Getting Married

AwMyLoLo · July 2009

I know I've posted on here about the stresses I have been feeling trying to plan my wedding that is only 10 weeks away. I told myself from the very beginning that I wasn't going to get stressed, I was going to take my time and enjoy all the time spent planning and preparing. I am getting closer to having everything in order, which I am extremely happy about. I am soo excited. BUT at the same time I am really sad. I am sad because my mom and my sisters have hardly helped (or even just been involved) with my planning, and when I talk to them about it, they don't even seem excited. Like, they don't even react to what I am telling them. My mom planned a camping trip for the same weekend as my Bridal Shower at my future mother in law's house! She cancelled the camping of course but it's like, really? you didn't even know the date of my bridal shower? I was just emailing with my mom about some wedding stuff and said "I am so excited" then I sent her another email that said, "are you excited?"-- No Response. This is just a couple of recent incidents that have upset me, there have been several more.

What is up with this? Should I say something to them, or just try to keep a happy face? :indifferent:

My mom and sisters are the closest people to me (and of course my fiance). My 2 sisters are my only bridesmaids.

I just wanted to vent a little, thanks for listening...:flowerforyou:

PureAndHealthy · July 2009

Aw... do they not like your fiance? Have they ever said anything negative about him since you've been dating?

havingitall · July 2009

They are family and you should be able to talk to them about how you feel. I would hope that my daughter would tell me if she was wanting more from me than I was giving. ( mind you she is just 17 and better not be getting married any time soon:laugh: )

Speak to your Mom and tell her. She can speak to your sisters on your behalf.

amymeenieminymo · July 2009

I'm sorry they aren't as excited about it....but keep in mind, this is YOUR day. Of course they are excited their daughter/sister is getting married, but no one is going to be as excited about your wedding as you are (and maybe the groom). Perhaps they are just a little "wedding'd out". They were excited when you announced your engagement weren't they? But they probably just can't oooh and aaaah about every detail you get planned.

Make sure to take some time to talk about non-wedding stuff, and maybe they'll be a little more excited when you do bring it up. Ask them about things going on in their lives. Amidst all of your planning, time spent with them just to spend time with them has probably laxed a little. I'm sure all of the dates of your wedding events are ingrained in your head, but probably not theirs. Your mom scheduled the trip by mistake, but she did reschedule it so all is well, right :happy:

My best friend got married last year, and is 8 months pregnant now....I am sooooo happy for her, but sometimes I feel like all I've done for the last year and a half was plan her wedding and now baby shower. Weddings and babies, weddings and babies.....ahhhhhhhh!

I'm sure it's nothing personal and doesn't reflect how they actually feel about you getting married. Good luck with the rest of your planning and congrats on the big day!:flowerforyou:

amymeenieminymo · July 2009

P.S. as far as them helping, definitely talk to them about that. All brides are different....I know some brides expect their maid of honor to basically do the work for them (order the flowers, schedule the photos, etc) while other brides like my friend did it all with her fiancee and I really didn't do much in that department. Sometimes when you need help, you just have to ask. Are your sisters married? Maybe they don't know what needs to be done, and need specific tasks assigned to them?

AwMyLoLo · July 2009

Aw... do they not like your fiance? Have they ever said anything negative about him since you've been dating?

He's a part of our family, so of course none of them have any problem telling me (or him) what they think. Of course there have been times where they were't too happy with him. Our relationship isn't perfect by any means, but I don't think they're acting like this because they don't want me to marry him.

kak1018 · July 2009

My mom got strange when I got married too. I still don't know why and we are celebrating our third anniversary 9-30. Hang in there and don't get too stressed out, plan lots of spa days, long walks, and outings with friends. In the end all the stress and planning will be worth everything I promise!

AwMyLoLo · July 2009

I'm sorry they aren't as excited about it....but keep in mind, this is YOUR day. Of course they are excited their daughter/sister is getting married, but no one is going to be as excited about your wedding as you are (and maybe the groom). Perhaps they are just a little "wedding'd out". They were excited when you announced your engagement weren't they? But they probably just can't oooh and aaaah about every detail you get planned.

Make sure to take some time to talk about non-wedding stuff, and maybe they'll be a little more excited when you do bring it up. Ask them about things going on in their lives. Amidst all of your planning, time spent with them just to spend time with them has probably laxed a little. I'm sure all of the dates of your wedding events are ingrained in your head, but probably not theirs. Your mom scheduled the trip by mistake, but she did reschedule it so all is well, right :happy:

My best friend got married last year, and is 8 months pregnant now....I am sooooo happy for her, but sometimes I feel like all I've done for the last year and a half was plan her wedding and now baby shower. Weddings and babies, weddings and babies.....ahhhhhhhh!

