AWARENESS OF USING THE 'R' WORD
ivansmomma
Posts: 500
As I read some of the posts, the use of the 'r' word seems to be used without regard to the MFP moms, dads, and families of mentally handicapped family members. We have a beautiful, almost 28 year old daughter who is smart, fun-loving, a social butterfly. The use of the 'r' word is very hurtful to me and to others who have been blessed - yes, I said blessed, with handicapped children/adults. The use of the 'r' word in today's language denotes being stupid, idiot, etc. Our children are neither one of these.
Please, just think about the words you use before posting. Thank you!
Please, just think about the words you use before posting. Thank you!
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Replies
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3-7-12 was spread the word to end the word. I pledged. I have a sister with Downs and am the mommy of a physically handicapped boy who is fine cognitively however I take huge offense to the r word being used to describe stupidity. It is not that hard to use a different word that doesn't offend anyone. You never know the situation of others and you never know if somehow a child like this will touch your life. Be aware.0
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Which word are you referring to? Retard?
Isn't "intellectual disability" the new term to use for the mentally handicapped?0 -
I hate the way that word gets bandied about as a casual, jocular insult. Calling someone a "'tard" or (my other bugbear) "gay" is NOT acceptable.0
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Just to throw this out there, and no doubt it will bring with it recriminations aplenty, but to me I don't find it offensive - if I hear the term used in a derogatory manner, I don't associate it with drawing a comparison between the person and someone who is disable in any way - it's a stand alone phrase. And, as someone mentioned, the terms for people in our society to describe disabled people have now moved onto more "politically coreect" phrases - leaving the derogatory terms free for use against people who could possible be deemed suitable of having them used against them...
Ok so you can call the gramma police, but I think I know what I mean. I don't see "tard" any differently to "tw@t", "muppet", "ar$eh0le" They're all just derogatory phrases, fairly interchangeable. That's the way it works around here anyway.
A friend of mine routinely describes himself as a "spack". He's a quadraplegic, has use of his hands but not "normally" if you get me. So who is he being offensive to when he uses the term? Himself? Other people? Or perhaps, it's just a turn of phrase. We don't all live in an (overly) politically correct world.0 -
I thought we were talking about ignition timing...
JM0 -
if i saw anybody using that word they would no longer be on my friends list because it is a horrid word and should not be used :explode:0
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Reading this post and thread made me think about how language rolls along through the years and words that were once acceptable become offensive over time. I was thinking that this has to be a natural linguistic phenomenon and then I found this snippet from Wikipedia which seemed to speak directly to that:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mental_retardation
"The terms used to describe this condition are subject to a process called the euphemism treadmill. This means that whatever term is chosen for this condition, it eventually becomes perceived as an insult. The terms mental retardation and mentally retarded were invented in the middle of the 20th century to replace the previous set of terms, which were deemed to have become offensive. By the end of the 20th century, these terms themselves have come to be widely seen as disparaging and politically incorrect and in need of replacement.[2] The term intellectual disability or intellectually challenged is now preferred by most advocates in most English-speaking countries."
[2]Cummings, Nicholas A.; Rogers H. Wright (2005). "Chapter 1, Psychology's surrender to political correctness". Destructive trends in mental health: the well-intentioned path to harm. New York: Routledge. ISBN 0-415-95086-4.
Anyway, for me it's just as much about the intent behind the word as the actual word itself. "Offensive" is in the eye of the beholder... but we wouldn't be wrong to try and be sensitive to people's situations/experiences as well.0 -
A friend of mine routinely describes himself as a "spack". He's a quadraplegic, has use of his hands but not "normally" if you get me. So who is he being offensive to when he uses the term? Himself? Other people? Or perhaps, it's just a turn of phrase. We don't all live in an (overly) politically correct world.
Hmmm.
