freaking out!! (social event)

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Clarecbear82
Clarecbear82 Posts: 369 Member
in Chit-Chat
This is probably going to sound completely stupid but I'm sitting here crying (I never cry)because I've been invited to my other halfs relatives babys christening (baptism). I know its ridiculous but Ive always been on the shy side and always been fat so things like this where always a complete nightmare for me anyway as I always felt like the ugly frumpy lump in the horrible trouser suit who made everyone else look good.

Since losing 70lb I've been the smallest I've ever been in my life and have been feeling really happy about where I have got to right up until the invite came through the door. All of those old feelings and fears have come rushing back and I feel awful. I don't have a clue what to wear all that's in my wardrobe is jeans and tshirts (I'm a stay at home mum what's the point of owning anything else?) The last time I wore a skirt/dress was when i was at school over ten years ago. I barely have any money either so whatever I buy has got to be seriously cheap. Ive never been girly or interested in fashion and I never wear make up because i can't see the point (you can't polish a turd).

The thing I don't get is why am I feeling like this its so weird I know I have changed but I'm still scared. Will this feeling of self loathing ever go? I hate that I hate myself but I just can't help it! Just wish I could get out of going but I don't want to as well!

Sorry this is such a random post but just needed to let it out. (I'm not looking for compliments). Does anyone else get like this or am I just a messed up weirdo?

Replies

  • pineapple1989
    pineapple1989 Posts: 195 Member
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    I think I can kind of identify with this... I've lost 2 stone and my friends wedding is coming up, I've been feeling great about how far I've come so far but I ordered the dress online and its due any day now... I'm terrified of it arriving as I still feel that I am going to look awful and I will hate myself, I am terrified that if I dont like myself when I try the dress I might give up and stop dieting!

    I just keep putting it out of my mind for now and I know everyone on MFP will be supportive, maybe you could get something and then post the picture on here? Could that boost your confidence? Maybe you could get a summer dress style, something that you could wear during the day some other time?
  • Clarecbear82
    Clarecbear82 Posts: 369 Member
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    Thanks for replying and well done on your loss! I think its just shocked me how ingrained these feelings of self hatred are! Last time i felt this way was at my friends wedding! I just don't want to look like a fool!
  • pineapple1989
    pineapple1989 Posts: 195 Member
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    You've done so well, you wont look like a fool, more likely everybody will be marvelling at how amazing you look! Add me if you like, would love to know how you get on :smile:
  • SwannySez
    SwannySez Posts: 5,864 Member
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    Pineapple's right.

    As far as clothes, if you're in the US, you can find nice stuff for really cheap at Marshall's or TJ Maxx. I picked up a pair of $120 Polo pants for $15 and see deals like that all the time.
  • paigemarie93
    paigemarie93 Posts: 778 Member
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    H&M are having a huge sale right now, you'll be able to find a lovely dress there, or if not, try Primark or New Look :]
    You've lost 70lbs! Don't be afraid to show of your amazing work :flowerforyou:
  • paigemarie93
    paigemarie93 Posts: 778 Member
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    Pineapple's right.

    As far as clothes, if you're in the US, you can find nice stuff for really cheap at Marshall's or TJ Maxx. I picked up a pair of $120 Polo pants for $15 and see deals like that all the time.

    TJ Maxx? Is that the same as TK Maxx?
  • pineapple1989
    pineapple1989 Posts: 195 Member
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    Pineapple's right.

    As far as clothes, if you're in the US, you can find nice stuff for really cheap at Marshall's or TJ Maxx. I picked up a pair of $120 Polo pants for $15 and see deals like that all the time.

    TJ Maxx? Is that the same as TK Maxx?

    I was thinking the exact same thing! I Google'd it and apparently it is, UK is TK Maxx so it doesnt get mixed up with TJ Hughes which sells similar products.
  • angevee
    angevee Posts: 55 Member
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    you wont look a fool. They want you to be there. If they didn't they wouldn't have asked you.
    I didn't go to my cousin's wedding last year as I didn't want my family to see how big I'd become. Within weeks my father passed away and I had to face them. They are my family and they love me, not my size. I feel sad with myself for thinking that little of them. I missed out in the long run. They wont care what you wear or what you look like. Please don't make the same mistake that I did x
  • SwannySez
    SwannySez Posts: 5,864 Member
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    Pineapple's right.

