feeling a little betrayed by friends right now :-(

denise_earheart
denise_earheart Posts: 354
edited November 10 in Motivation and Support
maybe childish of me but a girl that was really nasty to me a while back is in town seeing her guy and a few of my close friends went to hang out with her.. one who had only met her once but her guy drug her to see this girl since he is friends with her guy and my other friend who said all sorts of things about her and claims to be my bestie is going to see her tonight and do the double date thing..... I am just irritated and sad... could just be my hormones but would anyone else feel this way????

Replies

  • kit_katty
    kit_katty Posts: 992 Member
    maybe childish of me but a girl that was really nasty to me a while back is in town seeing her guy and a few of my close friends went to hang out with her.. one who had only met her once but her guy drug her to see this girl since he is friends with her guy and my other friend who said all sorts of things about her and claims to be my bestie is going to see her tonight and do the double date thing..... I am just irritated and sad... could just be my hormones but would anyone else feel this way????

    Well first off, how long ago was it? Do your friends know about her being nasty? Now nasty was it?

    However, if my best friend knew X person had been nasty and then went and hung out with her, I would be hurt. I certainly would reconsider being friends with someone who'd been unnecessarily nasty to someone I cared about.
  • AnaVerasGettingFit
    AnaVerasGettingFit Posts: 109 Member
    Dirt off ur shoulders. Don't waste your time on this b when u know she could give an eff about u. If she's so horrible, u should feel secure in the knowledge that she's on display in front of YOUR friends. They already love u and think you're awesome. She should b the nervous one;) live a good life. It's the best revenge.
  • denise_earheart
    denise_earheart Posts: 354
    maybe childish of me but a girl that was really nasty to me a while back is in town seeing her guy and a few of my close friends went to hang out with her.. one who had only met her once but her guy drug her to see this girl since he is friends with her guy and my other friend who said all sorts of things about her and claims to be my bestie is going to see her tonight and do the double date thing..... I am just irritated and sad... could just be my hormones but would anyone else feel this way????

    Well first off, how long ago was it? Do your friends know about her being nasty? Now nasty was it?

    However, if my best friend knew X person had been nasty and then went and hung out with her, I would be hurt. I certainly would reconsider being friends with someone who'd been unnecessarily nasty to someone I cared about.




    She was really nasty. her guy worked with my guy for years now and him and I are friends and she thought something was going on with me and him and it totally was not .. for one thing he is NOT my type another all our messages back and fourth were completely harmless and she didnt like it and said all sorts of really mean things to me.... my friend knows this and she is still going to hang out with her . I just feel hurt as I think I have the right to be
  • denise_earheart
    denise_earheart Posts: 354
    Dirt off ur shoulders. Don't waste your time on this b when u know she could give an eff about u. If she's so horrible, u should feel secure in the knowledge that she's on display in front of YOUR friends. They already love u and think you're awesome. She should b the nervous one;) live a good life. It's the best revenge.


    Ya that is true too... It is just my TOM and I feel crappy and emotional as it is
  • snaus70
    snaus70 Posts: 39
    Just wanted to say I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling badly and I can relate to that... when someone you care about even on a friend level seems to be choosing to spend time with someone who hurt you over you, it does hurt. It might be that your friend doesn't really mean to disregard your feelings and doesn't really understand how much this other girl hurt you. But, on the other hand, it could be that she isn't a real friend, and if so, it isn't worth your energy to be friends with her. I've stopped talking to quite a few of my "friends" because I didn't want to be the one putting emotional energy into maintaining a friendship when it was apparent the person didn't value me. You really need to find out where your friends are coming from and what they are thinking in order for you to know whether their snub was intentional or not. But, in the meantime, you have every right to feel the way you do!!!!
  • denise_earheart
    denise_earheart Posts: 354
    Just wanted to say I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling badly and I can relate to that... when someone you care about even on a friend level seems to be choosing to spend time with someone who hurt you over you, it does hurt. It might be that your friend doesn't really mean to disregard your feelings and doesn't really understand how much this other girl hurt you. But, on the other hand, it could be that she isn't a real friend, and if so, it isn't worth your energy to be friends with her. I've stopped talking to quite a few of my "friends" because I didn't want to be the one putting emotional energy into maintaining a friendship when it was apparent the person didn't value me. You really need to find out where your friends are coming from and what they are thinking in order for you to know whether their snub was intentional or not. But, in the meantime, you have every right to feel the way you do!!!!


