A heavy topic...

rolliepollie087
rolliepollie087 Posts: 251 Member
in Motivation and Support
So this last week was an awful week for me - in terms of calories.

I do this every once in a while, I'll be so good for a week or two and when I am having success losing weight, I always find a way to sabotage myself.

I was raped about ten years ago. Before it happened, I was thin and athletic. After, I had gained some weight. Obvious mental coping mechanism, brain says if you gain weight you won't be attractive, therefor maintaining invisibility. Is it logical? Hell no. But now here I sit, and every bout of success I have, I ruin it.

For those in a similar situation, do you have any advice for beating that mental block...if there even is any.

This sounds awful, but no, I will not seek professional help to get over this. I feel as though it has been handled and dealt with and the only problem I'm having is a minor mental block in the weight loss department. It doesn't affect any othe aspect of my life. That's probably really contradictory. But whatever.

Replies

  • MagnoliaRiver
    MagnoliaRiver Posts: 21
    First of all, I would like to point out that you are 1/3 of the way there and that is awesome.
    Secondly, you are a beautiful woman which will never change no matter what your weight is.
    Thirdly, if you allow this to control you then he wins! Fight back by remaining a beautiful and confident woman!
    You can and will do this... grab those goggles and get to work :)
  • rolliepollie087
    rolliepollie087 Posts: 251 Member
    Thank you so much! You're right, I guess it does put him in control somehow. I am gonna get those goggles tomorrow :) back to the pool I go!!
    First of all, I would like to point out that you are 1/3 of the way there and that is awesome.
    Secondly, you are a beautiful woman which will never change no matter what your weight is.
    Thirdly, if you allow this to control you then he wins! Fight back by remaining a beautiful and confident woman!
    You can and will do this... grab those goggles and get to work :)
  • CoderGal
    CoderGal Posts: 6,800 Member
    Dear, its him that needs help, it had nothing to do with your weight, it had to do with him being messed up. If we all tried to be unhealthy and unatractive rape would still exist along with new problems to boot.

    Its hard being beautiful. And what doesnt kill us makes us stronger...via exercise lol *nudge*
  • becoming_a_new_me
    becoming_a_new_me Posts: 1,860 Member
    I am able to relate to your situation. Anything to do to sabatoge yourself is giving him back power. I can tell you from experience that it sounds like you are a bit afraid to get back to the "old you" because being overweight is a bit of a defense mechanism. I wasn't thin and athletic when it happened to me, but I was svelte and curvy. For a long time I was afraid that if I got back to that, it could happen again. Don't set yourself up for failure, keep your sight on your goals, and do not let him win.
  • rolliepollie087
    rolliepollie087 Posts: 251 Member
    This is true :D I need to hit the pool ASAP! Thank you
    Dear, its him that needs help, it had nothing to do with your weight, it had to do with him being messed up. If we all tried to be unhealthy and unatractive rape would still exist along with new problems to boot.

    Its hard being beautiful. And what doesnt kill us makes us stronger...via exercise lol *nudge*
  • rolliepollie087
    rolliepollie087 Posts: 251 Member
    A defense mechanism is precisely what it is...it's obviously not my only reason for struggling to lose. But it's a pretty big factor, how frustrating it is to recognize a problem but be clueless as to how to solve it! Thanks for your insight :) it was helpful.
    I am able to relate to your situation. Anything to do to sabatoge yourself is giving him back power. I can tell you from experience that it sounds like you are a bit afraid to get back to the "old you" because being overweight is a bit of a defense mechanism. I wasn't thin and athletic when it happened to me, but I was svelte and curvy. For a long time I was afraid that if I got back to that, it could happen again. Don't set yourself up for failure, keep your sight on your goals, and do not let him win.
  • tierneymichele
    tierneymichele Posts: 19
    Don't want to make you mad or anything but I have to say that I always believe talking to a professional in a situation like yours will help.
    With that being said, I have the same kind of mental block. Usually I do really great for the first two weeks. And then I put it in my head that I have done so well that it would be okay to slack off a bit now. It is a mental thing and while I just started this my plan is to just continue staying focused. Whenever I get those thoughts in my head I am going to just push them out and remind myself that small victories are just that. Small victories and I want to go all the way this time. My friend told a friend that was looking for some motivation, to just get up and do it! And that is my new life motto. No more justifying this or giving myself soo much lee way that I fall all the way back. I wish you all the luck and I really hope you get over your mental block and accomplish what it is that you want to =]
  • 1Timothy4v8
    1Timothy4v8 Posts: 503 Member
    The only thing that has helped me cope with the horrors of my past is God (Yahweh) and the bible,