    As far as clothes, if you're in the US, you can find nice stuff for really cheap at Marshall's or TJ Maxx. I picked up a pair of $120 Polo pants for $15 and see deals like that all the time.

    TJ Maxx? Is that the same as TK Maxx?

    I was thinking the exact same thing! I Google'd it and apparently it is, UK is TK Maxx so it doesnt get mixed up with TJ Hughes which sells similar products.

    Hah. Great Googlers think alike.
  • Fay84Vegan
    Fay84Vegan Posts: 225 Member
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    You seriously need to take a moment and give yourself a break!

    You've lost LOADS of weight - why did you do it? For yourself or someone else?

    More than likely part or all of the reason was related to wanting to feel better, get healthier and happier.

    This is an opportunity for you to go out and look your best. I don't see why you are putting yourself down so much.

    I learnt a long time ago that if you don't love or even like yourself no one else is going to and why would they!?!

    You need to give yourself some credit, breathe and think positive for a change.

    I am my biggest critic so i do understand it's not easy to just stop judging every little thing but i think it's time you stopped being so hard on yourse;f

    Being happy is a lot more fun than being miserable.

    Buy a new outfit, get some make and look god damn awesome!! :happy:
  • dovesgate
    dovesgate Posts: 894 Member
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    I do the same thing which is why I am on MFP doing something about it.

    Social anxiety blows.
  • uk_ja
    uk_ja Posts: 143 Member
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    This is probably going to sound completely stupid but I'm sitting here crying (I never cry)because I've been invited to my other halfs relatives babys christening (baptism). I know its ridiculous but Ive always been on the shy side and always been fat so things like this where always a complete nightmare for me anyway as I always felt like the ugly frumpy lump in the horrible trouser suit who made everyone else look good.

    Since losing 70lb I've been the smallest I've ever been in my life and have been feeling really happy about where I have got to right up until the invite came through the door. All of those old feelings and fears have come rushing back and I feel awful. I don't have a clue what to wear all that's in my wardrobe is jeans and tshirts (I'm a stay at home mum what's the point of owning anything else?) The last time I wore a skirt/dress was when i was at school over ten years ago. I barely have any money either so whatever I buy has got to be seriously cheap. Ive never been girly or interested in fashion and I never wear make up because i can't see the point (you can't polish a turd).

    The thing I don't get is why am I feeling like this its so weird I know I have changed but I'm still scared. Will this feeling of self loathing ever go? I hate that I hate myself but I just can't help it! Just wish I could get out of going but I don't want to as well!

    Sorry this is such a random post but just needed to let it out. (I'm not looking for compliments). Does anyone else get like this or am I just a messed up weirdo?

    yes, you are a messed up weirdo and I am right there with you. You have emotional problems that can't be fixed by losing weight.

    I hated myself, my body and I have spent 2 years going from a 40 a day smoker weighing 320lb to a 2 year smoke free 180ish lb and as much as I feel great, look better workout 5-6 times a week so I am very healthy, there is still a little part of me that still self loathes and still sees and feels the 320lb fat guy and I still carry all the baggage that goes with it. I run 6 miles most days but always at night on roads that no ones travels because I hate people to see me run (think fat guy running)

    Take pride in your progress and do you best to ignore that little voice that whispers and you'll look great in anything you wear because it is you who looks good, not the clothes
  • AlbionLass
    AlbionLass Posts: 136
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    Do you want to go or wish you didn't have to? If you don't want to go don't go.


    I've been with my partner almost 17 years and we have a 15 year old son and I've avoided basically all his family events weddings, funerals etc and only met his Mum, Dad, Sister and one Aunt and Uncle, not because of my size, just because i can't be bothered. :ohwell:



    Maybe you shouldn't listen to me. :flowerforyou:
  • christine24t
    christine24t Posts: 6,063 Member
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    I feel for you. You sound like you have anxiety and possibly low self-esteem. Be proud of your weight loss! Like other posters have said, there are a lot of cheaper clothing options - Old Navy, TJ Maxx, Marshall's, Ragstock, Target, Wal-Mart, etc. Just because you are a stay at home mom doesn't mean that you have to just wear tee-shirts and jeans, you can own other clothing! Sometimes putting on a dress just makes your day a little better!

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