Drifting away from more sedentary friends, and gravitating t

chelso0o
chelso0o Posts: 366 Member
edited November 10 in Motivation and Support
So, I'm curious. As you started to get more and more active.... did you tend to gravitate more towards your more active friends? I'm noticing that I am "making" more time for my more active friends and doing things with them that make myself more active (for instance today I went skiing with my one friend instead of going to a dinner/wine party with my other friends) . I'm doing less and less with friends who are more sedentary (i.e, dinner and movie activities). This is starting to cause problems with my less active friends because I don't spend enough time with them. I'm going to try to suggest things that don't involve dinner, which I think will work.... but I find myself WANTING to hang out with the more active folks because we do things that are more fun to me now. At this point in my life.... I'd RATHER go rock climbing, running, cycling, skiing etc than watching a movie, sitting around playing guitar, eating dinner, doing crafts....

I feel like the sh*ttiest friend in the world. I am torn.

Advice/insight?

Replies

  • tabinmaine
    tabinmaine Posts: 965 Member
    I find this is happening to me too, however I have been motivating my sedentary friends to join me for walks or join me at the gym etc... I just want more activity in my life,and crave others who do too......
  • Inacay
    Inacay Posts: 47 Member
    MOTIVATION: Your weight loss goals attract an energy of EMPOWERMENT into your life. The decision to stop being a VICTIM of your weight is all about taking 100% responsibility for your body and your life. It's amazing how weight loss can bring that energy into our lives. For me, the FOCUS and work it takes to eat right, work out, and live right draws people that are doing the same. Aside from weight loss, the GREATER benefit is that you and I are becoming the BEST version of ourselves, we are spending time and energy with people that get that and support it. At the same time, the people that don't "get it", slowly lose the power of influence upon our lives. That value is worth EVERY SACRIFICE!

    The truth is the most successful people with any given goal attract or are attracted to like minded people. Taking 100% responsibility for the body you want will involve changes. Changes in your surroundings and the people you spend time with. I have a saying, when it comes to my goals, I ask myself, "Am I getting paid, a grade (I'm in school), or aid (aids my overall wellness plan)? If my activities don't lead to this, I politely let my friends know that these are my priorities and we can go for a walk, a yoga class, or study. Surprisingly, I have some really great friends that have hopped on board and the others were worth the loss. The truth is, RIGHT NOW, it's ALL ABOUT YOU! Embrace it!
  • chelso0o
    chelso0o Posts: 366 Member
    wow! That is such a great and thoughtful reply. Thank you!

    I'm just feeling awful because I was supposed to go to my friend's house to play guitar with her, and decided to go skiing instead. I flaked out on a commitment, and I KNOW it's because I didn't want to sit around all afternoon. :( I have no way to actually *say* that is the reason as to why I flaked out. horrible friend :(
  • Inacay
    Inacay Posts: 47 Member
    Chels. You need to change the energy surrounding your weight loss. GUILT is not a good energy for weight loss. Have an open honest conversation about your transformation. How you have been transforming and now, you don't mind doing guitar for 1 hour, but not all afternoon. Your frustration is in your lack of authenticity and the fear that they won't love you anymore. PUT IT IN WORDS! "I am no longer unhealthy inactive Chels, I am new and improved!" THERE SAID IT, NOW YOU SAY IT!

    If you haven't been able to say this, it is because of the "KNOW" and "BE" factor.

    KNOW - Set a date and time to finish the projects below. The sooner, the sooner you will have created more self awareness to help articulate your ROLE change in your friendship and articulate yours/their RESPONSIBILITY (of positive support and love) to your EXPECTATION of support, acceptance, and change to the NEW YOU!

    1) Create a vision board about your weight loss goals.
    2) Make a list of what is "Not Invited" in 2012 (lack of activity, depression, guilt),
    3) Make a list of your work out goals using the SMART model. http://www.goal-setting-guide.com/setting-smart-goals-weight-loss

    BE - Then be what you are envisioning and share this with everyone you know. Including your friends. Do this for a week! But do your homework first!

    Are you ready to do this?
  • Inacay
    Inacay Posts: 47 Member
    Chels, I would like to add that this is with the understanding that I am not aware completely of your situation or of the whole picture, but it definitely sounds like you feel guilt attached with your growth as a person.

    Part of having a good heart and being kind is the compassion we feel for others that are not growing in their lives. This is much different from guilt. It is possible that what you are calling guilt could be a combination of simple consideration and love for your friends that are not growing or experiencing the joy you are feeling.

    I will say this, "Every heartbeat holds a lesson, wisdom is found in listening to the lessons of your heart." Ruthie Inacay

    What is the lesson of your heart Chels?
  • chelso0o
    chelso0o Posts: 366 Member
    Thank you very much! I shouldn't feel guilty because I wanted to go and do something active. The conditions were PERFECT for skiing yesterday, and I made so much progress. You really gave me something to think about! :)
  • ErynnBaby
    ErynnBaby Posts: 15
    I never realized how all my friends and I did was go out to eat, snacks, ice cream, hookah bars, bars to drink beer, etc until one of my closest friends and I were trying to figure out what we were going to do one night and we couldn't come up with a single thing that didn't include some form of food or alcohol. And yes, I find myself hanging out with them less and when I do trying to get them to go do things with me instead of me going and doing things with them (I'm not even sure that makes sense but it does in my head so I'm gonna go with it! LoL)
  • _Bob_
    _Bob_ Posts: 1,487 Member
    be upfront with your non active friends. they'll understand even if the don't choose to express understanding :)
  • Scorpioangel
    Scorpioangel Posts: 951 Member
    I have had this happen too! :)
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