How do I let go?

mrsNoSo
mrsNoSo Posts: 28
edited November 12 in Motivation and Support
For the past three months I have been having this nightmare that my "frienemy" is a size 6 and I'm the weight I am now. We are in our enemy stage right now so I haven't seen her in months but it is inevitable that we are going to run into each other. I fear that she is skinnier than me. I know that sounds twisted but we have always been in competition and I feel like I have let go of that in all other aspects except the weight one. I can't seem to let go of it and the dreams are just an even bigger indicator that I'm losing my mind...cause just when it seems like I'm over it in reality I have one of these dreams so I know it's still in the back of my mind. I know I am not the only person that goes through this but what I want to know is how do I let go of the competition and focus on making myself healthy?

Replies

  • lizard053
    lizard053 Posts: 2,344 Member
    Some times a dream is just a dream. And frequently what you see in the dream has nothing to do with reality. The "frienemy" could just stand for an uncomfortable situation, rather than the person herself. Don't over-analyze. I'm sure you're more over it than the dreams make it seem.
  • Il_DaniD_lI
    Il_DaniD_lI Posts: 1,593 Member
    How old are you? (just wondering) I used to feel this way about a friend through high school but not since. My advice would be ..who cares? Why bother using your energy for something like that? Easier said than done for some people though. You are probably dreaming about it because you think about it too much.
  • mrsNoSo
    mrsNoSo Posts: 28
    How old are you? (just wondering) I used to feel this way about a friend through high school but not since. My advice would be ..who cares? Why bother using your energy for something like that? Easier said than done for some people though. You are probably dreaming about it because you think about it too much.

    I'm 30 going on 16 at the moment. :laugh: I wish I knew why I cared and why it bothers me so much. It would make it that much easier to let it go.
  • Jesea
    Jesea Posts: 376 Member
    I've always been slightly competitive with my best friend. Use it to your advantage. Work out more, make good food choices, and know that you are doing all you can to be the best you can be!
  • LadyElby
    LadyElby Posts: 151 Member
    You're right. You're not alone in going through this. In my opinion, you haven't let it go, and so you shouldn't try to. Use this to your advantage. You said you've let go of all the other "competitions" you've had with this person, so let go of the emotional competition you're in regarding weight. Use this healthy competition to motivate you to change your lifestyle and become healthier to catch up to where you feel she might be. In the grand scheme of things, we all have to lose weight and become healthier for our own benefit. We have to have the right motivators. But this is a great start. If you fear she may be thinner (heatlhier) than you, than use that to push yourself. Put yourself in the game, and don't let her win.

    I know, I know. Easier said than done. Maybe so, but it's not impossible. One day at a time... But you can use this to your advantage. And you're not going crazy.
  • AndiJoy812
    AndiJoy812 Posts: 236
    You just let it go. Try to examine what it is about this particular woman that has you reacting the way you do. Be honest with yourself...is it jealousy? Fear? Why her? And why would you tie up your self esteem this person? Why give that kind of power to them? It is such a waste of energy and emotion, when you want to be channeling that back into making yourself healthy.

    If you haven't, a discussion with a professional might help out a lot. Sometimes with another persons guidence those answers become much clearer.

    Good luck!!!
  • Mom_4_More_Muscles
    Mom_4_More_Muscles Posts: 46
    We come into this forum....and immediately....we, as a group, probably know an insane amount about each other. :happy: We've walked journeys similar to those around us many times. I commend you for your honesty. :flowerforyou:

    When I am really ready to 'let something or someone go', and I mean really ready, :sad: having been given the 'gift of desperation', and I'm sick and tired of feeling the way I do,:cry: I make the decision to let IT or HIM or HER go, write a letter and let them know everything I'd like to say to them. Sometimes it's not the most courteous letter. :embarassed: But my thoughts are my thoughts...and sharing them on paper doesn't hurt the other person or persons. And then ~ I burn the letter. The catch.....I may have to do this process two, three, maybe four times before I'm completely rid of the resentments. And then I have a choice. . . . to dedicate myself to treating that person or situation differently; or, I can choose to go back to the same ol' routine(which I know in my spirit got me to the desperate point before) I know what happens to me when I hang on to the old feelings. I'm miserable. :cry: I make the decision to do it differently, for the better this time, with the relationship I'm working to repair, and take the action to treat others, today, in the exact way that I hope to be treated tomorrow. It's changed my life. :smile:

    We're human. We're entitled to feel all that we feel. I hope you find peace in your journey. :flowerforyou:
  • amberjean30
    amberjean30 Posts: 24 Member
    use it as motivation! do some shadow boxing and kick her butt lol. go for a run and imagine her running behind you never being able to catch you cuz you are so AWESOME! maybe that will help you focus more on you and eventually the dreams will go away. If it gets to serious and drives you insane, dig a little deeper and find out why she stays on your mind so much. maybe call her and see how's she's doing, and if she is losing weight get some tips from her. or ask her to work out with you. hopefully, whatever solution you come up with works
  • mrsNoSo
    mrsNoSo Posts: 28
    You're right. You're not alone in going through this. In my opinion, you haven't let it go, and so you shouldn't try to. Use this to your advantage. You said you've let go of all the other "competitions" you've had with this person, so let go of the emotional competition you're in regarding weight. Use this healthy competition to motivate you to change your lifestyle and become healthier to catch up to where you feel she might be. In the grand scheme of things, we all have to lose weight and become healthier for our own benefit. We have to have the right motivators. But this is a great start. If you fear she may be thinner (heatlhier) than you, than use that to push yourself. Put yourself in the game, and don't let her win.

