Losing the will to survive...

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What a gloomy mood I am in today.

I had a little bit on a melt down yesterday. I just want to be a normal 22 year old at Uni with her friends. I am so sick of dieting and punishing myself. My friends dont ask me out for meals or drinks anymore because they know I wont eat out and they know I wont drink. I just want to be able to find a happy balance. I cant remember the last time I went out and had a meal, didnt constantly worry about the calories and fat content. When did food just stop been food and start been numbers? I dont see fruit, meat and bread any more. Everything has a number attached to it and even when I really want to let go I just cant. I have been dieting now for around 3 years and have lost 41lbs but it doesnt seem worth it anymore. I sacrifice my social life to lose weight but never show off the weight lost.

Another problem that is getting me down is I dont seem to lose at all if I dont exercise. Nothing budges. I dont know why but as a stage manager I cant always work out. My days start at 8am and sometimes dont finish till 11pm. I am physically exhausted and sometimes the idea of exercising just makes me want to cry. Even though I do it because I feel like a failure for not.

I just feel lost and lonely.
I know that in 10 years I will look back and hate myself for always worrying about my weight and not enjoying the beautiful things around me and the beautiful people.

:(

Replies

  • carolemack
    carolemack Posts: 1,276 Member
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    You should give yourself a break. This is not a diet but rather a lifestyle change. Perhaps try following the 80/20 rule...if you are good and make the right food choices 80% of the time then you should be able to ease up for 20%.

    Try picking at least one day a week where you can go out with your friends and eat whatever you want and maybe even have a drink or two. You owe it to yourself to make this a liveable lifestyle, not something that keeps you unhappy and "losing the will to survive".

    You may find that your weight loss actually increases by doing this.

    You can do this...and be happy at the same time. :flowerforyou:
  • lisa28115
    lisa28115 Posts: 17,271 Member
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    What a gloomy mood I am in today.

    I had a little bit on a melt down yesterday. I just want to be a normal 22 year old at Uni with her friends. I am so sick of dieting and punishing myself. My friends dont ask me out for meals or drinks anymore because they know I wont eat out and they know I wont drink. I just want to be able to find a happy balance. I cant remember the last time I went out and had a meal, didnt constantly worry about the calories and fat content. When did food just stop been food and start been numbers? I dont see fruit, meat and bread any more. Everything has a number attached to it and even when I really want to let go I just cant. I have been dieting now for around 3 years and have lost 41lbs but it doesnt seem worth it anymore. I sacrifice my social life to lose weight but never show off the weight lost.

    Another problem that is getting me down is I dont seem to lose at all if I dont exercise. Nothing budges. I dont know why but as a stage manager I cant always work out. My days start at 8am and sometimes dont finish till 11pm. I am physically exhausted and sometimes the idea of exercising just makes me want to cry. Even though I do it because I feel like a failure for not.

    I just feel lost and lonely.
    I know that in 10 years I will look back and hate myself for always worrying about my weight and not enjoying the beautiful things around me and the beautiful people.

    :(

    WHAT IS YOUR DAILY CALORIES SET AT???
    MAYBE IT IS TOO LOW FOR YOU....YOU ARE VERY YOUNG
    HOW MUCH YOU TRYING TO LOSE?
    FRIEND ME AND I WILL ADD YOU:bigsmile:
  • HeidiRene
    HeidiRene Posts: 335 Member
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    Hang in there. You won't always feel this way. One option you have to have a social life yet stick with your diet is to go out with your friends and just not eat or drink. I can't tell you how many times I have gone out with friends and done this. You don't have to be eating and drinking to have fun. I sip my water and talk/laugh/dance whatever and have a grand time.

    If your gloomy day turns into many gloomy days and it becomes unbearable don't be afraid to seek help. I have been on anti-depressants for 10 years and I wish I had started taking them many years earlier when I was a sad college student like you. Take care! Reach out if you need support. Many of us do understand.
  • westwick1
    westwick1 Posts: 44 Member
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    41 lbs is a fantastic acheivement! don't be so hard on yourself, give yourself some time off each week to just relax and enjoy life with your friends. One evening off is not going to ruin the hard work you've done and it might make you feel happier x
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    it sounds like you do need to give yourself a break. you havent put what your stats are, so i dont know how much more you want to lose, but to have lost 41lbs is great work! you should be proud of yourself.

    Maybe you should maintain your current weight for a while and concentrate on other things in your life, like going out with your friends and having a bit of fun. That doesnt mean you have to drink, if you dont want to (whether its for the calories or other reasons) and your friends should respect that, but i have always kept one 'treat' meal per week where i would eat out, as my OH and i like our food and go out a fair bit. and i found i still lost weight doing this. just keep it to one meal (2 courses only!) per week and it shouldnt have a massive effect on your weight loss.

