So Sick of all the people that say - you just have to....

onek9lover
onek9lover Posts: 58
edited November 10 in Motivation and Support
I am so sick of telling everyone that I am trying to lose weight and they say....

"you just have to work out" or "you just have to diet" or "you just have to eat low carb" - funny - these statements are not coming from the most physcially fit or athletic people I know either... I am doing all of it and still having problems and I am just getting so sick of everyone that thinks they know better.

I mean really... my friend who drinks a liter of alcohol on the weekend is telling me I ate too many calories yesterday cause I ate 1575 and went to the gym and did 47 mins on the elliptical. Give me a break!

So frustrating.
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Replies

  • mzjandiace
    mzjandiace Posts: 162
    It's because they don't understand! There going by what the see on TV or read or even heard, but until they walk in your shoes they won't get it! Tell your friend to quit drinking and give there kidney a break...Im just saying!
  • onek9lover
    onek9lover Posts: 58
    It's because they don't understand! There going by what the see on TV or read or even heard, but until they walk in your shoes they won't get it! Tell your friend to quit drinking and give there kidney a break...Im just saying!

    Thanks! I'm glad you feel the same way! Its so annoying!!
  • mitch1066
    mitch1066 Posts: 2
    We have a friend that secretly had the slimband done so now hes all preachy about weightloss and fitness.For years he struggled and was miserable with yo yo dieting.......oh how quickly they forget.
  • jpapale
    jpapale Posts: 11 Member
    I agree ... those people who say "you just have to _________" don't understand what all is really involved in that little JUST! If it were really JUST that easy, then there wouldn't be so many people struggling :)

    If you hit a hard spot I have heard that changing up your routine or your diet a little bit can help jumpstart again... this is just what i've heard/read. I'm only 4 weeks into this so I haven't had that yet.

    Good Luck
  • KateB1982
    KateB1982 Posts: 107 Member
    If it was that easy, everybody would be fit!
  • hope516
    hope516 Posts: 1,133 Member
    That is why I never let anyone know about my "lifestyle changes." People think they know better. Its easy to sit on the sidelines but until you are in the thick of it I don't want to hear your "ideas." So unless people are being supportive wtih ideas or wanting to exchange tips I politely remind them that I never ASKED for help :drinker:
  • onek9lover
    onek9lover Posts: 58
    That is why I never let anyone know about my "lifestyle changes." People think they know better. Its easy to sit on the sidelines but until you are in the thick of it I don't want to hear your "ideas." So unless people are being supportive wtih ideas or wanting to exchange tips I politely remind them that I never ASKED for help :drinker:

    I think thats a good idea - maybe I will just keep it to myself from now on. I think I get way too frustrated listening to everyone be know it alls, they certainly are not putting in the time and effort I am.
  • Mina50
    Mina50 Posts: 3
    I would have to say it is mostly ignorance on their part. I’m embarrassed to say, I use to be one of (those) people when I was in my early 20s, then age & gravity hit me. Age in some ways is a beautiful thing, but gravity is always bad. I wish I knew then what I know now.
  • JanieJack
    JanieJack Posts: 3,831 Member
    ME too!!

    Part of it's also becasue some people don't have the struggles we (or, at least, *I*) have. I know several naturally high-metabolism super thin people who never work out. I also know many average sized folks who, with a little portion control and running a mile here and there, can easily drop a few pounds. They're always quick to say, "If you just..." or "You just have to..."

    BUT for me it takes a LOT of work to see results and then to maintain those results. And those folks don't realize how MUCH effort it takes me, becasue it doesn't take that much effort for THEM.

