self esteem...

BeautyFromPain
BeautyFromPain Posts: 4,952 Member
edited November 12 in Motivation and Support
Hey all,

I have terrible self esteem... I really want to change this and learn to love myself but I don't know how.
This post is not for attention or sympathy, looking for others who have overcome selfesteem issues and how they have done it?

Replies

  • BeautyFromPain
    BeautyFromPain Posts: 4,952 Member
    anyone got any tips? (:
  • keependuring
    keependuring Posts: 16 Member
    If possible, go see a therapist. They are helpful for big and small issues. I like to call them life coaches, not only athletes need coaches. :)
  • Laura8603
    Laura8603 Posts: 590 Member
    Fake it until you make it. Always try to look your best. Do your hair, make up, nails, wear clothes that fit, etc. Strut your stuff and hold your head high. That's what I do. My self- esteem is still a work in progress, but to the outside world, I have it.
  • Kelsbellz
    Kelsbellz Posts: 142 Member
    Fake it 'til you make it! It works and it makes all the difference in the world. Walk in, head held high! Own it, it's the sexiest thing!
  • HauteP1nk
    HauteP1nk Posts: 2,139 Member
    I have always suffered from a low self-esteem too. You are not alone! I second guess myself, never speak up, and usually I don't try anything because i am fearful that I will fail. It really sucks...

    I am starting to get involved in more activities, surrounding myself with supportive people/groups, challenging myself... By challenging myself and achieving my goals I find I am feeling better about myself.... So, I have been taking action. I know that I will never develop confidence if I continue to sit on the sidelines... I am accepting all challenges and pushing myself out of my comfort zone. That was my goal this year...and so far I am doing well. And I know you can too!

    When you fail to move forward because of fear and anxiety, you'll be frustrated and unhappy - and you will undoubtedly deal a damaging blow to your self-esteem.

    Try to give yourself positive reinforcement as well. Don't speak negatively to yourself. I read a quote once that said that if we spoke to our friends the way we spoke to ourselves we wouldn't have any friends... So love yourself...be true to yourself...

    Make a list of all your positive traits. Everythign you have accomplished. Focus on all the positives... You are a valuable person!

    There are so many resources out there on ways to build your confidence. I have no doubt that you CAN do it. If I can...you can. :)
  • noexcuses84
    noexcuses84 Posts: 100 Member
    i too have trouble with self esteem. then someone told me to stand in front of the mirror once a day and find something that i liked. i must admit it took me a while to find something but then it started with " oh i do like my long eyelashes" or "i like the colour of my eyes".
    It does get easier and i can honestly say that u will find something, even if its something small, that will make u smile. remember, everyone is unique and there isn't another you. Thats something to love already :happy:
  • BrienJD
    BrienJD Posts: 541 Member
    That's a tough one because each person is different and there are different triggers to low self esteem. My weight is a self -esteem killer for me. There are so many individual variables to deal with. For me If I can lose the weight, I can at least reduce the number of obstacles to my well being. My weight keeps me self concious and prevents me from socializing the way I want to. It's hard to build self-esteem but not inpossible. Find what makes you that way and proceed from there.
  • WishfulShrinking331
    WishfulShrinking331 Posts: 244 Member
    Bump...I feel the same, I dread getting dressed every morning, no matter what the scale says I feel like I can never see a difference in myself and that's sad after 16 pounds is gone. I haven't been this weight since high school and I just can't see the change =[
  • wildhehr2
    wildhehr2 Posts: 122 Member
    My self esteem issues aren't as bad now that I have kids...I try to curb the negativity so they don't have the same deal. Talking to myself the same way I talk to my kids helps (I would never dream of telling my kids that they are a failure at anything, so I remind myself that just trying is a victory). I also deliberately signed up for a class that I knew I would not be good at...and gave myself permission to fail in a spectacular manner. I did, but I ended up having fun and meeting new people, and no one thought I was a loser.
  • BigDaddyBRC
    BigDaddyBRC Posts: 2,395 Member
    Don't live in false state. It "may" work for some, but all ou are doing is living a lie in the present. BELIEVE in yourself. Realize the greatness for the person you are and in all that you do, both great and small. Walk with pride fo WHO you are, all aspects, and what you have acomplished. Remember that you have achieved far greater than most in the world of your age. As you walk, become aware that every moment allows for a positive outlook and improvement in your soul...see it, choose it, act upon it.
  • Fat_2_Fit_Mommy
    Fat_2_Fit_Mommy Posts: 569 Member
    I also have low self esteem I guess it has to do with school ppl can be mean.. But now I am trying to improve myself to make myself happy about me. To me I think I am the ugliest person in the world I see a girl on tv I wish I could trade her my bod for hers but can't do that so in working on mine.
  • therealangd
    therealangd Posts: 1,861 Member
    Yep. Practice fake it til you make it.

