husband's cry for help

neveradullmoment
neveradullmoment Posts: 90
edited November 2024 in Health and Weight Loss
Ok so most of us ended up here because we are/were junk food junkies and we have/are deciding that enough is enough!

I have been going back and forth with my weight, dieting programs, exercise, etc...

My husband is also not in the best of shapes, he is a police officer and lets face it, most police officers and firemen eat on the run, sometime litereally. I have been trying to get my husband to join me on my weight loss journey and I have not been very sucessful with having him join me. I do know that you can not force someone to eat healthy and make smarter choices. Last night I believe was his cry for help! My husband was telling me that 2 of his fellow officers were talking with him and expressing their concerns for him, with his size and what he eats. I told my husband that I would agree that he doesnt eat the best. He also told me that he is alwats getting chest pains, which he is just contributing to heart burn, which could be with ALL of the crap that he eats. He told me that he is afraid that one time it is going to be more than just heartburn and that scares him! Well it scares me too!!!

I will admit...eatng healthy is not easy, lets face it, if it was EVERYONE would be thin and healthy! I have a million and one excuses myself!

I feel that this my be his cry for help or his way of asking for help...what do you think???

Replies

  • seekingstrengthX2
    seekingstrengthX2 Posts: 771
    I agree with you 100%.
    Lead the way and he will follow.
    SHOW him it's possible. Make it look easy!!
    Most people are afraid of change. So even though he may be afraid of getting heavier and having a heart attack, he's probably also afraid of the alternative. He's probably worried he can't do it, that he will fail. He's probably afraid he will have to eat salad all the time. LOL
    SHOW him the way by example. A smokin hot wife will motivate him to change.

    I know he probably eats out a lot, but when he IS eating at home, YOU take control of what is being eaten in the house. Get rid of the junk. Cook healthy meals. You can BOTH do it!
  • hapoo100
    hapoo100 Posts: 926 Member
    Is it possible to pack him some food for his shift so he can eat some healthy food on the run?
  • AEB_WV
    AEB_WV Posts: 323 Member
    Encourage him to see a doctor. And good luck! I'm sure you have been a good influence on him.
  • lulabellewoowoo
    lulabellewoowoo Posts: 3,125 Member
    My husband finally officially joined me three months ago. We have had a gym membership together for over 3 years, but it was mainly me using it. He does most of the cooking, so I would tell him that I needed healthy food, and most of the time he would try to cook healthy, but still eat junk on his own time. Then in November, I told him I was canceling his gym membership if he did not use it 25 times in the next 60 days. Let the challenge begin. But what really helped was I started lifting weights with him so that he would have a "partner" in his endeavors. Lo and behold, he stuck to his 25 times and has kept it going now into February. Don't know if he has lost weight, but he has certainly lost inches, and WOW does it look good. Me, I've gained pounds :( but lost inches and loving the weightlifting. Just keep doing what you are doing, maybe find something you guys can do together. I found this workout http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/womans_lean_sexy_bible.htm for me, and he found he could use it as well for his manly muscle workouts. Most men need to see results fast, which they usually can, I believe to stick to it. Weightlifting of some sort is the quickest way to do that, even if it means going out and buying a couple sets of dumbbells. Just my personal experience. Keep doing what you are doing. He won't be able to help but follow ;)
  • hagamivida
    hagamivida Posts: 129
    Possibly yes.

    My partner who is morbidly obese has started trying to eat a bit better, herself, after a few months of looking at me like I was nuts and getting mad when I suggested any alterations to her food intake. I think seeing me do it is slowly getting her to see it is possible and that maybe she wants the same. I agree with not forcing it, but offering some of your healthy food, just doing your thing will help. I never thought I would see the day she would bother trying to be a bit healthier. She has a long way to go, but that is fine.

    Keep up doing your own healthy lifestyle and he will follow, especially if his colleagues are concerned and he is talking with you. Just let him do it st his own pace. Hehas to feel in control of it.
  • sjtreely
    sjtreely Posts: 1,014 Member
    I know exactly what you mean. I was married to an officer for 20 years. Every fast food restaurant in town offer them free food. They are up against a huge battle.

    You're right in it needing to be his idea and desire. But I also agree with a PP. Pack a lunch. That would be a huge help.

    Plan active time together - a walk around the neighborhood after dinner, etc.

    Good luck!
  • fitniknik
    fitniknik Posts: 713 Member
    Can you pack his lunches? Stuff he can keep in the car or whatever. Kind of do the work for him on the calorie counting end. I do that for my fiancee and he doesnt even know it usually. I portion out all meals into what he should be eating calorie wise. Before we even eat dinner I have lunches for work all packed up out of what I just made so he cant go back for seconds and thirds... I even make up his plate for him for dinner! Sounds crazy maybe but it does actually work!
  • trollydollymolly
    trollydollymolly Posts: 107 Member
    The hardest thing in the world is to lose weight. You really have to want to do it and the older you get the harder it gets too. We simply can't avoid food... we have to eat to live. I think that you are at a turning point in both your lives as potential health problems caused by carrying a few too many pounds need to be dealt with sooner rather than later. I am sure with your help your husband will notice a great improvement in his overall heath very quickly just by being sensible. He knows what he has to do and he knows what could happen if he doesnt.

    Don't view yourselves as being on a diet. Look at it as a change of eating patterns. I have found that portion control is essential and I just serve up my meals on a smaller plate. It is the little things that make such a difference. Don't set yourself unrealistic targets - just give your self mini goals - there is nothing worse than thinking I have to lose 2 stone etc.