    I've had to accept the fact that this is something I will always struggle with and have to work harder at, just like some people struggle with math or sewing or being a good parent (all things I do!) :-)
  • luvdooney33
    luvdooney33 Posts: 15
    I get annoyed by those know it all people too.. everyone is different.. and it took a while for me to find what actually works best for ME! as well as my schedule and picky eating habits..
  • tatertotfishstick
    tatertotfishstick Posts: 91 Member
    I worked in a health food store for years, and customers would come in constantly wanting a "diet pill"... there is no such thing. If there was a pill that could help you lose weight... we would all be a size 2 ! This magic pill does not exist! There are fiber pills (can only help keep you regular), laxatives (bad idea), diuretics (bad for kidneys), and pills that increase your metabolism, but they will make you jittery, moody and cause damage to your heart long term. There is no magic way to lose weight. We have to be responsible for calories in and calories out. But even then, there are always other factors like hormones, thyroid, and disease (like diabetes) that still effect the scale. Support is VERY important... when people try to dismiss how difficult this journey is they are not supporting us effectively. It's like telling an alcoholic to just stop drinking. It takes a village.
  • brendaj39
    brendaj39 Posts: 375 Member
    Thats true on not letting "certain" people know about what you're doing. I also hate being asked but some "how much have you lost" and when I said the last few weeks, nothing, they just look at you like you're a failure...I just keep it to myself, been yo-yoing for about 30 years now and hopefully this is my last time around!
  • tatertotfishstick
    tatertotfishstick Posts: 91 Member
    That is why I never let anyone know about my "lifestyle changes." People think they know better. Its easy to sit on the sidelines but until you are in the thick of it I don't want to hear your "ideas." So unless people are being supportive wtih ideas or wanting to exchange tips I politely remind them that I never ASKED for help :drinker:

    I think thats a good idea - maybe I will just keep it to myself from now on. I think I get way too frustrated listening to everyone be know it alls, they certainly are not putting in the time and effort I am.

    but this is why it is nice to have MFP, so we can all support one another in our lifestyle changes. I believe in you.
  • leannems
    leannems Posts: 516 Member
    I read this article a while ago and think it might be a good idea: http://articles.chicagotribune.com/2011-12-28/health/sc-health-1221-secret-diet-20111228_1_weight-loss-plans-weight-watchers-diet-plans

    I've really only told my super close friends about what I'm trying to do and if people ask me why I'm on the phone while we're out to eat (to log calories) I just tell them - oh sorry - got a text.

    Someone's always going to know better than you, but I think you can tell those folks that you were just venting, not seeking their advice, or that while you appreciate their input, what works for them may be not what works for you, so you're just trying your own thing for now.
  • Jamiewoodle
    Jamiewoodle Posts: 100 Member
    Tell me about it! I work with a bunch of Military men who eat whatever they want and say the same kinda things! I'm still working out what is right for me. I set my calories at 1,310. I'm 5'4". They were originally at 1200 but I was stuck so I uped them and now the scale is just begining to move again. My sister in-law set hers at 1,000 even (she's 4'8) and has lost over 35lbs! We're all built different.

    I've been reading studys that are showing people who eat a large breakfast (500-600) calories that incude plenty of protein and carbs lose weight faster than those who eat small(250-350) breakfasts or none at all (all eating same TOTAL daily calories). I'd have to really skimp on dinner or snacks to make up for it on non-work out days.

