What to say back when friends/family bring you down
ReinventingLisa
Posts: 104 Member
I'm not sure if anyone has had to deal with this or not so I'm kind of stumped on what to do or say back.
I come from a very obese family, and as much as I love them, they drive me nuts when an undo conversation comes up about my weight. Mind you, I've mostly been fairly thin around 120-135lbs most my life and had lean muscle. My lowest was a size 6/7 and I wouldn't want to be any thinner than that - I was extremely happy physically. However, since my time serving in the military for 5 years and recently tried the birth control shot, my weight went up fairly quickly to where it is now at 195lbs. Most of this weight was gained in a 9 month period and I was already maintaining at around 140-150lbs since I got out of training in early 2007. Now obviously since I gained weight so quickly, I feel crappy and generally unhappy with my body and I want to strive to get back down to my weight before I joined the military which was in the 120lb's. I would think anyone would be understanding of that especially when I get comments all the time asking if I'm pregnant - which is just hurtful to say the least. And, it would be nice to fit into some of my clothes again since I can't fit into the mass majority of them.
Instead of support from family or friends, I'm getting some backlash that I looked anorexic before and should stay where I'm at, or that I look healthier now etc etc. And what my family doesn't understand is that I want to lose weight because of how I feel and not because of what they think is good for me and not because of a number (I don't tell them my goal weight but that I want to be where I was at before the military.) Mind you that I've also been an avid gym member for years, and even when I would tell them years ago I was off to the gym they always ASSUMED it was because I wanted to lose weight and not that I was doing it for health reasons or that I had lost 30lbs and was striving to maintain a healthy weight - so I always got a lot of flack for just going to work out at the gym.
When you have a family history full of anything from diabetes and heart disease, I'd think they'd be more understanding that I want to prevent all that misery. Considering most of my family members start having health issues before they're 20 years old, I have none to date except sinus and some allergies. Even with all this negativity around me, I do strive to be somewhat more of a roll model for my family. I wish they would just get that it's not all about pizza and twinkies, and they could prevent most of their ailments or improve them through exercise and diet. But heck if I were to get cancer in 5 years, they'd say it was my diet and exercise that got me there!
What do you say when you have some difficult family or friends bringing you down about your diet or fitness goals? Here's an old picture of me at 120ish pounds:
I come from a very obese family, and as much as I love them, they drive me nuts when an undo conversation comes up about my weight. Mind you, I've mostly been fairly thin around 120-135lbs most my life and had lean muscle. My lowest was a size 6/7 and I wouldn't want to be any thinner than that - I was extremely happy physically. However, since my time serving in the military for 5 years and recently tried the birth control shot, my weight went up fairly quickly to where it is now at 195lbs. Most of this weight was gained in a 9 month period and I was already maintaining at around 140-150lbs since I got out of training in early 2007. Now obviously since I gained weight so quickly, I feel crappy and generally unhappy with my body and I want to strive to get back down to my weight before I joined the military which was in the 120lb's. I would think anyone would be understanding of that especially when I get comments all the time asking if I'm pregnant - which is just hurtful to say the least. And, it would be nice to fit into some of my clothes again since I can't fit into the mass majority of them.
Instead of support from family or friends, I'm getting some backlash that I looked anorexic before and should stay where I'm at, or that I look healthier now etc etc. And what my family doesn't understand is that I want to lose weight because of how I feel and not because of what they think is good for me and not because of a number (I don't tell them my goal weight but that I want to be where I was at before the military.) Mind you that I've also been an avid gym member for years, and even when I would tell them years ago I was off to the gym they always ASSUMED it was because I wanted to lose weight and not that I was doing it for health reasons or that I had lost 30lbs and was striving to maintain a healthy weight - so I always got a lot of flack for just going to work out at the gym.
