off subject but just venting..................

Melroxsox
Melroxsox Posts: 1,040 Member
edited September 19 in Health and Weight Loss
My wedding is coming up really quick! September 12. Im having the worst time dealing with one of my bridesmaids. She is only 19 and is irresponsible and very moody. She is also my fiance's little sister! ugh! So I feel like I can't even say anything to her because she will go whine to everyone in the family and make all of our lives a living hell.......Should I just be gracious and ignore this incredibly immature, bratty attitude? or should I say something and not get walked all over for our own wedding?
Did I mention that on top of this, we are buying our first house, and I started my own business. Stressed to the max here<<<<<:embarassed: :ohwell: :noway: :noway:

Replies

  • Zara11
    Zara11 Posts: 1,247 Member
    Smack her!

    Nah, not really. Yet. Do other people witness the awful behavior?

    I would kindly tell her once more that this is important to you, and that you'd appreciate it if she kept that in mind. Then ignore her until you can't anymore, and then talk to her with another member of her family with you for support.

    Do you have a backup bridesmaid? :laugh:
  • Melroxsox
    Melroxsox Posts: 1,040 Member
    i have a backup, but the problem is that we already paid for sis's dress and she is a size 2 with no boobs...so my other girl would not fit in her dress at all.....I think Im just gonna keep quiet cause I really don't want to start drama. Even my fiance wants to kick her out of the wedding and that is his own sister! geezzzzzzzzz.
  • naugustyniak
    naugustyniak Posts: 836 Member
    i have a backup, but the problem is that we already paid for sis's dress and she is a size 2 with no boobs...so my other girl would not fit in her dress at all.....I think Im just gonna keep quiet cause I really don't want to start drama. Even my fiance wants to kick her out of the wedding and that is his own sister! geezzzzzzzzz.

    Has your fiance talked to her?
  • AliceLMS
    AliceLMS Posts: 2,425 Member
    Has she been the main focus of her family? You are getting all the attention, and her brother.
    Is she acting out because of jealousy?

    I know how difficult an immature diva can be to deal with, but you may need to look at things from her perpective to see what the real problem is. Her brother would know better than you what has gone on in the past. He and his mother would be the logical people to approach her and see if they can solve the problem.
  • Melroxsox
    Melroxsox Posts: 1,040 Member
    i have a backup, but the problem is that we already paid for sis's dress and she is a size 2 with no boobs...so my other girl would not fit in her dress at all.....I think Im just gonna keep quiet cause I really don't want to start drama. Even my fiance wants to kick her out of the wedding and that is his own sister! geezzzzzzzzz.

    Has your fiance talked to her?
    heh...Yea he has, sadly nothing has changed
  • Melroxsox
    Melroxsox Posts: 1,040 Member
    Has she been the main focus of her family? You are getting all the attention, and her brother.
    Is she acting out because of jealousy?

    I know how difficult an immature diva can be to deal with, but you may need to look at things from her perpective to see what the real problem is. Her brother would know better than you what has gone on in the past. He and his mother would be the logical people to approach her and see if they can solve the problem.
    I've been with him for about 4 years and even I can tell you that she has been catered to like a little princess her whole life. She really doesn't appreciate anything and she doesn't work for anything that she gets either. So the parents are enablers, but they have good hearts. I agree that she is jealous because everyone is focusing on us right now..which honestly, is kind of weird for us! lol It is difficult because she is very passive/aggressive. If she gets mad at you one day
    2 days later she will come over and give you a gift with a smile on her face. Then the day after that she will expect some favor to be done for her. lol what a vicious cycle.
  • 1harleygal
    1harleygal Posts: 226 Member
    :smile: Truthfully she sounds like a spoiled brat and a bully and you should say something to her! If not as time gets closer it is only going to get worse! I don't believe in keeping things to yourself because then they only fester and the other persons behavior only gets worse!:smile:
  • JLEC77
    JLEC77 Posts: 9
    :smile: Truthfully she sounds like a spoiled brat and a bully and you should say something to her! If not as time gets closer it is only going to get worse! I don't believe in keeping things to yourself because then they only fester and the other persons behavior only gets worse!:smile:

    I totally agree with harleygal - I think you should put her in her place and say something. It doesn't have to be mean, but it's YOUR wedding right? Will you regret it forever if she ruins this much of the experience for you and you never said anything?
  • Melroxsox
    Melroxsox Posts: 1,040 Member
    well yea thats why it's making me so mad. She's trying to ruin our wedding experience. We are really nice people who do alot for her and the family. She is making us look bad though when we try to reprimand her for her actions.....it shouldn't be up to us to do that stuff.....it should've happened years ago when she was a child. Now, because there wasn't enough parenting, She is legally an adult, But Mentally still 15. How irritating!
  • JoyousMaximus
    JoyousMaximus Posts: 9,285 Member
    Try having her mother talk to her. If she STILL doesn't change, talk to her yourself and let her know that her attitude is not appreciated and let her know she will be kicked out of the wedding if she doesn't shape up (make sure you get your fiancés support and let her parents know in advance to help prevent drama) or if kicking her out will cause too many problem, I have one word for you: Xanex :tongue:

    P.S. I can commiserate with you on dealing with immaturity. Whenever I go visit my parents my older brother (who still lives at home) picks fights with me and my father pouts when my mom and I want hang out alone. Needless to say I only visit about once a year. I don't know how you handle the constant barrage!
  • Melroxsox
    Melroxsox Posts: 1,040 Member
    Try having her mother talk to her. If she STILL doesn't change, talk to her yourself and let her know that her attitude is not appreciated and let her know she will be kicked out of the wedding if she doesn't shape up (make sure you get your fiancés support and let her parents know in advance to help prevent drama) or if kicking her out will cause too many problem, I have one word for you: Xanex :tongue:

    P.S. I can commiserate with you on dealing with immaturity. Whenever I go visit my parents my older brother (who still lives at home) picks fights with me and my father pouts when my mom and I want hang out alone. Needless to say I only visit about once a year. I don't know how you handle the constant barrage!
    I understand where you're coming from....I mean, I know teenagers are unruly, cause I was one at one time. But when you're almost 20, it's time to grow up, get a job, and have passion for life. Seriously.........I cannot stand people like her. It's really hard to not say anything. But we've already had the mother talk to her, we've talked to her, everyone has tried to reason with her. I kid you not, she threatened to call the cops on her brother if he went to visit her parents at their house when we threatend to kick her out of the wedding...no joke. this is how idiodic she is
  • misty589
    misty589 Posts: 319 Member
    do what Im doing......go away and get married happy and stress free, then come home and throw a party :) that way if crazy family ruins it they will only be ruining a party and not my wedding day and as a bonus i get to wear my dress twice :D
  • kimber607
    kimber607 Posts: 7,128 Member
    Hi

    I would try and be the bigger person, if that doesn't work.,....my .02 is to personally butt out of it (I'm not insinuating that u aren't right now)
    Just let let her parent's handle it and be the bad guy....


    Kim
  • Melroxsox
    Melroxsox Posts: 1,040 Member
    yea, so far I've pretty much not gotten involved, other than telling her one time that she needs to calm down. But it's starting to get out of hand. I'd rather not have to get involved though....trust me! lol
  • JoyousMaximus
    JoyousMaximus Posts: 9,285 Member
    Try having her mother talk to her. If she STILL doesn't change, talk to her yourself and let her know that her attitude is not appreciated and let her know she will be kicked out of the wedding if she doesn't shape up (make sure you get your fiancés support and let her parents know in advance to help prevent drama) or if kicking her out will cause too many problem, I have one word for you: Xanex :tongue:

    P.S. I can commiserate with you on dealing with immaturity. Whenever I go visit my parents my older brother (who still lives at home) picks fights with me and my father pouts when my mom and I want hang out alone. Needless to say I only visit about once a year. I don't know how you handle the constant barrage!
    I understand where you're coming from....I mean, I know teenagers are unruly, cause I was one at one time. But when you're almost 20, it's time to grow up, get a job, and have passion for life. Seriously.........I cannot stand people like her. It's really hard to not say anything. But we've already had the mother talk to her, we've talked to her, everyone has tried to reason with her. I kid you not, she threatened to call the cops on her brother if he went to visit her parents at their house when we threatend to kick her out of the wedding...no joke. this is how idiodic she is

    I don't think the cops would do much is they did show up especially if her parents were there. In fact, she would probably get a much needed reality check because the easiest way to piss off a cop is to waste their time with a temper tantrum.

