Do you have unsupportive people in your life?
trimom10
Posts: 388 Member
It's mainly the people closest to me - my family (NOT MFP friends who have been THE best!) that don't seem to have anything supportive to say about my weight loss. I've been at it for one month now, and am making consistent progression. It's not that they are saying hurtful things, it's more that they don't acknowledge my hard work or progress.
In fact with my weigh-in day yesterday I realized I'm half way to my goal weight! When I told them about it, reactions ranged from "you're getting skinnier and I'm getting fatter" to "we'll have to put ankle weights on you so you don't blow away" to basically no comment or acknowledgement of my news. The weight/food isn't something I talk about on a daily basis, just an update once a week. I'm not one to complain that I'm starving, hungry, wish I could have "X" food, etc. So I'm just really surprised at how unsupportive they've been. :frown: How have you dealt with this?
In fact with my weigh-in day yesterday I realized I'm half way to my goal weight! When I told them about it, reactions ranged from "you're getting skinnier and I'm getting fatter" to "we'll have to put ankle weights on you so you don't blow away" to basically no comment or acknowledgement of my news. The weight/food isn't something I talk about on a daily basis, just an update once a week. I'm not one to complain that I'm starving, hungry, wish I could have "X" food, etc. So I'm just really surprised at how unsupportive they've been. :frown: How have you dealt with this?
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My success is not determined by someone else's support or joy for me. I don't expect anyone to say anything, and I make no announcements. If someone asks, I'll tell them. Keeps me from getting my feelings hurt over something that they may not even realize is hurting my feelings.0
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The bulk of mine came from the church I serve, and I just kept going and tried not to let them bother me and I've managed to see a few others get on board with getting healthy too. The only other negativity came from my mother, which wasn't surprising to me, but she got over it when she saw I'm happy and healthy for the first time in my life.0
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other than my husband-no. I kicked them all to the curb, my husband on the other hand is a bit tougher to get rid of! Lol
He's not "unsupportive" but he's not supportive either. He really could care less. Thankful I have some amazing friends here on MFP that I can share my journey with.0 -
I just try to remember that I am doing it for myself so I shouldn't look to certain people for encouragement. It is sad, but not everyone shares out weight loss mentality. For me, it is a person at work that I would love to have share my journey, but she is just not that type of person.0
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Sounds like you need to master the art of putting your fingers in your ears and yelling LALALALALALA!
Don't let them get to you. Once you get to your goal weight, these same people will make you feel bad about your accomplishment, but just give it time. They'll get used to the new you.
Congratulations on being halfway to goal! AWESOME!0 -
i get this to from time to time. Maybe they just don't know how to respond to the awesome things we are doing for ourselves. I just try to not let it bug me. I know I am looking and feeling better about my self and thats what matters most.
You are doing awesome!! Keep up the great work and don't let anyones comments hinder your results!!!
Good luck with the rest of your journey!! 0 -
No and I consider myself extremely lucky to have my circle of family and friends. We support each other through everything. I read so many stories on here about folks that don't have any support and it just makes me sad. I couldn't imagine what that must be like but I do thank my lucky stars every day to be loved.0
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I really do think that comments like that come from a bit of envy. You are doing great!!!!!!0
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I've had some of the same experiences you have, I think. What really resonated with me was the idea that I'm making people feel bad about themselves because I'm doing this and they wish they were (or feel like they should be). In fact, my wife has said on a couple occasions that she wants me to stop so she won't look bad when we're together. She says it in a joking manner, but I think there's a bit of truth behind it.
I don't hold any of those feelings against my friends, but it is hard to feel like a living, breathing guilt-creator when I'm around some folks. I'm with you in wondering how other people have approached this.0 -
I know how you feel, I am surrounded by unsupportive family. I do however have very supportive friends here at work and I have just stopped looking to my family for anything. Sad but true. I made MFP friends with a guy named Bill on here and he is motivational and inspires me daily! Good luck to you, feel free to add me.0
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Well, I'm not doing this for anyone else so I don't really care whether they're supportive or not.
That's just me though.0 -
yes. my sister actually was nasty with me about it. said i was making her look bad now shes the "fat sister"0
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Well at least they aren't shoving chocolate in your face like my coworkers and saying " Oh yeah forgot YOU'RE dieting" but just keep your head up nine times out of ten most are jealous that they don't have what it takes to do what your doing. Nice job and keep up the good work!0
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My success is not determined by someone else's support or joy for me. I don't expect anyone to say anything, and I make no announcements. If someone asks, I'll tell them. Keeps me from getting my feelings hurt over something that they may not even realize is hurting my feelings.
^^THIS
I want them to notice and say something themselves. I do not want to announce it. I am just waiting to see when my family/freinds notice enough to tell me. If they dont.. I am not going to be upset because I am not losing weight for them, I am getting healthy for myself and my children who are my biggest supporters. I dont need the attention from anyone else. I know I am doing great and I have all of my MFP freinds for support and encouraging words. That is all I need.0 -
I've had some of the same experiences you have, I think. What really resonated with me was the idea that I'm making people feel bad about themselves because I'm doing this and they wish they were (or feel like they should be). In fact, my wife has said on a couple occasions that she wants me to stop so she won't look bad when we're together. She says it in a joking manner, but I think there's a bit of truth behind it.
