How many of you have dismissive family members?

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kkester63
kkester63 Posts: 28
in Health and Weight Loss
You know the ones I'm talking about. You've dieted, exercised, sworn to do it all before. Why should we believe this time will be any different. We aren't really going to listen to your babble about how excited you are and this time you are going to succeed blah blah blah.

This time it's my parents ... I'm 48 so they've seen my try and ultimately put it all back on over and over since 5th grade. So I join a gym, pay for 2 years as a sign of commitment and a promise to myself. Hire a trainer so I get off on the right start ... being 410lbs presents a few extra challenges using gym equipment properly to build up those long dormant muscles. The old parents give me the why spend money like that, why hire a trainer just go outside and walk the dogs. Cut your calories blah blah blah ....

Fortunately I've got the support of my wife and my niece and nephew who proudly encourage me every day. Applauding each success and smoothing over the rough spots.

What do you do with your non-supportive family and friends? The I'll show them attitude for me feels wrong and good at the same time. But I guess time is the only way for them to see a difference.
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Replies

  • sweet_lotus
    sweet_lotus Posts: 194 Member
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    Parents (and in-laws!) sure love to give advice. My mom is pretty bossy in a well meaning way, and I'm...37!

    I deal with it by not confronting! I just smile and stuff like, "we will see how it goes" and gently change the subject.

    Another option is to give your parents information on a need-to-know only basis. You gave them a change to be involved in the changes you are making for yourself and they were not only unhelpful, they made you feel bad. They lost the right to be included. So, if you spend money on your new lifestyle, don't tell them. If they ask you about it in a denigrating or judgmental manner a mild, "I was hoping you would be supportive" is always good. And then change the subject. They'll catch on.

    Do your thing, talk to the people who DO encourage you, and don't let the negative nellies get you down.
  • tequila09
    tequila09 Posts: 764 Member
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    Parents (and in-laws!) sure love to give advice. My mom is pretty bossy in a well meaning way, and I'm...37!

    I deal with it by not confronting! I just smile and stuff like, "we will see how it goes" and gently change the subject.

    Another option is to give your parents information on a need-to-know only basis. You gave them a change to be involved in the changes you are making for yourself and they were not only unhelpful, they made you feel bad. They lost the right to be included. So, if you spend money on your new lifestyle, don't tell them. If they ask you about it in a denigrating or judgmental manner a mild, "I was hoping you would be supportive" is always good. And then change the subject. They'll catch on.

    Do your thing, talk to the people who DO encourage you, and don't let the negative nellies get you down.

    This!! Great advice! :)
  • Hilary75
    Hilary75 Posts: 90 Member
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    Parents (and in-laws!) sure love to give advice. My mom is pretty bossy in a well meaning way, and I'm...37!

    I deal with it by not confronting! I just smile and stuff like, "we will see how it goes" and gently change the subject.

    Another option is to give your parents information on a need-to-know only basis. You gave them a change to be involved in the changes you are making for yourself and they were not only unhelpful, they made you feel bad. They lost the right to be included. So, if you spend money on your new lifestyle, don't tell them. If they ask you about it in a denigrating or judgmental manner a mild, "I was hoping you would be supportive" is always good. And then change the subject. They'll catch on.

    Do your thing, talk to the people who DO encourage you, and don't let the negative nellies get you down.

    Excellent advice. If your spouse is supportive then it's nobody else's business what you're spending on a healthier more fit lifestyle and at 48 it's certainly non of your parents business what you spend your money on.

    Keep up the good work and listen to the supportive peeps in your life!
  • DellG85
    DellG85 Posts: 79 Member
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    Parents (and in-laws!) sure love to give advice. My mom is pretty bossy in a well meaning way, and I'm...37!

    I deal with it by not confronting! I just smile and stuff like, "we will see how it goes" and gently change the subject.

    Another option is to give your parents information on a need-to-know only basis. You gave them a chance to be involved in the changes you are making for yourself and they were not only unhelpful, they made you feel bad. They lost the right to be included. So, if you spend money on your new lifestyle, don't tell them. If they ask you about it in a denigrating or judgmental manner a mild, "I was hoping you would be supportive" is always good. And then change the subject. They'll catch on.

    Do your thing, talk to the people who DO encourage you, and don't let the negative nellies get you down.

    I agree with EVERY word of this - good advice for deff xxx
  • wjranch
    wjranch Posts: 152
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    Let the Haters be your Motivators!!

    Go about your biz and get things done.... as the pounds come off, they will be forced to eat their own words and accept that you are quite capable of making changes for the better in your life.