    Be cognizant of negative thoughts. And reverse them and make them positive thoughts. Even if you don't really think you believe them. Say them in your head. Over and over and over. Even if it starts with one positive thought and a gazillion negative thoughts a day, its a start. The next day it will be two. and then three. And so on.
  • CoderGal
    CoderGal Posts: 6,800 Member
    Look at the beatiful people on this thread and while you are wondering how and why on earth they would have self esteam issues remember others are wondering the same about you.
  • LaurasClimb
    LaurasClimb Posts: 211 Member
    I have to agree with Brien, everyone is different. Do you know why you have low self esteem? I know I can trace mine back to a couple events in my childhood. For me, finding the root cause, acknowledging it, accepting that it happened and can't unhappen was really key. Once all that took place, I faked it until it just became second nature. It still creeps up every now and then, there are still things I'm very self conscious about. Hey, I'm a work in progress.
    Biggie - surround yourself with people who believe in you. I'm lucky, I have that just about everywhere! I mentioned to my boss one day that I have a fear of public speaking, she said she was very surprised because I am so self-confident. Wow! I never thought of myself that way and that was huge for boosting my self esteem.
  • CoderGal
    CoderGal Posts: 6,800 Member
    Personally it irritates me when people tell me to pretend to be happy. Faking it over an extended period of time is rather lonely. Think of reasons to be it.
  • plushkitten
    plushkitten Posts: 547 Member
    I've had self esteem issues my whole life.
    Even at 107, I couldn't wrap my head around how other people saw me as pretty or beautiful.

    Honestly, I've found my confidence through knowledge.
    This is a personal experience so I'm not saying is works for everyone, but it doesn't hurt.

    Knowledge has helped me in a way that I know how to stand my ground with people and that when I am having a conversation with someone, I know what I'm talking about and can speak with fluidity and consistency.

    I do not talk a lot, as I'm very introverted, but when I do, people like to listen to what I have to say.
    Which projects their positive reaction towards me back on to me and make me feel comfortable for who I am. :)

    Then comes taking care of yourself on the outside.
    Sometimes putting your hair in a different style can help you see yourself in a whole new light.
    I always put mine in pigtails :p

    You're on the right track sweetie. With exercise comes all types of benefits that I don't even have to explain.

    <3
  • suztheq
    suztheq Posts: 168 Member
    Hey there. I used to have really horrible self-esteem and a terrible body image. In my mind, I was fat, worthless, stupid and ugly. I don't really know what triggered all of that... Well, OK my gymnastics coach telling me to "lay off the pizza and pasta" had some impact on me, but I didn't have a traumatic life and wasn't bullied. Just a band, choir and art dork trying to scoot by. A lot of things helped me change that. One in particular was losing my best friend from high school in a car accident. She was two months away from graduating college and ready to start grad school. Years later, I lost my uncle very suddenly to a massive heart attack. He was 63 and in great health. These, among other things (heartbreak, working in a very male dominated field, yada yada...) really got me thinking about things. Life is way too short to worry about what others think. What do you want from life? What makes you feel good? Answer these questions for yourself. For me, I love charity cycling events. Raising money for good causes while meeting new people and accomplishing goals I never thought possible -such as riding 100 miles in one day or 150 in two. Real spirit lifters. Find yours and do them. I hope you find your happiness and realize your self worth. :smile:
  • NotGoddess
    NotGoddess Posts: 1,198 Member
    When you find yourself saying or thinking something negative, stop yourself and ask yourself if it's true. Really break it down at first, so you force yourself to examine it and answer it fully. It makes the answers settle in more.

