Second Go Around - Looking for Online Support/Friends

Hi everyone, I'm Miranda. I'm 35 and have decided to lose weight (again) because of the numerous health problems I'm experiencing and so that I can be active and enjoy life again. So I've started with MFP, am keeping an estimate of my daily calories and am working out at home on my elliptical machine. I have dropped a few pounds but I know that the journey will be a long one.

I've done this all before, starting about 10 years ago. From 2002 to 2003 I lost 200 pounds through diet and exercise. I completely changed my life and it was the most wonderful thing that had ever happened to me. But I was strict.... soooo strict. I never allowed myself to go out with friends or do anything that would challenge me to try moderation. I just counted every calorie and never ate so much as a tootsie roll, not ever. I also spent 6-7 days a week working out, about 3 hours a day between cardio, weights and kickboxing or step.

That was all fine and good then when I had the time to do it, but after I lost the weight I moved to Atlanta, got a new job, started a new life, and still didn't know how to make good choices for myself outside the crazy limited diet I had created. My social life bloomed but I was so excited to be thin and active that I went where I thought the fun was, out with my new friends to the bar. Needless to say I was not counting my calories or going to the gym that often, there were so many new wonderful things to do! I finally had guys paying attention to me and got a boyfriend, but he was the wrong one, he was judgmental of my body even after all I had done and finally he broke my heart eventually, dumped me flat after 3 years in 2008. I spiraled down into depression and found that my bar friends were not the good solid friends you really need in life, so they basically disappeared. I self medicated through food and was so far from home that my only real support was my little dog, Abita. I kept my life together for the most part but nursed my broken heart all the way back up to 400+ pounds. Lucky for me, a nice guy came along who didn't care about my weight.... but finally I realized that I had to start caring about it again, just for me....I need to not think of myself anymore as that worthless, emotional girl who was dumped and was never good enough anyway because she bore the scars left by stretch marks and saggy skin and who would probably gain the weight back anyway. Well I did gain the weight back, but the time is past for blaming myself and pitying myself and dwelling in the anger that I felt so rightfully was mine. I am now going to reclaim my life for the second time, only this time I have more supportive friends to start with and will have to use moderation. I have neither the time nor the inclination to do this the radical way again. This has to be the last time in my life that I lose this weight, so whatever I do I have to be able to do forever. I can talk to friends about my progress because I have made some new wonderful (sober) friends... but most of them don't know where I've been emotionally or physically. I need the support of a group like this one to make this work. I hope that by putting my story out there I will get some friend requests from people who understand where I'm coming from and are willing to give and receive active support.... I've lost about 15 pounds so far and I don't want it to end here. Thanks for reading...

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