Eating things because it'd be rude not to

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hollythehutt
hollythehutt Posts: 49
in Food and Nutrition
Does anyone else find that they eat ridiculous quantities of stuff that they don't need or want to eat, but it would be rude or awkward to decline? It'd be rude to barely eat anything at a formal dinner, which I have rather many of lately, or at a family dinner; and friends, family, classmates, and colleagues constantly offer me food because "it's really good and I should try it", and it'd be painfully awkward to say, "no, I'm on a diet"; it'd come over as snobbish, materialistic, and uptight, and it'd worsen the white-girl stereotype I've found myself saddled with.

But I find myself eating so much stuff this way that I feel I need to find some way to politely and calmly decline. Does anyone else have this problem?

Replies

  • matthewparmenter
    matthewparmenter Posts: 28
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    I'm guessing that many people here experience some of these same issues, I know I have. In terms of formal dinners I would suggest eating small portions slowly so it doesn't seem/feel like you are just sitting there while everyone else eats which can be awkward.

    In terms of family, friends, and colleagues do exactly what you said. Be polite and calm. I often use a bit of humor and a smile... I say something like "Damn I would LOVE to try that but my trainer/doctor/workout buddy will kill me! Haha". Don't be afraid or embarassed to explain why you are refusing. Own your good choice and be proud of it!

    I've also found that you only have to refuse or explain a couple times before people eventually stop offering. People who don't remember/respect your choices might need to be talked to privately in a respectful manner or even phased out of your life (yikes!)

    The bottom line is that (I assume) you are trying to lose weight for your own health and well being. If other people get offended at or misconceive your choices that's on them! Stick to your goals and let the haters hate :)
  • XXXMinnieXXX
    XXXMinnieXXX Posts: 3,459 Member
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    I'm guessing that many people here experience some of these same issues, I know I have. In terms of formal dinners I would suggest eating small portions slowly so it doesn't seem/feel like you are just sitting there while everyone else eats which can be awkward.

    In terms of family, friends, and colleagues do exactly what you said. Be polite and calm. I often use a bit of humor and a smile... I say something like "Damn I would LOVE to try that but my trainer/doctor/workout buddy will kill me! Haha". Don't be afraid or embarassed to explain why you are refusing. Own your good choice and be proud of it!

    I've also found that you only have to refuse or explain a couple times before people eventually stop offering. People who don't remember/respect your choices might need to be talked to privately in a respectful manner or even phased out of your life (yikes!)

    The bottom line is that (I assume) you are trying to lose weight for your own health and well being. If other people get offended at or misconceive your choices that's on them! Stick to your goals and let the haters hate :)

    Well said! X
  • junyr
    junyr Posts: 416 Member
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    It's not awkward for me to say "no thanks" at all. I don't have a problem with it and it's not my problem if they do. It's my plan, my body and I want to hit my goal. No one cares about your plans/body/goals like you do.
  • redraidergirl2009
    redraidergirl2009 Posts: 2,560 Member
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    omg I always have this problem at birthdays because people have cake and try and shove it down your throat. Honestly I never liked cake much so I used to eat sometimes to be nice but awhile ago I quit. I just tell them I don't like cake.
  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
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    I'm Indian. Why is this important? Because old Indian ladies literally would not stop putting food down your plate unless you just take the plate faaaaaaar away from their sight. Same with Italian families too. In those situations, i would try to not eat so much earlier and chew very very slowly. The good news is that in such gatherings, they usually have salads so you can put alot of salad in the dish and cover it with a bit of the main dish to try and trick them.

    In other situations, like a friend of mine would just put food in front of us at regular gatherings, I would just eat a little bit to not be rude
  • HealthyAlison
    HealthyAlison Posts: 112 Member
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    When I find myself in that situation I tend to just take smaller portions. If you want to make it look like you took or ate more you could try some little tricks like spreading it out on the plate rather than heaping it, spacing thingson your plate a bit, and leaving a little behind. Remember, you can always make up for the calories later. I tend to think of my calorie goals in weeks rather than days. It seems a little more manageable in times like this. Good luck!
  • beverlywu
    beverlywu Posts: 17 Member
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    Haha don't forget about the Chinese families!

    I know you're not really supposed to, but on big family dinner days I try eat and snack conservatively for the first half of the day in order to have 800-900 cals remaining by dinner time and then happily eat a hearty family dinner with the normal folk.

    My grandmothers are very good at noticing and commenting on whether I got fatter or thinner since the last time I saw them - which is fine - they're so old and cute, I'm not offended, and it keeps me on track :)
  • AnnaMaus
    AnnaMaus Posts: 167 Member
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    I support the comments above-- it's a good and healthy choice, and you should be proud of it. You don't need to say you're "on a diet". You respect yourself. The racist stereotype is bad--I'm sorry you're subjected to that--but to do cave to pressure sounds like you're risking your health, without which you have nothing. Life sucks if you're fat, sick and dead at a young age.

