When I reach my UGW.....

OH so much to say. I have MANY things to look forward to XD some bad some good. I want to feel healthy, I want to feel confident in public and when I greet a client (these days they have a distinct look on their face like I'm disgusting then after I work my magic they are a little less judgmental) I want to wear my Daddy''s coats, he was a tiny man, and when he passed I could almost fit into them, I wanted to feel closer to him, I should have worked to lose the weight then. I also hate growing my hair out, I am growing it out to hide my fat face, and I promised myself that I could get a total rocker makeover when I lose my weight and wear my hair my favorite way and my favorite color and my favorite style, and with a new body I will make it look hotter than it did when I wore it 30lbs ago. I also would LOVE to get ALL DOLLED UP and unrecognizable and go to my ex boyfriends work and bump into him and see the look on his face (I had a similar experience with this at my junior prom, he dumped me for a skank and I showed up decked out with white roses in my hair and a backless dress, I didn't get the pleasure of seeing his jaw drop but I heard about it for weeks from my family and friends that DID see his face XD I wanna see that face!) but don't get me wrong, he isn't getting me back, I just want to see his face, since he did a little revenge walk by a couple of years ago with his nasty then-gf. Enough about him, this is for me. I have some really pretty clothes that are too small I would love to fit into. Also I am sick and friggin tired of being bigger than my mom, and the comments and looks I get from loved ones. I want to be able to judge be small enough to be invisible, I don't want to shake the floor at grammys anymore (everyone does though, I think it's the floor itself not just my weight) I don't like being compared to an ice cream cone (the rolls on my back apparently look like a DQ ice cream cone, and when that joke is made it hurts my feelings, even though they say it's just a joke. I have a bad knee and bad ankles and I think that once I lose a few pounds I will feel so much better. I am high risk for diabetes I want to avoid that. My cholesterol is high, I want to go to the doc and not have them hound me about my weight or blood work results. I will still get told to lose weight when I hit my UGW bc my doc told me to get to 120 but I don't want to be that little, I will look funny, I have a large frame, I have good thick bones and my doc as a teen told me 160 is the perfect weight for me, that is a looong road. I want to sit comfortably in a chair and be able to do the lotus pose again and other yoga poses. I WANT TO FIND A MAN! And I have a personal goal that I am too embarrassed to say. I want to feel beautiful for the first time in my life. I want my forearms to shed their fat and show the tone I have already earned through hard work doing 3 years of massages. So my UGW has a ton of benefits for me to look forward to. There is only 2 things I am worried about. I have a family member who lost a ton of weight, and became very umm...too confident is the best way to put it... and they still were not happy with their body and insisted they were still big and got too skinny but we convinced them to put on a little and they are just right, but I just don't want to become too confident. I also am afraid of my skin sagging but I think I have a plan to help that, I will have to tone and moisturize and use Bio-Oil and lotion with elasticin in it. And I also see a ton of people that lose all their weight and lose friendships and wreck relationships I love the people close to me and I don't want to drive a wedge between us.