Question for the men

I think you are all taking this out of context. This is only the second time I have really been around this individual (which still kind of makes him a stranger). Signals went back and forth all night. He offered me a ride, but it wasn't far and I had my daughter with me. I politely turned him down. I'm not trying to play games. I just didn't feel it was appropriate. I just thought he might perceive it that way.

I wasn't replying to your specific situation. Just the idea of "playing hard to get" in general. I guess I should've read your original post more clearly.

You declining the ride wasn't playing hard to get at all. At least I wouldn't take it that way. Especially since you had just met and had your daughter with you. If he felt you were playing games in that situation, I don't know that he'd be a guy you should wanna be with anyway.

there is being hard to get and then their is being a b!t#h. however men have forgotten the gentle act of seduction. a woman needs to be wooed and pursued. they don't want to be treated like another notch in the bed post.

Sounds like more games to me. If I need a playbook and an offensive coordinator to date a woman, I'll stick to football.

Oh man, the attractiveness balance is a delicate thing.

Women who play hard to get (works the other way too I suppose) without displaying genuine signals of interest (coy behavior, physical clues like specific looks, playing with the hair, touching his body etc) will usually find him not responding in a way desired. Then she falls into the "why doesn't he like me/what can I do to attract him" mode. This is especially tricky due to the virtual nature of our society.

Now, men LOVE the chase and the win of connecting with a woman (doesn't mean sex, could mean anything - and I have fist pumped out loud when that happens . There's very few rushes so powerful or impactful for a man when that happens. Any guy telling you the opposite is lying to you or to himself.

Then there's the female challenge of wanting to not seem easy sexually but wanting physical intimacy almost as much as the male(maybe some more so). We all know the sexual liberation that is common today and although it's not the 60s, we're damn close. Even then, people want genuine intimacy which is between the ears, not the legs, and is also where great orgasms come from.

This is where the balance comes in. The attractiveness to each other has to be within close tolerances. It never works (long term anyway) when one mate is more attracted to the other, usually the one with the weaker emotions drifts off or falls away completely. Hence the games people play.

In this day where people constantly say "I don't play games or I don't want someone to play games like that with me" usually find themselves doing just that or being played just like that.

Don't think so?

How many of you have received a txt, wanted to respond immediately, but chose to wait a few hours to not seem desperate or too available? That's a game.
How many of you wanted to break the 90s "three day rule" of calling someone? Conventional approach is normally a day in this day of immediate communication and collaboration. Heck, sending a txt just a few hours later is common as well. Also a game.

We all fall into the trap of wanting to present a "cool facade" and yet want the comfort of being ourselves at the risk of alienating that person we want to attract.

It's a delicate balance.

Presenting your authentic self is the way to go. Any other approach will eventually expose that "veneer" and that relationship will crash like the last one if you keep doing the same things. (generally speaking)

Guys ... And girl ... Everyone is making some pretty huge assumptions here. We don't know what the OP means by hard to get! Saying know to a ride home that is a few minutes walk is not playing hard to get. Also, this is yet another incident that cannot be justifiably resolved because no one but the two in question were involved. If she had have said ok to the lift, would the thread be she was too easy?

Personally, I would be more concerned about a guy who is asking personal questions about another member of MFP knowing that she will be able to see the questions and responses. Not very responsible or dare I say, mature. This is something for the two people in question to talk about not MFP world! If think it is very embarrassing for the girl, and him, to have everyone discussing it. Difference being he asked for it and she didn't!

annoying, I'm all for a challenge ,but not playing games..

He offered me a ride to my house which he knew was walking distance... I mean seriously. That one little "no thank you" just ruined everything.

If that "no thank you" ruined everything then who cares if the relationship is gone? That makes him sound like a manipulative controlling *kitten*, and you a weak minded woman who will do anything to please him.

WHICH I'M SURE YOU AREN'T!!!! But it sounds like the beginning of a bad relationship.

Maybe next time you could suggest he walk you home.

Well... it really wasn't intentional. I had my reasons for turning him down for the ride. It really had nothing to do with playing games. But I was scared that turning him down for the ride might make him think I wasn't interested or playing hard to get.

you're all good .. I dunno I kind of like a challenge .. so saying no is not a bad thing just say it in a playful way let him know its not cuz u dont like him and keep going from there .. playing hard to get and playing games is kind of different to me

I personally don't like when a girl plays hard to get. I have a difficult enough time reading clues from women without trying to figure out if she is playing hard to get or just isn't into me

I am a rule of three kinda of guy. I'll give it three shot before I decide if the person "hard to get" or "just unattainable". After three tries, I will assume the person is not into me, which is ok.

PS. If the person looks at me and says "not if I lost a bet!!!" on my first shot, I will take the hint. :laugh: :laugh:

He offered me a ride to my house which he knew was walking distance... I mean seriously. That one little "no thank you" just ruined everything.

If that "no thank you" ruined everything then who cares if the relationship is gone? That makes him sound like a manipulative controlling *kitten*, and you a weak minded woman who will do anything to please him.

WHICH I'M SURE YOU AREN'T!!!! But it sounds like the beginning of a bad relationship.

Maybe next time you could suggest he walk you home.

Some of the women here are frighteningly hostile if they percieve a man as having done anything wrong.

He offered me a ride to my house which he knew was walking distance... I mean seriously. That one little "no thank you" just ruined everything.

So now you ask him out for coffee so that way he knows you are actually interested....and let nature take its course!

He offered me a ride to my house which he knew was walking distance... I mean seriously. That one little "no thank you" just ruined everything.

If that "no thank you" ruined everything then who cares if the relationship is gone? That makes him sound like a manipulative controlling *kitten*, and you a weak minded woman who will do anything to please him.

WHICH I'M SURE YOU AREN'T!!!! But it sounds like the beginning of a bad relationship.

Maybe next time you could suggest he walk you home.

Some of the women here are frighteningly hostile if they percieve a man as having done anything wrong.

LOL NOT hostile. I'm saying, if by turning down a ride she is obsessed about how it ruined her chances, then obviously there is a dynamic of control here. She doesn't need to cave to his whims...like, this pleases him, that doesn't please him...I must do everything to make him happy so he likes me.

Games suck... don't play them. Honestly, most men suck at little signs and cues so we look at hard to get as not interested.