    Good Luck on your Journey to a new lifestyle.... it's Fantastic that you've got your Wife and other Family members to support you. Surround yourself with Positive Thoughts, Motivators and People and you will see the results your working toward be realized!!
  • onmyway31
    onmyway31 Posts: 66
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    Just keep working on you, don't tell anyone what you are doing if they cannot be supportive. I had someone not to long ago put me down like if I was incapable of losing weight. I have lost over 30 pounds so far and I am going to keep going for ME.
  • Serah87
    Serah87 Posts: 5,481 Member
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    Agree with everyone!! Keep up the good work!!! :happy:
  • Micheller1210
    Micheller1210 Posts: 460 Member
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    your gonna rock this! and be a winner :)you have your wife and you have us to cheer you on :)
  • bethieannie
    bethieannie Posts: 75 Member
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    After my weekly weigh-in 2 weeks ago, my mom asked me how much I had lost... I replied .8lbs. she says... oh... that's not very much huh... GRRRRRRR
  • BandForAlyAnne
    BandForAlyAnne Posts: 321 Member
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    i have a grandma whose upset because she cant cook for us anymore. i have a dad and sister stuffing their faces more than ever(though the sister doesnt live with us anymore). and a mom who is"dieting" with me. i say dieting because shes set herself up for failure. she does cheat days and doent always stay accountable. and she starves herself the rest of the time. shes losing weight but isnt doing anything different than she has in the past. shes not changing how she lives. and its so frustrating because i cant do it for her. and if i say anything she gets mad. yet she says, "im doing it with you". no your NOT. its so frustrating living in this house. i wish i had the means to move out. maybe in a years time...*sigh
  • SandiBren
    SandiBren Posts: 33 Member
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    My mother was never happy with my weight, even though I was never overweight, so when she asked me what I weighed the last time I answered....with laughter....."I weigh more than I did when I went in to deliver twins. And as far as I'm concerned, I like myself, my husband likes me....NO ONE ELSE MATTERS!" She never mentioned my weight again!! When it comes down to it, it's nobody's business!!!
  • foremant86
    foremant86 Posts: 1,115 Member
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    I'm incredibly thankful that my whole family has been nothing but supportive. They're always telling me what a good job i'm doing and how much better i'm looking and they ask me for advice on how they can lose weight.

    I'm sorry your parents are so negative, but it's great that you have other people who are supportive. Don't let the negative people get you down, keep your head up and know that you can and will succeed!!
  • ensoleille
    ensoleille Posts: 56
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    I'm not telling anyone because they would laugh at me.
    Or make comments about me eating things...
    That's why I like having friends on here to keep me motivated! :D
  • or1ch6id
    or1ch6id Posts: 28
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    I have to deal with my mother...who is part of the reason I have weight issues to begin with. She is obese and has so many health issues related to that, but yet she is not encouraging. If i mention that I am enjoying my walks, my bike riding and seeing results...she says "oh I lost 3 lbs too!" which happens when she starves herself for a day or two. Then she will binge on crappy food...which i avoid at all costs now...and complain...and then ask me to take her for fast food after her doctor appointments. She'll make comments that make me feel like crap - like pointing out that my arms are flabby or that my shirt is too tight...stuff like that. Its annoying - but she just doesn't understand that it is a real lifestyle change and that its a work in progress for me. I just have learned (and trying to remember constantly) that i cannot control or change what anyone else does - just myself...and I want to be healthy and strong.

    Its a battle but can be won!! :)
  • sma83
    sma83 Posts: 485 Member
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    Its my Father for me. He rolls his eyes at every purchase I make on this weight loss journey, from the big ticket items (a new treadmill) all the way down to the healthier but pricier food I buy at the grocery store! I buy a vitamin supplement or a workout DVD and I get "You are really taking this too far". Um, really? I was 285 pounds when I started out (Im only 5'7") and was diagnosed with high blood pressure and put on meds for it when I was only 23!!! (Im 28 now) I have had to have back surgery, my right knee hurts and I cant play for 5 min with my daughter without getting winded. So how is changing my entire life style around so that I will actually be here to see my grandkids be born someday "going to far"?! It is discouraging, but it actually gives me that extra little push. I will not let him be right about this! lol He can eat all the McDonalds he wants to in front of me ( and I swear he does this on purpose! lol) all he wants. I will smile, eat my turkey breast and salad and then knock out 400 cals on the treadmill!!!
  • tronapage
    tronapage Posts: 23
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    The dismissive loved ones are hard. You know they are really on your side but they honestly don't believe you are going to make it or... for some reason they don't even admit to themselves... they don't want you to make it. That hurts but you can't let it deter you. My advice would be to stop discussing it with those people. Let the ones who are your fans tell them how well you are doing.

    The haters can be your biggest motivators.(like wjranch says) You don't want them to win under any circumstances. My ex-boss was one of those. She would buy me candy bars and every fattening goodie you can think of. After the first shock of realizing she was so determined to see me lose confidence...not pounds...wore off, my spine stiffened big time. I would either leave them lay or offer them to a patron I knew she hated. I'm bad but I also enjoyed knowing every pound I lost she felt like a stab to her gut....I don't mind being bad.:smokin:
  • LuciaLongIsland
    LuciaLongIsland Posts: 815 Member
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    Lose the weight for yourself and thank God you have a Mother. I wish I did.
  • penguins93
    penguins93 Posts: 2
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    I can't figure out how to delete this, meant to reply to a single post:P
  • ohmariposa
    ohmariposa Posts: 372 Member
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    This is for you AND ONLY YOU! Do not listen to any negative or less than supportive people. Just do the best you can do every day...the results will prove them all wrong :-)
  • penguins93
    penguins93 Posts: 2
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    After my weekly weigh-in 2 weeks ago, my mom asked me how much I had lost... I replied .8lbs. she says... oh... that's not very much huh... GRRRRRRR

    That's just like my mom, only on every aspect of my life! Just keep on going and show her that you can make it!

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