spouse is a saboteur

Talk to him about it

Is he overweight? Does he have low self-esteem? He may be doing this, thinking if you get healthy, then you will leave him (possibly)? Is it a control issue? If he loves you, he should want you to be healthy and making better choices for yourself.

This

I have the same problem. My fiance expresses his love with food. My answer is to moderate the amount I eat of what he brings me and to increase my exercise to counter the calories.

Well, the peevy behavior is something he needs to man up about. I would just tell him that you are both individuals doing what you think is right, and refuse the goodies if they don't fit into your day. No need for big drama.

I have many trigger foods which I need to keep in the house for my husband who 'needs' something sweet every day, and my teens who crave things I prefer not eating. Over time, I am developing my own versions of 'Eat this, not that'. It gets easier living in the real world of junk food the longer I do this because I am now craving healthier alternatives. That's the direction you want to go.

^^ This. Although thankfully my husband is more accommodating in terms of what we keep in the house.

I have the same problem. My fiance expresses his love with food. My answer is to moderate the amount I eat of what he brings me and to increase my exercise to counter the calories.

Maybe he could express his love with healthier food? I'd rather have a mango or fresh berries than a cookie (or whatever) most of the time.

Lol. I love mangos and fresh berries. I always make sure the house is stocked with fruit. I think the problem is he finds baking to be stress releaving AND thinks is a wonderful way to express affection. And he knows I have a weekness for baked goods...

he does it because that's what he did before. I remember telling my fiance (then boyfriend) to bring me home chips, chocolate and a meat stick every time he went to the store. It's how I trained him...and now I'm trying to untrain him. it's hard, but don't get mad at him, he's just doing what he knows...just sit him down gently and explain to him why you don't want that stuff anymore, and that you're thankful for the thought, but maybe buy the $5 flowers that are also in the supermarket instead of the junk.

I had one of those.

Actively meant to sabotage the weight loss because he thought if I stayed fat, nobody would want me. It was about control, not love, and the false hurt look on his face when I refused the 8th snack in a day that he would push in my face was all about getting me to hurt myself to please him.



Only way to stop it was to get rid of him. Started shifting weight almost immediately afterwards.

I had one of those.

Actively meant to sabotage the weight loss because he thought if I stayed fat, nobody would want me. It was about control, not love, and the false hurt look on his face when I refused the 8th snack in a day that he would push in my face was all about getting me to hurt myself to please him.



Only way to stop it was to get rid of him. Started shifting weight almost immediately afterwards.

I have seen it with friends of mine. The bf gets panicky when he realizes she is serious and does everything to keep her from getting to her goals. It is motivated by selfishness and insecurity.

I have bought a gf losing weight chocolate before, purely from wanting to do something nice. When she pointed out that she was trying to lose weight, I started buying flowers.

Thank you for the suggestions. I was wondering how to handle that situation in my own house. My hubby drinks soda. I gave it up about a month ago. But two days ago he brought my favorite kind home. The bottle is in the fridge and it is driving me crazy. I keep wishing one of the kids would drink it. I know that sounds horrible! So I think I will talk to hubby tonight about it and hopefully he will not bring anymore home.

I know it's wasteful - but start dumping it down the sink. Just do it slowly... maybe 2 glasses a day... it will be gone before you know it.

Great suggestion.With the internet and little effort my carnivore of a husband made me a healthy vegetable lasanga for valentines day!

I've tried talking to him, it lasts for a short time then he goes back.
He knows I want to loss weight, and he wants to lose some as well, but he feels its okay to have the nightly treat. He will have his dish of ice cream, and I have my herbal tea.
I know it is a control issue with him. He is competitive. I had to stop telling him when I hit my mini goals because that is when he really worked at undermining me, especially if he didn't hit his goals.
Last weekend I went shopping with him for a new pair of pants. I was delighted that I had dropped a size. To "celebrate" he brought home Mom's cinnamon rolls.
Whats a girl to do????

Find another man? Sorta kidding, but all jokes aside he's acting like a giant d-bag. Is he this petty and vindictive in other aspects of the relationship or is it just with the weight loss?

I dont really have any advice since my husband is absolutely wonderful. We're on this journey together. He picks me up when im down - i pushed him through a huge plateau. We're both doing great. He gets to eat tons more than I do and has a short journey ahead, but i still support him even tho I know i have way more work to put in.

If he can't respect your feelings and talking doesn't help, the next time he brings home some crap to eat - throw it out. Right away, or toss it in the garbage disposal. He\ll get tired of wasting money and stop buying and trying to force crap on you.

Good luck!

Did he bring home treats for you before you started your journey? Because if so, he's probably just being nice.




Or he's cheating and you should check his text messages. (404EGG)

I have the same problem but with my fiance. We both want to get back to our "Cuba Bodies"; we went to Cuba in 2009 and for 6 months leading up to it we worked HARD, and we both get ripped (ok i wasnt ripped but super fit) but she was Beautiful, I mean that *kitten*!!!! Anyways, we are now in school full-time and she works part time as a nurse (sometimes overnight, sometimes day shifts). I buy all the food and critic when she chooses weak or not goal oriented foods. I try my best to make her track her foods like I do. she has an iPhone and the myfitnesspal app. She just comes off as lazy. I don't blame her for trying some days. she does bodyrock.tv when Zuzana was the host and when the 30 day challenge came out. She was doing sooo well to. But then theres school & work and she just cant seem to get ahead. When she head home to see family (we live on our own), she eats and eats, add on sleep deprived and 12 hour night shifts. "shakes head"

Summer is coming and I want her to feel good about herself when the "dont wear much clothing" teens come out. I'll have a sit down with her. I have a feeling I won't be getting laid for awhile. "Shake head" LOL


One solution you could try is convince his doctor to tell him if he doesn't change his ways, he will be dead soon.