    I know I am just upset... I will probably get over it before I say anything
  • snaus70
    snaus70 Posts: 39
    Just saw your latest post about what the situation was.... dang girl that woman was so nasty to you because she is jealous of you and way insecure!! It doesn't change anything about the situation, but, if it was me I think i would feel just a little bit better about the whole thing somehow if I could just keep that in mind, that she was being evil because she felt so crappy about herself and jealous of me.....
  • dane11235813
    dane11235813 Posts: 682 Member
    if you have a problem with your friend's behavior then say something to her
  • denise_earheart
    denise_earheart Posts: 354
    Just saw your latest post about what the situation was.... dang girl that woman was so nasty to you because she is jealous of you and way insecure!! It doesn't change anything about the situation, but, if it was me I think i would feel just a little bit better about the whole thing somehow if I could just keep that in mind, that she was being evil because she felt so crappy about herself and jealous of me.....


    Yes that is a good point to LOL
  • andrejjorje
    andrejjorje Posts: 497 Member
    Lean on us, your MFP friends. We can offer real consolation.:smile:
    maybe childish of me but a girl that was really nasty to me a while back is in town seeing her guy and a few of my close friends went to hang out with her.. one who had only met her once but her guy drug her to see this girl since he is friends with her guy and my other friend who said all sorts of things about her and claims to be my bestie is going to see her tonight and do the double date thing..... I am just irritated and sad... could just be my hormones but would anyone else feel this way????
  • pauljsolie
    pauljsolie Posts: 1,024 Member
    That happened to me one time. This guy I grew up with was my best friend and he told me once that he thought my girlfriend at the time was really cool and I said yeah she is and I think he took that as an ok from me for him to hit on her and so he did and when she told me I was really pissed and then me and my friend got into a really big fight then my girlfriend got all pissy with me cuz she kinda liked him too but she was afraid to tell me that they were starting to see each other so when I said we were done my best friend was pissed cuz I didn't like his new girlfriend who was my girlfriend to start with before he stole her from me and now 35 years later....I guess I'm still not over it!!!!!!:cry::cry: :cry: :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad: :brokenheart:
  • rachcamp88
    rachcamp88 Posts: 88 Member
    You can't expect your friends to completely avoid people because you've had problems with them. I have friends that don't like each other and my friends are friends with some people don't get on with. Your friend isn't forcing you to see this women or inviting her out with you so what's the problem? Personally until someone wrongs me I see no reason to stop speaking to them regardless of how a friend feels about them.
  • BigAl200
    BigAl200 Posts: 2
    I'm a woman with a bit more experience than you. (Oops. I'm writing on my husband's site, since I'm logging for him.) My advice would be to get over it. You can't change the way you feel about others' behaviors.......but you can change the way you react.

    Hold your head up high and keep on living your life. Your friends may or may not even know about your feelings of "betrayal" and you should not make this an issue. It's not worth it. So what if they get together with someone you don't like. It's their choice and it's not the end of the world.

    Don't sweat the small stuff.......and everything's small stuff.
  • Shannon023
    Shannon023 Posts: 14,529 Member
    Your drama is not your friends, don't worry about who they go out with. :flowerforyou:
  • Kenzietea2
    Kenzietea2 Posts: 1,132 Member
    Here is what I would do:
    Don't be dramatic, and just calmly tell your friend how it hurt your feelings. If you don't, you might react subconsciously and do something passive aggressive, which is never nice. It would bother me too, but I have learned through trial and error it always works out better if you are straightforward and honest =)
  • LuckyLeprechaun
    LuckyLeprechaun Posts: 6,296 Member
    That happened to me one time. This guy I grew up with was my best friend and he told me once that he thought my girlfriend at the time was really cool and I said yeah she is and I think he took that as an ok from me for him to hit on her and so he did and when she told me I was really pissed and then me and my friend got into a really big fight then my girlfriend got all pissy with me cuz she kinda liked him too but she was afraid to tell me that they were starting to see each other so when I said we were done my best friend was pissed cuz I didn't like his new girlfriend who was my girlfriend to start with before he stole her from me and now 35 years later....I guess I'm still not over it!!!!!!:cry::cry: :cry: :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad: :brokenheart:

