When "I don't have time" is not just an excuse...

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BReit1
BReit1 Posts: 28
in Motivation and Support
Where to start...well, I'm a mom of 4 kids, I'm a full time student, and I'm out of time. "I don't have time" is always said to be an excuse, but where do I find time when it's not just an excuse? 5:30am M-F I get up, get breakfast going, get my kids up and fed, get my oldest 2 kids rolling with showers, and get them off to school. When the oldest 2 are off to school, I get the younger 2 going with baths/showers, start laundry, tidying up, and when all of that is done, run errands (everything from groceries to doctors appointments). My oldest child has autism. I love him dearly and I'd be lying if I said he doesn't require anymore time or attention than my other 3 children. I live in NW Indiana, but spend time driving between here and Indianapolis (2.5hrs each way) to get my son the help he needs. When I'm not in Indianapolis, I'm on the phone dealing with teachers, special education teachers, supervisors, pharmacies, speech therapists, and the list goes on. If I'm not on the phone with them, I'm meeting in person with them. Those are my afternoons. In the evening, I help my other school aged son with his homework, do the laundry, make dinner, bedtime stories, getting the kids ready for bed, and then when all is quiet, my fiance comes home from work, I give him as much of my time as I can before I start my homework for the evening, by the time I finish that, it's 11:00-11:30pm. The next day it starts again. On the weekends I spend my time catching up on all things that were overlooked during the week due to unforeseen circumstances (which happen quite often in my life), finishing the weeks homework, and most weekends I can find 30mins to exercise. Aside from these things, all but my 4th child are fathered by my ex-husband, who disappeared for 3 years before resurfacing and deciding he wanted to be a part of their lives. So be it, but the "reintroduction" and adjustments for my kids have to be done carefully, as they are all young children, throw autism into the mix, and viola, supervised visits, psychologists, and a lot of time in court. That said, add child support (or lack there of), and pile on more time in court as $30,000 in arrears is kind of important to address when the father suddenly has a desire to be around. After the whirlwind of what I call "return of the bio dad" started, my 3rd child began having serious behavioral issues. I'm working with her psychologist to sort it out, is it behaviorally related to the stress of having this person that hasn't been around resurface, is it bipolar, is it sleep related? We don't know yet, but add neurologist to address possible medical/sleep related cause. To make things even more interesting, I have Grave's disease, requiring medication that makes weight loss more difficult. The medication isn't yet at the right dose and it's somewhat trial and error, now add a lot of time getting blood draws and sitting in an endocrinologists office. Oh and my eyes, that's become an issue too as they are literally moving forward and "bulging", so I am now seeing a surgeon, getting CT scans, and deciding whether or not surgery will be necessary, said surgeon is an hour away. So, someone else be the "judge", lack of time, too much stress, or just an excuse?

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  • UponThisRock
    UponThisRock Posts: 4,522 Member
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    wake up earlier
  • jellobee
    jellobee Posts: 14
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    Your post made me tired! I hear you loud and clear. I work full time, go to school part time, have two teenagers, one of whom has done a complete transformation from a sweet angel to the b*tch from hell, smoking and experimenting with drugs, failing every class, so after hours of talking her down, taking her to the therapist, helping her with homework to get her grades up to a lovely passing D-, I am spent. I know how you feel-it's hard to watch your kid go through those things, but it's frustrating as well.
    I would ignore the "get up earlier" advice. You aren't getting enough sleep as it is, and I can relate. I sleep about the same hours as you do. No, I don't think you are making excuses. I think in time, things will calm down and you will be able to make more time for yourself. I'm not concentrating on exercise right now either. You can count cleaning as exercise, you know. If you aren't doing that, maybe put that time in your exercise tracker so you don't feel that you aren't doing anything. I hope things get better for you in short order. You can add me as a friend if you want.
  • KimmieBrie
    KimmieBrie Posts: 825 Member
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    You have a lot going on right now. I would suggest making your work out one of those daily appointments. If you spend lengthy periods of time on the phone - walk and talk. Or maybe squeeze a 30 minute DVD in the mix during the day. I keep free weights handy in my living room. Whenever I have time - even if it's 5 or 10 minutes I'll pick them up and do a few sets of something.... A physically healthy you makes for a mentally healthier you and that can only help with everything you have on your plate. You are important too. And running around all day every day doing errands is in fact getting up and moving - if that's what you're doing, that isn't inactive.

    Most people I know just don't want to make the time to work out. They say they don't have time but will tell you in detail what happened on last nights hour episode of "insert show name here".

    It doesn't have to be a "formal" workout to be a workout. You do what you can and everybody can do something.
  • sunnydays33
    sunnydays33 Posts: 181 Member
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    I'm sorry, it sounds like you have a lot on your plate. Your post sounds like you are totally overwhelmed, which is the easy thing to do. (sorry to be blunt)

    The hard thing is to find balance. If it were easy, none of us would be here. Here's a few things to think about:

    If you are not in a happy place as a mom/person (healthy) It will be near impossisble to keep all the balls in the air with the rest of life.

    Start where you can: if you CANNOT excercise, you have to be near perfect in your diet (within 1-200 cal). It's possible to even lose weight without excercise. Diet is very important.

    Try getting in a few sessions of working out in 10 min increments. Doing that 3x/day would suffice. Doing squats while folding laundry, calf raises while cooking dinner, jumping jacks while waiting for the kids to shower. You know, little stuff.

    Involove your kids in the workouts. walking, riding bikes, playing games, etc.

