Friends vs. Facebook drama

Reedern
Reedern Posts: 525 Member
edited November 11 in Motivation and Support
Ok, so a very good friend of mine got angry with me a couple weeks ago for a picture/saying that I had shared on FB. She is going through a rough time with her teenage daughter and for some reason, she assumed that the comment had to do with her and was angry with me and demanded that I remove the shared post. (It said something like "Some days I just want to shake people and ask them WTF is wrong with them?") Ok, so in fact the reason I posted this was due to the fact that this particular morning I found out that my Uncle's insurance denied him medical care that he needs (he was just diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer and prognosis is not good). I didn't even get the chance to explain to her that this was a post expressing how I was feeling about the people that denied my Uncle care. I agreed to remove it, which in my mind I shouldn't have had to. She told me before she got off the phone that it would probably be a while before she spoke to me again (2 weeks already). I really value our freindship but I am upset that she would act this way over a FB post that had nothing to do with her or her family. I have thought about contacting her, but feel that I shouldn't since I did nothing wrong. Now I feel like I have to be careful when expressing my feelings, and I shouldn't have too right? Any suggestions?

Replies

  • kit_katty
    kit_katty Posts: 992 Member
    If the post had been about her, then she would have an argument and a point.

    However it wasn't. You shouldn't have removed the post. If you value her friendship I'd call her and explain and ask why she would assume this was in reference to her at all. Talk it out. If she's truly a good friend you can figure this out.
  • weathergirl320
    weathergirl320 Posts: 331
    people seem to forget facebook is a public forum. they take it way too personally. i have lost friends over similar situations and i just think if someone is willing to throw away years of friendship over something so dumb on facebook then they werent really that good of a friend. i mean really a true friend wouldnt do that. people get so over obsessed with fb and take everything personal. they dont like whats on my page TFB. its my page.
  • MariaMariaM
    MariaMariaM Posts: 1,322 Member
    If the post had been about her, then she would have an argument and a point.

    However it wasn't. You shouldn't have removed the post. If you value her friendship I'd call her and explain and ask why she would assume this was in reference to her at all. Talk it out. If she's truly a good friend you can figure this out.

    I agree with this.
    I am curious why your friend will jump on you like that without giving you the benefit of the doubt. Maybe it is the rough patch she is going through and it is taking it on you.
    If this is a good friend, you should talk to her but I don't think you should apologize. If anything, the apology should come from your friend since you didn't do anything wrong.

    I am sorry about your uncle.
  • minkakross
    minkakross Posts: 687 Member
    Not a problem I can see myself getting into on facebook, I don't tolerate other people's drama all that well. My advice and it maybe bad is that you should cut and paste what you just wrote into your facebook status, maybe she'll get the message since she hasn't bothered to talk it out with you unless of course you just want to draw a badge scan it title it facebook police and tag her to it? You let her drama become yours and now it's changing the way you behave and reducing your enjoyment of an internet pass time... time to take your life back and let her know it's not always about her.
  • BrettPGH
    BrettPGH Posts: 4,716 Member
    Your friend is an immature child. Explain to her that the world doesn't revolve around her and just because you post something on Facebook does not mean it's about her. From the sound of things you're better off with her not talking to you.
  • Reedern
    Reedern Posts: 525 Member
    If the post had been about her, then she would have an argument and a point.

    However it wasn't. You shouldn't have removed the post. If you value her friendship I'd call her and explain and ask why she would assume this was in reference to her at all. Talk it out. If she's truly a good friend you can figure this out.

    I agree with this.
    I am curious why your friend will jump on you like that without giving you the benefit of the doubt. Maybe it is the rough patch she is going through and it is taking it on you.
    If this is a good friend, you should talk to her but I don't think you should apologize. If anything, the apology should come from your friend since you didn't do anything wrong.

    I am sorry about your uncle.

    Thanks, I have been very sad about the news with him. It breaks my heart. I agree that she is taking her frustrations out on me for some reason, but she is the type of person who once she gets an idea in her head, it is almost impossible to change it. That is what bothers me... we are supposed to be good friends and now should be a time that we should lean on each other for support, not cause more drama.
  • penney88
    penney88 Posts: 32 Member
    your friends not being reasonable. If shes not giving you an opportunity to explain yourself then maybe write her out an email or fb message explaining what happen.
    This is clearly a difficult time in your life as well with your uncles news so if she also values your friendship then she'll be there for you.
    And if she decides against it, then now you know the type of person she is and who needs a friend that always needs you there but isn't there in return?

    Your not wrong in anyway, and sorry to hear about your uncle.
  • KimmieBrie
    KimmieBrie Posts: 825 Member
    Ok, so a very good friend of mine got angry with me a couple weeks ago for a picture/saying that I had shared on FB. She is going through a rough time with her teenage daughter and for some reason, she assumed that the comment had to do with her and was angry with me and demanded that I remove the shared post. (It said something like "Some days I just want to shake people and ask them WTF is wrong with them?") Ok, so in fact the reason I posted this was due to the fact that this particular morning I found out that my Uncle's insurance denied him medical care that he needs (he was just diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer and prognosis is not good). I didn't even get the chance to explain to her that this was a post expressing how I was feeling about the people that denied my Uncle care. I agreed to remove it, which in my mind I shouldn't have had to. She told me before she got off the phone that it would probably be a while before she spoke to me again (2 weeks already). I really value our freindship but I am upset that she would act this way over a FB post that had nothing to do with her or her family. I have thought about contacting her, but feel that I shouldn't since I did nothing wrong. Now I feel like I have to be careful when expressing my feelings, and I shouldn't have too right? Any suggestions?

