Significant other isn't supportive...thoughts?

irishasian05
irishasian05 Posts: 26 Member
edited November 11 in Motivation and Support
So I've been eating right and exercising since the start of the new year (cliche, I know), and my boyfriend has just kind of been sitting by idly watching. He doesn't have as much weight to lose as I do, but he's be unresponsive about my progress and continues to eat junk food all the time. I don't want to force this on him, but I thought we could do this together. I've tried talking to him, suggested walks or working out together, and even getting mad (whoops), and he's just not interested. I'm looking to gather a support network via MFP, but does anyone have any tips or help?

Replies

  • hiker282
    hiker282 Posts: 983 Member
    Decide if you want a supporive SO or not and act accordingly. If getting healthy is a priority for you, you shouldn't have to deal with somebody who isn't also on the same track. I know it's easy being outside of the situation to say lose him, but it's really a matter of whether you have somebody that is going to push you to be the best version of yourself or whether he is going to keep you from it.
  • Dokks
    Dokks Posts: 16
    Find some supportive friends on here! Friend me if you like. ;)
  • HeidiRene
    HeidiRene Posts: 335 Member
    Personally, I wouldn't try too hard to get him involved with you. It would be amazing if he would but lifestyle changes are so personal it can cause real friction. I would focus on finding others who share your goals and do things with them. Hopefully he will join you on his own in time.
  • MoLove2025
    MoLove2025 Posts: 135 Member
    Decide if you want a supporive SO or not and act accordingly. If getting healthy is a priority for you, you shouldn't have to deal with somebody who isn't also on the same track. I know it's easy being outside of the situation to say lose him, but it's really a matter of whether you have somebody that is going to push you to be the best version of yourself or whether he is going to keep you from it.

    this really sums it up....or just ignore him and keep doing your thing....
  • terra32903
    terra32903 Posts: 185 Member
    Mine wasn't either so I am now enjoying the companionship of my dog instead. Atleast he doesn't want to eat fatty food 24/7 while holding down the couch :smile:
  • jhardenbergh
    jhardenbergh Posts: 1,035 Member
    Keep doing what your doing, don't bother him about it and eventually he will give in and join you. He probably just doesn't like people telling him or suggesting to him what to do. If you are needing him to support you it will never work out for you in the long run. He's not gonna do it til he's ready to do it. It's only been a couple months for you. Give him some time.
  • marmar8302
    marmar8302 Posts: 19
    I went out to dinner with my guy on saturday night and kept a close eye on my calorie intake (only eating half of my sandwich and having a side of fruit instead of fries). Hes paper thin and is always eating so it has sucked in the past, cause then I find myself eating when he does. After dinner he was still hungry, not surprising, so he drove to lunds and byerlys for a bakery good. He ended up standing there telling me to get something too over and over and over, until I finally just gave in. I got a mini raspberry torte (figured it had fruit on it) and ate it the next day, so I wouldnt have to worry about too much intake the night before :) Its unfortunate that some people in our lives arent as supportive as we would like them to be. Some dont understand that we are struggling, even if it doesnt look like it, and all we need is for them to give us some encouragement. Luckily we can look here for some uplifting when we dont always have it in our own lives :)
  • rockerbabyy
    rockerbabyy Posts: 2,258 Member
    i think just keep doing what you're doing and let him be about it. still invite him to go on walks with you if you want, but dont force it.
    my husband has always been supportive of me, and tells me he can tell a difference in my body but he would drink half a gallon of soda a day, eat bags of gummy bears and nachos and stuff like that most nights. we joined a gym, and he went with me but still ate whatever he wanted. last night he told me "ya know - we've been going to the gym for almost two months now and ive been losing/gaining the same 5 lbs. im gonna give up soda for lent and start counting calories. its pointless to spend so much for the gym membership if im not actually getting healthier".
    the giving up pop for lent thing was odd, since we arent catholic and never really gave up anything for lent before lol but im proud of him :) he saw for himself that what he was doing wasnt working and then HE made the choice to work on it.
  • jrusso28
    jrusso28 Posts: 249 Member
    If you stick with it long enough he will join in.
    He will see that your looking hotter than ever and will want to look better too.

    or

    You will get sick of being with a guy that is out of shape and eating like crap and youll move on to someone with your own goals and aspirations.