    I think I'm going to try reducing my carbs through out the day so dinners will be lowest in carbs breakfasts the highest. Maybe this will work better for me.
  • 42micheller42
    42micheller42 Posts: 31 Member
    Yes Yes Yes ...I am afraid I am guilty of saying "'You know what you should do .. blah blah blau ..I lost over 50 pounds ..this is how I did it ....blah blah blah" Then I have gained 20 pounds in this last year by not taking my own advice !!! I love the advice someone gave about keeping your new lifestyle to yourself !!! No more unsolicited and disouraging advice. I just joined this site this morning ....here goes ...
  • sgtchester
    sgtchester Posts: 20 Member
    It does seem that everyone has an opinion on how do to absolutely anything, whether they know what they're talking about or not. There also isn't really a best way to do anything. Just what's going to work for you.
  • kunibob
    kunibob Posts: 608 Member
    I think it's because people like to think they're only one quick step away from being fit. It reassures them that they haven't really let themselves go TOO much, just a little bit. It's kind of the "I can quit any time I want to" mentality.
  • liog
    liog Posts: 347 Member
    I've told my husband and health care providers, but no one else just for this reason. It's like being pregnant, everyone thinks they need to offer advice and everyone thinks they know better than you do. I try to only give advice on any subject when it is asked for. This is what is nice about this site, you can ask questions and vent and share struggles and successes without much negative feedback.
  • Ambr
    Ambr Posts: 53 Member
    That is why I never let anyone know about my "lifestyle changes." People think they know better. Its easy to sit on the sidelines but until you are in the thick of it I don't want to hear your "ideas." So unless people are being supportive wtih ideas or wanting to exchange tips I politely remind them that I never ASKED for help :drinker:
    hmmm great idea
  • AmoreCouture
    AmoreCouture Posts: 255 Member
    As soon as some people found out I was doing something to lose weight, they did the same thing. It also came from people who were out of shape. I told someone I know I was counting calories and she interrupted me and said "NOPE, that's not how you do it. It's ALL about protein. You don't have to watch your calories, just eat high protein." I tried to explain that the method I'm using pretty much covers all of it, not just calories but she wouldn't be quiet.
    When my mom found out, I was fixing to eat a baked potato one day and she said "Carbs will make you fat. You're not supposed to eat them." I explained that I have a carb limit as well and eating a baked potato will not make me fat. She did this again another time after that.

    A lot of people think once they know you're trying to lose weight, they can give you unsolicited advice, or correct you on what you're doing.
  • BAMFMeredith
    BAMFMeredith Posts: 2,810 Member
    It's because they don't understand! There going by what the see on TV or read or even heard, but until they walk in your shoes they won't get it! Tell your friend to quit drinking and give there kidney a break...Im just saying!

    Thanks! I'm glad you feel the same way! Its so annoying!!

    So know how you feel. I had this friend (emphasis on HAD) who weighed roughly the same as I did, maybe one pants size smaller. She lost like 50 lbs super fast to the point where she almost looked sick. When I would struggle and get frustrated about not seeing a lot of progress she would say "you just have to cut your calories in half, that's what I do." Yeah. She took adderall (which decreases your appetite), smoked cigarettes, and at like 800 calories a day and lived off of SmartOnes. She also drank like every night but hardly ate anything. She would walk on the treadmill for like 30 minutes a few times a week and that's it.

    She thought she was in great shape bc she was so skinny. I finally go the point where I stopped being jealous of her rapid weight loss and started to appreciate the fact that although I've got 50lbs on her, I can lift a lot more weight than she can and I can run a hell of a lot further and faster than she can.

    Just know that by being on here you're doing the right thing and it's NOT as easy as "just" doing one simple thing. You've got this!
  • arettaballantyne
    arettaballantyne Posts: 3
    Just remember that not everyone is a size 1. Some just don't understand when we decide to do something for ourselves. They don't count! You do!!!! Keep up with what you are doing and be proud of taking charge of your health. You will still be here when liver failure hits the drinker.
  • mindycal
    mindycal Posts: 6
    everyone is different so what works for me may not work for you, and we all know that it is a lot of things that all add up to work, no one thing alone is going to magically make the pounds disappear. they didn't just pile up overnight and they will not just go away that way either! i used to get the same sort of "help" from people that had no real clue when i quit smoking, some of the people offering advice had never smoked and now that i am on this weight loss journey i get advice from people that have no weight issues whatsoever. but my satisfaction comes every time i step on the scale, so far i am down 92 pounds and still have a ways to go, but i'm not about to let a couple of folks without a clue bring me down, you shouldn't either :-) have a great day!!
  • Embell0830
    Embell0830 Posts: 105
    Some people are just obnxious and some people actually mean well because maybe it worked for them in the past and something happened in their life that caused them to lose focus. We are all guilty of this on some level in some aspect of life, ie weightloss, relationships, work, etc.