I'm sure it's nothing personal and doesn't reflect how they actually feel about you getting married. Good luck with the rest of your planning and congrats on the big day!:flowerforyou:

Well, actually that's kind of a funny story. My mom was pissed when we announced our engagement because we "stole her thunder" of her getting a puppy! She already has 3 FREAKING DOGS!!

I don't think I'm bending their ears too much about the wedding. In fact, there for a while I thought they weren't talking about it because I wasn't talking about it. So when I started to, I was surprised that they still weren't talking about it. We have spent the whole day the past 2 Sundays at my parents house. Jimmy and I went camping with my dad over the weekend. We talked about all kinds of things, we are having a party for both my parents' 50th birthdays, we talked about that. And it was like pulling teeth to get any information on the seamstress that my other sisters went to when they got married.

I tried asking my mom about the invitations one night. She was playing Monopoly online and said, "I can't think about this right now, I'm busy." I mean, that's just ridiculous. Can you imagine how that made me feel? I'm sure even though you have been so busy with your friend's wedding and pregnancy, you never completely shut her down like, "I'm too busy doing nothing." :ohwell:

jaglover04 · July 2009

I couldn't imagine that scenario i'm really close to my sisters and mom as well, but i think you should do what is going to make you feel better!! If that is talking to them just tell them straight up and don't expect any reaction!! Or if you can just let it go i would and not expect anything from them in the future!! Disappointment has a lot to do with expectations and though i don't think your expecting a lot for your closets friends/family to be excited with you during this time, but maybe if you just expect the worst you'll find out you wont stress as much over it!! Whenever you need excitement post here lol or call someone that has showed excitement through all your planning!! I bet they come around once they don't feel "included in all the excitement!" Good luck and CONGRATULATIONS!!

PureAndHealthy · July 2009

Well I hope it all works out. At the end of the day, the most important relationship that you should have for the rest of your life is the one with your husband. Make sure that one is right because you may move away from your sisters, at some point your mom will pass away, but you'll still be with your husband. Don't abandon them by any means, but make planning for your MARRIAGE (not just the wedding

) a big priority. Best wishes! :flowerforyou:

KatWood · July 2009

You cannot expect anyone to be as excited about your wedding as you are. That being said, ususally close relatives and friends are pretty enthusiastic and eager to help. I can see why you are finding their behaviour hurtful. However, I'm wondering if your mom and sister are dealing with some issues related to your wedding. Maybe your mom is coming to the realization that you are not a child anymore and is having a hard time dealing with it. Sometimes realizations like this take time to hit and your wedding may have triggered it for her. It may also be making her realize her own age and things she has failed to accomplish or has yet to accomplish. Your sister might be going through something similar. Is she married? Could she be a bit jealous?

I could be completely wrong, but my point is this. Their lack of enthusiasm may have absoluetly nothing to do with you or your fiance.

Personally, I think you should sit one or both of them down and tell them how excited you are and how much it would mean to you if they took a more active role. Tell them also that planning a wedding can be stressful and that you really need their help and value their input. Try not to be negative and accuse them by telling them what they have failed to do. Instead focus on how they can help yougoing forward. Perhaps also try to assign them tasks you know they would have an interest in. For example, if your mom likes to bake perhaps have her help you pick out the cake, or better yet have her make it.

Good luck :flowerforyou:

amymeenieminymo · July 2009

I'm sorry they aren't as excited about it....but keep in mind, this is YOUR day. Of course they are excited their daughter/sister is getting married, but no one is going to be as excited about your wedding as you are (and maybe the groom). Perhaps they are just a little "wedding'd out". They were excited when you announced your engagement weren't they? But they probably just can't oooh and aaaah about every detail you get planned.

Make sure to take some time to talk about non-wedding stuff, and maybe they'll be a little more excited when you do bring it up. Ask them about things going on in their lives. Amidst all of your planning, time spent with them just to spend time with them has probably laxed a little. I'm sure all of the dates of your wedding events are ingrained in your head, but probably not theirs. Your mom scheduled the trip by mistake, but she did reschedule it so all is well, right :happy:

My best friend got married last year, and is 8 months pregnant now....I am sooooo happy for her, but sometimes I feel like all I've done for the last year and a half was plan her wedding and now baby shower. Weddings and babies, weddings and babies.....ahhhhhhhh!