    Before you begin to read this, take a BIG breath.
  • mowink55
    mowink55 Posts: 10
    I'm sorry you are feeling betrayed by your friends, but maybe you should step back and look at why this is bothering you so much. I am a woman and I try to keep these mini-dramas out of my life. If someone has an issue with your friendships, then that person has the issue. Not you. Since this is a food-related board, then you might want to determine whether situations like this trigger emotional eating. If it does, then you really need to keep the drama to a minimum. Or are you looking for excuses to eat? I am not trying to be mean. I am trying to get you to stop and think about what you are doing.
  • lilkitn
    lilkitn Posts: 25 Member
    Okay everyone, calm down. People are on here because they are going through a life transformation. Loosing weight isn't easy and sometimes people need support! It doesn't necessarily have to be support on weight loss, when you're on this journey if affects your whole life. So if you want to come on these boards and post something, why can't we post something nice? If you don't have anything nice to say, just move on to the next post. The reason this site was made the way it was, is so we can all support one another, so let's start.
  • Sarahwillow
    Sarahwillow Posts: 56 Member
    Hell ya I would feel the exact same way! It's not hormones, your feelings are hurt! You have every right to feel this way!
  • mismax
    mismax Posts: 16

    if you have a problem with your friend's behavior then say something to her

    Hear, hear! Acting spoilt gets on the nerves of even the best of friends at times, so just speak to your friends!
  • ViSabbi
    ViSabbi Posts: 120 Member
    I may be a little cold but it's something that I have learned through the years...you decide who deserves to be in your life or not, so do they. You can feel hurt but that means that you still let her have an effect on you indirectly.

    I happened to have 'friends' who got jealous because I was spending time with guys they knew and liked (nothing was going on, but they liked to think so) and started babbling about me behind my back, or right in front of me. I just removed them from my life, the friends we have in common just didn't talk about me to them and refused to hear them talk about me as well. It didn't bother me that they spent time with them because they have the right to be friends with whoever they wish. If they didn't do them wrong, why should they get rid of the girls?

    Let them evaluate their need for that friendship and what it means to them. Your story, at most, will just make them careful about what she says when it comes to other girls. In the meantime, just enjoy yourself on your own and don't put the emphasis on 'they are with her right now and are letting me down!' They aren't letting you down.
  • Hearts_2015
    Hearts_2015 Posts: 12,031 Member
    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/welcome/guidelines
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  • Ladyvet2006
    Ladyvet2006 Posts: 1 Member
    Let her vent. We should be supportive. It's enough trying to lose weight and be healthy. Add some drama to that and it would make it hard to hold things together. Stick in there girl!
  • MB_Positif
    MB_Positif Posts: 8,897 Member
    I am sorry, what? I am confused.
  • crimznrose
    crimznrose Posts: 282 Member
    I would feel betrayed if it were my husband going to hand out with someone who would speak badly about me. He's supposed to be my partner and bestfriend. We're in it together and should stick up for each other. Friends, however, are entitled to their own opinions and I can't think of a single friend of mine that doesn't have their own friends in other circles that I have absolutely nothing to do with.

    It might be a different story if you had plans with your friends and they were ditching you to hang with her, but if that's not the case blame it on emotions and those crazy hormones that make us doubt our own sanity month-to-month. Don't worry about the ones picking on grammar and composition. I was an honor student waaaaaay back in high school and am guilty of my own grammatical errors - especially when it comes to emotions doing the typing and not my head.

    Hang in there and maybe plan your own night of enjoyment to pamper yourself while they're doing their thing. Ultimately you are the only one who controls your happiness, not the actions of others.
  • thefuzz1290
    thefuzz1290 Posts: 777 Member
    In life some people are going to like you, some people won't, and most will be indifferent. Concentrate on those who like you and stop worrying about the ones who don't. Life is not a novel, movie, tv show, song, or whatever other fantasy world that can be contrived by people.


    Good luck.
  • pensmama
    pensmama Posts: 5
    Let her vent. We should be supportive. It's enough trying to lose weight and be healthy. Add some drama to that and it would make it hard to hold things together. Stick in there girl!


    I agree.
  • maserati185
    maserati185 Posts: 263 Member
    I'd say it's probably just a fleeting insecurity. I wouldn't voice the concern with your friends because you seem to be saying the friends are aware of the nasty situation already. So what good would it do for you? They are choosing to hang out with her anyhow. There may be good reason... a feeling of obligation or something else you're not seeing. If they are good friends otherwise, I would let this go and move on. You'll probably feel better within the week and look back and wonder why you were sweatin it.
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