Feel like someone punched me

radosti1
radosti1 Posts: 198 Member
edited November 11 in Motivation and Support
I am a professional. I am smart. I am respected in my field. When I speak, people usually listen. So, when I caught up with someone at work today and asked for a follow up on something that is important, I expected her to listen and respond. Her eyes kept wandering off my face while we were speaking. But I have trouble reading facial expressions that aren't easy to classify because I have Asberger's. I am high functioning, almost normal, but some stuff still eludes me.

Anyway, wrapping up my conversation with her, I wrote down what I needed to get back from her as she was clearly NOT listening. Gave her the note, she took it. Then, she reached over, RUBBED MY STOMACH AND ASKED ME WHEN I AM DUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She shocked me. I have lost tons of weight, people constantly tell me that I look great. And she freaking made me feel like a cow in less than a minute!!! And worse, she does not have the right to touch me. All through my 3 pregnancies, not a single person touched my stomach without getting permission first. I must have been giving off a "touch me and die vibe".

I realize that I had 3 ten-pound kids. I realize the last two were close together. I realize I have diastasis recti, a condition where the stomach muscles have not come back together and will require surgery if I want them to return to their original position. And I looked 5 months pregnant for a long time. However, I have lost a lot of weight. My stomach went from a tight size 14, to a loose size 10.

WTH????????????????

Even worse, when I turned to walk away from her to avoid punching her, she grabbed my arm and held on while she apologized. I did not want to hear her freaking apology......................

Replies

  • horndave
    horndave Posts: 565
    Follow up and remind her that physical boundaries do exist.
  • alim10
    alim10 Posts: 66 Member
    I'm sorry to hear that - that's so not cool!!! Some people are so rude and clueless. We need to think of some good comebacks for those comments. (Someone asked me when my number 2 was due today too...though he didn't rub my stomach. But it still stinks...)
  • Mera_Mera
    Mera_Mera Posts: 153
    She sucks.
  • Masachapa
    Masachapa Posts: 79
    It's too bad some jerk had to make you feel bad about yourself. I would consider that person to be beneath the dignity of deserving an acknowledgement of their "apology" and I would allow my body language to show that I will not lower myself to their level. You have made great strides in losing 18lbs! Hold your head high and feel proud of yourself, you deserve it!!
  • jdennis719
    jdennis719 Posts: 32 Member
    wow! I'm speechless other than you certainly have more self-control than I do. What an idiot she is, for even if someone IS expecting, if they havent come to you directly to tell you, you still dont 'assume'. Unbelievable.
  • Angie_Fritts
    Angie_Fritts Posts: 263 Member
    You have every right to be upset. Hang in there! But, I agree that you should follow up with her and remind her that physical touching in the work place is inappropriate. I can't believe that not only she asked you when you were due but she touched you stomach at the same time.

    But Kudos to you from going from a size 14 to a loose size 10!!!! That is awesome. !!!!! Keep up the good work. Don't let idiots get you down.
  • CharlieBarleyMom
    CharlieBarleyMom Posts: 727 Member
    Definitely take the time to turn and breath in deep. Then, discuss with her the fact that physical touching is uncalled for without permission. I don't know that I'd even get into the weight loss discussion with her because she is obviously too caught up in herself to notice that you've done some hard work recently...

    Unfortunately professionalism doesn't exist throughout all facets of the workplace.
  • hosegirl
    hosegirl Posts: 157
    That is inappropriate behavior as well as a form of harassment. If you are not her supervisor you should speak to her supervisor about it. Regardless, if she attempted to apologize, It is inappropriate. She knew what she was saying.
  • thatsnumberwang
    thatsnumberwang Posts: 398 Member
    That's so unacceptable on so many levels. On the plus side, she'll never make *that* mistake again.
  • wickedcricket
    wickedcricket Posts: 1,246 Member
    um- I don't think it's you - it's HER. If you have the authority, write her up for touching you.

    Are you her superior? call her in your office and tell her ANY discussion of your personal life and/or body is strictly off limits- put it in writing and if she does it again - FIRE HER *kitten*

    I work for a small co and don't have probs like this. I also have a gift for making others FAR more uncomfortable than they make me. I would make work SO unpleasant for this witch that she would leave voluntarily as soon as she could. and NOT with overt threats or anything I"m just ... well intimidating

    Intimidate her. first think it - and then send it out. When you look at her, look down your nose like you would if you stepped in dog doo. If she talks to you, give her this look, don't answer immediately (like you're trying NOT to tell her off) then answer her very slowly and deliberately, like she's an idiot. Ask if she needs to have it explained again - I bet she'll say no.
    I was raised right and know how to be as polite & courteous as anyone else but with people like this, I don't feel the need and .. well that's why I'm WICKED cricket - I can be a very scary witch

    Good luck - let me know if you need me to come have a talk with her LOL
  • dennydifferent
    dennydifferent Posts: 135 Member
    That's beyond idiotic, I'd say it's not acceptable in the work place. Imagine if it had been a man who did it!

    A woman at my work went up to a colleague who is skinny as a rail, pulled a bag of chips out of her hand and told her she shouldn't eat those because she was starting to look fat.

    Some people.
  • JadeRabbit08
    JadeRabbit08 Posts: 551 Member
    Why the hell is she touching you like that?! That would really offend me. Grabbing your arm was just as inappropriate.
    This women is socially clueless.
  • judy20in2011
    judy20in2011 Posts: 143 Member
    OHHH I so feel your pain! I too have a diastasis and on top of that used to work in an infant clothing store!! BAD COMBINATION! And, like you, I had 10 pound babies, was a tight size 14 and looked to be about 5 months pregnant! Thankfully I never had anyone touch me but plenty of people asked when I was due! Horrified me every single time and the more other people told me not to let it bother me the more it did! I have lost about 17 pounds and feel so much better about the protruding belly, but like you it won't truly be gone until surgery. There's nothing that person can ever say that will take the sting out of that, however, it should be made clear that crossing a physical boundary with the touching is never ok. Clearly she has some issue as she even grabbed your arm as you tried to leave. Do what you feel you need to, whether that means talking to HR about some sort of boundaries/ethics course or telling her directly. I do hope you won't let it those awful feelings it brings up stay with you for very long. The good compliments hopefully outweigh that one of an idiot!!
  • LuckyLeprechaun
    LuckyLeprechaun Posts: 6,296 Member
    I doubt it gives you any comfort, but she will NEVER do that to anyone else ever again. Because the horror of realizing you just dd that to someone is almost equal to the horror of having it done to you. (I've been in both situations.)
  • radosti1
    radosti1 Posts: 198 Member
    Thanks all. I have calmed down quite a bit. I guess the physical part was more shocking than the words themselves. I luckily do not have much contact with her. It's a huge company and I'll make sure I do not have anything to do with her.
  • bobbin1
    bobbin1 Posts: 60
    Some people can be so rude. Don't give her another thought she isn't worth it. :flowerforyou:
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