    you can add me for support ifen you wanna =)
  • shalwilson34
    shalwilson34 Posts: 22 Member
    Not sure if this will help, but this is what keeps me focused: Are you happier when you are at a good healthy weight? We are what we eat, so visualize how you want to look and watch those calories. If you cheat one day, well then get back on the horse the following day and get back on track. Good luck to you. You can do this.

    14448865.png
    Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Weight Loss Tools
  • BrendaLee
    BrendaLee Posts: 4,463 Member
    Don't let him take anything else from you. If you want this, go for it full force.
  • rolliepollie087
    rolliepollie087 Posts: 251 Member
    Nah you didn't make me mad ;) probably it would be beneficial to speak with a pro, but I'm one jaded individual! I'd scare them off :p I see what you're saying, mental blocks are a pain! Mind over matter!! Thank you
    Don't want to make you mad or anything but I have to say that I always believe talking to a professional in a situation like yours will help.
    With that being said, I have the same kind of mental block. Usually I do really great for the first two weeks. And then I put it in my head that I have done so well that it would be okay to slack off a bit now. It is a mental thing and while I just started this my plan is to just continue staying focused. Whenever I get those thoughts in my head I am going to just push them out and remind myself that small victories are just that. Small victories and I want to go all the way this time. My friend told a friend that was looking for some motivation, to just get up and do it! And that is my new life motto. No more justifying this or giving myself soo much lee way that I fall all the way back. I wish you all the luck and I really hope you get over your mental block and accomplish what it is that you want to =]
  • rolliepollie087
    rolliepollie087 Posts: 251 Member
    He is definitely a helpful tool :) thank you
    The only thing that has helped me cope with the horrors of my past is God (Yahweh) and the bible,

    you can add me for support ifen you wanna =)
  • Inlet
    Inlet Posts: 135
    I'm no expert, but have you considered taking a women's self defense class? Around where I am the community has free, no men allowed, rape aggression defense classes that are awesome.
    And adding in strength training might help a little. You are strong and beautiful and courageous for continuing to fight for your self, and your happiness, and control of your own life. I wish you so much success!
  • becoming_a_new_me
    becoming_a_new_me Posts: 1,860 Member
    A defense mechanism is precisely what it is...it's obviously not my only reason for struggling to lose. But it's a pretty big factor, how frustrating it is to recognize a problem but be clueless as to how to solve it! Thanks for your insight :) it was helpful.

    I try to keep myself aware of my thoughts, and when I start to slip I start doing the opposite of the destructive behaviors. If I want to binge or eat, I get up and get active. I find that getting your mind off the situation really helps. Keep the house stocked with healthy snacks like carrots, celery, fat free cottage cheese, low fat cheese, etc. If you need to snack and being active just isn't enough to get past the hump, choose healthy snacks. If you are jonsing for a big fat juicy burger, drive the opposite direction and avoid the temptation if you cannot get a small one to stave off the craving. Try to find someone to talk to during these times too. Even if it is just to chat online, meet for coffee, etc to just talk about random things, find more productive ways to cope
  • rolliepollie087
    rolliepollie087 Posts: 251 Member
    I have been doing a lot of getting on and off the horse, that goal line is always in site :D thanks
    Not sure if this will help, but this is what keeps me focused: Are you happier when you are at a good healthy weight? We are what we eat, so visualize how you want to look and watch those calories. If you cheat one day, well then get back on the horse the following day and get back on track. Good luck to you. You can do this.

