Has praise ever made you fail...

delilah47 · February 2012

does anyone else have a hard time being successful after someone praises you for staying on track with your weight loss? i don't tell anyone i'm dieting anymore because in the past, say i lost 5 pounds and told a friend. they would say "good for you! i am so proud of you, keep up the good work" (or something similar). i would, almost immediately go off my diet and almost binge (just to prove them wrong??) i had to quit smoking this way too.. the minute i would tell someone i had quit and they praised me, i would almost rush to the nearest store to buy cigs. sheese!

i don't know... does anyone else experience this? does anyone with a psych background know why one would react this way to praise?

Charli666 · February 2012

I'm like this sometimes, usually only with my mom, the moment she tries to be nice, i find it patronising and go off track!! i know its my issue, but i can't help it

delilah47 · February 2012

i know what you mean. maybe it's that i see some praise as patronizing or maybe even phoney when it is on-and-on. yeah, i had issues with my mom too when i was at home. after i left home and got a job, she became my best friend. as time went on she got smarter and smarter lol

pinkyslippers · February 2012

Yes totally! I think mine is all to do with fear of failure or something (I lost weight before and then put it all back on again and more). I start thinking too much and then I think 'what if..?' and go through all these scenarios and end up binging : (

roguex_1979 · February 2012

No psych background, but can definitely tell that there are some people who just cannot take a compliment and always see it as back handed, like the person delivering the comment is being sarcastic or challenging you in some way.

My advice is to ignore it.

And if you do end up bingeing...just get back in the saddle the next day.

30yearssincebikini · February 2012

Sorry, but I don't get that. For me, if someone says I am looking good from a few pounds of weight loss, I am like "OMG! It shows!" Because, honestly, I have just started dieting/exercising two and a half weeks ago and have only lost 2 pounds so I haven't gotten any comments yet. But when I do, I will be SOOO happy that someone noticed all my hard work, and I think it will make me work even harder.

havingitall · February 2012

This is me. I had 40 years of being not good enough for my mother. She passed away 6 years ago and it has been a battle for me to understand that I am good enough.

When somebody praises me for succeeding it makes my brain go haywire and I binge. Obviously, the reprogramming I have been working on mentally isn't finished yet.

Last time I was at the gym and two women complimented my progress, I drove home from the gym talking out loud to myself about how I deserved the success and that I was good enough. I probably looked like an idiot....but it worked

BlaireV · February 2012

It used to. But this time, I didn't let that happen. I am very self conscious because people make comments and seem to watch what I eat. Some people even seem shocked and confused when they see me eat something that isn't "healthy". I've learned to just ignore them and focus on my goals. Truth is, only you can achieve your goals. No one else can do it for you, and no one else should have enough power to stop you from succeeding. Good luck x

christinezappella · February 2012

I read this very interesting study in which they reported that when trying to acheive any goal, you should keep it to yourself and you'll be more likely to accomplish it. The idea was that we make goals so when we reach them we feel successful. but if you tell your best friend, and she's all "Hip Hip Hooray," you already feel successful, and will be less likely to continue. Interesting...

MaximalLife · February 2012

Somebody gives you a kind word of encouragement, and you get sad?
I don't get this at all.
How can what other say - good or bad, cause you to respond with a binge?

Never let external circumstances dictate your reactions.
Real, internal motivation can conquer this, and you need never be plagued again. We either have that drive or need to find a way to ignite it.

To light that fire, be honest, and answer for yourself:
Why do I want to be healthy and fit? Discover the real answer, and attach great pleasure to that as you set your goals.
Feel and experience that joy when you think of being healthy and fit.

And then ask yourself why do you NOT want to be fat?
Connect with that reason burning pain that you can really feel every time you think about being fat.

This is the key to internal motivation.
Few people can actually do this which is why most people fail in their efforts over and over.
Take the time to do this, and you'll touch off a powder keg of determination and drive.
Sure, you may have challenges; we all do, but you'll keep punching and reach your goals.