When you have a family history full of anything from diabetes and heart disease, I'd think they'd be more understanding that I want to prevent all that misery. Considering most of my family members start having health issues before they're 20 years old, I have none to date except sinus and some allergies. Even with all this negativity around me, I do strive to be somewhat more of a roll model for my family. I wish they would just get that it's not all about pizza and twinkies, and they could prevent most of their ailments or improve them through exercise and diet. But heck if I were to get cancer in 5 years, they'd say it was my diet and exercise that got me there!
What do you say when you have some difficult family or friends bringing you down about your diet or fitness goals? Here's an old picture of me at 120ish pounds:
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Replies
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I would straight out tell them to shove it. But that's just me. I have said it to my Grandmother on more than one occasion when she's made comments on my weight. She hasn't said a word in a while now.0
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It sounds to me that they are just jealous. You are losing weight and they aren't. I wouldn't worry about it, you are doing it for all the RIGHT reasons, so just keep it up! As long as you are happy and healthy, who cares what others think? Maybe your success could inspire them? Good luck!!0
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My mom tends to be a negative nancy about this issue, and most others......I just ignore her. LOL Good luck hun! Don't let anyone bring you down:)0
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They don't! My family respects me and friends that dont-well the aren't friends!0
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It sounds to me that they are just jealous. You are losing weight and they aren't. I wouldn't worry about it, you are doing it for all the RIGHT reasons, so just keep it up! As long as you are happy and healthy, who cares what others think? Maybe your success could inspire them? Good luck!!
I agree totally!0 -
you look wonderful at your goal pic hun, id go for it and not worry abt the other folks. this is only abt YOU!0
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"I appreciate your input but I'm doing what I feel is best for me."0
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I think I'd just say goodbye. I know they're family and all, but if they aren't going to help you be better, why keep them in your life?0
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"I appreciate your input but I'm doing what I feel is best for me."
THIS0 -
I agree with this too! You're doing this for yourself, not them, so maybe just don't even tell them when you're going to the gym. A lot of people here have dealt with negativity from freinds & family, and some if it is probably stemming from genuine concern (from their limited point of view) and sometimes probably jealousy as well. Either way, just ignore it, be healthy and get your body to the weight where YOU are happy!"I appreciate your input but I'm doing what I feel is best for me."
If they keep it up and you are truly insulted, then flat out tell them that you don't want to end up with the health problems THEY have...maybe that will shut them up once and for all!0 -
I'm not sure if anyone has had to deal with this or not so I'm kind of stumped on what to do or say back.
I come from a very obese family, and as much as I love them, they drive me nuts when an undo conversation comes up about my weight. Mind you, I've mostly been fairly thin around 120-135lbs most my life and had lean muscle. My lowest was a size 6/7 and I wouldn't want to be any thinner than that - I was extremely happy physically. However, since my time serving in the military for 5 years and recently tried the birth control shot, my weight went up fairly quickly to where it is now at 195lbs. Most of this weight was gained in a 9 month period and I was already maintaining at around 140-150lbs since I got out of training in early 2007. Now obviously since I gained weight so quickly, I feel crappy and generally unhappy with my body and I want to strive to get back down to my weight before I joined the military which was in the 120lb's. I would think anyone would be understanding of that especially when I get comments all the time asking if I'm pregnant - which is just hurtful to say the least. And, it would be nice to fit into some of my clothes again since I can't fit into the mass majority of them.
Instead of support from family or friends, I'm getting some backlash that I looked anorexic before and should stay where I'm at, or that I look healthier now etc etc. And what my family doesn't understand is that I want to lose weight because of how I feel and not because of what they think is good for me and not because of a number (I don't tell them my goal weight but that I want to be where I was at before the military.) Mind you that I've also been an avid gym member for years, and even when I would tell them years ago I was off to the gym they always ASSUMED it was because I wanted to lose weight and not that I was doing it for health reasons or that I had lost 30lbs and was striving to maintain a healthy weight - so I always got a lot of flack for just going to work out at the gym.