    I agree with the other girl, run away and get married or have a destination and leave the sister at home. :wink:

    It really sucks that you are going through this.
  • Jennplus2
    Jennplus2 Posts: 984 Member
    If I was you I would have a plan of dealing with her, but don't include her in that plan. Don't ask her to do anything, basically exclude her from the wedding planing. If she isn't involved she can't ***** about doing anything. Don't talk wedding in front of her, don't ask her to come to your shower or bachelorate party. She can show up in her dress, but don't give her any job other than walking and smiling. Then she can't mess anything up! I would also ask a close friend to babysit her at the wedding. Have your friend buddy up to her and blow sunshine up her a%# the whole time so she is on a leash so to speak that way she has someone sane watching her the whole time so she doesn't make a scene. Someone that can keep her happy and out of your hair! I did this for my sister at her wedding. She has a friend who is "so totally always in the lime light" that my sister thought she might get drunk and make a big scene. So I told her that I liked a boy and wanted to be seen with someone really pretty so he would notice me (HA!) she drank so much she was stupid then wanted to make a toast but I was there to say "oh no, your make up, better make a bathroom stop first!" then whispered to my brother to lose the mic :) it worked! I had my boyfriend (who did notice me, btw, lol) drive her home early "cuz only losers are left at the party anyway"
    It sounds mean once I have it all typed out, but we were nice to her, just damage control at the same time. She had a nice time, and most important my sister had a beautiful wedding free from a drunk say to much speech!
  • Chops
    Chops Posts: 7 Member
    What exactly is she doing that's so horrible? When I got marrried, I only had a maid of honor - my best friend. It old her to go buy whatever dress she wanted and to let me know what color so I could plan accordingly. I had the most stress free wedding. The less people involved, the better.
  • Melroxsox
    Melroxsox Posts: 1,040 Member
    It's a long long story and a long history of behaviour from her. And Im done with it...I think I will just ignore her. Let her stay in the wedding and get a free spa day with the rest of us....but Im not gonna say anything to her. Just ignore her. She can get pissed if she wants, then maybe she will just drop out on her own lol. I know it sounds so mean of me, but trust me this has been a huge stress factor on the both of us during this incredibly crucial time in our lives. Thanx all for the helpful advice:) I appreciate it greatly!
  • Melroxsox
    Melroxsox Posts: 1,040 Member
    well >>>>>>I just wanted to update you...I kicked her out of the wedding last night. And guess what....I feel so much better not having that negative energy around me anymore! Seriously...I thought I wouldn't say anything and just let it bubble and steam inside until the wedding was over. Then I thought...wait ...this is supposed to be OUR day! She is very upset and mad at us.Slandering us and all her friends will do the same because they are irresponsible teenagers that party and do drugs all the time. But our love is strong enough to handle the harrassment. thanx all for the advice it helped me so much!
  • sassycat
    sassycat Posts: 108
    well >>>>>>I just wanted to update you...I kicked her out of the wedding last night. And guess what....I feel so much better not having that negative energy around me anymore! Seriously...I thought I wouldn't say anything and just let it bubble and steam inside until the wedding was over. Then I thought...wait ...this is supposed to be OUR day! She is very upset and mad at us.Slandering us and all her friends will do the same because they are irresponsible teenagers that party and do drugs all the time. But our love is strong enough to handle the harrassment. thanx all for the advice it helped me so much!

