Invited to my ex's brother's wedding

latinqueencee
latinqueencee Posts: 120 Member
edited November 11 in Chit-Chat
Long story short, my ex and I did not end on a good note 3 years ago. He left me for someone who he is still with today. His brother wants me to go to his wedding. Part of me feels that I dont want to "party" with my ex and his girl, I suffered a great deal with that break up. I can't even let anyone get too close to me out of fear of getting hurt again. I mean, ****, a broken heart hurts! Another part of me feels like "eff that, I've lost almost 30 pounds since our break up and I look damn good why not rub his face in it?....that's the petty part of me. Advice anyone? :(

Replies

  • 1shauna1
    1shauna1 Posts: 993 Member
    I don't know if going to rub it in his face is a good reason to go (if that's the ONLY reason)....do you still like his brother? If you do, then I would go. Bring a date and have a great time!
  • latinqueencee
    latinqueencee Posts: 120 Member
    I know that's not a reason to go....which is why I said it's the petty part of me :( and chances are that he wont even care that I've lost weight....again, the petty part of me. I get along very well with the groom (ex's brother). We've all know each other since we were kids.
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
    Three years ago? Maybe you should look into therapy?
  • hbrittingham
    hbrittingham Posts: 2,518 Member
    Three years ago? Maybe you should look into therapy?

    Seriously?
  • latinqueencee
    latinqueencee Posts: 120 Member
    Three years ago? Maybe you should look into therapy
    Really? therapy? SMH!
  • ChubbyCrystol
    ChubbyCrystol Posts: 12
    i think.....maybe you should not go. if it were me i would not enjoy myself and all it would do is stir up my emotions. i say keep getting bombshell hot and that night of the wedding take yourself and some friends out to a club and dance your *kitten* off and enjoy the new you!
  • quietlywinning
    quietlywinning Posts: 889 Member
    I think it just depends on your comfort level. Will you enjoy the wedding? If not, send a very nice card/gift, see the brother and his bride before or after as you are able, to congratulate them in person.

    It takes however long it takes. I was the one to initiate my divorce nearly 10 years ago, and I do not want to see or socialize with my ex in any way. You'll be ready for a new relationship when you are ready......you don't need therapy just because it's been three years. We are made with different personalities and different sensitivity levels. Listen to YOUR gut. It is going to be right.
  • ChubbyCrystol
    ChubbyCrystol Posts: 12
    no, i don't think you need therapy. if i loved someone that truly tore my heart into a billion bits and ruined me emotionally for other men i would be love sick too. i am glad you have focused on you and turned yourself into a priority by losing weight, choosing to live life and move on and be happy and love yourself IS your therapy.
  • La_Amazona
    La_Amazona Posts: 4,855 Member
    from the sounds of it, you shouldn't go. it's not worth the stress IMO.
  • DulceDollie
    DulceDollie Posts: 115
    Three years ago? Maybe you should look into therapy?

    ^^^^ What in the world is wrong with you?! (OBVIOUSLY never had their heart broken--not truly, at least) ^^^^

    Anyway! I don't know how close you are with his brother, but I say you go and show him your support. And so what- go show off the fact that you look so great. You're sending the message that you've done just fine without him (in the case of your physical appearance or otherwise). Because if you can show up to the wedding like it's no big thang then you must have. Done just fine, that is. I think there's nothing shameful about going with the thought in mind that you've lost a considerable amount of weight since the two of you broke up. Not saying to make that the focus, but I say go, bring a date if possible, look great, and show your support while also showing you're just fine without him! :) Best of luck.
  • chevy88grl
    chevy88grl Posts: 3,937 Member
    Three years ago? Maybe you should look into therapy?

    Seriously? Therapy?

    I have a particular ex that has been an ex for a LONG time (nearly 20 years) and you know what? I wouldn't want to see his weasly *kitten*. I wouldn't attend any function where he was going to be because I can't stand the man. Do I need therapy? No. I don't like him (and I gather the OP doesn't much for her ex either) and have no desire to see him. That isn't grounds for telling me I need therapy.

    I doubt she needs therapy simply because she was hurt over the break up and doesn't want to party with the ex and his new girlfriend. She doesn't need therapy for heaven's sake.