I have a group of friends, many are wheelchair users, and they refer to each other as "crips" - I wouldn't use the word, just as I wouldn't use the "n" word. Words can be reclaimed by members of the community they have been used against (for example "*kitten*" and "queer"), but usage outside of that community is easily seen as abuse.0 -
I don't find it offensive. This campaign to end the use to the "r" word and gay are just too PC for me. I don't use it as insults to handicapped or gay people, it's just a phrase. I think everyone is being a little too sensitive. Don't give words power. It's not like I would purposely use it around someone that I know was sensitive to it, but joking around with my friends? Yeah, it happens. I even have a coworker who has a mentally handicapped brother (she is in her late 50's) and she will get off the phone and call a client a "tard" for not doing something right. So if she is fine saying it, I'm okay with it.0
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Just to throw this out there, and no doubt it will bring with it recriminations aplenty, but to me I don't find it offensive - if I hear the term used in a derogatory manner, I don't associate it with drawing a comparison between the person and someone who is disable in any way - it's a stand alone phrase. And, as someone mentioned, the terms for people in our society to describe disabled people have now moved onto more "politically coreect" phrases - leaving the derogatory terms free for use against people who could possible be deemed suitable of having them used against them...
Ok so you can call the gramma police, but I think I know what I mean. I don't see "tard" any differently to "tw@t", "muppet", "ar$eh0le" They're all just derogatory phrases, fairly interchangeable. That's the way it works around here anyway.
A friend of mine routinely describes himself as a "spack". He's a quadraplegic, has use of his hands but not "normally" if you get me. So who is he being offensive to when he uses the term? Himself? Other people? Or perhaps, it's just a turn of phrase. We don't all live in an (overly) politically correct world.
I know what you're saying and these words are used mindlessly as insults, but perhaps that's what makes them even more offensive. When someone is calling someone a "retard" as an insult, it's usually to imply they've done something stupid or they did it with what would seem like mental impairment, which IS offensive to someone with a condition that does make them retarded (with a literal meaning of slowed down - but in this instance applying to cognitive impairment). Therefore maybe we should be all a lot more smart, savvy and stretch our vocabulary limits and choose better insults, or better still not at all and just let us rise above the people causing trouble or doing daft things out there...0 -
Some really good points about the way the english language morphs over time - I'm glad that this seems to be going in the direction of intellectual debate rather than snarking!
With regards to being more creative with insults, I generally as a rule try to avoid insults, purely because that promotes a negative frame of mind and I'm all about being positive about everything at the minute lol. My insults however, tend along the lines of "spoon" "spud" and "numpty". I hope that they don't become politically incorrect!
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Just to throw this out there, and no doubt it will bring with it recriminations aplenty, but to me I don't find it offensive - if I hear the term used in a derogatory manner, I don't associate it with drawing a comparison between the person and someone who is disable in any way - it's a stand alone phrase. And, as someone mentioned, the terms for people in our society to describe disabled people have now moved onto more "politically coreect" phrases - leaving the derogatory terms free for use against people who could possible be deemed suitable of having them used against them...
Ok so you can call the gramma police, but I think I know what I mean. I don't see "tard" any differently to "tw@t", "muppet", "ar$eh0le" They're all just derogatory phrases, fairly interchangeable. That's the way it works around here anyway.
A friend of mine routinely describes himself as a "spack". He's a quadraplegic, has use of his hands but not "normally" if you get me. So who is he being offensive to when he uses the term? Himself? Other people? Or perhaps, it's just a turn of phrase. We don't all live in an (overly) politically correct world.
agreed completely!0 -
I agree with the OP.
I was a librarian at a college for 6 years, and I got so damn tired of everything being "gay" or "retarded." I mean, that is the ONLY word that many students seemed to be able to use to describe things they didn't like.
First of all, being either of those things isn't bad, really, so why use the words to describe terrible things? There is nothing wrong with being same sex attracted or having intellectual disabilities or developmental delays. That's why it's offensive.
Secondly, it's just not descriptive at all. What do you mean by saying someone or something is gay or retarded? That you don't like it? That it displease you? If you're going to be an *kitten* about something, at least give me some specific reasons why.