    Well too late but I would have told her up front it had nothing to do with her and what it did have to do with... why did you not explain then? She's basically not speaking with you over absolutely nothing. I would never have agreed to remove the post because it makes it look like you were guilty of what she said... but since we can't turn back the clock...

    Facebook drama is ridiculous. Call and explain or let it go and move on. She's being stubborn, and now you are. Attempt to resolve it and if she won't listen move on... that's really all you can do.
  • jenbk2
    jenbk2 Posts: 614 Member
    See what happens when you *kitten*-U-ME. I have friends like that. Almost like they are looking for more drama.
  • Reedern
    Reedern Posts: 525 Member
    I actually did try to tell her what the post was about but she refused to listen claiming that my post was "Inappropriate" and that she was offended by it. Out of respect for our friendship I agreed to remove it because she claimed to be offended. I tend to be a pleaser, but that is growing old quickly.
  • Krizzle4Rizzle
    Krizzle4Rizzle Posts: 2,704 Member
    This is a prime example of why I am so over facebook. It's the high school cafeteria all over again.
  • Nerdy_Rose
    Nerdy_Rose Posts: 1,277 Member
    If someone assumes a generic post was aimed at them, then it probably hit a sore spot and they need to take a good, hard look at themselves.
  • sylvuz323
    sylvuz323 Posts: 468 Member
    Well I would suggest to Re-post on facebook your original comment with a comment regarding your Uncle. If she doesn't come back with her tail between her legs, then she's not much of a friend and is too wrapped up in her own issues. I think she should have heard you out, especially after you removed the post even though it wasn't about her.
  • Bethee101
    Bethee101 Posts: 99 Member
    Facebook was not meant for people with low self esteem or paranoia. They feel as though the world is happy and they are not and everyone knows it. They feel as though people see they have no friends, no pictures, and nothing special, which makes them spiral more! Facebook has done more harm than good to a lot of people.

    Know I personally think Facebook is silly, I am on it and I enjoy it. But I have way too many friends, people I never even really liked in High School, and others. People cannot read voice inflection, they do not read sarcasm, so if someone writes something in humor, people may read it as anger. Facebook is made for easy going people... not the uptight paranoid!
  • WhittRak
    WhittRak Posts: 567 Member
    I am so sorry about your uncle. And as for your friend...tell her to build a bridge and get over it. Sorry...a bit harsh...but come on now.
  • KimmieBrie
    KimmieBrie Posts: 825 Member
    I actually did try to tell her what the post was about but she refused to listen claiming that my post was "Inappropriate" and that she was offended by it. Out of respect for our friendship I agreed to remove it because she claimed to be offended. I tend to be a pleaser, but that is growing old quickly.

    Then I'd drop it and move on. You have other things to concern yourself with like your uncle. I hope he is OK.

    The older I get, the less patience I have for those all about me drama type friends....
  • Pocket_Pixi
    Pocket_Pixi Posts: 1,167 Member
    If some off handed post that was not even related to her in anyway offended her than I say TFB.. I would have left the post up especially since she wouldnt listen your explination. Personally, if she is going to act like that do your really want her to be your friend?

    Sorry to hear about your uncle, but try and forget this and move on - you have enough stress in your life at the moment.
  • ket_the_jet
    ket_the_jet Posts: 1,257 Member
    I can't get over how many people ***** about Facebook as being "just like high school." If you added all of the randoms that were in your shop class or on the Math Olympiad team with you, then what do you expect?

    You are in control of the people you associate yourself with in real life; why shouldn't your digital network reflect similarly?

    Friends, both in real life and on the internet, are entirely replaceable.
    -wtk
  • Reedern
    Reedern Posts: 525 Member
    I am so sorry about your uncle. And as for your friend...tell her to build a bridge and get over it. Sorry...a bit harsh...but come on now.

    I think this is about where I am feeling now. I certainly don't need that added BS
  • HiKaren
    HiKaren Posts: 1,306 Member
    This is a prime example of why I am so over facebook. It's the high school cafeteria all over again.

    Yep... Me too.....
  • margerator
    margerator Posts: 52
    Something similar happened to me! I posted a general thing that said for example: If you are going to complain about something, let it be about something that matters, and my friend messaged me asking if it was about her! I told her it was a public seervice announcement LOL and assured her that we were fine. At the very bottom I said: If I could change one thing, I wish you didn't talk negatively about my sis around me. (long story- but I thought it was a reasonable request between friends) Anyway, she wrote a book back about all that she couldn't stand about me and my sister, and we haven't spoken since. I thought I valued our friendship, but I found out what she really thought was that she was better than me!

    Time has passed, and I realize that I am a lot happier without her negative influence in my life!
  • margerator
    margerator Posts: 52
    PS- I hang on MFP more than FB now!
  • _GlaDOS_
    _GlaDOS_ Posts: 1,520 Member
    Some days I just want to shake people and ask them WTF is wrong with them.
  • Qarol
    Qarol Posts: 6,171 Member
    My friends know better than to think everything is about them...unless it IS about them...I still won't delete it.
  • InTenn
    InTenn Posts: 99
    I actually did try to tell her what the post was about but she refused to listen claiming that my post was "Inappropriate" and that she was offended by it. Out of respect for our friendship I agreed to remove it because she claimed to be offended. I tend to be a pleaser, but that is growing old quickly.
    Surprisingly, some people believe they have a right to go through life without being offended. Some actually seem to think it is in the US Constitution for some reason. We have raised "offense" to an art form.

    I find that attitude, well, you know....
  • _SusieQ_
    _SusieQ_ Posts: 2,964 Member
    Some days I just want to shake people and ask them WTF is wrong with them.

    Win.
  • Reedern
    Reedern Posts: 525 Member
    Some days I just want to shake people and ask them WTF is wrong with them.

    Win.

    I agree! This goes for today for sure....
This discussion has been closed.

Categories