When you have a family history full of anything from diabetes and heart disease, I'd think they'd be more understanding that I want to prevent all that misery. Considering most of my family members start having health issues before they're 20 years old, I have none to date except sinus and some allergies. Even with all this negativity around me, I do strive to be somewhat more of a roll model for my family. I wish they would just get that it's not all about pizza and twinkies, and they could prevent most of their ailments or improve them through exercise and diet. But heck if I were to get cancer in 5 years, they'd say it was my diet and exercise that got me there!
What do you say when you have some difficult family or friends bringing you down about your diet or fitness goals? Here's an old picture of me at 120ish pounds:
People are retarded and don't have a clear picture in their minds of what fit/in shape/normal should look like. They're basing "normal" on the many obese people in America.
I'd tell them to **** off, but I can be an *kitten*
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My grandfather used to be on me all the time about losing weight..one day he was like 'Sis, you really need to do something about your weight'...I yelled at him: "Oh my gosh, I know I'm fat, you know I'm fat, the whole world can see I am fat, do you think I look in the mirror each day and think 'my you're looking skinny today'? I KNOW I need to do something, and if it was so easy I wouldn't be FAT!!" He did not say anything else.0
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I agree with the other posters, they're jealous that you're doing something. your goal weight picture is beautiful - and if you feel the best like that then you know what you have to do. Sometimes you have to ignore the family and do what's best for you. However hard it may be. You can do this!!0
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"I appreciate your input but I'm doing what I feel is best for me."
^this. And if they continue to push the issue, simply get up and walk away. Toxicity is not healthy.
Your goal pic is gorgeous and healthy, best wishes to you in your journey :flowerforyou:0 -
Better question is: How many curse words do you know?
Better still: How many curse words can you string into one sentence?0 -
Basically, I would just not bring it up. Sort of the "agree to disagree" thing, They may feel threatened by you if you lose weight. It may feel like they have to do it too. etc. But whatever they are feeling, just don't let it become your problem. Simply do your own thing. Good luck0
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They are the ones with major issues. I can imagine how difficult it would be/is to live with unsupportive family/friends. But, as others have said, you are doing this for the right reasons and the only thing you can do is keep on striving to be that good role model. Maybe one day when they're giving you flack say something like, "Has is ever occurred to you that I FEEL better when I workout and eat right? When's the last time you felt absolutely fantastic??" And then when they have to think about it or get silent, "Yeah, that's what I thought!"
Oh, and that picture of you when you were around 120 looks nothing anorexic at all. Sexy, healthy and beautiful . . . good luck to you! :flowerforyou:0 -
Both of my parents are obese with Diabetes. I just avoid talking to them about my weight in general since I'm so much smaller than them. I'm also a secretive person so the only person I confide in about weight loss is my husband because he would never say anything to bring me down. If I were you, just ignore their comments but don't talk about losing weight. Just say you're trying to eat (and exercise) to be healthier.
PS: I've heard of women gaining a lot of weight on the shot. eeek.0 -
They are the ones with major issues. I can imagine how difficult it would be/is to live with unsupportive family/friends. But, as others have said, you are doing this for the right reasons and the only thing you can do is keep on striving to be that good role model. Maybe one day when they're giving you flack say something like, "Has is ever occurred to you that I FEEL better when I workout and eat right? When's the last time you felt absolutely fantastic??" And then when they have to think about it or get silent, "Yeah, that's what I thought!"