My colleague (who is gay and thus had even more reason to dislike the term being used pejoratively) and I became so fed up with our students using either of those words, that we came up with our own word - gaytarded - to describe the students who constantly used the words "gay" and "retarded" in offensive ways. We used it to describe those who were too dumb and / or unimaginative to come up with other terms. (Clearly, this was an inside joke that we did NOT use in front of them. Just about them behind their backs. ) 0 -
I like the Urban Dictionary entry for the word "retard"
A person born with a mental condition and therefore has to work a million times harder to be able to do simple things (such as learn and communicate) that we take for granted. On top of this, a retard will usually suffer a lot of ridicule from society because people fear what they do not understand. The people who choose to make fun of the mental retarded tend to be complete morons and cannot comprehend that these people have feelings and emotions just like anyone else.
"I find it amusing that saying somebody has cancer would not be taken as a joke and yet, using another disease such as mental retarded as an insult is common among society, and many do not realize that it is very offensive and that there is something seriously wrong about it."0 -
I like the Urban Dictionary entry for the word "retard"
A person born with a mental condition and therefore has to work a million times harder to be able to do simple things (such as learn and communicate) that we take for granted. On top of this, a retard will usually suffer a lot of ridicule from society because people fear what they do not understand. The people who choose to make fun of the mental retarded tend to be complete morons and cannot comprehend that these people have feelings and emotions just like anyone else.
What is interesting about this urban dictionary definition is that it uses the word "moron" as a pejorative. Moron was originally a word used to describe someone with mental retardation, thus perfectly illustrating the "euphemism treadmill" described above.0 -
Obviously the majority of Americans have a limited vocabulary if they have to use The "R" word, "N" word, "F" word, etc. Yeah the list goes on. Why can't we educate ourselves and our children to be less biased, and more versed in the ways of the world or at least the way it should be. I wonder how many of you on this site that use these derogatory terms are also for taking God out of schools, or banning the pledge of allegiance.
Bottom line just because you don't find something offensive doesn't mean others won't. I have a wonderful child who is both severely autistic and has mild mental retardation. So yes I am very offended when I hear co-workers, and strangers say things like: Did you see that retard? or That was so retarded. when they are talking about someone who is completely intelligent and makes a bad decision, or does something strange. I can't help but think when I hear crap like this is my son probably has a higher IQ than you. Just because he can't express himself in the way you can doesn't mean he is an idiot. Unless you live with someone who has a disability you just can't understand the hardships that come along with it and it just makes us sad and angry to hear less educated folk throw these terms around like nothing. Ooh and what is even better are you people that stop and stare and yes I mean stare when you see a child stemming, or yelling at inappropriate times. I love when strangers look at me and my son with disgust or judgment in their eyes when they are probably one of those people who turn around and call people derogatory names. It doesn't serve a purpose.
All I'm saying is choose your words carefully and let's spread more positive messages verses negative ones.0 -
Amen to the OP! My husband is legally blind and I get so tired of derogatory terms that people...if they used their "ablebodied" (and I use that loosely) brains, they might realize it is offensive.
Let's take someone like me...I have anxiety and depression. If I hear people in conversation, on TV joke around about needing prozac as an insult, it pisses me off.
We need to have respect for people with ANY kind of disability!! They are human beings too, they have feelings, they have families, they have lives. At some point in our loves, we will all have some sort of disability, whether it be from age, cancer, illness, disease, tragedy, car accident, drug overdose, etc.
I'm sorry if respect is too PC for you....but think of it this way...it is no different than someone insulting your weight, belittling you because of your gender (i.e. glass ceiling) or whatever gets you riled up.0 -
Seriously people need to lighten up. I try not to say that someone is retarded. I do say things and situations are retarded sometimes. Life is so short that if you find the need to be upset over every little thing someone says you will spend way too much of your life sad and upset. Having to be PC drives me crazy. It gets taken wayyyy tooo far. I understand the reasoning, but I don't understand the uproar it causes. Things in life are going to offend you, you just try to avoid them and move on.