    Keep at it, he will jump on board eventually on his own.
  • shantelleclarke
    shantelleclarke Posts: 45
    I dealt with that when I started on here. Same thing, SO didn't want to do anything or change his habits. So I set a good example. Challenged myself. When he noticed the hard work that I was putting in and the weight that I was dropping he slowly got interested. Now, he's on the elliptical every morning and watching what he is eating a little better. I totally understand the frustrations, but just keep telling yourself to be the example, be the example. In the end if he still doesn't want to be involved you can't force him, the motivation and commitment needs to come from him. But remember, you are doing this for you, not him.
  • bengels2
    bengels2 Posts: 1
    Ask him what would motivate him to be supportive such as some kind of reward he would enjoy when you have lost a certain amount of weight.
  • 10thelucky
    10thelucky Posts: 5 Member
    What does he say when you've brought it up? How are you approaching him/the situation? I found that I have to be careful not to come across as preachy at my boyfriend or he gets frustrated. Luckily he's recently started eating better too and we've been going on walks together, but for awhile I was the only one really chasing a healthier lifestyle. I still wish he'd commit to doing some sort of cycling or running challenge with me (like a 5K) but he detests running and doesn't enjoy competitively cycling. Have you suggested that you two attempt a challenge like that? Maybe the common goal would put some fun into it. :)
  • cjack19
    cjack19 Posts: 158 Member
    I agree with the other posters about just keep doing what you are doing - setting an example. He will eventually come around when he sees your progress!

    Good Luck and stick with it :wink:
  • ncqueenbee
    ncqueenbee Posts: 147 Member
    As long as he's not critisizing you or trying to discourage you, try not to let it bother you too much. YOU decided to do this for YOU and you must press on. I know it much better when you have that support system, but you should not try to force the issue. Many years ago my husband tried to get me to go running with him. He would ask me so much that it would just annoy me, because I just didn't want to go. So one day I said to him, very angryly, " I'll go running when I get good and ready so leave me alone about it"!! Finally he stopped asking. About a year later I decided I wanted to get in shape and started exercising. Fast forward to present day, I will be running my first half marathon this May.
  • littlepinkhearts
    littlepinkhearts Posts: 1,055 Member
    So long as he's not trying to undermine your efforts, then I would guess you should probably just do it without him. You cannot expect him to join you just because you would like him to...unfortunately. Perhaps he'll come around to your thinking once you've decided to do it on your own.....or perhaps not, but that shouldn't stop you from doing what you see necessary for yourself. Good luck!!
  • SexyJaye
    SexyJaye Posts: 102 Member
    My the other half is of the same. I just do t bother too much with what he's doing and stick to my plan. It's still up to us how we want our life to be. :)
  • MDWilliams1857
    MDWilliams1857 Posts: 315 Member
    You have to remember that you are the one changing things. He didnt make this decision. So while you might want him to join you, he may have no desire to do so. In which case, harping on him about it will not fix anything. I have been eating better for over a year, working out everyday and Ive lost about 35 pounds. My wife also has a lot of weight to lose but I have said nothing to her about it. Simply put, I made a decision to make changes. She will have to make that decision for herself. Nothing I do or say will make her want to do it. It has to come from her.
  • kihomara
    kihomara Posts: 9
    Think it's awesome that you're doing this, and the replies are quick. I can relate to your position but i like what i've read so far with everyone's input. Learn to just let him be, find friends or a pet & take advantage, I know it sucks because you want him to be a part of this experience......at least tell him to try not to eat the fatty foods in front of you, hahaa....and wishing you Luck.......I actually made a bet with some friends to see who could loose the most before a wedding we're all in.....some extra motivation & the bridesmaids gave for a instant support group....... Always something like that & reward yourself when you do good, if not you're liable to cheat or get back into old habits........Also quick FYI i learned....as humans we are creatures of habit but if you repeat the same action for about 28-30 days then it pretty much becomes a habit *can be taking in a positive or negative way... Again GOOD LUCK!!! :happy:
  • KelseyPalmtree
    KelseyPalmtree Posts: 89
    My bf goes through spurts of being supportive.

    He'll give up soda for like 3 days, saying "if you're not going to drink it, then i'm not going to drink it either" but then the next time we have dinner, he orders a coke. It's not that hard to give up, i haven't had any since Feb. 12, 2011. lol.

    And he's big on the baked goods. Always stopping to get choc. chip muffins, or suggesting we get ice cream. Or something else like that. It sucks, because he is super skinny without even trying, and gets to eat all the, for lack of a better word, crappy food. It's not fair! lol.

    We went for a walk a couple weeks ago, and did some jogging, and then he complained for the next two days about being sore. Doesn't really make me want to make him go for a walk.