    This means it's not rude to decline, and if someone tries to pressure you with some weaksauce shame or petty moralizing, you can let them know quietly that being bullied is not a part of your new regimen.

    If people ostracize you for being healthy, then they don't actually like you. They simply want an accomplice to their own bad behavior.
  • dolfn1972
    dolfn1972 Posts: 84 Member
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    Empowering yourself to say no is just another step on the journey to a healthier lifestyle. Be polite...be gracious...but be true to yourself. Remember this is for you and your health and happiness. If someone is offended because you say no..that is their issue not yours.

    Also remember you dont always have to say no. Take small bite size sample portions. If you really really want to. In my experience denying yourself anything you want wont help you. It will make your battle that much harder and start the cravings.

    Good luck on your journey and remember ..its ok to say no..and sometimes it is also ok to say yes. Your not on a Diet...your on a path to a healthier life style.
  • bcampbell54
    bcampbell54 Posts: 932 Member
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    I think it's a little rude to have huge portions thrust upon you.
    I used to worry about it, but friends, family, and other dining companions aren't necessarily around to share the negative consequences of poor eating choices.
    I know these consequences are not their intention, but it hardly matters when viewed in this light.
    You are solely responsible for what you eat. Don't let yourself be swayed by what you feel is a social convention.
  • matthewparmenter
    matthewparmenter Posts: 28
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    It's not awkward for me to say "no thanks" at all. I don't have a problem with it and it's not my problem if they do. It's my plan, my body and I want to hit my goal. No one cares about your plans/body/goals like you do.

    Here Here!
  • junyr
    junyr Posts: 416 Member
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    I know you're not really supposed to, but I try eat and snack conservatively for the first half of the day in order to have 800-900 cals remaining by dinner time and then happily eat a hearty family dinner with the normal folk.

    I find nothing wrong with this at all.
  • dippystick
    dippystick Posts: 168 Member
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    I go visit my DD and her family every Christmas. While there I go with them to all their traditional family gatherings. Her new family is black and we are white. They have very different eating habits than I do. They always want to make sure I get enough to eat. Enough to eat for me is much less than it used to be. When ever they offer more, I just say thank you but I really have had enough. Then I get a cup of tea or some diet soda so I've got something in my hand so they don't feel like I'm being left out. My health issues are really none of their business unless they get really pushy I don't say anything except, I've had plenty for now thank you. Maybe later. Later usually doesn't come. :tongue:
  • Anayalata
    Anayalata Posts: 391 Member
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    I just don't go out for eating events unless it's my cheat day.

    Especially family events. They just give you a plate and that's that. What if I didn't want rice? you *kitten*.
  • ifassnacht
    ifassnacht Posts: 24 Member
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    personally, you don't have to explain yourself to anybody (except maybe your spouse)! I can't imagine what I would do if someone made me feel guilty for NOT eating something that was junk!. I'm sure I'd have a few choice colorful words for them. :-)

    also, for me. I'm not dieting. I'm completely changing my lifestyle. I don't plan on going back to not accounting for everything I consume.

    good luck to you Against the peer pressure!
  • therealangd
    therealangd Posts: 1,861 Member
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    You don't have to explain. A simple "No Thank You" will suffice

    "Own your good choice and be proud of it"
  • ifassnacht
    ifassnacht Posts: 24 Member
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    personally, you don't have to explain yourself to anybody (except maybe your spouse)! I can't imagine what I would do if someone made me feel guilty for NOT eating something that was junk!. I'm sure I'd have a few choice colorful words for them. :-)

    also, for me. I'm not dieting. I'm completely changing my lifestyle. I don't plan on going back to not accounting for everything I consume.

    good luck to you Against the peer pressure!

    of course, as soon as post this, my girlfriend is making french toast in the kitchen. i say "no thank you" and she says "why?" with an attitude. i say "are you seriously giving me a hard time about NOT eating something?" she says "yeah, kinda" i say "well knock it off" and did not eat the french toast. i had a nice bowl of oatmeal with a tablespoon of honey! IN YOUR FACE, DARLING! ;-)

    was it rude? probably, but i dont care. it's my body and i'll eat whatever the hell i want.
  • Heaven71
    Heaven71 Posts: 706 Member
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    I can't say I have a problem with refusing food as I see it as rude of them to offer, knowing I am on a diet. If I think that I would be in a situation that me feel bad, I would not attend at all.

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