    Good luck! x
  • jackieb1977
    jackieb1977 Posts: 195 Member
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    hi, dont feel sad and on here your never lonely, your 22 and should be out enjoying yourself with your mates, as long as you dont go into excess theres no reason you shouldnt be out enjoying yourself with them. dont spend your life worrying about weight its not healthy, i have loads to lose over a 100lbs but since joining i realise i wont lose it over night and i have to stop obbsessing, every day is new, if i fail i get back on the next day, as long as the old habits dont start creeping in and i stay under my daily limit, exercise when i can, then i know it will come off.
    everything in moderation is healthy.
    feel free to add if you like. :smile:
  • shakybabe
    shakybabe Posts: 1,578 Member
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    There was a program on UK TV last night called 'The Truth about Exercise' (post on it on fitness and exercise board) but bascially they found by presenter wearing some special shorts which tracked his NEAT non-exercise activity ie just daily moving about he burned 500 extra calories just doing stuff like taking the stairs instead of lifts. If your moving about from 8am-11pm you should be burning loads through NEAT. Even standing instead of sitting, if your watching or directing someone on stage stand if you can rather than just sitting and watching..walk on and off stage more if you can whilst describing how you or where you might want things if you usually just sit in audience seats and direct etc ... you get the idea.

    You could easily burn off as much as doing an hour in the gym. If you're not getting time to sit down and eat decent meals either, you may be low in Q10 found in meats, fish, eggs, broccoli etc, it's naturally in all our cells and gives us energy. Q10 supplements can help give you more energy which will boost your metabolism if its slow cos you dont get chance to eat regularly or decent food.

    You don't need to go to gym and lift weights and run for hour on a treadmill to lose weight. I'm a wheelchair user and still losing even though I'm housebound and spend all day in wheelchair. I can do limited games on wii BUT I have involuntary muscle movement as part of my condition, so by the end of the day adding all those little movements up I probably burn as much as I would have done going to the gym for an hour.

    Try and do a packed lunch the night before an healthy salad instead of doing things like picking up a sausage roll on the go etc, maybe little things like that you can change too? My canteen had healthy salads etc usually right at end and was more tempting to go with the chips and sausage you came to first in the queue!

    When I was at uni (I could walk then) our campus was massive and just walking to and from lectures all day and into town and back kept me fit and weight stable. if a class is within walking distance walk there if you have time, you should burn some decent calories with a couple of mile walk in about 20 mins.

    Good Luck!
  • Annaflower
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    You should give yourself a break. This is not a diet but rather a lifestyle change. Perhaps try following the 80/20 rule...if you are good and make the right food choices 80% of the time then you should be able to ease up for 20%.

    Try picking at least one day a week where you can go out with your friends and eat whatever you want and maybe even have a drink or two. You owe it to yourself to make this a liveable lifestyle, not something that keeps you unhappy and "losing the will to survive".

    You may find that your weight loss actually increases by doing this.

    You can do this...and be happy at the same time. :flowerforyou:

    This is so true. You need to adjust your thinking about this being a 'diet'. Try to be more flexible with your eating. The odd night out every week or two will be so great for your state of mind which in turn will help you cope with the days in between. You have been doing this for a long time and giving yourself a break is not a crime. Your emotional health is just as important as your phisical health, if you focus too much on one the other suffers. It's all about balance.

    Good luck and keep smiling :-)
  • 714rah714
    714rah714 Posts: 759 Member
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    Yeah, the numbers can get overwhelming at times, but the good thing is that were creatures of habit. So once you start to eat healthy and balanced meals it will become second nature to you and you won't worry about the numbers so much. In the meantime, don't worry about exercising, with your schedule it'll probably do you more harm than good and go out with your friends and have a great time. Life's to short to be miserable.
  • psiren28
    psiren28 Posts: 530 Member
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    Oh hun, this is no way to be. You're young and should be having fun with your friends. If that means lightening up once in a while and not worrying about calories then you really need to get your head round it.
    If you're miserable with the plan you've set yourself you're less likely to stick with it long term.

    Maybe your calories are to low for your activity level, it sounds like you're active most of the day being a stage manager. Try having a spike day once a week, I've done this throughout my weight loss and it's worked so far (I stopped having one recently because I got impatient to get to goal and guess what.... my weight loss stalled!). I'm back on treat day once a week and I feel so much better and the losses are happening again. Plus I can go out for a meal with my friends and still lose weight.

    I often go out without drinking even though my friends drink quite a lot. It's still fun and I don't feel like I'm not joining in, I'm just having diet sodas instead of beer. At first it can be a drag having to keep justifying myself when people ask why I'm not drinking or trying to make me drink (that's more about them than me though), but after a while they just get used to it and it's no longer an issue. Try talking to your friends, tell them you'd still like to be asked out with them even though you might not always go... but DO go sometimes, you need to have fun. A weight loss plan shouldn't prevent you from enjoying yourself.

    You've done fantastic so far, don't let it take over your life, work it into your life and be happy :flowerforyou: