How do you continue when you realize your marriage has crumb

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MissJenn33
MissJenn33 Posts: 131
in Motivation and Support
I will have been married 10yrs this sunday and it means nothing. We got married in a court house on a Tuesday afternoon with no witnesses and he went back to work right after. We had just moved from NY to PA 3 months earlier and I only knew the people I worked with. I was completely alone for the rest of the day. Some wedding. There were always plans to have an actual wedding but that never happened. Not enough money, job changes, then we had our first son two years later. We've been through far too much to get into but went to counseling and things were getting better.

Then this past october he surprised me with a wedding dress for my birthday. I couldn't believe he actually realized how badly I wanted an actual wedding. Three weeks later there was a fight about something ridiculous and he said it was off and the dress was returned. I don't think I will ever be the same. I don't think I will ever trust a promise again. I don't think he will ever realize how badly he tore my heart out. I feel empty.

Replies

  • Shelle68
    Shelle68 Posts: 432 Member
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    I am so sorry to hear this. :( My hug to you! You said this happened in October. How is things going now?

    Ultimately, I would dig down really deep inside and know that I have to do this for me. I am on a path right now of purposely REINVENTING myself. I want to be a totally different person in more ways than just weight. Maybe your husband should be careful! The new you might be more than he can handle!
  • twoosugars
    twoosugars Posts: 18
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    Make your success a belated wedding gift to yourself........

    Get out everyday for some exercise and fresh air,on your walk bring one problem and think it over and don't bring the problem home just the solution.Start with small things that bother you then move up to the big one.

    Good luck.
  • a6ftdiva
    a6ftdiva Posts: 88 Member
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    WOW... seems heartless..

    I too eloped, although I had several family members there. (8)
    but we did not honeymoon and it was a whim to get married that way.

    Ive been married for almost 12 years now and I can honestly say that if we had gotten engaged and waited to get married, It would never have happened.

    I think you should take a deep breath and accept that you made the choice to get married that way the 1st time, and deal with that loss (I harbor bad feelings about it too)

    then move on.

    I know how it is to have you r heart broken, but most guys dont "get" our emotional attachment to ideas and cannot process that it causes us pain, and then anger and then resentment. to him, its just a dress and a vehicle to show he is angry... I doubt that he did it with the intention to crush you.

    Express to him how it made you feel to have the dress taken away, and what it represented to you (the he still loves you and recognizes what you felt was a loss)

    ask him if he still feels like it was the right thing to do (taking the dress back)


    If he still feels that way, maybe its time to step away from him...

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