    Example: I'm ugly.
    Short question: Am I really ugly? Short answer: No.
    While you might get to that stage eventually, at first you won't really believe it so it won't work.

    Long version:
    I'm ugly.
    How are you ugly? I've got a pug nose with a dent in it and what looks like a wart.
    Okay let's take the dent first.
    Is it really noticeable? Yes.
    To -other people? Yeah, I think so.
    Okay, can you do anything to cover it? Yeah, I can cover it with a little makeup.
    Then do that if it's such a big deal and stop whining.
    Now about the so-called wart. Is it noticeable? Yes.
    To -other- people? Well, it's the same color as the rest of my nose, so I guess not, if they don't look close.
    Does [name] have a wart on their nose? No.
    Are you sure? Have you really looked closely? Well no...
    Would you care if she did? Are you going to ostracize her just because she has one? No, that would be rude.
    So you're saying other people are ruder and meaner than you? Of course not!
    Then stop thinking people are going to do that to you!

    ...as you can tell I'm a little hard on myself, but I've found the 'tough love', third-person approach works with me. It has helped me to stop obsessing so much over those imperfections that all of us have. Leaves room for the big things, like walking out of the bathroom with toilet paper trailing from my shoe. ;)
  • jcstanton
    jcstanton Posts: 1,849 Member
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r7UJE22Td9s&amp;feature=related

    More Beautiful You
    by Johnny Diaz

    Little girl fourteen flipping through a magazine
    Says she wants to look that way.
    But her hair isn't straight, her body isn't fake,
    And she's always felt overweight.

    Well, little girl fourteen, I wish that you could see
    That beauty is within your heart.
    And you were made with such care,
    Your skin, your body, and your hair
    Are perfect just the way they are.

    [Chorus]
    There could never be a more beautiful you!
    Don't buy the lies, disguises, and hoops they make you jump through.
    You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do,
    So there could never be a more beautiful you.

    Little girl twenty-one, the things that you've already done,
    Anything to get ahead.
    And you say you've got a man, but he's got another plan
    Only wants what you will do instead.

    Well, little girl twenty-one, you never thought that this would come,
    You starve yourself to play the part.
    But I can promise you there's a man whose love is true,
    And he'll treat you like the jewel you are.

    [chorus]
    There could never be a more beautiful you!
    Don't buy the lies, disguises, and hoops they make you jump through.
    You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do,
    So there could never be a more beautiful you.


    So turn around you're not too far
    To back away be who you are,
    To change your path go another way.
    It's not too late you can be saved!
    If you feel depressed with past regrets,
    The shameful nights hope to forget.
    They can disappear, they can all be washed away
    By the One who's strong can right your wrongs,
    Can rid your fears dry all your tears,
    And change the way you look at this big world.
    He will take your dark distorted view,
    And with His light He will show you truth,
    And again you'll see through the eyes of a little girl.

    [Chorus]
    There could never be a more beautiful you!
    Don't buy the lies, disguises, and hoops they make you jump through.
    You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do,
    So there could never be a more beautiful you.


    Psalm139:14~"I will praise Thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are Thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well."
  • sativo8339
    sativo8339 Posts: 39 Member
    The best way to remove anxiety is ACTION! Excercise, set small and doable goals. This will help your confidece and mood. Your self-esteem will improve over time. It's hard at first, but just take it a day at a time.
  • chrissismone
    chrissismone Posts: 116 Member
    One must dig deep in order to find out what is blocking them from being what awesome person they were created to be.Abuse in any form must be healed and released. OP don't you know your worth and how great you impact society.Don't ever believe for a second you aren't.

    I have dealt with low self worth for ages but as we age we get finer like wine. It will be uncomfy to start but you must affirm you and let it flow.
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