I don't hold any of those feelings against my friends, but it is hard to feel like a living, breathing guilt-creator when I'm around some folks. I'm with you in wondering how other people have approached this.
my husband has said the same things to me too. Sometimes I get bummed out by it because I know i want to look good for HIM (and of course myself)...but then when he says things like that, or how i'll go find someone else because i'm "skinny" drive me crazy!0 -
My dad can be the hardest on me (and I'm 25!), but I just try to remember I am doing this for me, not anyone else. :happy:0
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Sometimes people get insecure when you talk about weight loss because it only reminds them that they're NOT exercising, eating healthy, or drinking enough water. The people around me are always full of excuses about why they don't have the time or the money or the motivation, "my job is really crazy right now,' "I'll focus on that when I graduate," "I have kids," etc. You're done making excuses, that's going to make people jealous. So just don't say anything at all, and when they say "wow, you're looking great these days" just answer "thank you." Who knows, they might ask you for your secret!0
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No and I consider myself extremely lucky to have my circle of family and friends. We support each other through everything. I read so many stories on here about folks that don't have any support and it just makes me sad. I couldn't imagine what that must be like but I do thank my lucky stars every day to be loved.
you and me both!!0 -
I am lucky, most of my friends have been very supportive. I don't really talk much about it yet, because I am just beginning my journey and people can't see a difference yet.
I think that if they aren't going through the work, they really don't realize how much work it is. I am sorry that you have people in your life who don't support you the way you want them to.
Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Nutrition Facts For Foods0 -
Congrats to you on your halfway point too!Sounds like you need to master the art of putting your fingers in your ears and yelling LALALALALALA!
Don't let them get to you. Once you get to your goal weight, these same people will make you feel bad about your accomplishment, but just give it time. They'll get used to the new you.
Congratulations on being halfway to goal! AWESOME!0 -
Oh man, I can't WAIT until my sister says this to me! I'd be secretly jumping up and down for joy on the inside.yes. my sister actually was nasty with me about it. said i was making her look bad now shes the "fat sister"0 -
i get this to from time to time. Maybe they just don't know how to respond to the awesome things we are doing for ourselves. I just try to not let it bug me. I know I am looking and feeling better about my self and thats what matters most.
You are doing awesome!! Keep up the great work and don't let anyones comments hinder your results!!! Good luck with the rest of your journey!!
This!!0 -
They're mostly supportive (family and husband especially), but some comments like you've mentioned have come from friends who haven't been able to lose weight themselves. I don't think is that they aren't happy FOR ME, but it reminds them that they aren't happy with their own weight or fitness level, and in those cases, I do try to downplay it a bit, and definitely don't provide them with updates very regularly. I don't want them to think I'm throwing my success in their faces, because I was once in their shoes, and was the heavier friend watching someone else lose weight and get complimented all the time. Its not the best feeling...so try to cut them some slack. Celebrate with MFP friends here, where you can brag a little...and keep on your own road to success!0
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You don't look overweight at all. In fact, you look thin in your pictures.
My husband is thin. It annoys me to no end when he teases that he's fat. I know he's just teasing, but it still annoys me. I AM overweight. In fact, I'll be considered obese until I lose another 1 or 2 pounds. I think it's great that you are meeting your personal weight loss goals, but you're shooting for an ideal when most people who are overweight would just like to be a normal weight. I would think it's fair to say that most people who see you don't think, "Geez, she could use to lose a few pounds." So when you expect some kind of encouragement for getting even thinner than you already are, you might be expecting a bit much from others. I know it's cliche, but happiness is inside. Not in others.
Good luck with your goals.0 -
My wife thinks that being overweight is a discipline problem. I'm not saying that isn't a part of it but it is by no means all of it. In one month I was able to lose 29 lbs. I weighed 340lbs at the time, she said you didn't get under 300 yet. There are some people in the world that will never get that being overweight is a lot of little issue's in one. That's why people come here, That's why I come here. Good Luck everyone.0
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I've started to realize that other people don't really get as excited about my life as I do. They have their own crap going on. So, I work on being proud of myself and impressed with how far I've come, and revel in the excitement of my fellow MFPers.0
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Not any more!!!0
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I sometimes feel like my mom is my unsupportive person in my life. I live with my mom and younger bro (mostly). My mom cooks such yummy dishes.. and, a lot of days she also makes deserts. I've put in foods she cooks in the recipe section of this website, and her meals are generally very healthy- full of nutrients and protein, etc. BUT, the deserts she makes are highly caloric - but sort of healthy since she puts walnuts and almonds and craisins in them. Every time I say I need to lose weight, she agrees. BUT, she then cooks up a load of food- and I feel awful if I dont eat any of it, or even some of it. :ohwell:0
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My in-laws believe the more fat, butter, and sugar the better, and when I used to occasionally mention I didn't want to eat something because I was watching my weight, they would jump on me about being irrational and rationing food and tell me I was weird and crazy and lecture me. Now, I say "Sorry, I just find the taste of (insert whatever food they are eating) really gross, I guess it's something irrational left over from my childhood." And they are FINE with that, I just get an "oh, okay" or "huh thats weird" and then they totally drop the subject and move on without any lectures or dirty looks. I still don't understand exactly HOW that works, but it works for me! LOL
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i get this to from time to time. Maybe they just don't know how to respond to the awesome things we are doing for ourselves. I just try to not let it bug me. I know I am looking and feeling better about my self and thats what matters most.
You are doing awesome!! Keep up the great work and don't let anyones comments hinder your results!!! Good luck with the rest of your journey!!
THIS! i did have negativity around me at certain times during my weight loss journey (i lost over 70 pounds and I still have people close to me who say hurtful things or have til this day not even recognized my progress), the truth is i did not get the feedback from certain people that i wished i would have gotten, BUT i did this 100% for me. I suffered from low self esteem my entire life and finally i realized it was time for a change for myself. with that being said however, i could understand you sometimes wanting the ppl close to you to give you some motivation but just try to focus on the fact that this was done for yourself and surround yourself with positive people and ignore the rest :flowerforyou:0
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