Heard on the phone yesterday (vent)

mcastgirlnc
mcastgirlnc Posts: 23 Member
edited November 12 in Motivation and Support
I was on the phone with my mom yesterday, I was sharing that I had just finished a 4 mile run after the 1.75 run with the group mentoring. What does she say? congrats honey, that's great? hmmmm NO! she says, don't forget you have a family and small children to take care of. Really? ReALLY? Yes I know I have small children but this is the only time I have for myself and if my husband and I have worked it out who cares! That just made me so angry! it makes me feel like I'm choosing improving myself over spending time with my kids. I already have a hard time trying to juggle my life, I don't need more guilt! thanks mom :(

Replies

  • JenAiMarres
    JenAiMarres Posts: 743 Member
    Im so sorry this is the response u received but unfortunately this is the attitude a lot of people have about women taking care of themselves...why am I up at 4 am on a Sunday to go to the gym..because as a mom of three small kids it is when I can go that doesn't interfere with their lives...it stinks!! But good for you for getting out there and doing it!!! Don't stop...u might get resistance at every bend...but keep your head in the game and you, and everyone around you will thank u for it in the end!
    Best of luck!!!
  • inside_lap
    inside_lap Posts: 728 Member
    I Soooo hear you. I have a 18 month old on constantly struggle w guilt about time I spend working out. Having people asking me where is the baby doesn't help with my guilt! I've finally started running at 5 am to avoid the guilt and questions (everyone including the baby is asleep... Or at least they are in this small town). At least your hubby seems supportive. I'm sorry your mom isn't :/.
  • fitness4meAU
    fitness4meAU Posts: 23 Member
    Yes I'm also very sorry to hear this. Mother guilt is always in my head and I don't need any more either. You are doing great things to be able to spend time with them now and when they are grown up. Keep up the good fight and you will have many years to spend with you babies. :)
  • nikkifk
    nikkifk Posts: 48 Member
    congratulations on the running - you're doing a fantastic job! Maybe your mom simply doesn't understand why you are taking care of yourself - she hasn't worked out that a fitter, healthier you is going to have more energy to be a parent.
    Keep going, you're an inspiration to everyone who struggles to balance their time!
  • Nicmeglau
    Nicmeglau Posts: 11
    Don't let her get to you....the better health you have the longer you will be there for your wonderful kids....
  • BeautyFromPain
    BeautyFromPain Posts: 4,952 Member
    Maybe next time just tell her that you taking the spare time out to love yourself is going to help you spend extra YEARS with them, compared to 1 or 2 hours of you not being there!
  • mostaverage
    mostaverage Posts: 202 Member
    Maybe next time just tell her that you taking the spare time out to love yourself is going to help you spend extra YEARS with them, compared to 1 or 2 hours of you not being there!

    +1 ^^^ This !
  • islandjumper
    islandjumper Posts: 369 Member
    Sorry you got that reaction. You're setting a good example for your kids which is important as well...and your time taking care of yourself means your husband gets some quality time with his kids...meaning the kids get quality "Dad time".
  • kiwi1855
    kiwi1855 Posts: 218 Member
    Perhaps try the phrase "I believe that (insert child's name)'s daddy should have quality bonding time with (him/her). What I choose to do while they are spending quality time together is ensure that I will get to spend quality years with my child and husband later." Let them try to undermine that one.... (insert evil grin here)
  • havingitall
    havingitall Posts: 3,728 Member
    Moms are amazing for making you feel like you are messing up. When I was in hospital after having my son, my Mom was helping us pack up the apartment because we were moving. She came to the hospital to tell me I had dust bunnies in my closet. Really??? Seriously???

    I have no idea why they do it, but I am trying so hard not to be that way with my daughter. My Mom always made me feel inadequate.

    Take the time for you, it makes you a better wife and mother. If you and your husband have this worked out, it is none of her d@mn business.
  • DiamondInTheDirt
    DiamondInTheDirt Posts: 117 Member
    Dont ever listen to anyone who tells you that youre not doing enough for your kids. You are a human being, and your mum has to recognize it...i mean you have to take care of your self! you are important! You are so much more than a mum and a wife...at the end of the day, do the things you enjoy...or you will hate motherhood. I dont know what i would do if my mum said that to me, lol...i would go mental, and tell her to F*((&^ck off. which im sure you wont, because you sound more sensible than me. It always the women who arent allowed to have an hour to themselves because they have children, and that should never be the case!
  • skcornett
    skcornett Posts: 169 Member
    You have to take care of YOU before you can take care of anyone else. And I'm pretty sure your husband is capable of handling his kids. So go run, be fit, take a mental health break.....the world will still turn and your body will be in better shape.
  • TeutonicKnight
    TeutonicKnight Posts: 367 Member
    Im so sorry this is the response u received but unfortunately this is the attitude a lot of people have about women taking care of themselves...why am I up at 4 am on a Sunday to go to the gym..because as a mom of three small kids it is when I can go that doesn't interfere with their lives...it stinks!! But good for you for getting out there and doing it!!! Don't stop...u might get resistance at every bend...but keep your head in the game and you, and everyone around you will thank u for it in the end!
    Best of luck!!!

    ^^This! I had to get on my best friend because his wife just started working out 5 days a week to get into shape and he has to watch his son for, dare I say, 1.5 hours while she gets her workout end. I told him to be a man, or better yet, be a FATHER and let your wife get healthier for the whole family!

    Women have EVERY right to exercise, fitness, and healthy choices as much as a man, even if they have a child, or 3!
  • teachparents
    teachparents Posts: 225 Member
    Its your version of "mother's little helper".. you kno w the song? "she goes running for the shelter of her mothers little helper"...

    its good your not running for valium to get you thru your days lilke maybe your mother did??? LOL

    you choose a healthy active way to get through the day.. good for you!!!
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