Oh, and that picture of you when you were around 120 looks nothing anorexic at all. Sexy, healthy and beautiful . . . good luck to you! :flowerforyou:
I agree! You did not look anorexic!0 -
I understand completely... it has taken a long time for me to realize that I don't have any control of the way other people act. I expect that because they are my family and friends that they are going to be supportive, but sadly this isn't always the case. I spent a lot of time worrying about why they did or said something negative. WELL..... I can't change them or what they think all I can do is be the best me for me regardless of the opinions of others. They don't live my life I do... and I control my attitude and my happiness!!0
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my father used to always tell me i was fat and i needed to lose weight ,even when i was skinny.. so when at one time i did lose weight instead of saying he was happy for me he said ..you shouldve done that a long time ago.. i havent talked to him in 12 yrs and dont miss him one bit..nothing positive ever came out of his mouth .. no one says anything to me now. im down 80lbs or so and have made an incredible turn around im my life ..anyone who knows me knows i will tell them to go F themselves if they even dared said something .. dont allow yourself to be a doormat .learn to not respond at all or change the subject .. falling prey to their comments is what keeps them doing it0
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"You should tell yourself frequently 'I will only react to constructive suggestions.' This gives you positive ammunition against your own negative thoughts and those of others. "
Jane Roberts0 -
"I appreciate your input but I'm doing what I feel is best for me."
If they can't take that at face value, all you can do is get up and walk away. Caring about what other people think is fine and it's only natural, but not when it comes at the expense of your self-worth and your sanity.0 -
I would ignore them...Tell them you are doing it because you want to, and that you are an adult there fore do NOT need to explain yourself. And leave it at that...the more you try and explain, the more they will bother you about it. Don't pay any attention and just do what you need to do for yourself!!! Good luck!0
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It sounds like you know that they are wrong. Remember that . No one wants to start an argument, and you will feel the need to defend yourself. i have been in the same boat.
My answer is, thanks for your concern, I am a big girl and I have to do what is healthy for me. (throw in that you have a doctor's approval, why the hell not) and just say lets change the subject, cuz there's more interesting things to talk about.
Occasionally, I have had to be rude, and just say "I am not kidding. the subject is closed. If you expect me to answer, you'll need to talk about something else." - awkward, yes, but staying firm on it shuts down the negativity pretty quick. 2 or three times, and they know you mean it.
Also, wow, that is a gorgeous picture. I would have thought it was a model. (not the super ridiculous skinny models. but the healthy "lifestyle" models that are becoming all the rage)0 -
You don't look anorexic at all. You look toned & HEALTHY! Health is the most important thing to you, just emphasis that to them. Good luck. Family can be some of our toughest critics.0
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I find that Bite me works fairly well when people start messing with my weight loss. Just dont bring it up around them negativity is no godd for you right now .0
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Are you still on the shot? The #1 side effect is weight gain and depression. In addition you get loss of bone densitiy. Please stop taking this if you are still on it. Plus it will STOP you from losing weight. I am speaking from experience. Regarding your actual request for advise - Once they start talking about weight - either change the subject or just tell them that you don't want to discuss it as you always end up walking away with hurt feelings - you're not lying and you won't have to hear the negative comments. Being mean back does not help anyone!!0
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First, you need to know that your family members coming down on you is because of one reason.
They’re jealous. They’re jealous because YOU took the initiative to lose weight, eat healthier and pushing for a healthier, fresher life. You’re not being lazy like them. You actually care for your health and future.
So when they make comments about what you eat, just say “so what, you’re not the one that’s eating this. I eat it because I enjoy it”
When they make comments about you losing weight, just say “thank you, I’m proud of how far I’ve come. I can’t wait to get back to my beach body”
It’s hard when no one really supports you, but if you can pull through it and make it on your own, that shows that you really are a badass, tough chick!!!!! Just remind yourself that you’re doing this for YOU, you owe it to yourself to not fall off the wagon or let other people bring you down.
You look 100% HEALTHY and beautiful in that picture. 0 -
I generally say that I am not interested in talking about my weight and then change the subject. But I think the trick with setting boundaries is that, however you decide to declare them at first, you have to back it up. If your friends or family don't respect your boundaries, you have to be prepared to clearly repeat yourself a few times and then leave the situation if necessary - otherwise you're setting boundaries with words but not actions, and people will learn not to respect them.0
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