On this same token and reasoning should we ban certain types of clothing, should we ban certain colors, should we ban foods as the smell or taste might offend. The problem is once you start going against things that are offensive it has the possibility to snowball. Different life moments have shaped and created a world that people get offended by way too many things. It's not universal, thus you'll never be able to fully shape or stamp out words. That is why PC is destined to always fail.0 -
What is interesting about this urban dictionary definition is that it uses the word "moron" as a pejorative. Moron was originally a word used to describe someone with mental retardation, thus perfectly illustrating the "euphemism treadmill" described above.
That's pretty interesting. I had never associated the word "moron" with mental retardation given its etymology but it seems to have morphed into something altogether different.
I guess what we want to avoid is making some kind of false association between intellectual impairment and worth as a person.0 -
Which word are you referring to? Retard?
Isn't "intellectual disability" the new term to use for the mentally handicapped?
Yes, the US Special Olympics uses this term now, but this is not used in my daughter's diagnosis. Her diagnosis is "moderate mentally retarded". I understand the 'sign of the times' and the new slang that seems to come out every day, but agree with the posters who state that there are many other words that could be used. The biggest argument with this is that the 'so-called normal population' do not understand how this is offensive to the 'special needs population'. I am not referring to just our mentally handicapped, intellectual disabled persons, but their families and friends as well. I would not even think of calling someone the 'n' word, 'crip', or any other terms such as these. I remember one of the global messengers at the State Special Olympics games, where he stated, "I'm not stupid, I'm retarded". The connotation of using the 'r' word is what's hurtful to those of us in this family of wonderful people.0 -
You can't just go eliminate a word from vocabulary when it has legitimate uses. I'm all for it not being used as a derogatory term or label. If you walk into my garage when I'm working on a motor you might hear me saying it, but I'm not talking about a person. I'm describing when the spark fires. There is NOT any other word that can be used.
I realize this is a campaign for the derogatory use and it's label, but realize there are legitimate uses.
JM0 -
Which word are you referring to? Retard?
Isn't "intellectual disability" the new term to use for the mentally handicapped?
Yes, the US Special Olympics uses this term now, but this is not used in my daughter's diagnosis. Her diagnosis is "moderate mentally retarded". I understand the 'sign of the times' and the new slang that seems to come out every day, but agree with the posters who state that there are many other words that could be used. The biggest argument with this is that the 'so-called normal population' do not understand how this is offensive to the 'special needs population'. I am not referring to just our mentally handicapped, intellectual disabled persons, but their families and friends as well. I would not even think of calling someone the 'n' word, 'crip', or any other terms such as these. I remember one of the global messengers at the State Special Olympics games, where he stated, "I'm not stupid, I'm retarded". The connotation of using the 'r' word is what's hurtful to those of us in this family of wonderful people.
I can see the reasoning and again from my earlier post I make it a habit to not call people that. The biggest problem is how it's ingrained itself as a slang word. Just like people saying other offensive words people will lack tack. There are a lot of hurtful things that get said and it's not limited to just one or two words. That is the problem with political correctness, people all get offended by different things.0 -
You can't just go eliminate a word from vocabulary when it has legitimate uses. I'm all for it not being used as a derogatory term or label. If you walk into my garage when I'm working on a motor you might hear me saying it, but I'm not talking about a person. I'm describing when the spark fires. There is NOT any other word that can be used.
I realize this is a campaign for the derogatory use and it's label, but realize there are legitimate uses.
JM
I am not asking for it to be banned from the English language, as it does have other uses in our language, as you stated above. All I'm asking is to think twice before you use the word to describe someone/something as 'retard' or 'retarded' , using the word for stupid, idiot, etc. I have to speak up for my daughter, as she cannot speak for herself. I thank all of you for your comments, support, and encouragement, and hope that this has brought some awareness of how we can all work together and not be hurtful to one another.0 -
"I find it amusing that saying somebody has cancer would not be taken as a joke and yet, using another disease such as mental retarded as an insult is common among society, and many do not realize that it is very offensive and that there is something seriously wrong about it."
This is a bit of a tangent I know, but if anybody else remembers listening to Derk and Clive - well yes, even cancer is allowed to be mentioned in the name of comedy, nomatter how bizarre 0
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