Don't be afraid and NEVER give up

This was my blog today. I thought it might be interesting to those here. Always looking for support from new friends so please add me if you like!

Emily

One thing I've been thinking about a lot lately is how completely and utterly I had given up on losing weight before this time. I didn't think I had another "I'm going to lose this weight" in me. I believed that being fat was part of my story and that was really sad and depressing.

I think what was going on with me far more than resolving myself to a lifetime of plus size pants was fear. Fear of what people would think when I was "on a diet". AGAIN. My sister in law once said to me "You've been on a diet since I met you". And my sister told me at Christmastime that when she describes her family "Emily is the one who is always on a diet". As much as those things hurt, what I realized recently is that it's not about what was said. It was about WHAT I BELIEVED. Those things were what that fat girl voice in my head has been telling me all these years. Even if they weren't verbalized, it didn't matter because I felt them every day. "You can't." "You won't" "You don't deserve".

I once went off of a "diet" because I felt bad that someone else had gained pregnancy weight and didn't want to make her feel bad. I think really I didn't believe I deserved it. Why? I'm still trying to figure that out, but for now I'm just grateful that I gave it one more try, because people, I think this is it. There is something different about this. I'm slowly becoming less afraid. And I'm shutting the fat girl failure voice up.

I've learned that music drowns her out nicely. It's hard to tell yourself that you're failing WHILE you are succeeding at your umpteenth gym session with "you can do it" music pumping in your ears.

I'm writing this to remember how I feel today. I feel empowered. I feel SO SO incredibly grateful that I didn't give up and that I'm facing my fear of failure or what other people might think. Who cares what they think? I'm the one who has to live with myself and you know what? You might want to check me out. I'm kind of a big deal. And I'm starting to believe that which is more than any scale loss in terms of emotions.

I also am so proud not to be on a diet. The scale is slowly losing it's power. I know that I can put myself in any situation and be JUST FINE. I'm not afraid of meeting new people and what they think of me. I have to remember this because at this point I don't think my weight loss is noticible. But it will be soon and I'll face the fear of attention, the fear of what people are saying about my weight loss and all the "oh she'll gain it all back" conversations that I worry about not so much from others, but from the future former fat girl in my head.

So keep going. Keep moving towards your goals, no matter how many times you have to try. The only way not to lose weight is to stop trying. Face your fear. Keep trying.