NSV :D but why can't people just say the nice things?

katesmithy · March 2012

Im aware this might be in the wrong section.. But as it stems from a success story, this is where its going

Im 21, i started MFP at the beginning of Jan this year and have lost 17lb so far (a healthy steady weight loss, right?)
So I'm finally starting to get the amazing comments from work colleagues and family like 'woah you've lost weight' which is absolutely brilliant and makes me feel proud of the fact that I've gone from 5 packs of haribo sweets a week to none lol!
But then some of these comments are shortly followed by 'you don't want to lose much more' and 'you look nice as you are, don't lose too much' which completely takes away from the compliment for me.. Especially when a few people have even hinted at the fact that I'm going to turn anorexic or something which is ridiculous (I love food far too much!!)
I started at a uk size 12 (that were starting to get very tight) and now starting to get in to my size 10's again. I have a very curvy hourglass figure and know that I'll never be 'slim' because of this-I'm happy about this as I love my curves but I still think I have a while to go before I have the body I want (about another 20/30) pounds. Until 4 years ago I was always a size 8/10 and someone went as far as to say that my body isn't made to be a size 10!!??

Has anyone else had comments similar to this and how do you handle them? Take them in to consideration or just carry on with what you think yourself, taking the compliment and ignoring the rest lol? I'm just confused!
I'm not aiming for a size 2 figure and my lifestyle wouldn't allow for me to be unhealthily thin anyway.
Please help!! These comments are driving me crazy lol.

JSkinner72 · March 2012

Some of the people that say those kind of comments are just jealous of your success. Just get to where you are happy and ignore the haters!

daisyls85 · March 2012

I have experienced this as well. Last week at work one of the ladies came up to me and said look at you, you're just wasting away!! I was thinking wow, does she think she is complimenting me? Wasting away sounds to me like I am TO skinny and am starving myself or something. Which is discouraging because I still am about 12 pounds over weight. So she was shocked to hear that I am still losing. Her response was, no I wouldn't lose any more if I were you.

scott091501 · March 2012

Get it from my mother in law all the time.

kelswg102 · March 2012

I've gotten similar comments from some people at work and I'm larger than you. I just ignore them though because the people I've gotten these comments from are much larger than me. Just go about your business because at the end of the day what other people think about you are doing isn't going to matter.

lschuttem · March 2012

it definitely sounds like those people are jealous of your success and probably threatened by it. Keep up the great work!

BruteSquad · March 2012

People are ridiculous when it comes to this.
I am 6'5" tall. I started my original weight loss journey at 425 lbs. Now, I got to 350 lbs let a knee issue and work get me back to 407 (when I joined MFP, changed jobs, filled my house with healthy food, and got rid of satellite TV).

When I was at 350 lbs, people would say the same thing to me, don't want to lose too much, you are a big guy naturally. The ridiculous part of all of that is that I was competing in Judo and jiu-jitsu @ 300 lbs. And could have lost a few pounds from there to be honest. However, in my case, if you paid attention to who was saying it, it told the story. It was usually someone that was also overweight, and had some "reason" they couldn't lose weight. The others were usually someone that felt threatened by my loss of weight.

My response is to accept the compliment and ignore the rest. They mean well. Well I assume they do until they prove otherwise. Many people have gotten overweight while seeking others approval. No one will approve of you all the time. If you need approval and validation, let me know and I will be sure to give you what you need in the way of validation.

wwww1199 · March 2012

it definitely sounds like those people are jealous of your success and probably threatened by it. Keep up the great work!

This

hiker282 · March 2012

People say mean things in order to test your resolve and commitment (Okay, they may be more malicious, but I think this is a better way to look at it). Are you going to let yourself believe them, or are you going to metaphorically spit in their eye and *show* them just how wrong they are? People can say crap because they aren't in your shoes. You are taking charge of your own life instead of letting them or your food control you. Don't give it back to them by letting them belittle your efforts. You can do amazing things, just keep doing it and walk away laughing.

montana_girl · March 2012

When I got close to goal, people starting making the same comments. I finally said I was just toning not losing weight. A lie, yes... but it got people to quit bugging me!

lynheff · March 2012

I just say "Thank you" and don't think about anything else. . People still ask me if I am losing weight and the answer is no.. My weight has been stable for over a year but I guess they still remember the "before" me. Whatever. There are probably as many motivations-- from " I don't know what else to say" to " I'm Jealous" to "that will also sound nice" --as there are people so just glory in your success and enjoy. Good luck.

TeresaWash · March 2012

jealous, ignore it - you can't change them, only yourself. Nice work!

Trilaina · March 2012

I've noticed the same things as a lot of the people here have mentioned- usually it's people with an excuse or reason as to why they can't lose weight who say things like this, or try to sabotage you. Do it for you, and no matter what, good luck!

paulyarwooduk · March 2012

I think most people get comments like that, I know I have. Someone recently told me that they remember when I last lost lots of weight and they thought I looked very gaunt. I just take them for the jealous morons that they are. Ignore them and just use any remarks to spur you on.

LucyBWL57 · March 2012

I agree with the response from everyone. Typically when someone says something that me that has both positive and negative aspects or even just negative I try to look at it solely from the standpoint of whether I can learn anything from it. Although altogether human it can rub me the wrong way but I try not to focus on the negativity but whether there is anything in it to help me grow as a person. You are doing well, keep up the good work!

SyntonicGarden · March 2012

However, in my case, if you paid attention to who was saying it, it told the story. It was usually someone that was also overweight, and had some "reason" they couldn't lose weight. The others were usually someone that felt threatened by my loss of weight.

My response is to accept the compliment and ignore the rest. They mean well. Well I assume they do until they prove otherwise.

Agreed!! Some people just don't know how to say nice things for the sake of being nice. Some people don't know how to say nice things without feeling threatened.

dmw1493 · March 2012

pffft, they don't know what they're talking about. Good for you & your success! only you can determine what "healthy" looks like for you. their opinions might differ, or maybe they are just jealous. keep going until you're confident in your own skin!

loulouburke · March 2012

Ignore Ignore Ignore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They are just haters;( You sound like you know what you are doing and you are doing it in a healthy way;);) Keep up the great work!

10acity · March 2012

I used to get this, too. I was also a size 10 at the time, and very fit, very strong-- and still needed to lose over 30 lbs to be at a healthy weight for my height! I am blessed in that I carry a certain amount of extra weight very well, but it can work against me, too. It's frustrating beacuse you're high on your success, and it feels like they're discounting it. My mom was actually the biggest culprit, so I knew that it was just coming from a place of love & concern, but it was still frustrating. Finally, I explained that I am not working out to be skinny, but to be healthy. I said "I don't want diabetes when I get older, like Grandma. My current weight is not healthy for my age and height, so you will continue to see me lose weight until it is." Framing it that way seemed to work.

I gotta tell you, too, I'd rather hear 'you're getting too thin!' when I'm actually not than 'you have such a pretty face!' any day of the year. Worst backhanded compliment ever.

Helenatrandom · March 2012

They think they are complimenting you, maybe even that they are telling you what you want to hear. Just thank them, and continue your healthy lifestyle.

katesmithy · March 2012

Thanks so much for all the advice so far guys

. At least I'm not the only one that this happens to! I'm gonna try and not focus on the negatives from now on, all of the comments have been smack on so far.. Especially when it comes to the fact that every person that has said these things has been overweight and has never tried to lose it (except my nan, but that doesn't count.. Nans love meaty grandchildren!)

Thanks a lot everyone

NSV :D but why can't people just say the nice things?

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