the longest time ### (I'm assuming you didn't want to go down to double digits). Then remember why you set it there. If after that it seems reasonable and realistic...GO FOR IT...

    My daughter is getting grief for getting her hair cut by her grandmother on her father's side. Grandmother commented in a dry tone, "Why did you cut your hair? I never realized how much you look like your mother." To which my daughter said, "I know. Did you have more to say?"

    My point is that people are people and they see through a filter which to them is reality. We do the best we can with what we have. You are doing a great job that started as a "can I do this" thought. You turned it into your reality. And the great strides you have made will benefit you for the rest of your life.

    GO TEAM CHANGE!!!
  • sandislim
    sandislim Posts: 264
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    I don't know why but family seem to equate weight loss with unhealthiness. I don't know if its jealousy or just geniune concern. As parents we are congratulated when our children put on weight or 'thrive' we are seen to be looking after them. When our children lose weight its not so good, scary even. There is also a lot of pressure on parents to 'spot' anorexia in their children, and notice weight loss or eating patterns.

    I'm not saying this is what your family are doing but often I notice family members are often puzzled by how another person lost weight and stories develop - often with 'she must be starving herself' or 'maybe she's depressed' etc. Of course it could just be old fashioned jealousy, but I think there is concern in there too.

    In any case continue on to your goal. As long as you're not in the underweight bmi, I really don't see any need to worry. It will be hard to continue without their support but sometimes that's what we have to do. They'll probably come round after they get used to the new slim you. :)
  • melsinct
    melsinct Posts: 3,512 Member
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    People will say nasty things or be negative along the way. Unfortunately it happens to most of us and I'd be willing to bet the majority of us who hear these comments don't take the weight loss too far. One of my coworkers started harassing me at 155 pounds that I was "wasting away to nothing." I am 5'7" and per BMI, I am in the normal range (not overweight) when I am under 160 pounds. As you can imagine, at 155 I wasn't exactly wasting away. As long as YOU are confident in how you look, don't let comments from others bother you. They may be jealous, it may make them feel insecure about their own weight, or if they haven't seen you in a while, they may just be startled at the difference. Haters gonna hate. :tongue:
  • irishgirl63
    irishgirl63 Posts: 53
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    It always seems that when you see people for the first time in a long time they seem to think that you may look to skinny..( hasn't happen to me yet, but I've seen this happen to my husband as well as my sister) anyway my thought is if you feel good going down or close to your goal weight then you should strive to get there. After all, no one knows your body better than you......you can listen to what people say but their word is not gospel........Keep up the good work!
  • RenaPink11
    RenaPink11 Posts: 343 Member
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    I would nicely tell them, "thank you for your concerns, but I've worked really hard to be where I am at, my doctor doesn't have any concerns with my goal and what I need from you is support" ................ like everyone else has said, it could be that they are so use to seeing you the other way that it looks more drastic to them then what it really is. Add me to your friends list, I'll be support for you. and a big CONGRATULATIONS to your weight loss :drinker:
  • shellyt1
    shellyt1 Posts: 119
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    Take one day at a time and if you are happy and healthy then that is all that counts. Family see us a certain way and don't see that we are unhappy at the heavy weight. May be by seening you loseing and keeping it off will inspire some of them to join you on the journey! It is a new day so a new beginning!:smile:
  • LadyFaile
    LadyFaile Posts: 60
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    Right now I am obese, but when I've talked with people about my weight they always peg me as a bit overweight at most. Partially this is simply because my frame tends to hide weight and I generally weight at least 20lbs more than I look, but I think culturally we've become accustomed to seeing people heavier. Obese is associated with those that are morbidly obese, and not people that are significantly overweight like myself right now.

    As long as you feel healthy and have plenty of energy, try not to sweat their opinions. Give them some time to adjust to your new look and hopefully they'll come around.
  • Runningirl7284
    Runningirl7284 Posts: 274 Member
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    Im sorry your family were so negative. Perhaps they are used to seeing you at your previous weight and now it seems to them you have lost too much when in reality you are looking after yourself properly and are healthy. It takes a bit to get used to and some people dont handle change very well.

    Who are you doing this for? You or them? They will get used to it over time.

    Build yourself back up, be comfortable with what you are doing and you will succeed. Give yourself some goals and get back on your horse.

    Only you can make yourself feel inferior!!

    Exactly! It is better for you to be healthy than for people to be worried about what other people think!

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