Fear of losing weight / using weight as a shield.

susanblue73
susanblue73 Posts: 1
edited November 11 in Motivation and Support
I've been trying to deal with this for sometime, but I am afraid to lose weight. It goes deep in my thinking because I was molested as a child not just from my own father but he would swap me to other men. I know that has something to do with me not losing weight. I know its the fear that I'm going to be looked on in a sexual manner. I lost about 20 lbs and gained 10 of it back. I cut a lot of junk food out of my diet but its more in my head than anything, because I sabotage it.
I used to go to therapy a long time ago, but I can't afford therapy now.

I was wondering if anyone has gone through the same thinking of trying to keep their fat on for a shield? How did you deal with the fear? If you don't want to post please inbox me. I'd appreciate all comments.

Replies

  • CherrySunday
    CherrySunday Posts: 301
    First off, I'm so sorry for the abuse you suffered! No one should go through something like that.

    I totally understand what you're saying about using weight as a shield-protection. I think I've been guilty of this the last ten years or so. It's weird how it works, because I felt horrible about my extra weight and it played heavily on my self-esteem which just made it all the more worse. I've been talking myself through the last 67 pounds of weight loss, trying to remind myself NOT to be scared about life (because for me that's what it was). I was afraid of so many things in the world. I haven't had a gain since I realized that I was doing this to myself. It's almost as if you're placing yourself in a prison of your body.

    My advice would be to find an online support group if you can't afford therapy. For awhile I was hanging out over at Experience Project website to talk over various problems with people, and it helped me. My other advice would be to read incest survivor books and books on the sexually abused. I had a year of molestation happen to me from a neighbor, and a book that helped me was called, "The Courage To Heal."

    Hope this helps!
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