    A lot of people myself included tend to forget that we are all different and we don't always know all the factors that make other people who/what they are.

    Just a suggestion if you are struggling with loss have you seen your doctor? If you haven't maybe ask about being tested for hypothyroidism or PCOS. Obviously I don't know your medical background, but these are two things I was diagnosed with that hinder my weightloss.
  • Devlyn_P
    Devlyn_P Posts: 294 Member
    The most basic and cost effective way that works for me consistently is IIFIYM. Calculating maintenance and creating a deficit from that number then properly setting my macros based on my goal. Slow and steady wins the race, try to maintain a goal of 1-2lb loss a week. I wish you the best of luck!
  • tinattinat
    tinattinat Posts: 56 Member
    Tell me about it! I work with a bunch of Military men who eat whatever they want and say the same kinda things! I'm still working out what is right for me. I set my calories at 1,310. I'm 5'4". They were originally at 1200 but I was stuck so I uped them and now the scale is just begining to move again. My sister in-law set hers at 1,000 even (she's 4'8) and has lost over 35lbs! We're all built different.

    I've been reading studys that are showing people who eat a large breakfast (500-600) calories that incude plenty of protein and carbs lose weight faster than those who eat small(250-350) breakfasts or none at all (all eating same TOTAL daily calories). I'd have to really skimp on dinner or snacks to make up for it on non-work out days.

    I think I'm going to try reducing my carbs through out the day so dinners will be lowest in carbs breakfasts the highest. Maybe this will work better for me.
    This is exactly what I do! I taper my carbs. Have the most at breakfast, very little, but usually none at dinner. If I'm desperate for a sweet treat, then I'll have a piece of fruit. But this rarely happens anymore. Significantly helped my cravings doing this.
  • tinattinat
    tinattinat Posts: 56 Member
    Some people are just obnxious and some people actually mean well because maybe it worked for them in the past and something happened in their life that caused them to lose focus. We are all guilty of this on some level in some aspect of life, ie weightloss, relationships, work, etc.

    A lot of people myself included tend to forget that we are all different and we don't always know all the factors that make other people who/what they are.

    Just a suggestion if you are struggling with loss have you seen your doctor? If you haven't maybe ask about being tested for hypothyroidism or PCOS. Obviously I don't know your medical background, but these are two things I was diagnosed with that hinder my weightloss.
  • tinattinat
    tinattinat Posts: 56 Member
    Some people are just obnxious and some people actually mean well because maybe it worked for them in the past and something happened in their life that caused them to lose focus. We are all guilty of this on some level in some aspect of life, ie weightloss, relationships, work, etc.

    A lot of people myself included tend to forget that we are all different and we don't always know all the factors that make other people who/what they are.

    Just a suggestion if you are struggling with loss have you seen your doctor? If you haven't maybe ask about being tested for hypothyroidism or PCOS. Obviously I don't know your medical background, but these are two things I was diagnosed with that hinder my weightloss.

    Stick with it. I had PCOS. Losing weight will cure that. If you eat a "diabetic" type diet, it will help with your weight loss. Good luck.
  • mmapags
    mmapags Posts: 8,934 Member
    That is why I never let anyone know about my "lifestyle changes." People think they know better. Its easy to sit on the sidelines but until you are in the thick of it I don't want to hear your "ideas." So unless people are being supportive wtih ideas or wanting to exchange tips I politely remind them that I never ASKED for help :drinker:

    Hope516 nailed it! I'm doing what I'm doing for my reasons, not to hear what anyone else has to say about it. Let your progress do the talking for you. I aks for tips here and on Mark's Daily Apple as I follow his diet and exercise recomendations and that's pretty much it. Take what helps you discard the rest. Tell the armchair experts "I never ASKED for help" as Hope so eloquently put it!

    BTW Hope, 5/16 is my birthday! So besides your great attitude that I appreciate on this topic I think that is cool!
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