Why are we so Lenient with each other?
venetianz
Posts: 78 Member
Yesterday i watched a tv show about a woman who was over 600lbs. who cant walk or move her own body. I felt sorry for her at 1st until i listened to her talk. i got furious when i heard her saying food is not making her big because she has tried everything and not lost weight, but when a dietitian gave her prepacked food she refused to eat them saying they are not greesy.
I was trying to show my friend the woman on the net that is when i stumbled across a morbidly obese support group, i read 1 story of a woman who is 360lbs and she was complaining that she is always the elephant in the room and everyone was telling her how she is beautiful and she shouldnt say negative things about herself.
Im not skinny, actually i fall under the obese range and I never tried anything to lose weight, i just quit before i could see results, so i have no right to say i tried every diet. And ive come to hate the fact that one gets big and they see they are balooning and when they tell friends and families, they are told that no, you are not that big, you still have a pretty face, u r not as big as the girl next door, etc...
Maybe its about time we tell each other the truth. "If you dont do something about your weight you wont just die early, u will live a miserable life because u want people to feel pity for you, you feel sorry for yourself, you hate yourself and then take it out on food.... then a month later you are 2 pounds larger and you say but i tried" well maybe we need to stop trying and start working, and not just work but work hard enough to see a difference.
It was super hard to being 233lbs after i gave birth, i know the feeling quite well, having to go to the heavy section, where they have one style jean, It took long and work to lose over 30lbs, and i am not intending to gain it back for nobody, not even my psychological issues that make me stuff my face. Maybe we need to listen to plain truths and stop being oversensitive, I used to feel so offended when people would even comment about some1 else who gained a little weight, i used to cry just by looking at my clothes. I am not at the size i want to be, i still have 50lbs to lose. And it makes me really sick that i let myself even gain 1 lbs of fat,
We sit around the whole day, eating unhealthy foods, too lazy to move a muscle even for 10 minutes then we get offended when someone looks suprised that we big. We need to wake up, I dont want to live my entire life stressing about weight my entire life, or the big clothes, I want to enjoy life, i choose to live, Life means working out, eating more fruits, drinking more water and less fizzy drinks, life means being active. I am so angry at women and men who let themselves get so big that they cant even stand, I wish those of us who see that we are overweight can stop trying to lose weight and just do it. Just LIVE, eat an apple like your life is dependant on it, run from butter like it is poison..... well it is to an extend. do a drive thru at a fruit shop. Damn Im mad
I was trying to show my friend the woman on the net that is when i stumbled across a morbidly obese support group, i read 1 story of a woman who is 360lbs and she was complaining that she is always the elephant in the room and everyone was telling her how she is beautiful and she shouldnt say negative things about herself.
Im not skinny, actually i fall under the obese range and I never tried anything to lose weight, i just quit before i could see results, so i have no right to say i tried every diet. And ive come to hate the fact that one gets big and they see they are balooning and when they tell friends and families, they are told that no, you are not that big, you still have a pretty face, u r not as big as the girl next door, etc...
Maybe its about time we tell each other the truth. "If you dont do something about your weight you wont just die early, u will live a miserable life because u want people to feel pity for you, you feel sorry for yourself, you hate yourself and then take it out on food.... then a month later you are 2 pounds larger and you say but i tried" well maybe we need to stop trying and start working, and not just work but work hard enough to see a difference.
It was super hard to being 233lbs after i gave birth, i know the feeling quite well, having to go to the heavy section, where they have one style jean, It took long and work to lose over 30lbs, and i am not intending to gain it back for nobody, not even my psychological issues that make me stuff my face. Maybe we need to listen to plain truths and stop being oversensitive, I used to feel so offended when people would even comment about some1 else who gained a little weight, i used to cry just by looking at my clothes. I am not at the size i want to be, i still have 50lbs to lose. And it makes me really sick that i let myself even gain 1 lbs of fat,
We sit around the whole day, eating unhealthy foods, too lazy to move a muscle even for 10 minutes then we get offended when someone looks suprised that we big. We need to wake up, I dont want to live my entire life stressing about weight my entire life, or the big clothes, I want to enjoy life, i choose to live, Life means working out, eating more fruits, drinking more water and less fizzy drinks, life means being active. I am so angry at women and men who let themselves get so big that they cant even stand, I wish those of us who see that we are overweight can stop trying to lose weight and just do it. Just LIVE, eat an apple like your life is dependant on it, run from butter like it is poison..... well it is to an extend. do a drive thru at a fruit shop. Damn Im mad
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Replies
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It is harsh but true.
Though I believe the only people who can tell you to loose fat are your close friends and family. A random person saying something is rude, since that person has no idea if you are at your heaviest or if you're half the size you used to be and are on your way to a better life.0 -
well maybe we need to stop trying and start working, and not just work but work hard enough to see a difference.
Good idea!!0 -
I wonder how many calories you are burning getting mad? Haha, I am joking. Congrats on losing the weight. I am sure you look and feel great. Unfortunately, we can't tell people what they most likely already know. Even when people tell us we look fine the way we are, we still know better. We still wish we looked different (skinnier) So telling people that they need to stop being a pig and get to working out will probably make them want to pit out more.0
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You know, I completely agree with you! It's ridiculous. You have to know what that weight is doing for you.
But if they don't care, neither do I.0 -
No one ever used to call me fat to my face ... probably afraid I would hit them0
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You make a really good point. The worst enablers tend to be the people who should be the most honest and helpful: friends and family. I have many obese family members, some with really BAD hygiene as well and when I have spoken up, other family members were quick to criticize me and defend the other. I tried to go about it in a nice way (one is my brother) but I would always get shut down, nobody would listen to me. He is only 25, about 6ft and pushing 400 lbs.
MY parents are still in denial or something, he lives at home with them too and they just let him sit in his room, not shower for weeks on end, etc. 0 -
Very nicely said!0
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Maybe its about time we tell each other the truth. "If you dont do something about your weight you wont just die early, u will live a miserable life because u want people to feel pity for you, you feel sorry for yourself, you hate yourself and then take it out on food.... then a month later you are 2 pounds larger and you say but i tried" well maybe we need to stop trying and start working, and not just work but work hard enough to see a difference.
I was just talking about this with someone the other day. I know that I didn't get fat overnight, but sometimes it sure feels that way. Sometimes I really do wish we could tell people that they're gaining weight as easily as we tell them that they're losing it. When I lost 40+ pounds everyone at work was commenting about how I was looking great, and they were even being as crass as to ask me how much I weighed now, how much I had lost, if I was taking diet pills to do so, etc. When I gained the weight back no one said a word to me. I wish some of those people had said something. I really didn't recognize that my weight was slowly creeping back up, and although I probably would have punched someone in the throat for saying it, I wish just one person had said 'Hey you were looking really good a few months ago. Keep it up.'0 -
Welcome to the world in 2012. We have become so "politically correct" that now telling the truth is just wrong or rude. We are expected to tell people what they want to hear and that everyone is a winner. Well, that's just bullcrap. What happened to people being rewarded for effort and hard work. Somehow we twisted the "freedom and right to persue happiness" to "I have a right to be happy". If you want something, set a goal and work to achieve it. This not only applies to weight lose but to every area of our lives. If you are obese, it is only because you are to lazy or sorry to do something about it. Will it be hard, yes! Will it be worth it, heck yeah! Bottom line is, if your fat your fat and if that hurts your little feelings then do something about other than whine and blame it on someone or something else.0
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MY BF half jokingly tells me I'm fat, and i dont take it badly, I am , I did this to myself, not my kids, ME, telling me just makes me want to work harder on not being fat. It's not offensive if you are true to yourself. He is not telling me something I don't need to hear, I am not healthy, I am FAT and I did it to myself. It needs to be said and keeps me way more motivated. I love your post , the way I understand it , you are mad, you are mad that unhealthy people are making poor choices and not taking care of themselves as they should and making excuses for it. Obesity is a problem, look around , look how simple they have made things, eating unhealthy is easy, or kids fundraisers, when do kids ever come home selling fruit? They come home with Chocolate order forms, cookie dough order forms, candy bars.....(those are the 3 order forms I have in my house right now), It may be rude, in society's standards, but it shouldnt be, People have a problem being lied to but only when it won't hurt??....Of course its not pleasant to hear, but I did it, time to take responsibility.
That being said though, I don't know a strangers journey, where they came from, where they have been and what they are doing, so i don't say anything without being asked , but I can tell you if I am asked , I wouldnt be that blunt but I would tell the truth.0 -
Not everybody that is overweight fits your description. Some people do have metabolic issues, take prescriptions that cause them to gain weight, or just have trouble losing weight. I was 454 pounds, I did not have one illness related to being over weight, my BP was 120/70, cholesterol was 129. My PCP said I was the healthiest fat person he knew. I ate healthy for the most part, Do not smoke, casual drinker and was very active (boating, diving, bowling, volleyball, dancing etc). I have been overweight since I was a child. I have been on every diet known to man, the most I have ever lost is 60-80 pounds then it stops. I also work out regularly. I never wanted anyone to pity. There was no reason for pity. I have a very active social life with lots of friends.
I decided to have weight loss surgery to get this weight off once and for all. Even with the surgery it has been a struggle. If I eat over 800-100 calories I gain weight. I watch my diet very close but I am human.
I'm in Fl visiting friends and family and I have had a couple of drinks this week which put me over, but the last time I had a drink was in Oct. So I will have to deal with the consequences.
