Is it me??

HealthyKt78 · July 2009

I've always been fat for as long as I can remember. I've started to wonder (well I have been in denial cause its probably the case) if this affects my social life. In high school while I had a few good friends, I was never as important to anyone as they were to me. Now in college I thought things had changed and everything was going great but once summer started (yes most of the friends i've made are still in town) it seemed as if no one really cared to hangout with me anymore. It wasn't as if things weren't planned, I just wasn't invited. Do I just need to find new friends (I'll remind you I moved to a different city to see if I could make things different and it still hasn't changed) or is it me? Is there something ridiculously unattractive that no one even wants to be friends with me. Honestly, other than the whole overweight thing I think I'm a pretty great person. I'm smart, witty, loyal, funny, pretty and I've seen many people without even one decent quality who seem to be the center of attention. I don't want to be the center of attention I just want someone I care about (other than family) to care about me. Is that really too much to ask for in life? I'm afraid that even if I lose the weight I'll still have the same problems. But then again will I want people to suddenly 'care' just because I'm thin and beautiful? No I don't think so. I feel as if this is something that needs to be changed internally while I work on myself externally.
--Any feedback is appreciated. =]

BrendaLee · July 2009

I was never as important to anyone as they were to me.

That line sums up a lot for me. In fact, everything you said kinda hit home for me. I often wonder if my life will change as much as I hope it will after I lose the weight, but there's only one way to find out, right? I have to assume that things will be exponentially better or I wouldn't be doing this.

adopt4 · July 2009

You're right - if you lose the weight you'll have the same problems. Perhaps you're not hanging out with the type of quality crowd you should be - are you trying to get in with the "popular" aka shallow people, or are you looking for people where what's on the inside counts? It could also be that you're too shy or something because you feel uncomfortable about your weight and you give off a persona you don't mean to, that turns people away.

I was extremely shy in high school, and in college. I was overweiight by about 30 pounds, it might as well have been 300 because i was extremely self conscious. Well at my 10 yr high school reunion, when I thought no one cared about me or thought anything about me, I was suddenly the most popular one there, everyone wanted to talk to me, told me how they knew I'd always do big things someday, etc etc etc. It was stranger than strange to have everyone want to hang around me. Oh and at my reunion I did weigh 300 pounds!! But I had gotten married and found a confidence in that which made it easier to talk with people at the reunion, and I now know all my thoughts about "what they thought about me" was actually incorrect. What a waste it was, I could have had a lot more fun in hs and college if I'd stopped being so self conscious about 30 stupid little pounds (which I then put on a bunch more, up to 300, figuring what difference did it make, I was so fat anyway. I would kill to have the body I had in high school, 30 pounds overweight and all!!)

HealthyKt78 · July 2009

I actually try and hangout with people who have similar interests. Actually I don't try to thats just how I meet people. I don't know how else to meet people except through class, activities and maybe friends of friends. In high school I was in band along with most of my friends. Currently most of the friends I made in college were through a club I joined. I've never really cared about being 'popular' cause I knew what that was all about and it wasn't for me. All I've ever tried to do is have people care for me as much as I care for them.

hiddensecant · July 2009

I was never as important to anyone as they were to me.

I've been thin and not ... neither situation ever changed this fact and I don't expect it to.

1Sweets · July 2009

I use to have friends.

Friends from work & friends from my kids parents. Well my kids are grown & I work for myself now. My old friends have either moved or got weird.

So yeah...I feel the same. It's hard to make friends. It's a relationship. When you have children it's hard to find the time to invest in that relationship. I suggest (& for myself) to join a gym or club to make friends with the people that are there. Sooner or later some event will bring you together.

Good Luck to us. But for now there's My Fitness Pals. :drinker:

thalli1 · July 2009

You said that you just weren't invited to your friends' activities. Maybe you could try inviting people to do something with you instead of waiting to be invited. Take the initiative and try to create the life you want instead of hoping it will come to you. If you invite people and they turn you down, then you might need to make some different friends who don't turn you down, but you can't really know until you try.

banana15 · July 2009

Well, I wish I could say something helpful, but I have had similar experiences. I just graduated from college and I have no close friends, my ex best friend dumped me about 7 months ago. I think that most people are friends based on convenience, when you have class together and work on projects you are friends, after that it isn't convenient anymore. Same with clubs and things, when they are over, so is the friendship that was based on convenience. I don't think that your weight will change this fact.

All I can say is to pick your friends wisely because they can hurt you alot, and maybe you will find someone who wants more than a "convenient" friendship. I'm still looking... So good luck, and lose weight for you and your goals, not to try and impress others!

nursegirl79 · July 2009

Wow...I didn't realize so many people have this same problem. I think it's just a lot harder now to make friends. I don't have any close friends either. My mother is my best friend and I couldn't ask for anything more at the moment. I do believe it is an atitude and not the weight. I was also very shy and still am when I meet new people. I think they get the wrong impression of me. Anyways, I wish everyone good luck. I do think losing weight builds confidence.

lotusfromthemud · July 2009

I feel as if this is something that needs to be changed internally while I work on myself externally.
--Any feedback is appreciated. =]

You just hit the nail right on the head. Nothing, nothing, nothing will change if you don't work on the inside along with the outside. The inside stuff is why the outside stuff is a problem for most people, and if you dont' work on understanding the emotions that cause weight gain, then the weight will come right back on. A very useful tool, I found, was journaling when I felt like overeating. It allowed me to start to discover my triggers.

I find that when I was heavy, I was also very depressed. And, depressed people are depressing. . .so my "friends" at the time were not a fun crowd. Once I started to work, really work on myself. . .I found myself needing new friends. (a few at the core stayed, but the acquaintances who were attached to either my self-hate or bad habits fell by the wayside).

You might find that if you change your opinion about yourself (that you're worthy of self-care, etc. . .) you might feel like you're attracting people who will think that you are important. For me, the trick was thinking that I was important, and then I started to be magically surrounded by people who felt the same way.

:flowerforyou:

Valtishia · July 2009

I know when I first moved away from home I thought it would be better too since people back home were mostly mean to me for no good reason. The first place I settled in when I was 16 I think I was so impatient to make friends and be accepted that I fell into the wrong crowd... people that despite thier long friendships were treating eachother the same way they were treating me. I eventually moved to another city for a new job and have been here for almost 9 years (I'm 27 years old so a 1/3 of my life) and love it here.
I think every city has its own personalities and unfortunately even if you are born there you don't always have the same personality or even fit in there.

angelascott919 · July 2009

Over the years I have thought it was me and only me who had a hard time making and keeping friends. After high school I have lost contact with many of my old friends and when we do speak we have lead very different lives. I am in college now but I go online so I don't get the direct contact with people to get to know them.

My husband was in the military for several years and we lived in a few places. I made friends here and there but now that he is out and we moved back to our home state I only hear from them once in a while.

Of course with each move we thought it would be different and that we would meet new people and have lots of friends. It hasn't happened.

I guess it has come down to it is just hard to meet people with similar interests who have time for others in their lives. I've always been a little shy around people but once I get to know someone I am very outgoing and fun. I know my physical appearance has been the thing that has held me back and kept me from doing certain things and going some places. I think at first it was a physical thing and over the years has become completely mental and I am afraid of what others will say and think of me.

Hmmm, I guess it is something I really need to work on.

Thanks for letting me share
Angela

Is it me??

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