    Best thing is to not focus on him as much, and instead focus on yourself, and the friends that are supportive :)
  • irishasian05
    irishasian05 Posts: 26 Member
    As long as he's not critisizing you or trying to discourage you, try not to let it bother you too much. YOU decided to do this for YOU and you must press on. I know it much better when you have that support system, but you should not try to force the issue. Many years ago my husband tried to get me to go running with him. He would ask me so much that it would just annoy me, because I just didn't want to go. So one day I said to him, very angryly, " I'll go running when I get good and ready so leave me alone about it"!! Finally he stopped asking. About a year later I decided I wanted to get in shape and started exercising. Fast forward to present day, I will be running my first half marathon this May.

    Best of luck to you! Thanks for the advice. It's good to hear from the other side of this.
  • seansquared
    seansquared Posts: 328 Member
    So I've been eating right and exercising since the start of the new year (cliche, I know), and my boyfriend has just kind of been sitting by idly watching. He doesn't have as much weight to lose as I do, but he's be unresponsive about my progress and continues to eat junk food all the time. I don't want to force this on him, but I thought we could do this together. I've tried talking to him, suggested walks or working out together, and even getting mad (whoops), and he's just not interested. I'm looking to gather a support network via MFP, but does anyone have any tips or help?

    It will probably work itself out on its own.

    Let's face it... if he's a big guy and he's suddenly dating you a super-model, he's going to go "Sh** I am going to lose her if I don't at least try!" (not that you'll ditch him, but that's what he might think internally)
  • irishasian05
    irishasian05 Posts: 26 Member
    Wow, everyone! Thank you so much for the support and the advice. I completely agree with all that you've said. Hopefully he'll come around on his own terms, or I'll have to address this once I meet my own goals. I feel like nothing can stop me now, though! :) Feel free to add me if you'd like! Support is really helpful no matter where it's coming from!
  • mmarlow61
    mmarlow61 Posts: 112 Member
    I have fought a weight problem basically all my life. Being the wife, and a mother of 2 boys, has not helped. The guys have always been able to eat ANYTHING and EVERYTHING in any amounts and not worry about it. My major problem was that they expected me to keep up with them too. I have "dieted" many many many times only to be knocked off track by a lack of support. Hubby would cook and if I only ate what would equal a portion he would INSIST that I eat more. If I didn't he would gripe and complain that I must not have liked it so he just wouldn't cook anymore. THIS time as I started my journey, I sat down and had a long talk with him about these issues. I told him up front, if you cook something I can't eat on my journey, do NOT be offended if I cook something else for me. I made him understand that I am not "one of the guys" and that foods react differently with me. So far I am 6 months into my journey, down 52 total lbs (23 since I began MFP), and hubby hasn't been upset with me yet. :D
  • ncqueenbee
    ncqueenbee Posts: 147 Member
    As long as he's not critisizing you or trying to discourage you, try not to let it bother you too much. YOU decided to do this for YOU and you must press on. I know it much better when you have that support system, but you should not try to force the issue. Many years ago my husband tried to get me to go running with him. He would ask me so much that it would just annoy me, because I just didn't want to go. So one day I said to him, very angryly, " I'll go running when I get good and ready so leave me alone about it"!! Finally he stopped asking. About a year later I decided I wanted to get in shape and started exercising. Fast forward to present day, I will be running my first half marathon this May.

    Best of luck to you! Thanks for the advice. It's good to hear from the other side of this.
    You're are welcome. Bottom line, he will do it when he is ready. My husband and I now run, bike and workout together and we love it!
  • irishasian05
    irishasian05 Posts: 26 Member
    I have fought a weight problem basically all my life. Being the wife, and a mother of 2 boys, has not helped. The guys have always been able to eat ANYTHING and EVERYTHING in any amounts and not worry about it. My major problem was that they expected me to keep up with them too. I have "dieted" many many many times only to be knocked off track by a lack of support. Hubby would cook and if I only ate what would equal a portion he would INSIST that I eat more. If I didn't he would gripe and complain that I must not have liked it so he just wouldn't cook anymore. THIS time as I started my journey, I sat down and had a long talk with him about these issues. I told him up front, if you cook something I can't eat on my journey, do NOT be offended if I cook something else for me. I made him understand that I am not "one of the guys" and that foods react differently with me. So far I am 6 months into my journey, down 52 total lbs (23 since I began MFP), and hubby hasn't been upset with me yet. :D

    WOW! Congratulations to you! Thanks for the advice.
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