    14448865.png
    Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Weight Loss Tools
  • meerkat70
    meerkat70 Posts: 4,605 Member
    There are similar underpinnings to my weight gain, and I lived 20 years nearly as a very big person, hiding myself from being a victim. At some point, I realised that this was entrenching me as a victim.

    Exercise. That would be my big recovery tip. There's nothing better at restoring your faith in your body than using it to its full capacity, feeling its strength, its perfect capacity. Running, in particular, has been my friend in terms of building my confidence.

    I respect your desire not to return to therapy. God knows (and I say this as a psychologist, lol!) there's only so much talking about myself I can do before I start to get bored with me! But yeah, more seriously, if you don't feel you want to engage in the therapeutic thing, don't feel you have to or that you have to excuse yourself for not doing so. There are lots of ways to rebuild your life, and therapy is only one tool.
  • meerkat70
    meerkat70 Posts: 4,605 Member
    and ps don't wait as long as I did to sort this out. So much wasted time.

    You're young and you have every right to be fit and healthy and enjoy your body. Take it back.
  • rolliepollie087
    rolliepollie087 Posts: 251 Member
    Fortunately I don't keep junk food in my house.
    No cookies / ice cream, etc.
    It definitely is going to take some expanding of my stubborn mind, recognizing behavior patterns like you said. :D
    A defense mechanism is precisely what it is...it's obviously not my only reason for struggling to lose. But it's a pretty big factor, how frustrating it is to recognize a problem but be clueless as to how to solve it! Thanks for your insight :) it was helpful.

    I try to keep myself aware of my thoughts, and when I start to slip I start doing the opposite of the destructive behaviors. If I want to binge or eat, I get up and get active. I find that getting your mind off the situation really helps. Keep the house stocked with healthy snacks like carrots, celery, fat free cottage cheese, low fat cheese, etc. If you need to snack and being active just isn't enough to get past the hump, choose healthy snacks. If you are jonsing for a big fat juicy burger, drive the opposite direction and avoid the temptation if you cannot get a small one to stave off the craving. Try to find someone to talk to during these times too. Even if it is just to chat online, meet for coffee, etc to just talk about random things, find more productive ways to cope
  • ahinescapron
    ahinescapron Posts: 351 Member
    I also can relate to this topic. When I lost a lot of weight and got really strong ten years ago it was part of overcoming what had happened to me. For me, nothing gave me a sense of power and control of my life than training my body and becoming confident in what I can do with it. That is part of the reason I want to get back to that. Not having control brings me back to feeling vulnerable. Take back your power! You are in control. If you need help doing it, there is no shame in getting help (I did!).
    Edited to add: sorry, I just read about you not wanting to go back to therapy. Sometimes, the best therapy is talking with people you are close to about it.
  • rolliepollie087
    rolliepollie087 Posts: 251 Member
    Thank you, I am glad to know there are other ways of gaining control than relying solely on therapy :) you're right, only young once.
    and ps don't wait as long as I did to sort this out. So much wasted time.