My point to all this rambling is don't judge someone just because they are overweight. You never know their story or history, Different story if they are stuffing their face full of Frito's and whining....0 -
lol, I see you're mad. I understand your anger, I ALWAYS say, people coddle each other way too much. I would have liked if people, my family mainly, had just told me to lose weight. Feelings will always be with us, even if you hurt someone's feelings, they'll get over it. It's just a matter of saying it in the right way, you know you can be helpful and not hurtful and get a valid point across.0
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Many people can't handle bluntness, now matter how well meaning it is. If this is something that bothers you, ensure that you surround yourself with people who are blunt with you and who can take bluntness in return. I am, for the most part, the same way. I can't stand excuses or reasons why "I can't".
However I realize that I am not the world and that peoples' feelings come into play and I also don't want to tear into someone's feelings inadvertently because I prefer bluntness.
That being said, I think that as a society we need to find our backbone and find our strength.0 -
Not everybody that is overweight fits your description. Some people do have metabolic issues, take prescriptions that cause them to gain weight, or just have trouble losing weight. I was 454 pounds, I did not have one illness related to being over weight, my BP was 120/70, cholesterol was 129. My PCP said I was the healthiest fat person he knew. I ate healthy for the most part, Do not smoke, casual drinker and was very active (boating, diving, bowling, volleyball, dancing etc). I have been overweight since I was a child. I have been on every diet known to man, the most I have ever lost is 60-80 pounds then it stops. I also work out regularly. I never wanted anyone to pity. There was no reason for pity. I have a very active social life with lots of friends.
I decided to have weight loss surgery to get this weight off once and for all. Even with the surgery it has been a struggle. If I eat over 800-100 calories I gain weight. I watch my diet very close but I am human.
I'm in Fl visiting friends and family and I have had a couple of drinks this week which put me over, but the last time I had a drink was in Oct. So I will have to deal with the consequences.
My point to all this rambling is don't judge someone just because they are overweight. You never know their story or history, Different story if they are stuffing their face full of Frito's and whining....
I agree with this. Honestly, you really don't know what the situation is with morbidly obese people. Some of them really do have extenuating circumstances beyond their control. My cousin, for one, must take steroids just so her body can function normally. She had a brain tumor which led to the removal of her pituitary. The nurses had her moving around too soon and she broke her hip. As a result, she is disabled and can't move as well as others. So guess what... steroid plus no exercise makes her morbidly obese. This happened to her at 24 years old, in the prime of her youth!! She had absolutely no control over that, and she lost so much vitality as a result. I don't make excuses for someone who can lose the weight and won't. But honestly, you don't know what someone's situation is and have no place to judge. I love my cousin! And she does everything that she can to lose the weight but she has a lot of limitations, and there is a good chance that she won't ever be thin again. She will spend her entire life fighting the weight, and its NOT her fault, and NO ONE has the right to look down on her because of it!! Sorry, but your post made me a bit angry... think I'll go take it out on my elliptical!0 -
Many people can't handle bluntness, now matter how well meaning it is. If this is something that bothers you, ensure that you surround yourself with people who are blunt with you and who can take bluntness in return. I am, for the most part, the same way. I can't stand excuses or reasons why "I can't".
However I realize that I am not the world and that peoples' feelings come into play and I also don't want to tear into someone's feelings inadvertently because I prefer bluntness.
That being said, I think that as a society we need to find our backbone and find our strength.
Well said.0 -
If a guy I wasn't tight with came up to me and told me I was fat...I'd probably deck him.
You can't expect other people to get you to lose weight, it has to be something that comes from you. It's not other folks responsibility to make me lose weight, it's mine. Support is just that, support.
For myself personally, the people that truly love me and care about my health and well-being aren't the ones that say 'you know you've been getting pretty heavy man, have you thought about losing weight'. They're the ones who don't judge me for how I look now but will jump at the opportunity to go to the gym with me and work out, or train at the dojo, or sign up for a race, or go hiking or skiing. Those are the people that are truly helping me reach my goals.0 -
Welcome to the world in 2012. We have become so "politically correct" that now telling the truth is just wrong or rude. We are expected to tell people what they want to hear and that everyone is a winner. Well, that's just bullcrap. What happened to people being rewarded for effort and hard work. Somehow we twisted the "freedom and right to persue happiness" to "I have a right to be happy". If you want something, set a goal and work to achieve it. This not only applies to weight lose but to every area of our lives. If you are obese, it is only because you are to lazy or sorry to do something about it. Will it be hard, yes! Will it be worth it, heck yeah! Bottom line is, if your fat your fat and if that hurts your little feelings then do something about other than whine and blame it on someone or something else.
Please post this to the 11ty billion daily threads entitled some variation of "people are so mean and rude here".0 -
The majority of people no longer have any room to talk.
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This discussion has been closed.
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