    Don't let him put it off any longer... start straight away and view it as the start of something new for both of you. Good luck to you both. Sue:smile:
  • neveradullmoment
    neveradullmoment Posts: 90
    I want to thank you ALL for your comments and suggestions! I am hoping that he will begin to follow my pattern and healthier choices.

    He has tried to pack healthier breakfasts/lunches/dinners/snacks and sometimes that works. But sometimes he is just so busy that he doesnt have time to eat and when he does it is something that he can quickly grab and go. I am hoping that with the support of he fellow officers that are concerned for him that it will help as well!
  • chuckles217
    chuckles217 Posts: 123 Member
    Comming from a Husband who though young, sat in a situation similar to yours:

    My wife would just constantly bug me and harass me about my eating habits, lack of exercise, lethargy, etc. Its negative reinforcement. Definition of that would be a negative stimulus is applied until a desired result is given then it is removed. This doesn't work for kids, animals or even hubbies. My wife did this for about two years and I think its why I got as overweight as I did is I was extremely put off by it.

    Then I got in medical school, got extremely educated on the matters at hand, saw my grandfather get a triple bypass, my dad have a heart attack and it still didn't hit. What did though was seeing my blood lipid results and a scare with cancer. How can a 24 year old have a total cholesterol >300 and triglycerides above 350?!?! Something has to click in him for it to happen. You can only encourage it so use positive feedback and it will help much more! Within 3 months my BP is well within normal, lipids are normal, and I feel great.

    Just get him involved with your activites and not with negative reinforcement. Get him into a doc and get some labs done to get a benchmark and make it a challenge. X weight loss by X date, X improvement in cholesterol, X change in diet. Baby steps and as he starts to see results, it should eventually hook him.
  • Usbornegal
    Usbornegal Posts: 601 Member
    Just get him involved with your activites and not with negative reinforcement. Get him into a doc and get some labs done to get a benchmark and make it a challenge. X weight loss by X date, X improvement in cholesterol, X change in diet. Baby steps and as he starts to see results, it should eventually hook him.

    This is what I did with my husband. I invited him to go to the gym with me, then went anyway and he decided to start at the gym so he could be doing what I was. When I pointed out that starting with a trainer would help him know what to do on his own at the gym, he agreed to the trainer and worked with him for a year. When he finally agreed to go in to the doctor, his blood profile was scary and he was put on medications he didn't want, so he got serious about his food as well. 4 months later he is down by 35 pounds, his cholesterol was cut in half and he is very happy with himself.

    Your husband's chest pains are an excellent reason for him to go to the doctor 'just to reassure me that you won't die of a heart attack during a difficult shift'. Let the results be the motivator.

    Ask him 'what do you need from me? How can I help you have better foods?' We go shopping together, I read labels and help him pick easy packaged foods to take along that can be eaten on the run. He takes his own lunch now. Good luck!

    Oh - and please have him go in for a colonoscopy. It can save his life. Then add him to my 100 Colonoscopies post.
  • lmalaschak
    lmalaschak Posts: 346 Member
    Whatever you do, do it in a way that is encouraging and building him up, rather than nagging. If he starts to make some steps in the right direction, of course you'll be super proud of him, so remember to tell him so! You are right that he has to want to do it before he'll really DO it -- just applaud every small effort you see. That is what helps me and I think that is probably what helps most of us.
  • JulieH3art
    JulieH3art Posts: 293 Member
    Is it possible to pack him some food for his shift so he can eat some healthy food on the run?


    Thiiiis! Nice AND healthy! Major wife points! You can make delicious, filling and healthy lunches for you and him at the same time :D

    As for the gym, if he doesn't want to go there maybe do some sneak activities like "sunday trips" or just fun stuff like that. I love being outside and any amount of time not spent vegging out watching TV is a good time for your body.
  • rdsxgrl28
    rdsxgrl28 Posts: 165 Member
    I want to thank you ALL for your comments and suggestions! I am hoping that he will begin to follow my pattern and healthier choices.

    He has tried to pack healthier breakfasts/lunches/dinners/snacks and sometimes that works. But sometimes he is just so busy that he doesn't have time to eat and when he does it is something that he can quickly grab and go. I am hoping that with the support of he fellow officers that are concerned for him that it will help as well!

    I have been in law enforcement for 28 years and believe me I know how hard it is. You start your healthy lunch and BOOM - the you know what hits the fan. It is hard. There are ways though.

    Is he a patrol officer? Makes it harder, but even fast food places have ways to eat around it. I do Wendy's chili if I have to, good protein and lower carbs than say a burger. Taco Bell has fresco menu to work with.

    See if the guys he works shift with can do a little workout club thing, that is what happens here.

    Maybe ask him to "help" you by going with you. You need the encouragement, would he mind helping you out?
  • neveradullmoment
    neveradullmoment Posts: 90
    I want to thank you ALL for your comments and suggestions! I am hoping that he will begin to follow my pattern and healthier choices.

    He has tried to pack healthier breakfasts/lunches/dinners/snacks and sometimes that works. But sometimes he is just so busy that he doesn't have time to eat and when he does it is something that he can quickly grab and go. I am hoping that with the support of he fellow officers that are concerned for him that it will help as well!

    I have been in law enforcement for 28 years and believe me I know how hard it is. You start your healthy lunch and BOOM - the you know what hits the fan. It is hard. There are ways though.

    Is he a patrol officer? Makes it harder, but even fast food places have ways to eat around it. I do Wendy's chili if I have to, good protein and lower carbs than say a burger. Taco Bell has fresco menu to work with.

    See if the guys he works shift with can do a little workout club thing, that is what happens here.

    Maybe ask him to "help" you by going with you. You need the encouragement, would he mind helping you out?

    He is out on the streets for his entire shift unless he is in court.
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