    Good for you! As long as your man supports you, everything will be fine!! Maybe lil sis will wake up and realize how selfish she is. You think?
  • FluffnStuff
    FluffnStuff Posts: 387
    well >>>>>>I just wanted to update you...I kicked her out of the wedding last night. And guess what....I feel so much better not having that negative energy around me anymore! Seriously...I thought I wouldn't say anything and just let it bubble and steam inside until the wedding was over. Then I thought...wait ...this is supposed to be OUR day! She is very upset and mad at us.Slandering us and all her friends will do the same because they are irresponsible teenagers that party and do drugs all the time. But our love is strong enough to handle the harrassment. thanx all for the advice it helped me so much!

    Good job!
    While I was reading through everything I was like, "No, no no! She can't stay in the wedding and ruin everything AND add stress to what seems like an already stressful time for you!"
    You married the man, not the family...even if she is the one you want to pummel at Thanksgiving just remember.... you don't have to live with her (and NEVER plan on it).
    Enjoy yourself now, don't let her back in, she proved herself lacking and now you can move on and have a freakin great time!:flowerforyou:
  • buffjess
    buffjess Posts: 382
    Very Good!!! How did she take it? u did the best thing
  • CarmenSantiago
    CarmenSantiago Posts: 681 Member
    well >>>>>>I just wanted to update you...I kicked her out of the wedding last night. And guess what....I feel so much better not having that negative energy around me anymore! Seriously...I thought I wouldn't say anything and just let it bubble and steam inside until the wedding was over. Then I thought...wait ...this is supposed to be OUR day! She is very upset and mad at us.Slandering us and all her friends will do the same because they are irresponsible teenagers that party and do drugs all the time. But our love is strong enough to handle the harrassment. thanx all for the advice it helped me so much!


    Good for you. She was not a feature in your wedding and she isn't a feature in your life. You don't need her. She will realize someday when everyone excludes her snotty little *kitten* from their lives that maybe she needs to look inward. If she is slandering you to "friends" and they don't brush her off then you don't need those "friends". Distance yourself from the lot of them. Distance yourself from his parents if need be. They did her no favors by creating a sad little girl that will never be able to create a life of her own.

    Life is too short to have posionious people around us! :smokin:
  • Melroxsox
    Melroxsox Posts: 1,040 Member
    well >>>>>>I just wanted to update you...I kicked her out of the wedding last night. And guess what....I feel so much better not having that negative energy around me anymore! Seriously...I thought I wouldn't say anything and just let it bubble and steam inside until the wedding was over. Then I thought...wait ...this is supposed to be OUR day! She is very upset and mad at us.Slandering us and all her friends will do the same because they are irresponsible teenagers that party and do drugs all the time. But our love is strong enough to handle the harrassment. thanx all for the advice it helped me so much!


    Good for you. She was not a feature in your wedding and she isn't a feature in your life. You don't need her. She will realize someday when everyone excludes her snotty little *kitten* from their lives that maybe she needs to look inward. If she is slandering you to "friends" and they don't brush her off then you don't need those "friends". Distance yourself from the lot of them. Distance yourself from his parents if need be. They did her no favors by creating a sad little girl that will never be able to create a life of her own.

    Life is too short to have posionious people around us! :smokin:

    this is the epitome of what happened..........Im so relieved to be without her! I talked with her mom and her mom told us that she agrees we should've never had her in the wedding in the first place.......lol ugh...that was just me trying to show good gestures for the new family. THAT is what you get for being kind and gracious.....WALKED ALL OVER. Oh well that is just my personality. So I can't change and don't want to change that about myself. That is also why it was quite shocking for everyone to hear that I actually kicked her out of the wedding. She reacted in a childish way, which is what I expected. Crying about wanting money back for the dress she didn't even pay for. (My maid of honor had to pay for it, because she didn't bring money with her on the scheduled dress day.....) She badmouthed the both of us to her parents. They in turn called us back and told us that they don't ever believe a word that comes out of her mouth and that they understood why I kicked her out. THANK GOODNESS THEY UNDERSTAND!!!!
    So all is well in the wedding drama department......now just waiting on the closing on our first home! THank you ALL so much for helping me vent through this pointless issue. Hopefully I didn't gain weight from all this stress....we all know how cortisol works.
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