    You're young and you have every right to be fit and healthy and enjoy your body. Take it back.
  • Kymmu
    Kymmu Posts: 1,650 Member
    I wish I knew what to say - I don't but I wish you love and support moving forward.
  • rolliepollie087
    rolliepollie087 Posts: 251 Member
    Thank you :D you're absolutely right
    I also can relate to this topic. When I lost a lot of weight and got really strong ten years ago it was part of overcoming what had happened to me. For me, nothing gave me a sense of power and control of my life than training my body and becoming confident in what I can do with it. That is part of the reason I want to get back to that. Not having control brings me back to feeling vulnerable. Take back your power! You are in control. If you need help doing it, there is no shame in getting help (I did!).
  • rolliepollie087
    rolliepollie087 Posts: 251 Member
    Thanks! I know it can be an awkward subject! I'm comfortable talking about it so thank you for your kind words :)
    I wish I knew what to say - I don't but I wish you love and support moving forward.
  • 57rainbows
    57rainbows Posts: 101 Member
    I don't have an experience similar to yours, but I do have mental blocks. Mine is depression - I've had it my whole life, bouncing between mild chronic depression and major depressive states. I really struggle with feeling capable, with motivation and energy levels, with caring enough to want to do anything at all, with caring enough about myself to treat myself well. I strongly feel that taking care of my depression issues will help my nutrition and fitness. All that to say, I understand how mental blocks can get in the way!


    Whether you want to get professional help is up to you but I think the important part is that you do get to the root of things and fix it from there, you know? If it's like some people have said and maybe you're sort of afraid it could happen again if you return to that fitness level, maybe something empowering like martial arts would help! If it's a self-worth issue, maybe something that helps you love yourself - some spa days, affirmations from those who mean the most to you, write a list of qualities about yourself you love! I hope you can figure out the root cause and get it settled from there, and best wishes on your weight loss. <3
  • CoderGal
    CoderGal Posts: 6,800 Member
    If you 'seek help' and end up feeling worse switch to someone else...they're doing it wrong.
  • rolliepollie087
    rolliepollie087 Posts: 251 Member
    I had been in counseling when it happened and dealt with it a bit then, I'm just not sure what good it would do me. I can recognize the problem it is causing and see my behavioral patterns. I guess I must be looking for the be all solution that doesn't exist :p
    If you 'seek help' and end up feeling worse switch to someone else...they're doing it wrong.
  • netchik
    netchik Posts: 587 Member
    I can relate as well, and I found the same thing, weight gain so I wouldn't be attractive etc (for me it was a recurring event from a family friend) but that didn't work, then years and years of beating myself up about it, getting fatter, disliking myself.... But something happened to me that is different to the advice you're receiving here. Counselling didn't work for me - they didn't "get it".

    I'm angry with my agressor now, not scared. I have a host of health issues, and he was the catalyst. I have 2 failed pregnancies with my soul mate, and I also blame them on the same guy. My answer to you, is that anger helps you channel, helps you focus and makes you strong. I decided I needed to be healthy, and I needed to be fit. Because one day He and I could be face to face again, and I am going to kicks his balls until he cries blood.

    Don't get me wrong - I'm not off my rocker. I am a nice person too! It's unlikely I'll ever see him again, but channelling the anger has helped me in a way that "beleiving I'm beautiful on the inside" didn't.

    And on the flip side, feeling empowered, I now beleive in myself - I didn't have to talk myself into it. I hope you can too! Feel free to add me if you need some support. xxx
  • Sorova
    Sorova Posts: 101 Member
    Someone I love very much went through a similar experience. I hope that you receive love and support from people in your life and that you feel welcome to talk about these things with MFP people as needed. Anyone who is not supportive is someone not worth your time.

    I too have engaged in self sabotage for my own reasons in the past. I think the most important step to overcoming such roadblocks is to recognize them, and it looks like you're very self aware and have already spent some time thinking about what you are doing and why. We can all give suggestions and ultimately it will be you who figures out which thoughts or ideas are most motivating for you in changing your behaviour.

    For me, writing is extremely helpful. Whenever I find myself stalled, I sit down and start writing about what I'm doing and how I feel about my progress. I write about whatever's on my mind and sometimes I am surprised at where it leads me. It helps me understand myself and my motivations better. I think the key is to keep this weight loss process an element of the conscious mind, so that we can keep our logic and reason involved. If we let our behaviour become automatic before we've established the *right* automatic behaviour, it can go off track.

Categories