All Is Possible!

woou · February 2012

maybe not on my diet but other things. too much high expectations can be overwhelming, but i'm learning how not to put too much emphasis on what other people expect of me and do what i wanna do regardless of praise or criticism.

HunterAJ · February 2012

I feel the same way about that:grumble:

fiberartist219 · February 2012

Sometimes my own success slows me down, because when I get a compliment, I think I'm "done" achieving the goal, but that's not always the case. For example, if someone says they can tell I lost weight, I think "yes, I've done it!" but really, I still have another 15 lbs to go at a minimum! Or, if they tell me my outfit looks cute, I forget to realize, that I should probably try to look cute again tomorrow too.

Our goals are ongoing too. If I wake up six months from now and am 130lbs or less, I'll be happy, but I also need to wake up a year from now at that weight and again 10 years from now... you get the idea! When I finally get to that goal weight, I need to STAY THERE and that will require as much effort as losing the weight did.

delilah47 · February 2012

Somebody gives you a kind word of encouragement, and you get sad?
I don't get this at all.
How can what other say - good or bad, cause you to respond with a binge?

Never let external circumstances dictate your reactions.
Real, internal motivation can conquer this, and you need never be plagued again. We either have that drive or need to find a way to ignite it.

To light that fire, be honest, and answer for yourself:
Why do I want to be healthy and fit? Discover the real answer, and attach great pleasure to that as you set your goals.
Feel and experience that joy when you think of being healthy and fit.

And then ask yourself why do you NOT want to be fat?
Connect with that reason burning pain that you can really feel every time you think about being fat.

This is the key to internal motivation.
Few people can actually do this which is why most people fail in their efforts over and over.
Take the time to do this, and you'll touch off a powder keg of determination and drive.
Sure, you may have challenges; we all do, but you'll keep punching and reach your goals.

All Is Possible!

For me, it's not that I get sad when someone praises me. It's more like I get defiant. How could you praise me when this shouldn't be that hard that it deserves praise. I am one of those people who always does a job right the first time. I think praise embarrasses me and makes me feel like the person is surprised I could do something successful. So..I am indignant? I rebel??

Reading these posts, I think I'm beginning to understand something here!

Jain · February 2012

Oh YES! every flamin' time. It's like part of my brain says 'right, it's been noticed you don't have to try any more'. Even tho I still have multiples of lbs to lose.
I tend not to let anyone know I'm 'dieting'. And keep on wearing the same baggy clothes, but there comes a time when my lack of weight becomes hard to hide. Someone will comment & back I go to the same old bad habbits.
Its frustrating as hell & I wish I could break the cycle, but without some kind of counceling (I'm in the UK so it's not exactly easy to find) I'm just going to have to struggle on on my own.

annacham · February 2012

I cant belive other people feel like this. I am a continual yo yo dieter and will lose a stone or two then put it back on, then a stone, back on, etc etc. Last year I lost 5 1/2 stone like this and ended the year the same size I started!! I never tell people I am dieting, but as soon as they notice and make comments it throws me off track. For the most part, these people are lovely caring and think they are being really helpful and motivating. No snide comments, just genuine praise (although as others have mentioned, it always sounds barbed coming from my mum!) I really wish I knew what was going on with my head here. perhaps as someone said they read in a study, praise makes you feel that you have already achieved so give up trying, maybe unable to take a compliment, maybe defience, I think with me it is all 3. Very interesting and good to know I am not alone in my self sabotage.
Been going a couple of weeks again now, and trying to focus more on fitness, running and shred, as these dont have historically them same emotive issues attached to them. I wouldnt consider giving up running if someone congratulated me for running 5 k.

delilah47 · February 2012

Thanks for the replies to this "not so popular" subject. I was hoping to get more input and others' points of view. It seems just reading what others are experiencing helps to understand more. So, I won't say "keep up the good work" or any of those other "triggers" that spur us to self-destruct.

... Let's kick some serious butt.

Has praise ever made you fail...

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