    I know, I know. Easier said than done. Maybe so, but it's not impossible. One day at a time... But you can use this to your advantage. And you're not going crazy.

    See, I thought about using it to my advantage but it's really making me feel crazy. Like, I'm the only one left in our competition. I really want to let go and move on and get healthy for the right reasons. Thank you for saying I'm not crazy. :smile:
  • mrsNoSo
    mrsNoSo Posts: 28
    We come into this forum....and immediately....we, as a group, probably know an insane amount about each other. :happy: We've walked journeys similar to those around us many times. I commend you for your honesty. :flowerforyou:

    When I am really ready to 'let something or someone go', and I mean really ready, :sad: having been given the 'gift of desperation', and I'm sick and tired of feeling the way I do,:cry: I make the decision to let IT or HIM or HER go, write a letter and let them know everything I'd like to say to them. Sometimes it's not the most courteous letter. :embarassed: But my thoughts are my thoughts...and sharing them on paper doesn't hurt the other person or persons. And then ~ I burn the letter. The catch.....I may have to do this process two, three, maybe four times before I'm completely rid of the resentments. And then I have a choice. . . . to dedicate myself to treating that person or situation differently; or, I can choose to go back to the same ol' routine(which I know in my spirit got me to the desperate point before) I know what happens to me when I hang on to the old feelings. I'm miserable. :cry: I make the decision to do it differently, for the better this time, with the relationship I'm working to repair, and take the action to treat others, today, in the exact way that I hope to be treated tomorrow. It's changed my life. :smile:

    We're human. We're entitled to feel all that we feel. I hope you find peace in your journey. :flowerforyou:

    That's a really good idea about the letters. I may try that. Thank you. :flowerforyou:
  • mrsNoSo
    mrsNoSo Posts: 28
    You just let it go. Try to examine what it is about this particular woman that has you reacting the way you do. Be honest with yourself...is it jealousy? Fear? Why her? And why would you tie up your self esteem this person? Why give that kind of power to them? It is such a waste of energy and emotion, when you want to be channeling that back into making yourself healthy.

    If you haven't, a discussion with a professional might help out a lot. Sometimes with another persons guidence those answers become much clearer.

    Good luck!!!

    You are right. I need to find out why.
  • mrsNoSo
    mrsNoSo Posts: 28
    use it as motivation! do some shadow boxing and kick her butt lol. go for a run and imagine her running behind you never being able to catch you cuz you are so AWESOME! maybe that will help you focus more on you and eventually the dreams will go away. If it gets to serious and drives you insane, dig a little deeper and find out why she stays on your mind so much. maybe call her and see how's she's doing, and if she is losing weight get some tips from her. or ask her to work out with you. hopefully, whatever solution you come up with works

    I'm going to dig deeper. Cause I really do think it's keeping me down. Like the idea of the shadow boxing.
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
    I have this as my quote on my wall.... "Compete with yourself. There is no reason to be jealous of anyone else. I say we congratulate and motivate, rather than hate." Maybe give that a try? Be you and do you for you, sweetie.
  • picassoadagio
    picassoadagio Posts: 407 Member
    You have to do it for yourself and not worry what other thinks. You have to live in the moment otherwise you won't respect yourself.
  • poustotah
    poustotah Posts: 1,121 Member
    Thank God I don't have any friends. *sigh*
  • tlschlp
    tlschlp Posts: 54
    This sounds like a lot of anxiety to me. So, here's a idea .... actively search out your frienemy and run into them "by accident." That, in theory, should get your anxiety out of the way and you back on track to YOURSELF!!!!

    Realize, however, that there are 3 options when you bump into them ..

    1-she's skinnier than you and you'll feel bad (or, maybe, more motivated to work harder)

    2-she's heavier than you and you'll feel bad for her, but good for you (which may probably motivate you to work harder to keep the difference going)

    3-she's just the same, which should make you feel bad because we should be all about changing and growing. So, this should also motivate you to keep going on with your change for the better!

    Seems like a win-win-win situation to me! ;)

    Good luck!
  • mrsNoSo
    mrsNoSo Posts: 28
    I have this as my quote on my wall.... "Compete with yourself. There is no reason to be jealous of anyone else. I say we congratulate and motivate, rather than hate." Maybe give that a try? Be you and do you for you, sweetie.

    Thanks! I love that.
  • mrsNoSo
    mrsNoSo Posts: 28
    This sounds like a lot of anxiety to me. So, here's a idea .... actively search out your frienemy and run into them "by accident." That, in theory, should get your anxiety out of the way and you back on track to YOURSELF!!!!

    Realize, however, that there are 3 options when you bump into them ..

    1-she's skinnier than you and you'll feel bad (or, maybe, more motivated to work harder)

    2-she's heavier than you and you'll feel bad for her, but good for you (which may probably motivate you to work harder to keep the difference going)

    3-she's just the same, which should make you feel bad because we should be all about changing and growing. So, this should also motivate you to keep going on with your change for the better!

    Seems like a win-win-win situation to me! ;)

    Good luck!

    Thanks! Yeah, little anxiety in all of this. I'll work on that.
  • mrsNoSo
    mrsNoSo Posts: 28
    Thank God I don't have any friends. *sigh*

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
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