need some advice on what to do about babies being compared

Nos150
Nos150 Posts: 150
edited November 9 in Chit-Chat
So this is my rant/ ask for advice.

i know that this is not really the place but i need to get this off my chest before i do something stupid.

Ok so my sisters in law and I had babies really close together (Oldest is 4 months older then Baby and Youngest is 5 weeks younger.)

Anyway I have been noticing lately that Younger’s mom has been trying to one up me with Younger. Today I got a text from her asking how many teeth Baby has and that Younger is now beating Baby because she has more teeth then Baby. She also says ‘I cant wait for Younger to do that’ all the time like when Baby started to crawl and walk and talk. (I mean its gonna happen Baby IS older)

I also have to say that Younger’s mom and I do not get along that well, and do not see eye to eye on almost anything. To keep the peace I normally just keep my mouth shut (please note *normally*) but we have had altercations in the past.

So I want to tell her to stop trying to comparing the two babies, and to stop trying to prove something thru Younger. But like I said she and I are always on ruff ground, and I do not want world war four starting.

To top it off, the Great Grandma on that side is always doing the same thing. When Baby does something that the others cant (Baby was walking before Older, and older has not teeth yet so he is not eating the same things/way as Baby(but that is not a big deal!)) she comments on it saying that I am doing things right and that the other two just treat their babies like dolls. Which pissed me off to no end. I DO NOT want the babies compared to in anyway. And I do not like that she puts the other moms down like that. I did tell Great grandma that its not a contest between the three of us and I didn’t want her to bring it up again, cuz I all I need is the other moms hearing that (talk about **** meet fan)

I want to tell them that each and every baby will go at its own pace and just because one is advanced in one area doesn’t mean that the others are behind or slow. I do not want any pressure put on the babies that they have to out do the other (later on too!) but I also do not want to start a **** fit.

It annoys me so bad that I get angry about and find it harder to hold my tongue when it happens. (like today, but thankful i had enough common sense to just put the phone down and not say anything) Its not fair to ANY of the babies. And I do not want to fight about it. And I do not know what to do. Especially with Younger’s mom.
I know that the proper thing to do would be to ignore it. But this lady has me so confused that I am literally scared to move around her.

There are so many things that Younger’s mom does and says that bothers me that am just one more thing that makes it hard not to speak my mind.

I do not want another episode like at Christmas where she told me that she would not come to Christmas if I was there.

I do not want to put everyone thru that again, having a wedge in-between everyone is VERY awkward thing to have to sit through.

Had she been sitting in front of me today and said what she texted I do not think I would have had the mental capacity to not say anything.

i do not know what to do any more. i dont want to fight with this woman anymore and i dont want this damaging the kids and how they act together later on.

Replies

  • seekingthepatienceofjob
    seekingthepatienceofjob Posts: 288 Member
    Aww Im sorry :(

    I always hate how people compare babies! "My baby started walking before he turned 1." "Potty trained by 2 years old" I feel like they are just trying to make others feel bad. Have you talked to them? Tell them how hurtful it is, and that each child develops differently.

    If anything read http://www.babycentre.co.uk/baby/development/friendcomparesbabies/ it will make you feel A LOT better! :)
  • Suey1979
    Suey1979 Posts: 6
    Hi Nos:

    My "babies" are just about grown up however, your story brought it all back to me! My daughter and firstborn, now almost 21, was born 6 weeks after my ex brother-in-law's second baby which was a girl. Constant comparing from my ex mother-in-law. About everything! My ex mother-in-law liked my brother-in-law's wife better than me.

    First of all let me say that you are doing a great job taking the high road although you may feel like you are paving the way! I think you should keep your cool and try to take the emotion out of it when you say the following (easy for me to say!) "While I realize that comparing two babies who are close in age is tempting, each baby grows and achieves milestone's in their own time and in their own way. While you are entitled to your opinion, please note that I would prefer you do not share it with me. Our parenting ideals are different from one another and you have the right to parent as you see fit, however, so do I. It would be great if our babies, whom are first cousins, could grow up in a loving environment and not be in a competition that they have not chosen for themselves. Please respect my request."

    This may not go over so well but then you may decide what level of contact is best for you and your baby. This is not a healthy environment and even though this is your sister, you know your child takes precedence over that.

    Hope you don't mind advice from this dinosaur!!!! Hang in there. I suspect there will be a day that this doesn't bother you as much. Good luck and enjoy every minute of your precious baby.

    Suzanne
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