    Sheesh.
  • DulceDollie
    DulceDollie Posts: 115
    Three years ago? Maybe you should look into therapy?

    Seriously? Therapy?

    I have a particular ex that has been an ex for a LONG time (nearly 20 years) and you know what? I wouldn't want to see his weasly *kitten*. I wouldn't attend any function where he was going to be because I can't stand the man. Do I need therapy? No. I don't like him (and I gather the OP doesn't much for her ex either) and have no desire to see him. That isn't grounds for telling me I need therapy.

    I doubt she needs therapy simply because she was hurt over the break up and doesn't want to party with the ex and his new girlfriend. She doesn't need therapy for heaven's sake.

    Sheesh.

    Amen.
  • cjones0992
    cjones0992 Posts: 55 Member
    Well depending on how close you are to the ex's brother would be one factor. In my experience, when we dread something, it generally isn't as bad as we thought it would be. So as you might dread seeing your ex and his girl, it may not affect you as bad as you think once it happens (this is from personal experience, I was dreading seeing my ex with his new girl after we broke up, but he conveniently showed up to my work place with her. Gotta say, it sucked, but it didn't "kill" me like I imagined it would).

    Hope that helps and good luck :flowerforyou:
  • bobthesmogs
    bobthesmogs Posts: 58 Member
    I think you should go! My ex (husband of 28 years) left me for a younger, thinner, but much dumber bimbo! I can't tell you how much that hurt me and screwed me up. When our eldest son was getting married I was D R E A D I N G I T!!! In the end, it turned out to be a wonderful night. I got heaps of compliments, and he was miserable seeing me so happy. I just made sure that my table was a long way from his so I really didn't see him that much on the night anyway. Dress yourself up, take a date if you can, have a great time and smile, smile, smile.
  • phee
    phee Posts: 147 Member
    I think the really important thing here is how you feel about your ex now. If you still have feelngs of any sort for him, then it would probably end up being no good for you. If you are totally over him now and it wouldn't hurt you to see him, it could actually be quite healing for you to face him again. You might be suprised and find that he doesn't appear the same to you anymore.

    With regard to rockin the hot bod, I say if you are gonna do it then do it well. Find the most attractive and charming date you can, find the most stunning dress you can get your hands on, and go and have a totally awesome time without focusing on your ex at all. Weddings are a great opportunity to have a fun night drinking and dancing the night away.

    The other thing to remember is that we often glorify our exes by remembering only the good times, punishing ourselves by telling ourselves that the new girl gets all the wonderful stuff that you no longer have. Truth be told, we all have our flaws and our dark side and his new girl has to also put up with that stuff now. By how bad he hurt you, he doesnt sound like he's all that much of an upstanding guy so you might be doing yourself a dis-service by holding a bit of a halo over his head. I could be making some wrong assumptions here so i apologise if thats the case. Whatever you decide to do, I hope you really enjoy it!
  • latinqueencee
    latinqueencee Posts: 120 Member
    Thanks for your advice everyone!!! I'm going to start looking around for a Beyonce dress. Now if only I can get a Beyonce body by June, that would be great!!!!!
  • christine24t
    christine24t Posts: 6,063 Member
    I definitely think you should go, especially if you're friends with the brother!
  • KimmieBrie
    KimmieBrie Posts: 825 Member
    Definitely go.... not to party with your X.... not to make him jealous... but to support your friend who invited you - his brother since it's his wedding and that's who it's all about.
  • stacysammis
    stacysammis Posts: 1 Member
    It seems that being uplifting would be more beneficial than telling her to get therapy. Even phrasing it in a different way such as, "If the breakup hurt you so bad have you considered getting help to resolve your feelings? I think the purpose of mfp is to support and encourage not tearing someone down.
  • vegagirl2012
    vegagirl2012 Posts: 34
    I would say if you want to show support you can always go to the wedding but you don't have to go to the reception. Since that is your ex's brother, he obviously understood you guys were in a relationship that didn't work out & I think that he would be understanding if you told him that you would come to the wedding but that you may not come to the reception because you are not ready to deal with his brother. That way your ex can still see how fabulous you look at the wedding without you having to feel akward at the reception esp if you see him dancing & hugged up on his girlfriend.
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