Some People Need to Learn Manners

beckythebunny122
beckythebunny122 Posts: 55 Member
edited September 19 in Motivation and Support
So I'm at a charity thing yesterday and being really good - eating the raw veggies and fruits, doing the sparkling water thing, avoiding the many many many things with bacon, etc.

A woman who I have known for awhile (and who I dislike, but we're involved in the same charity) came up and asked if I was going to be giving a speech (my mom was getting an award). I told her that I wasn't. She said "Well, that's a good thing since you're getting so heavy." Wha.....?

I'm really mad at myself for not having a really snappy comeback right then. And the worst part is that I know her family has weight issues (she's grossly obese, daughter has been in the hospital three times for anorexia, etc.) so I know that her motivation was a cross between her being upset that I'm losing weight and being upset about my mother getting the award instead of her.

But still. I was feeling really nice and pretty and thin for the first time in a long time and she came up and ruined my night.

I know it's stupid to let someone who said something to purposely hurt me impact me so much, but it's still hard to ignore. I've always had problems with how people perceived me and my weight, so it hurt - and just as much as she intended.

Should I have done something different (I just walked away)? I didn't want to ruin my mom's special night, but I also kinda wish I had taken her red wine and thrown it on her light blue dress. And how am I supposed to act around her when I (inevitably) see her again? I want to be the better person, but I'm having trouble turning the other cheek.

Replies

  • ChaChaMommy
    ChaChaMommy Posts: 56
    I know its hard to ignore when people are intentionally rude......and just saying ignore it because you're better than stooping to that level is a hard road to take. I think you are right though in that she probably has her own issues and is trying to make herself feel better by attacking others (you're probably not the only one she behaves this way with!) Walking away, like you did, is the best approach. Trying to come up with a snappy retort only gives her the satisfaction of knowing you CARE about what she thinks of you. I know this may be difficult, but think about all you've accomplished and how many people that YOU care about, care about you. You'll be the better person by not engaging in her emotional poking! Good luck!
  • mizzoucheer
    mizzoucheer Posts: 23
    You absolutely did the right thing and were the bigger person. Jealousy can make people act so small and petty! Horray for you for bettering yourself (and losing the weight the right way) and for taking the high road! Keep up the good work and stay strong - don't let anyone drag you down!!!:wink::wink:
  • nikii14
    nikii14 Posts: 403 Member
    Just think of it this way....that is her JEALOUSY talking!!!!!!!
    No question about it. if anything....that should motivate you MORE to keep going and PI$$ her off even more:tongue:

    You are doing an awesome job......You should feel great about yourself!!!:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:
    As far as how you should feel when you see her...hold your head up high and be proud for your success and being a better and stronger person than her!!:wink:
  • Isaacsmama
    Isaacsmama Posts: 43
    Well, being that youre into charity, and Im sure youre a nice person, I dont think youd want to ruin that by acting as ugly as she. The next time you see her, I know it sounds cliche, kill her with kindness. Call her out. Tell her (preferably with witnesses) that her comment really hurt her. But you understand if she was feeling a little self concious that day and felt the need to drag you down. Then offer to help her out if she ever wants to stop "getting so heavy". You can even give her the website. Its still a bit catty, but It lets you look nice while letting her know that her behavior is unacceptable. Nothing like some social humiliation to make us feel ashamed of our actions. If you really can turn the other cheek though, you can just ignore it. But Im a big fan of calling people out when they act like jerks. Just dont let on that it hurt your feelings. Or, just make an extremely unhealthy dish and take it to the next event, telling her you made it just for her because you know how much she loves it. You even doubled the recipe just for her! :)
  • toots99
    toots99 Posts: 3,794 Member
    I've read that the best thing to say to someone when they make a rude or cutting remark is to calmly ask straight out "Why would you say that to me?" and wait for their answer. It's very confronting without being rude back. Watching someone come up with an answer as to why they were so rude is sort of amusing too. :laugh:
  • toots99
    toots99 Posts: 3,794 Member
    Then offer to help her out if she ever wants to stop "getting so heavy". You can even give her the website. Its still a bit catty, but It lets you look nice while letting her know that her behavior is unacceptable. Nothing like some social humiliation to make us feel ashamed of our actions. If you really can turn the other cheek though, you can just ignore it. But Im a big fan of calling people out when they act like jerks.

    That sounds just like me too. :laugh:
  • Isaacsmama
    Isaacsmama Posts: 43
    BTW, has she ever taken shots at you before? Are you sure it was malicious? Im not sure of your size compared to hers, but sometimes larger women talk that way to each other. My friends used to. They had horrible self esteem and only made each other worse. Its not a healthy habit at all, and definately not nice to hear. I have to say its unlikely though, but she might have honestly thought her comment was innocent. Idk, like she would be greatful to not have to give a speech if the situation was reversed. either way, she obviously has some problems and needs to learn when and when not to speak.
  • ivykivy
    ivykivy Posts: 2,970 Member
    I agree. And tell her the comment she made was extremely rude. Denigrating me does not make your physical being nor your character look any better.
    I've read that the best thing to say to someone when they make a rude or cutting remark is to calmly ask straight out "Why would you say that to me?" and wait for their answer. It's very confronting without being rude back. Watching someone come up with an answer as to why they were so rude is sort of amusing too. :laugh:
  • onfleur
    onfleur Posts: 159 Member
    When were uncomfortable about ourselves for some reason some people do anything to take focus off themselves. Sorry you got the brunt of it. It is NEVER a happy feeling. You did the right thing though. Live well. ..that is the best revenge.:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:
  • LosingIt4good
    LosingIt4good Posts: 1,214 Member
    I've read that the best thing to say to someone when they make a rude or cutting remark is to calmly ask straight out "Why would you say that to me?" and wait for their answer. It's very confronting without being rude back. Watching someone come up with an answer as to why they were so rude is sort of amusing too. :laugh:

    Oh I LOVE this!!!! Your right, its hilarious to see the rude people stammer for a reason and when they cant find one, they either apologize or walk away all flustered. :laugh: :laugh:
  • karenmacneil
    karenmacneil Posts: 34
    Some people are just toxic, this person is rotten and just said that because she's jealous!!!!! The best revenge is looking good!! So keep up the hard work, don't let her words get to you!! As for the next time you see her, don't even think about because it doesn't matter. She's not worth the effort, let your hotness do the talking for you!!!
  • ChaChaMommy
    ChaChaMommy Posts: 56
    I LIKE that one!
  • jenaranda
    jenaranda Posts: 32
    some people

    I had that happen to me recently, I ran into two girls I went to high school with at the mall. One of them tells me wow, I can't believe how much weight you have gained. It's hard to believe you were smaller then us in high school. I was so hurt I couldn't get out of that mall fast enough.
  • Phera
    Phera Posts: 269 Member
    Next time you see her you could say, "Well I see someone's found the pounds I lost." Seriously though, she obviously has issues of bringing down those around her if her daughter has anorexia. A good friend of mine was anorexic because her Mom was always trying to live through her daughter or tearing her daughter down when she didn't do what her Mom told her to do. I agree with the comments above that she's just a spiteful person when she sees others doing what she herself hasn't been able to do.
  • beckythebunny122
    beckythebunny122 Posts: 55 Member
    Thanks everyone - I needed to hear that! I don't know what I would do without this site. Oh, yeah, eat crap and gain weight...

    I think I will ask her why the next time she does something like that.

    She's gotten it into her head that she's in a big competition with my mother, so she attacks me to get to her. So it's not like I haven't been hearing little digs from her for awhile now - this one just hit home.

    :happy:
  • chrissyh
    chrissyh Posts: 8,235 Member
    I think everyone is right that she's jealous and can't stand that you are doing something to change yourself! You keep working hard!
  • jennyinheaven
    jennyinheaven Posts: 11 Member
    What a **** sorry b ut that stinks.
    Seriously though your are toatlly right it is not you it is her and her own issues talking...
  • toots99
    toots99 Posts: 3,794 Member
    My brother used to have a shirt that said "I may be fat, but you're ugly and I can lose weight!" :laugh:

    I've modified that saying a few times as needed. When someone's been rude to me I'd say "I may be fat but you're an ***hole and I can lose weight!" :laugh: :laugh:
  • Mamakatspokane
    Mamakatspokane Posts: 3,098 Member
    Sounds like the best revenge is losing more weight and making her more jealous....

    That said I am really sorry she said that, it's uncalled for and no matter how much we try, it still bugs us. :explode:

    Good for you for being on the journey to get healthy!:drinker:
  • Georg
    Georg Posts: 1,728 Member
    I'm sorry that happened.
    :grumble:
    But many years ago Ann Landers had a great comeback that fits the]is situation & lots of others, too.
    When someone makes a comment like that or asks a question that's none of their business, a simple "I wonder why you would say something like that?" puts the uncomfortable feeling right back on them. :huh:
    Then you can walk away knowing she's the one wondering how to respond & you didn't actually slap her like she needed!
    :laugh:
    :laugh:
    :laugh:
  • Ahmee2034
    Ahmee2034 Posts: 1,330 Member
    I love that "Why would you say that to me?" routine! I've gotta try that! Ever since I lost 43 pounds after my son's accident, almost everyone at my workplace seems to be "hating" on me...It just makes me more determined. One person even told me that they (she included) were acting that way because they were all jealous 'cause I had lost all that weight and they don't have the willpower to do it, too. Can you believe she told me this?! It sort of made me smile inside but still...I'm not the kind of person not to have a comeback. I believe in giving as good as you get. Some people can only be dealt with that way.
  • DaniNei
    DaniNei Posts: 132 Member
    I'm sorry you had to go through that. She is most definitely jealous. I ran into something simular yesterday, with somebody on this site. After a really good cry, I remembered this thread and decided to let it go. I'm proud of what I have accomplished and i'm not going to let somebody take that away from me.
    My advice to you is,
    Be proud of what you have accompished, don't let anyone take away the feeling you get for doing an awesome job!
  • Ahmee2034
    Ahmee2034 Posts: 1,330 Member
    OMG Guess what happened this afternoon? That co-worker I was talking about earlier? Well, I was mentioning that I had all these garbage bags of clothes that were too big for me and that I needed to figure out what to do with it. I don't like bringing them to the thrift store. I rather GIVE my stuff away. Some people can't even afford thrift stores! So, anywho, she said, "I'll take them! You got good clothes and I should fit your bigger clothes. Don't get rid of them. I want them!" Y'all, my mind was reeling! Isn't that funny?!:laugh: :tongue:
  • arewethereyet
    arewethereyet Posts: 18,702 Member
    I am so sorry you were hurt.

    I would have given a 1/2 smile and said " Are you serious?" Or " Seriously??" and just walked away.

    Of course, hindsight is 20/20.

    Done and gones. Let it go and enjoy your healthier body. She is just simply, no worth it.:flowerforyou:
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