    Try to ask for help. Family, friends, neighbors, bf...you can't and aren't expected to do it alone.

    Just like with finances, maybe it's time to re-evaluate on where your time is going. Maybe a few things can be dropped for awhile until you feel you can handle more?

    Hope this helps a little.
  • Munque
    Munque Posts: 123
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    Honey, I feel ya. I have 6 kids, one disabled (traumatic brain injury/left side paralysis) I work full time, my husband works full time and he goes to school at night. We are on a very tight schedule, and I have an "appointment" for workouts. This is what I do to save time, maybe it'll help, maybe not.

    I don't do bedtime stories anymore, the kids read to me while I cook dinner.
    I schedule my workouts after dinner, before baths (usually some of the kids are still eating) and the others are doing chores.
    I have a very meticulous chore schedule, I make it for the whole year so I don't have to waste time delegating.
    If the kids are all done with chores/eating dinner, then excercise is done in the form of Just Dance on the Wii, and they do it too.

    I only work out for about 30min on a good day. There are a lot of people on here that critisize that, but 30 minutes, 15 minutes, 5 minutes is better than nothing.

    Do what you can, keep track of your calorie intake, and don't make yourself too crazy about it.
  • mamamc03
    mamamc03 Posts: 1,067 Member
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    I simply just want to hug you!! Put in an exercise video while the kids are doing homework & supper is cooking. No homework? Have the kids do it with you!! Get a Wii dance game & have fun with it! You are awesome!! Do what you can! Watch your calories, eat clean and exercise when you can. Love ya!!
  • solodancer
    solodancer Posts: 56 Member
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    it sounds to me like no exercise isnt ur problem, maybe the fact that u dont get enough sleep is or maybe ur not eating enough, if ur not gettin enough sleep ur body is too tired to burn energy, u shud eat enough to keep up with ur life style. be careful ur not burning urself out....i no its easy for me to say but try takin it easy for half an hour instead of exercising for half an hour, u will feel more up to ur hectic life style, make 'me' time not exercise time
  • fortydaysrain
    fortydaysrain Posts: 55 Member
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    I can't even begin to understand the list of things on your plate, as I am not a mother. But I did use the "I don't have time" excuse for a long long time. I was working 1 full time job, 2 part time jobs, and I have a freelance business that is booming during wedding season.

    I committed to waking up 20 minutes earlier, and doing a 15 minute workout video (I was doing the Leslie Sansone 15 minute mile video) on the days where I knew I was going to be slammed. I did that 3 times a week, and I'd ATTEMPT to do one weekend day (when I had more time) where I could do 30-45 minutes. It helped me get into a routine, and now I've allowed even more time for myself.
  • ishallnotwant
    ishallnotwant Posts: 1,210 Member
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    I'm totally NOT trying to come in and pick on you, but is that a current pic on your profile? If so i'd be a little cautious to try and lose 30 more pounds...you are pretty darned thin already lady! :flowerforyou:

    Your life sounds very stressful. I do think cardiovascular exercise would be great for your heart...is there any way you can work in some short walks with the kids? maybe don't even start out with once per day, but 2 or 3 times per week? It might actually help your stress level as well...

    I can't even imagine what you must go through on a daily basis. It sounds like you have a ton of stuff on your plate. :heart:

    As for dad coming back into the pic, and having to do reintroductions, etc. it probably seems like this phase is taking forever, and the kids are probably acting out while it goes on, but I promise things will settle down once everyone gets used to things again. I went through it with my littlest 3 girls too. It seemed like h*ll when it was going on, but it is over now and thank goodness everything has settled down, the kids behavior is not all out of whack anymore, and everyone is getting along. This too shall pass. :smile:
  • BReit1
    BReit1 Posts: 28
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    Thank you all for the wonderful suggestions, and really just the support overall. I'm glad that not everyone here feels like I'm just making excuses, even though somedays I feel myself as though I'm making excuses.

    As for the picture, Ishallnotwant, yes, it's fairly current, and thank you for the compliment! I'm getting closer to "the goal" but I'm not there yet and in light of, well, my post, things have kind of "stalled" or plateaued if you will. I'll get it jump started again, just having a hard time doing it as exercise used to be my key to keeping things moving along, and now with everything else going on, all I can rely on most days is my diet and eating habits!

    Munque, you sure have a lot on your plate, too! I'm glad you are able to find the time to work in exercise, in whatever way you can in your lifestyle, that's fabulous! A mother's work is never done, right? And speaking of which, just thought I'd see if anyone read my post and I'm pleasantly surprised with the responses here! Now I must get back to schoolwork. Thank you all again!!!
  • mugsisme
    mugsisme Posts: 127 Member
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    There are little things that you can do that will add up. When you have appointments, park far away. I am usually one of the farthest cars in the lot.

    Make sure you toss healthy snacks into your pocketbook. Almonds, protein bar, some pick me up. If you don't, and you get hungry, you may give in and regret it later.

    Keep the fridge stocked with stables that make dieting/careful eating/whatever you wanna call it/ easy. Keep cut up veggies for munching and quick meals. Have a lot of easy, go to meals with all the supplies. Get your kids in the habit of eating better while they are younger, unlike me whose kids refuse to do it not.

    Keep a positive attitude. You can do this because you want to do this. It is important to you and you will figure out how to make it work. Get a pedometer and surprise yourself with how much you accomplish when you are in the house. (I use the bathroom at the end of the end, which is the full distance of the house most of the time.)

    Good luck and keep it up, cuz you do this!

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