I'm sure it's nothing personal and doesn't reflect how they actually feel about you getting married. Good luck with the rest of your planning and congrats on the big day!:flowerforyou:

Well, actually that's kind of a funny story. My mom was pissed when we announced our engagement because we "stole her thunder" of her getting a puppy! She already has 3 FREAKING DOGS!!

I don't think I'm bending their ears too much about the wedding. In fact, there for a while I thought they weren't talking about it because I wasn't talking about it. So when I started to, I was surprised that they still weren't talking about it. We have spent the whole day the past 2 Sundays at my parents house. Jimmy and I went camping with my dad over the weekend. We talked about all kinds of things, we are having a party for both my parents' 50th birthdays, we talked about that. And it was like pulling teeth to get any information on the seamstress that my other sisters went to when they got married.

I tried asking my mom about the invitations one night. She was playing Monopoly online and said, "I can't think about this right now, I'm busy." I mean, that's just ridiculous. Can you imagine how that made me feel? I'm sure even though you have been so busy with your friend's wedding and pregnancy, you never completely shut her down like, "I'm too busy doing nothing." :ohwell:

Wow, that is strange. And the puppy thing....getting a new puppy (esp.when you already have 3) is nothing compared to announcing an engagement. It sounds like your sisters are already married....maybe they think it's just "old". Ya know how everything is so exciting when the first kid gets married, but by the time the third one does, it's all the same. There are TONS of baby pictures of my older brother, but much much less of me. Not that that makes it right at all. Try sitting down with them at a time when they're not preoccupied with something else, and tell them what you told us. Sometimes when confronted about it, people realize what jerks they're being when they didn't realize it before. Good luck!

bethrs · July 2009

My family was the exact same way. I swear. I didn't even get a hug when I got engaged. It was really disappointing. I'm sorry you are going through this, hopefully the big day turns out well, and you have an awesome honeymoon where you are glad to get away with your new hubby for a while and forget about everyone else for a few days.

Good Luck! :flowerforyou:

AwMyLoLo · July 2009

My family was the exact same way. I swear. I didn't even get a hug when I got engaged. It was really disappointing. I'm sorry you are going through this, hopefully the big day turns out well, and you have an awesome honeymoon where you are glad to get away with your new hubby for a while and forget about everyone else for a few days.

Good Luck! :flowerforyou:

Thank you :frown: I can't wait to get away on the honeymoon :glasses:

AwMyLoLo · July 2009

You cannot expect anyone to be as excited about your wedding as you are. That being said, ususally close relatives and friends are pretty enthusiastic and eager to help. I can see why you are finding their behaviour hurtful. However, I'm wondering if your mom and sister are dealing with some issues related to your wedding. Maybe your mom is coming to the realization that you are not a child anymore and is having a hard time dealing with it. Sometimes realizations like this take time to hit and your wedding may have triggered it for her. It may also be making her realize her own age and things she has failed to accomplish or has yet to accomplish. Your sister might be going through something similar. Is she married? Could she be a bit jealous?

I could be completely wrong, but my point is this. Their lack of enthusiasm may have absoluetly nothing to do with you or your fiance.

Personally, I think you should sit one or both of them down and tell them how excited you are and how much it would mean to you if they took a more active role. Tell them also that planning a wedding can be stressful and that you really need their help and value their input. Try not to be negative and accuse them by telling them what they have failed to do. Instead focus on how they can help yougoing forward. Perhaps also try to assign them tasks you know they would have an interest in. For example, if your mom likes to bake perhaps have her help you pick out the cake, or better yet have her make it.

Good luck :flowerforyou:

You are really sweet

It's actually strange... the sister I thought would actually have a hard time being happy for me is the one planning my bridal shower. She married her HS sweetheart and separated 1.5 years later. She has a really hard time with weddings, but I'm confident that she will put on a happy face for me.

At this point, I've got everything pretty much planned. I just need to work on decorations and stuff. Thank you for your advice. :happy:

Iceprincessk25 · July 2009

So are your sister's already married? It probably is the whole there's a ton of baby pictures of the 1st kid but not a lot of the 2nd or 3rd kid. I'm sure they are excited but this is the 3rd time they're going through it.

Like everyone else said, no one is going to be as excited as you. How long has the engagement been? Not everyone can be crazy excited about something for an entire year.

Maybe they don't know that they're acting like that. Only way you'll know is sit them down and ask them what's up.

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