Pro-recovery, anyone?

Hi,

I'm looking for people to add who are pro-recovery. I have EDNOS and am on MFP to 1) lose the weight I gained from binging and 2) learn more about healthy eating (I was, perhaps still am, astonishingly clueless about food).

My issues showed themselves a few years ago - I suppose I've always been a binger, but when I decided to lose my weight (I had quite a lot to lose) I very quickly began restricting my calories more and more, and a successful day for me was about 500 cals. I managed for over a year, then unsurprisingly the binger in me came back full force. I got stuck in a starve / binge cycle for ages, then when I tried to eat normally I managed to stop the starving, but at best I was either eating to maintain or binging. I put on about 40lbs.

Since late January I have been addressing my issues, trying to lose the weight I gained in a healthy way and educating myself about nutrition etc. Because I am trying to lose weight, I am having a really hard time eating the recommended calories because I'm so used to dieting by heavy restriction.

I'm working really hard on this, and am comfortably up to about 1000 calories a day. This week I'm aiming for 1100, and when I'm used to that I'll increase to 1200 etc.

I am trying as best I can, and I've had a lot of support and I'm grateful. I'm still struggling though mainly because I'm not hungry and I really hate eating when I'm not hungry. On the rare days I am, I don't feel bad about eating 1200, but mostly I'm not and a part of me is really kicking myself for eating peanut butter earlier to get my calories over 1000. I feel like I could have easily gone without, so I feel like I've failed.

I *am* doing ok - I do feel like I have more control than I have done for over a year, and I've done really well not binging and I attribute that to eating more and remembering the "everything in moderation" rule that really works for me. And I *am* committed to this, so if you are pro-recovery and kind enough to add me or share some words of wisdom, please don't think in a few weeks I'll disregard what you say and go back to aiming for 500 calories. I truly am doing my best. It is very difficult though, because I have taught myself over 1000 calories is a fail, and I'm having to work on undoing a lot of these negative thoughts.

So, if you're pro-recovery with an ED, or understand a bit more than most, or have anything positive to say then it would be cool if you added me or something. If you have an ED, but aren't ready for recovery and think I'm insane for aiming for 1100 calories, well hell, add me as well because if you're scared like I am about increasing calories, maybe you'll see that increasing calories is "safe" even when it feels like it isn't (I never thought I'd lose weight on 900+ calories a day, and it really surprised me that I could. And so far, on about 1000 calories I am still losing weight, so maybe, if you like, I could support *you*).

One more thing: I've seen a lot of really negative posts about people who eat 1000 calories a day, some people saying people who do are "dumb", "stupid", others saying they want to "slap some sense" into people who do that. Please don't do that on my thread - a lot of people on here don't understand that it is hard to eat more and some people aren't as hungry as they might be, and some people (like me) have a lot of negative feelings about eating more. I'm working hard on this and don't need to be told I'm stupid.