My Unsupportive Husband

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  • BruteSquad
    BruteSquad Posts: 373 Member
    You will see this throughout the posts. Lack of support and sabotage.

    I want to point out that I have bought a gf chocolate while on a diet. It was an innocent show of affection. However, when she mentioned it wasn't helping, I stopped buying chocolate and bought flowers instead.

    If he is sabotaging your efforts on a continual basis, his reasons are probably complex. It is probably a combination of things that feed on each other.

    I would also like to point out that, while it isn't the same, you have a lot of support here. If it helps, post when you pass on the chips or pass on eating after 9 if those are your goals. There is a huge cheering section here. There are a LOT of women in similar situations, draw from them.

    Remember, when you are doing what you need to do for you, you are supporting the rest of us in our goals. I worked out last night because I saw that some of my MFP friends had worked out (I had decided I wasn't going to because I was sore). That happens more than you might know. So let us know when you pass up the chips or don't eat after 9. You don't know who you will inspire.
  • iplayoutside19
    iplayoutside19 Posts: 2,304 Member
    You're not going to make him do anything until he really wants to. That being said I read from the context that you're pregnant and that his weight is already causing him health issues.

    Try asking him how he's going to keep up with a small child while carrying all that weight. I couldn't, which is part of the reason I changed my lifestyle. "Dad, come play soccer." is much easier on the ears when you're in shape enough to play soccer for longer than 30 minutes.
  • optional1
    optional1 Posts: 15 Member
    make his insecurity the fire under your *kitten*! for some reason hes trying to keep you down, that would make me stronger you cant change him he has to want that for himself.
  • WhittRak
    WhittRak Posts: 567 Member
    I originally had a husband who was supportive and ready to get healthy, but we both had a set back and now he keeps putting off getting back on track. At this point it's getting ridiculous at how unsupportive he is, he's sabotaging me. He knows I have little willpower and will intentionally bring home food that I love and act like it's completely innocent and nice. He eats junk food all the time in front of me and snacks late at night and then talks about how he's doing so good at staying within his calories! It's so frustrating. He makes fun of me when I measure my food and just doesnt understand why I'm doing this. We're both overweight and are both in danger of becoming diabetic (he's already tested positive for prediabetes) if we don't get this under control. Ive lost 15 lbs and he's gained, and he's made comments on how he's only going to help me stay where I am and not help me lose weight. It's really upsetting to me, I dont know if its a deeper psychological issue to him but I feel he doesnt want me to be happy....

    Does anyone have any suggestions to get him to be more supportive or ignore his comments and actions?

    Ignore him. It really is that easy. Just know he is effing up his body.
  • Brenda3827
    Brenda3827 Posts: 2
    This is all his insecurities, stay focused and I bet he becomes more jealous than ever. And if he don't like it. Too bad! Be proud of you.
  • czysunkissedbabe
    czysunkissedbabe Posts: 3 Member
    I have been in this situation before and I completely removed myself from it. I was not married so that changes my answer to this. No matter if it is a man sabatoging the woman or vice versa, it always comes down to insecurities and jealousy. He is scared that when you lose your weight, you will change how you feel about yourself and your position in your life and he is scared that you will change the way you feel about him and that you may move on from him because he is choosing not to grow with you. He is doing a negative effect. He should jump on the bandwagon with you and both of you can lose it together and grow together and be proud of each other. He is being selfish and wants it to be all about him. IT CAN"T BE! This is all about you and in the end all there is, is you. I have learned this the hard way. YOu can do this with or without someone's help and you can have a support group with all of us. He should support you and help you in anyway possible if he is your husband. He should not cut you down, that is not fair and if he loves you, he wouldn't do what he does. Tell him to either get on board or to not come home with negative talk or bad junk food! You can do this! Stay strong and be healthy! You are important too, its okay for you to be selfish for your body.
  • machausta
    machausta Posts: 10 Member
    I am at this same point with my wife...she brings home chocolate and fatty foods, and keeps telling me how she doesn't want me to lose weight. I think that she suspects I'm doing this to be more attractive and meet someone else etc... but the reality is that I have metabolic syndrome from years of drinking 4 or more sugared drinks a day and eating all the wrong things. I was consuming 3000+ calories a day and ballooned to 270 lbs before a weight loss competition at work. I'm currently in 14th place in the competition, but now I'm competing for something else -- I feel a ton better and much better about myself. I 'break' on weekends, but I keep my calories to a bare minimum during the day and eat a 'normal' evening meal.

    Good luck, its tough but totally worth it in the long run -- and try to get him to understand that this isn't about changing who he is, just making him healthier so you can both enjoy long lives together.
  • MrsLehman24
    MrsLehman24 Posts: 204 Member
    I've learned you can't change people. You will never have control over what he does, how he lives and what he eats. But you do have control over you. My x husband (we still live together) wanted to keep me fat. He felt if I was fat no one else would be interested in me. It was his insecurity, not mine. I lost 35 pounds and I look and feel great. I'm more comfortable with my self, so the sex is much better because I feel pretty. I rock his world and he loves it. Just keep achieving your goals. He will come around. I would tell him how he makes you feel and how you think he is sabotaging your health. If he really loves you, he will quit putting you down.
  • DQMD
    DQMD Posts: 193
    You can't change him, but you can change how you react to his behavior.

    My ex2be was the same way. He liked me chubby because I was shy and a total introvert. I mean hide in the background so no one notices me. Now I am very extroverted and don't hide. I have an outgoing personality that was hidden for so very long. I got tired of his negativity and his family treated me horribley. I tried to work it out with him for 2 year and it just didn't work. So I said senora...but we had no kids.

    Your hubby is dealing with insecurities of his ex-wife cheating on him. Was she overweight? Did she lose a bunch and cheat on him at that time?
  • PoochPottery
    PoochPottery Posts: 205
    Take out a nice big life insurance policy on him and show it to him!! Let him know that you would like to live a long healthy life with him but if he continues to do this to himself you need a back up plan.
  • krocksa
    krocksa Posts: 32
    My husband would never do that because he cares about me and my goals. And I would not allow myself to be treated like that if he did. It sounds like there is WAY more than weight issues here. He's insecure from a past wife but he met you 10 years ago? You're already in counseling twice a week? And you're PREGNANT? Is this your first? Because if he thinks life is tough now wait until the baby comes. Trust me, I have 3 kids. And a very accomodating and understanding husband and it's still difficult.

    Stay the course. You deserve it. The baby NEEDS it. Your husband needs to find way to either get on board or get out of the way. His behaviour is self centered and it is not your job to modify your life to make his ego feel better. He needs to work on his own issues and become a partner in your future as a family. You need to work on your health and focus on the baby. Be prepared for "You don't pay attention to me. You love the baby more than me." I have a feeling you will hear this often.

    You need a new counselor, as others have said.

    Listen to you doctor and OB. There is nothing wrong and everything RIGHT with controlling your nutrition and calories PARTICULARLY when you are pregnant. I fully applaud your efforts. Your baby will too. And your body will be much better able to recover after birth.

    I am so glad to see you sticking to it, and wish you the very best of luck!
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