HELP! Remedial dating advice...

Options
sporadica
sporadica Posts: 133
in Chit-Chat
Hey... so, I'm going to admit to being totally lame here. I've never had a boyfriend. Or a girlfriend for that matter : )
I've never really had any attention from guys for a variety of reasons- I was a late bloomer, being overweight, being unbelievably shy, the list continues on and on...
Anyways, I now find myself at the grand old age of 27 without a CLUE how to deal with male attention, how to show that I'm interested back, how to date. Everything that everyone else learned when they were 12? Yeah, that's me now.
I'm a little less shy than I used to be, which might help... but I still blush. Told ya. Lame.
Please, please help me! Is there anybody else in the same boat?

Replies

  • alaina06
    alaina06 Posts: 10
    Options
    I am in the same boat as you for the same and also different reasons. I was married to a guy - together since high school - now I am 29 and divorced. So essentially, I haven't dated either. It is really weird for me because I have no idea how to do it. I have no idea how to do the things you talked about either. I myself just try to be straight forward and I don't play games.
    I am always up for talking about my experiences - or lack thereof - if you want to talk about it. :)
  • MaximalLife
    MaximalLife Posts: 2,447 Member
    Options
    Given your situation, just be yourself, and have fun.
    No pressure, no drama!
    And don't get serious with anybody up front - date around for a season.

    This can be a glorious time of your life - better late than NEVER!
    And congratulations on your weight loss.
  • sunkisses
    sunkisses Posts: 2,365 Member
    Options
    On the most basic level, smiling and eye contact show a pleasant interest in return. That's all I know about flirting.

    If a guy ever sat down and tried to flirt with me, I feel for him 'cause he'd never know I was interested. I'd be telling him about a camping trip or how the Slurpee was invented or what I know about a hadron collider...which isn't much.
  • Elizabeth_C34
    Elizabeth_C34 Posts: 6,376 Member
    Options
    Given your situation, just be yourself, and have fun.
    No pressure, no drama!
    And don't get serious with anybody up front - date around for a season.

    This can be a glorious time of your life - better late than NEVER!
    And congratulations on your weight loss.

    This.

    Have fun with dating and don't take it all so seriously.
  • AlbertPooHoles
    AlbertPooHoles Posts: 530 Member
    Options
    http://simplycooking.wordpress.com/2008/10/03/how-to-make-a-great-sandwich/
  • christine24t
    christine24t Posts: 6,063 Member
    Options
    Everything that everyone else learned when they were 12? Yeah, that's me now.

    I agree sooo much with this. This is how I explain to people my situation with dating. I'm a really late bloomer too. When everyone was dating in high school, I was studying and hanging out with my family. I'm a senior in college and I've been on one date. Never been kissed either too. I understand where you're coming from.

    I saw my crush in my apartment building on Friday. My roommate talked to him, while I just stood there, so embarrassed. When we got into my apartment my roommate yelled at me for not saying anything.

    It's like I freeze up so bad when I'm around people I like, and I can't talk to them. I don't really have any advice as I'm in the same boat, but you're not alone.
  • sporadica
    sporadica Posts: 133
    Options
    I'd be telling him about a camping trip or how the Slurpee was invented or what I know about a hadron collider...which isn't much.

    I kinda want to know how the Slurpee was invented ; )

    And thanks to everyone else- I am trying to relax into the whole "there are BOYS?!" thing, but like I said, the change in the way men act towards me is still a little overwhelming. To go from absolutely no attention to even a little is nice, but intimidating as well. Because of my age, I guess I'm supposed to be more sophistimicated or something. And I guess it happens a bit for everyone as they start hitting their goal weights and get more confidence.

    And tchristine24? Girl, I feel you. The freeze/blush is intense.
  • jfluchere
    jfluchere Posts: 346 Member
    Options
    Don't trust anyone. Stay away from the flashy guys. Find an ok looking guy who treats you like a queen and turn him into your perfect man.
  • Carl01
    Carl01 Posts: 9,370 Member
    Options
    First off know yourself and what you want,expect and deserve then see if a guy does that.
    He should treat you with respect and class,don`t fall into the wild and exciting bad boy thing,he also likely is irresponsible and unpleasant in the long run.
    Let yourself have fun and make him earn you and then treat him the same as you expect. :smile:
  • valeriebpdx
    valeriebpdx Posts: 499 Member
    Options
    Smiling and touching a man's forearm while he talks to you is the universal signal for "I'm kind of into you, too." Not constantly--don't just lay it there, because that's weird, but many men will understand a quick brush. With engineers and such, you may have to look right at them and say "I like you." But many of them are worth it, including mine. Flirting, in the non-creepiest way possible, is about making other people feel good, being confident enough to show who you are and making them comfortable enough to show who they are. I flirt all the time.

    ETA I must disagree with the concept of "turning" any man into anything. With a lot of love you can sand off some rough edges, but going into any union with the intent to make somebody different is disappointing and depressing for both of you. I would rather have a partner than a project, and I am sure as hell my husband would rather be a partner than a project. He's far from perfect, but I chose him and I love him.
  • Elizabeth_C34
    Elizabeth_C34 Posts: 6,376 Member
    Options
    Don't trust anyone. Stay away from the flashy guys.

    YES. If he seems to good to be true, HE IS.

    Don't fall for the smoozers.

Categories